What If... the Watcher Disappeared?

 "It's definitely a risk."

"But it's to save a friend, and that's worth taking."

So it's nearly all over.

I know I'm always saying this for the episode of any serial (for this season is just that, albeit loosely for most of its run) that comes before the finale, but this episode functions as baasically set-up. What impresses here is how entertainingly the episode does its job of basically exposition and setting up of a cast of heroes to take us through the finale.

The Watcher has been arrrsted and tried by his own people for the crime of, you know, getting of his arse and doing something on occasion. And so, in a brilliant touch, the usual opening monologue is from not the Watcher but his erstwhile boss... and not just the delivery but the wording is more suercilious than we're used to.From the off, we don't like this bloke.

And then we're introduced to our team of desperate heroes who will hopefully save the day... and they all happen to be female, which will annoy all the far right culture warriors. We have the continuing story across realities of Captain Carter; the returning Kahhori; the now grown-up daughter of Darcy and Howard the Duck; and Storm, brilliantly shown as goddess of thunder (isn't this homaging an old limited series from the late '80s with the X-Men visiting Asgard?), yet again gradually pushing the mutants into the MCU.

There characters are introduced with skill, getting us to know and like them. And then there's the concept of Ultron, centuries after destroying all life in his universe, realidsing the enormity of what he did... and there can be "no redemption" for him. Wow.

Sometimes a set-up episode, which has to do so much, can be even more impressive than the actual finale. We'll soon see thether or not that's the case here.

What If... 1872?

 "In this universe, Ultron was actually programmed for show tunes..." 

Here we reach the wilder shores of What If?, where we move veyond a simple point of divergence from an event we know to the truly wild and wonderful... which, rather nicely, includes a nice little cameo from Frog Thor from the Walt Simonson days. So we go back in time to the OldWest, to the 1872 of the Marvel Universe. I'm not really au fait with much that happened in the comics after about 1993, but perhaps I was expecting at least some reference to the Two Gun Kid or Rawhide Kid or, indeed, the original Ghost Rider.

Instead we get a decent little tale of Shang-Chi and Kate Bishop looking int the mass kidnapping of Chinese immigrant rail workers by the mysterious "Hood". I appreciate the political subtext here, especially as we await the swearing in of Trump, that doddering old fool, and his many moronic policies including mass deportations.

But... well, the climax with the twist and emotional twists and turns with Xialing doesn't quite do it for me, although once again it's fascinating to see such a Shang-Chi heavy episode. But I was entertained, there were some nice ideas, Easter eggs despite a relatively small cast, some fun with Western tropes, and a nice little cameo from John Walker.

It's all about the ending though, as the Watcher is finally in trouble for interfering. About bloody time...

What If... the Emergence Destroyed the Earth?

 "He has broken his oath. Again..."

Interesting episode, this. For a start, the baddie (derspite the lack of Jake Gyllenhaal) is Mysterio, our first Spider-Man villain to appear in any non-Sony related MCU thing. Also interesting is that, although the main character is Riri "Ironheart" Williams, a character from well after my time in the comics whom I don't know well, we're leaning heavily into concepts from Shang-Chi and The Eternals. This season does that a lot, which is interesting.It woukd be rather nice if those films woukld turn out to actually lead to something.

The main conceit is that the Dreaming Celestial has destroyed the Earth early, it's split into little inhanbited fragments that somehow survive, and Mysterio has taken over the Earth using illusions, his control of Stark Industries, and the while version of the Vision. Much as I love Valkyrie, Wong and Ying Nan (yes, that obscure)... yeah, the villains here are B listers. The plot is ok, based around Riri's stubborn determination, but despite a sound if bonkers central premise this is pretty average.

That predictable ending, though... yes, I know it's a cliche from the comics that the Watcher does nothing but interfere. But they're really leaning into it here.The final season, then, surely?

What If... Howard the Duck Got Hitched?

 "Captain Mohawk stole our baby!"

Just to be clear, I quite like a lot of KISS. But "I Was Made for Loving You" is a disco-tinged abomination. Just to be clear.

That said... otherwise, I like this episode. Yes, it's very silly having the concept. of Howard the Duck and Dacy (Mr and Mrs "the Duck"...) have a hybrid kid together, absolutely leaning into the interspecies sexz fun of 1986's Howard The Duck (nice touch, the reference to "Mrs Switzler"). And naturally this egg is the most important child ever, whose coming has been foretold and who is therefore fought over by all the cosmic entities of the MCU, from Zeus to the Grandmaster to Dormannu to Thanos to SHIELD.

Only for it to turn out that it's the parents who should raise the child after all, as that's how childrearing works. This child is special... but aren't they all? This episode, broadcast on a day which commemorates the birth of a child, is a rather nice and fun metaphor for all the things we parents go through, and it's lovely.

But also fun. And with a surprisingly high amount of star wattage.

I'm left wondering, though... yes, this works as just a metaphor. We don't need to take the metaphor literally and see what this little girl becomes... but will we?

What If... the Hulk Fought the Mech Avengers?

 "Of course, issues left unresolved rarely stay buried for long."

One episode a day over the Christmas period, is it? With Mark Gatiss dropping a new Ghost Story for Christmas tomorrow and Doctor Who the day after? I'm so going to fall behind with this...

It's a fun way to start, though. Mechs and "Gamma Beasts" that owe a lot to Japanese tropes that I suspect I'd understand more if I was more deeply into Manga and the like as opposed to just the retro Godzilla films and of course Transformers with its Japanese roots. But we all know what mechs are and this is a fun take on the tropes from the MCU, exactly the sort of thing that What If? should be doing. I rather enjoyed this.

And yes, there's a very obvious subtext- the whole thing is a giant metaphor, a macrocosm, for what's going on inside Bruce Banner's head.

But there's something else going on too, I think. I've long seen the constant talk of the MCU's decline as overblown, but that's not to say there's nothing to the criticisms. Individual films and series have usually been good, but there's no denying that there's less of a feelof a cohesive gang of heroes as used to be the case, with the MCU spread much more thinly.

So is this episode trying to push a viable team of new "main" protagonists, including Sam Wilson's Cap, Monica Rambeau, Shang-Chi, Bucky and Moon Knight? If so, this could be interesting...

Quantum of Solace (2008)

 "Bond, if you could avoid killing every possible lead, it would be appreciated."

Finally I've caught up in my Bond marathon. I saw this film at the cinema in 2008, but I haven't seen anything since. All things Bond from this point forward are new territory for me. 

As for this one, though... it surprised me. Oh, I'm not saying it's one of the better Bond films because it certainly isn't. It deserves praise for it's non-excessive run time, but it has flaws. The many action set pieces are entertaining but don't come remotely close to equalling those of Casino Royale. Olga Kurylenko impresses as Camille, a character with depth who earns Bond's respect, while Gemma Arterton is also good as Strawberry Fields(!) who, as tradition dictates, falls for Bond, but ends up dying with a touch of the grand guignol. And yet...

The villain, the plot, the scheme- to engineer a coup in Bolivia and profit from control of the nation's water- lacks a certain excitement. Bond is cut loose from MI6 and on the run, albeit with M's role being ambiguous.. but how many times have we seen this? Compared to its predecessor, this film ends up seeming lacklustre by comparison.

And yet...none of that makes it a bad film, just a flawed one. And, on this second viewing,hot on the heels of seeing Casino Royale, I can see what they may have been trying to do. Yes, Daniel Craig's Bond lacks the flippant charm of his predecessors, but the character has depth. The fim sees him working through his feelings about Vesper, finally forgiving her (and himself), as urged by Matheson's dying words, and we end with him finally getting revenge.

And, across both films together, a shadowy organisation is set up- no spoilers, please, but perhaps SPECTRE?

All of this may well be going somewhere. If so, this film may be more quietly impressive than it appears on first glance.

Casino Royale (2006)

 "That last hand nearly killed me..."

I'm doing lots of different film marathons where I blog each film in order, in some cases veeeeery slowly, something I'm actually quite proud of. Because my blogging of the Bond films is gleefully slow, at a snail's pace, having started in 2015. Yet it proceeds inexorably on. 

Casino Royale, though... yes, it'a little too long and bloated, as blockbuster films from the present century inevitably are, but objectively it's very good indeed. I enjoiyed it. I'll be honest, though: while there's much to admire I found it dragged at times on this viewing, but perhaps for reasons which are not entirely the film's fault.

Daniel Craig is superlatively good as a more nuanced Bond, one with much more interiority, but still absolutely the Bond we know. And, of course, he gets a real character arc here, more so than since On Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Importantly, though- and the word is much overused, but it's literally so here, although the continuing presence of Judi Dench as M does make one wonder. Bond begins the film earning his promotion to 00 status, in delightfully artily shot scenes. The Bond theme is not heard until the end. Bond has yet to think of a name for his dry martini, shaken, not stirred.... (crikey, spirits are complicated. I stick to real ale and wine) and,of course, there's the last line of the film.

Yet much of the film is a very well done tromance between Bond and Vesper, starting out sparring and eventually falling in love with her, resigning and proposing to spend her life with her. Of course, we know what happened to Trace well back then:Vresper's death is no shock. But the manner and circumstances of her death are truly heartbreaking. No wonder Bond, I assume, will harden his heart and be wary of attachments from now on.

There's lots of action, loads of set pieces, and all with a more realistic tone, devoid of the slight excess of gadgets we've seen in the recent past... although, that scene...? Ouch.

So yes, the film is a little overlong, but very, very good. And yet, so much screen time is devoted to playing poker and... well, this is just me, but I find gambling so very boring. Not that I'm in any way puritanical... it's just dull.

I accept, though, that this is just a matter of taste. Overall, this is a highly effective and affecting relaunch.

The Batman (2022)

 "It's all connected."

While the later films didn't quite manage to maintain the excellence, one would perhaps naturally assume that Christopher Nolan had perfected the Batman film back in 2005 with Batman Begins. Yet it would seem not. We have a new contender.

So why is this film so good? Wisely, it skips the origin story and, notably, focuses on a very realistic portrayal of Gotham, with zero supernatural or sci-fi elements. The film is superbly and stylistically shot. Robert Pattinson is perfect as Bruce Wayne, while Zoe Kravitz and Jeffrey Wright also excel.

The use of villains is also excellent. This is a brilliant way of using the Riddler, while Penguin is toned down to become a mere mob boss, no doubt to appear again. The character of Selina Kyle is very well written indeed.

Yet this is at root a crime film very much reminiscent of the Saw franchise and not only in its visual style. Not necessarily in terms of the tiresomely excessive gore but the elements of those films that were actually good- the dark, almost hopeless feeling that violent, corruption and despair are ever-present, and the complex, multi-layered mystery, something which works supremely well here and makes everything feel very fresh indeed.

Yet what works even better is the way the Riddler is reinvented in the vein of Jigsaw, as a crusader for truth. Even better, there's a thread of Gotham having dark secrets in its past, which is used to comment wryly on the extremely harmful conspiracy theory online culture that exists today. It makes the point, rightly, that conspiracy theories are not mere harmless fun.

I hope this film is the first of several. It certainly seems to be setting things up for the future. Overall, though, this film is a triumph..

What If... Strange Supreme Intervened?

 "Right.So you're here to narrate."

"It's my job".

Nice little bit of forth wall breaking in the quote there. It's one of many witty little lines in this perfect, epic season finale starring Peggy from last episode plus a few episodesearlier; Kahhori from a couple of episodes ago; and Strange Supreme from last season. Yep, What If? is doing a tangled web of sequels. It really shouldn't work, but it does.

This is truly epic. Spoilers: there's a bit of misdirection early on, but of course Strange is the baddie. We get action, loads of cameos from the likes of Surtur, Hela, Killmonger, Thanos... and, briefly, the Two Gun Kid. Oh yes. But that's not what this is really about. It'sabout Strange wanting to destroy untold multiverses to bring back Christine, whereas Peggy knows Steve would never want her to do that for him. Both are denied love, but they deal with it very differently. That, as much as anything- and the scene where she resists temptation- is what makes her a hero.

This is an epic,perfect gfinale, with characters- even cameos, like Hela- whom we've really got to know, and that makes all the difference. Roll on next season... but Echo first. One I've finished a certain movie serial from the Distinguished Competition...

What If... the Avengers Assembled in 1602?

 "We never get our happy ending..."

I read Neil Gaiman's limited series of 1602 a couple of decades ago, but I fear I remember little. I recall the throwback from the future being the same as here, but the 1602 of the limited series was much more rooted in real history, Old Queen Bess with her old rotting teeth and all that. This is a very different beast, but fun just the same.

We have rifts in time causing this universe to end. We have a very ungrateful King Thor- he's had Wanda Maximoff kidnap Peggy from her own reality (and her own Steve Rgers) to help save their universe... only to exile her when she initially fails, still exiled to a doomed world. Yet Peggy is truly a hero, refusing the Watcher's offer to take her "home."

Indeed, I love the metatextuality with Peggy being very much aware of the Watcher's presence and the two ofvthem interacting. But then, of course, this is an episode which opens with Tom Hiddleston playing Hamlet (a recent play by some lad from Warwickshire) and which is delightfully crammed with deliberately absurd olde worlde insults.

The character stuff is cool too, though. Once again, Happy Hogan becomes the Freak. Yet, at the core of things, behind all the fun, is the deep, tragic heartbreak of Peggy and Steve never getting to be together. Here's hoping that the finale puts a stop to that...

What If... Hela Found the Ten Rings?

"I have not survived a thousand years of war to die at the hand of foliage!"

Once again we have a superb episode of What If?- this season really is proving to be far superior. Hela, portrayed superbly by your actual Cate Blanchett, is hugely charismatic and engaging here in a rare starring role where she gets all the best lines and, best of all, gets to truly grow as a character in an arc that dovetails beautifully with the plot and works perfectly.

The episode impresses from the start, with Odin exiling Hela to Earth, removing her powers and her helm, of which he says, brilliantly, "Whosoever wears this crown, should she know mercy, shall possess the power of Hela".

Yet i't s also wonderful to see characters and concepts from Shang-Chi again, as that's one Marvel film that hasn't been followed up for far too long. Despite the odds, Hela and Wenwu find happiness and wisdom together. But we Ta Lo too, and it's fun seeing the culture clash between Hela's Nordic cynicism and the Eastern philosophy she is taught. It is, at once, profound and hilarious.

This just may be one of the best yet, and two to go...

What If... Kahhori Reshaped the World?

 "Welcome to the New World..."

This, motre than any other episode, has only the most tangential relationship to the rest of the MCU. The conceit is that Surtur destroyed Asgard long ago, and the Tesseract ended up in Mohawk lands, roughly northern New York State and southern Ontario to us. Yet this is a superb piece of television.,

There's a forbidden lake, and a hidden world, a place of paradise, plenty, immortality and, perhaps, a little too much ease. Meanwhile, in "our" world, there are Conquistadors, as terrifying as any monster. I've just looked up the history, and Isabella of Castile died in 1504, a little early for contact with the Mohawk, who presumably lie quite far inland for a time when Columbus had only just found the West Indies... but no matter. This is wonderful stuff. 

There's a deep subtext here. Colonialism, obviously. The greed of the Spaniards versus the wiser attitudes of the Mohawk, with Kahhori's confrontation of Isabella being deeply satisfying. The amazing land beyond the lake, reduced by the Spaniards to a mere "Fountain of Youth". The fruit hunt. We have wonder side by side with real darkness. This episode is a thing of beauty.

What if... Captain Carter fought the Hydra Stomper

 "I don't do sequels... normally."

And I thought last episode was good.

This one is simply outstanding. It helps, of course, that it's a sequel to one of last season's standout episodes and benefits from the powerfully tragic love story where Peggy and Steve, although deeply in love, can never be together on account of the small problem of him being the Hydra Stomper, never helpful to true love.

This gives the episode a nice bit of depth and character, but the whole thing oozes class, with excellent characterisation. The close friendshop between Peggy and Natasha Romanov feels real and nuanced. It's great seeing Peggy as out-of-time in the present day, just like the Steve of "our" world. It's nice to see a Bucky Barnes who has remained living and grown old. And, yeah, that ersatz American town in Sokovia is magnificent nightmare fuel.

Also, what an ending. Is this a version of Neil Gaiman's 1602 graphic novel? I look forward to it. The finale, I assume?

What If... Iron Man Crashed into the Grandmaster?

 "Take that, vile asparagus woman."

This is, quite simply, one of the best episodes of What If I've seen thus far, perhaps the best. Given the design of one of the "chariots", I think we're supposed to notice an allusion to the pod race in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. I prefer to see this as a particularly good episodfe of Wacky Races.

It's not just the simple but awesome ploty, it's the incredibly witty script. It's Jeff Goldblum's absoluteky splendid scenery chewing as the Grandmaster, a tyrant who gets a kinky thrill, after trying to cheart at the end, from the sensation of being melted. It's the fact that both Valkyrie and Gamora get some good character development that riffs on what happens in the actual films. It's the sheer horror of a grand prix that's an actual health and safety nightmare. Plus, Iron Man and Korg are one of those double acts that absolutely had to happen in some way or other.

Oh, and Mick Wingert almost convinces as Robert Downey Jr. I'm impressed. This episode will be rather hard to top.

What If... Happy Hogan Saved Christmas?

 "'Twas only two hours prior, and the Tower was not yet on fire..."

I know, it's late January, and I'm doing the Christmas episode of What If?. I still have Echo to go, plus all the non-MCU stuff I'm doing. This may not quite be the furthest behind I've ever been but, well, I'm juggling all this with Twin Peaks, Fool Me Once, Better Call Saul, Batman and really need to get back to Robin of Sherwood soon. Aaargh.

Anyway, this is a nice little comedy episode with lots of witty lines, lots of fun and allusions to just how many years Darcy has been at uni, just how many intern placements she's had, and how little Happy (or "Hulk Hogan", as jhe's nicknamed by a very naughty Justin Hammer) is probably being paid for all he's going through.

This is all a bit of a subtle allusion to the not-so-good old days before David Michelinie's first run on the Iron Man title, when Happy would regularly turn into a bizarre creature called, yes indeed, "the Freak". But the episode manages to get away with it, mainly by just being very funny indeed.

Good stuff. Although not necessary the standard programming...

What If... Peter Quill Attacked Earth's Mightiest Heroes?

 "Bummer. I thought you were the dude from Van Halen."

Yes, I know. I'm doing so much telly at the moment, and it's a struggle to keep up. I blame all the new telly. There's this, there's Fool Me Once, there's Echo after this. I fear that Twin Peaks and the Batman movie serial may have to take a very temporary back seat, but they're very much ongoing. Same with Robin of Sherwood.

Anyway, I enjoyed this. There's character stuff with PeterQuill as a kid with Ego as the main threat. There is, perhaps, an overly neat resolution. But it's fun seeing an Avengers team form in 1988. We get a young Hank Pym, Bill Foster, and the fortysomethings are represented by T'Chaka... and both Peggy and Howard must be nearing retirement age. Peggy isn't aging bad. The Winter Soldier is well handled, though, and Thor is fun. 

One complaint, though: the United States has many fine ales and a proud brewing traditiob. But its bottled "light beers" are unfit for human consumption. Thor and T'Chaka endorsing "light beer" is the most unrealistic thing in this episode.

What If... Nebula joined the Nova Corps?

 "Seems a bit morally grey, with the guns and all."

You'll have to excuse me: I didn't know that What If? was about to drop now, at Christmastime, one episode per day, and I'm a few days late. I'm already blogging Better Call Saul, Twin Peaks and the 1943 Batman serial. I still am. Plus there's Doctor Who tomorrow. Aaaargh. I'll do my best, as this is a current show, to blog it as quickly as I can while not neglecting the others.

Anyway, I love this opening episode. Yes, there's a big central sci-fi idea, with more than a dollop of William Gibson and Blade Runner in the aesthetics of a dark, crime-ridden metropolis and the protagonist being a cyborg. Yet, to me, this feels very much like it's channelling Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe, except with Karren Gillan, outstanding as Nebula, as the principled agent of justice in a world where no one else can be trusted at all. It is this, the mood, the setting, perfect for Nebula as a character, that makes the episode so good.

The plot is clever, though, with the twists and turns somehow working brilliantly both as high concept science fiction if written by Raymond Chandler.

It's wonderful to see Seth Green's Howard the Duck too, obviously. And Taika Waititi's Korg is always a joy. I'm impressed, once again, that an animated series is able to recruit such a high calibre of actors. And it's interesting to get a focus on Xandar and the Nova Corps, very much cosmic side characters with the MCU... but, of course, Nova is coming.

Oh, and Merry Christmas:)

What If... the Watcher Broke His Oath?

 "Blimey! Bloody bollocks!"

Still having Netflix issues which may delay the last episodes of Sandman for a few days, so I'll just carry on with the Disney Marvel shows untol that's sorted- with episodes of Rings of Power as they drop, of course. Once Netflix is back with me, the normal blogging schedule will resume. 

So we complete the season with the conclusion of the fourth wall-breaking two parter and it's entertaing enough, albeit rather heavily based on action. Inevitably we get a team assembled by the Watcher from throughout the season. Theseare apparently the perfect team to defeat Ultron. Yes, even a version of Thor who is nothing but a Hooray Henry. Hmm.

It's fun, though. The characters interact well. It's impressive that we manage to get cameos from the likes of Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jacksom and Tom Hiddleston. And, sadly, this is the Marvel swansong for Chadwick Boseman.

There are nice little heartwarming happy endings for both Peggy and Natasha too. Sentimental, yes, but just about earned. Overall, this is a decent enough conclusion, if a little crowded and by-the-book.

What If... Ultron Won?

 "All those worlds. All that suffering. And you just watched?"

And that's more like it. Wow.

(Bear with me on Sandman: more Netflix issues!)

It's the penultimate episode, so of course they do something different with the format and end in a cliffhanger. It's nice how they very quickly show Ultron destroying all life on Earth, a nice touch being how quickly he dispatches Thanos... and takes all the Infinity Stones. Thus he destroys all sentient life in the universe... via montage. Then he's finished. and has no purpose.

Throughout all this he's opposed by Black Widow and an increasingly despondent Hawkeye, his wife and children certainly dead. Clint's death is brutally and emotionally bleak, followed shortly by Natasha, but Ultron has long since discovered theb Multiverse... and broken the fourth wall by challenging the Watcher. In a nice touch, he calls him "creepy"!

And so the Watcher must break his oath, in a way which nicely deconstructs the entire premise of the series in ways that, of course, the eponymous comic book did many times, but still packs a punch here. It's magnificently done.

What If... Thor Were an Only Child?

 "We never get to fire the nukes...!"

I think it's fair to say this is a lighter episode in both senses. Yes, it's light-hearted and yes, it's funny... but it's not that funny. And, as it's fairly lightweight in every other respect, having little of substance to say, it nearly needs to be funnier than it is in order to be more than ok.

The premise is that Frigga and Odin never adopt Loki, and Thor therefore develops into a bit of a frat boy, spending the whole episode partying on Earth.

The episode plays everything for laught. Countries are emblazoned with their names, as we see Thor hurl Captain Marvel from land named "France" to land named "United Kingdom". The characterisation and dialogue are funny; Jane Foster and Darcy are a great comedy double act. Yes, people act out of character for the sake of having witty lines and visuals, but an episode like this can get away with that.

This isn't unfunny. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just... well, ok.