What If... the Hulk Fought the Mech Avengers?

 "Of course, issues left unresolved rarely stay buried for long."

One episode a day over the Christmas period, is it? With Mark Gatiss dropping a new Ghost Story for Christmas tomorrow and Doctor Who the day after? I'm so going to fall behind with this...

It's a fun way to start, though. Mechs and "Gamma Beasts" that owe a lot to Japanese tropes that I suspect I'd understand more if I was more deeply into Manga and the like as opposed to just the retro Godzilla films and of course Transformers with its Japanese roots. But we all know what mechs are and this is a fun take on the tropes from the MCU, exactly the sort of thing that What If? should be doing. I rather enjoyed this.

And yes, there's a very obvious subtext- the whole thing is a giant metaphor, a macrocosm, for what's going on inside Bruce Banner's head.

But there's something else going on too, I think. I've long seen the constant talk of the MCU's decline as overblown, but that's not to say there's nothing to the criticisms. Individual films and series have usually been good, but there's no denying that there's less of a feelof a cohesive gang of heroes as used to be the case, with the MCU spread much more thinly.

So is this episode trying to push a viable team of new "main" protagonists, including Sam Wilson's Cap, Monica Rambeau, Shang-Chi, Bucky and Moon Knight? If so, this could be interesting...

Moon Knight: Gods and Monsters

 "Are you an Egyptian superhero?"

"I am."

This surprisingly short yet satisfying finale packs everything in. We have an epic battle full of twists and turns between a despearate Khonshu and a terrifying Ammit. We have Tawaret continuing to be adorable, and Layla being awesome as her temporary avatar. We get cool superheroics in the heart of Cairo.

Yet we also get more scenes in the psych ward; we're made clear which reality is real, but Marc really does have Dissociative Identity Disorder, in a way which involves no fantasy elements whatsoever. And, as we're to discover- and have, I think, had hints of previously- that there is a third, and rather violent, personlaity: Jake Lockley.

Yet the core of it all is the new-found bond between Marc and Steven. This is at once a simple and a complex finale.

And I appreciated the not-so-subtle tribute to Bill Sienciewicz.

Moon Knight: Asylum

 "There can be no progress without understanding."

Ok. This one is deep. Almost certainly the pivotal episode, in fact.

This is a superb piece of television. We know not what is real. Is it the asylum, with Dr Harrow? Is it the Egyptian afterlife, with the lovely goddess Tawaret. Along those two realities, we have Marc's traumatic past, How he, being very young, led his younger brother into a cave and he drowned. And yet... we saw his mother neglectfully entrust the safety of her youngest son to his still very young older brother. She's a grown-up. Her Ro-Ro's death is her fault.

Her physical and mental abuse of Marc is inexcusable, despite her grief., and we see it through Steven's horrific eyes ashe sees the "mum" he's been frequently phoning. She's dead. And an abuser. It's made very clear where Marc's demons come from. And, indeed, where Steven came from. This is a place of real darkness. And from there, we see the disturbing origin of Moon Knight.

As an aside, I'm glad they acknowledged, within the origin story we see here, both that Khonshu is a manipulative bastard and that Khonshu is Jewish. As for whether reality is the mental hospital or the Egyptian afterlife, it's left nicely ambiguous.

But don't you want to hug the lovely goddess Tawaret? She may have helped Marc escape to stop Arthur, But Steven's soul is gone..

Moon Knight: The Tomb

 "I squashed it, I squashed it."

I was enjoying Moon Knight already... but that was a turn to the unexpected. Shades of Legion there.

The bulk of the episode, with Steven and Layla exploring the tomb, is perhaps a little slow, despite the hostile mummies and the revelations. Layla and Steven are getting on really rather well, and Marc is jealous, keeping his distance from Layla only to protect her from Khonshu. It's a very interesting two body love triangle.

Yet we also have the revelation that Marc's "partner" killed Layla's father. Is this "partner" a third persona, perhaps the same one as has been hinted at before, a bloodthirsty killer?

We also have the tomb of Alexander the Great. And Steven showing himself to be a bloody good arccaeologist.

The conversation between Layla and Harrow is fascinating. But not as fascinating as what happens when Harrow shoots Marc, and reality gets very weird and uncertain. I don't really think that Marc is in a mental home and Harrow is his psychiatrist, but I have no idea what's going on. And I like not knowing.

And then a bloody hippo-headed goddess appears. Brilliantly bonkers.

Moon Knight: The Friendly Type

 "To signal for an audience with the gods is to risk their wrath."

Wow.This episode switches everything around. This time we follow Marc Spector with Steven in the mirrors, pleading his hieroglyphical expertise; quite the reversal of roles. And it's fascinating to see the new dynamic, Marc as leading man, Steven in his old role, Layla's dynamic with nthem both.

But the scene now shifts to Egypt, a fascinatingly different setting and dynamic. And somehow Ethan Hawke as Arthur Harrow is even more exttraordinarily charismatic. He really does steal the show. And yetv Oscar Isaac is astrounding. The transition from Marc to Steven is an amazing bit of facial acting.

And so much happens in Egypt. The gods of said ancient land... get gaslit by Arthur Harrow. Wow. Thart's embarrassing. Poor Khonshu.

Yet the wider Marvel universe impinges for the first time. We meet the Egyptian pantheon, via their avatars. We get mention of Madripoor. We get Midnight Man. I suspect all of this will resonate later more than it does now. The Egyptian gods, gulls though they may be, shall recur.

As shall I. This programme enthrals me.

Moon Knight: Summon the Suit

 "She said I needed a suit."

"Yeah, the ceremonial armour from Khonshu's temple, not psycho Colonel Sanders."

This second episode is, like the first, absolutely bloody brilliant.

We learn, alongside Steven, a little more. It seems that Marc is the champion of Khonshun, an Egyptian god of justice who bis kind enough only to punish the guilty after they've committed theit crimes. Arthur Harrow, it seems, is his predecessor but has now turned to serving Ammit, a goddess who kills potential evildoers beforethey commit their crimes. It's an intriguing concept; as Arthur shows Steven, it can lead to a utopia without evil... exzcept for the evil of killing those who are as yet innocent. Including, as Steven points out, children.

We meet Layla, Marc Spector's wife... and she needs quite a while to realise that Steven is not just Marc putting an act. So Marc's wife, whom he seems to be divorcing, has no idea who Steven is. How long, I wonder, has the Steven persona existed?

Steven reacts as well as can be expected to having his consciousness taken over, resisting Marc angrily and consistently until he has no choice. But is Marc a murderer? What will now happen as we shift from London, Cairo?

I'm hooked. I'm REALLY loving this.

Moon Knight: The Goldfish Problem

 "There's chaos in you..."

Oh my. This is brilliant. And also bloody bonkers.

My era for Marvel comicswas the '80s and early '90s, but I didn't really read any Moon Knight. My only experience of the character was a few issues of West Coast Avengers by Steve Englehart where he was part of an ensemble cast. So I'm pretty much unspoiled and won't get any of the references, for once.

The concept is brilliant. Steven Grant is a harmless, put-upon gift shop employee in the British museum who keeps having blackouts... and goes to extreme lengths, such as restraining his feet, not to go sleepwalking. This last bit, as well as the opening with Arthur Harrow putting broken glass in his shoes(!) is disturbingly kinky.

Ah, Arthur Harrow, disciple of Ammit, who can judge people with his moving tattoo of a pair of scales- and the goddess will kill them if they turn out to be bad... over the whole of their life. Past, present and future. A fascinating concept, and Harrow is a fascinating character. 

This is the perfect opening episode, with ius discovering things alongside Steven, and Ancient Egyptian themes everywhere. We wake up with Stephen in strange places, experiencing the car chases, the confusion, the monster in the museum. We get hints of "Marc"... and then, at the end, we meet him. He looks awesome...

Wow. Just wow.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

 "She is not who you think she is..."

So we finally reach the end of the trilogy- if not, I suspect, of Star Wars movies- and we have a perfctly enteraining bockbuster movie that hits all the right beats and tugs at the heartstrings, quite rightly allwing the ounger generation of heroes to shine while still wallwing in some nostalgia in roughly the right balance.

So why am I, if not disappointed in a film that does exactly what one expects of a franchise blockbuster, perhaps just a little underwhelmed?

I think, perhaps, with J.J. Abrams returning to the helm, this film follows on awkwardly from The Last Jedi, which rather cleverly plays with our expectations in killing off Snoke and revealing that Rey isn't in fact the child of anyone we know (such as Luke) as we might have thought.

This film is far more predictable. Palpatine is back- a rather obvious thing to do. And Rey, er, actually is the child of someone we know, after all- Palpatine himself. This undermines the previous film somewhat, to put it mildly. And the way she uses the power of past Jedi to win, and sort of becomes a Skywalker at the end, is sort of meh. This isn't playing with our expectations; its's confirming them, and erasing the metatextual subtext of the previous and much more interesting film.. 

That's not to say the film is bad; it's well made and entertaining. It's just a shame the previous film aspired to say something beyond the usual Joseph Campbell plotting and relentless fan service. Fun though it is to see Lando, and Ewoks, and a very old-looking Han, well, this is just Star Wars by numbers, even if it's very good Star Wars by numbers.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

"Ah, Skywalker. Missed you I have."

I'm a fan of Star Wars, in the ordinary sense of the word. Sufficiently so that I watched every Star Wars film at the cinema from Return of the Jedi in 1983 to The Force Awakens in 2015 at the cinema, incuding the horrible special editions of the original trilogy. Sufficiently so that I could spend talking about the old Kenner action figures. Suffciently so that I've blogged the '80s Ewok TV films.

That it's taken me so long to watch this film is a testament to how real life has changed for me these days, and little else. Let's just say that, with a daughter, a disabled wife and a full time job, free time is not what it once was.

But that’s not the only reason I mention this. Because I’m a fan, but not a fanboy. And I’m vaguely aware of the fact, if not necessarily the details, that the fanboys wee split over this film. And I have no idea why. It’s a splendid bit of blockbuster fun, with real heart at its core and great characters, and absolutely in the spirit- and indeed structure- of the original trilogy.

That last point, after this second film, is now abundantly clear. Hence Han, in the last film, fulfilled the role of Obi Wan, whereas Luke here is Yoda, in terms of plot function. Leia has a large and rather touching role, rather fitting as a send off for the much-missed Carrie Fisher. But the main protagonists are or course Rey, Finn, Poe and Kylo Ren, the next generation. And rightly so.

I love how the film knowingly echoes the sort of things earlier Star Wars films tended to do, but does unexpected things at the last minute. So Ren shockingly kills Snoke as Vader killed Palpatine- but not because he’s had a moral reawakening, merely because of personal ambition. Laura Dern’s unlikeable Vice Admiral Holdo turns out to be right, brave and clever all along. Luke is not even there in his final, epic fight with Ren- the second member of the original cast he’s now slain. Best of all, Rey is not Luke’s daughter or any such thing, just a poor person from nowhere. Social mobility is a thing on the Star Wars universe.

I can see how some may dislike Luke’s characterisation here; they have a good case to make, but good drama should be unpredictable and challenging by definition. Arguably it may be out of character, but by sleight of hand it works. As for those lonely, virgin little boys who stamp their tiny feet at the fact some of the cast have the temerity to not be white or male (gasp), let us leave them to their crippling loneliness.

I didn’t just like this film. I loved it. Waiting three years was absurd.

X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

“Well, at least we can all agree the third one's always the worst...!

 Yet again an X-Men film that isn't supposed to be all that great turns out to be pretty damn good viewing. Oh, I know that the continuity has been pretty dodgy anyway and at this point they just give up and blatantly contradict stuff about all kinds of characters. It's also awkward having two alternate casts, the less expensive of which we see here. But it's nice to get an X-Men film where Scott gets to be a likeable hero for once. It's also nice tht Wolverine, rather than hogging the limelight as usual, only gets a Weapon X cameo.

Apocalypse is a solid villain, with  suitably epic backstory and oodles of power. The film has metatextual fun with its 1983 setting, hence the line above, ostensibly about Return of the Jedi but, well, you know. It’s also fun utilising the freedom to make characters like Angel (him off EastEnders), Psylocke and even Storm be baddies for a bit. There’s the obligatory “how Charles lost his hair” bit. Of course there is. There are the obligatory philosophical scenes with Charles, Eric and Raven, but not too much. But most of the time it’s what we want to see: cool set pieces. And few are cooler than Quicksilver, even if he is dead in Marvel’s other celluloid universe. This film is quite simply just fun to watch. The timeline  and cobrinuity may be utterly broken but the film makes the right decision to ignore all that and just go with it. Quite right too.

Is it just me, though, or are we all fed up of Colonel William bloody Stryker...?

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

"Is there a garbage chute? A trash compactor?"

Well, that was a little bit awesome. First point: this is going to be a very positive review. Second point :SPOILERS. This is going to be one very spoilerific blog post. If you don't want to see the scores, look away now.

We see lots of Han and Chewie, a fair bit of Leia, some of Threepio, less of Artoo and only a final glimpse of Luke. And, unlike the prequels with its forgettable characters, here we have the very likeable and interesting Finn and Rey, and it is the success of these two new characters, above all, that makes J J Abram's sequel such a triumph. He's also realised what good Star Wars should be: not so much science fiction but the feel of myth with the trappings of science fiction.

It's brave to hold off the appearance of any familiar characters for the first part of the film while we get to know Rey and Finn, but it works. Rey is a deliberate parallel of Luke on Tattooine, poor but noble and waiting for a family that will never come- but the Force is strong in her. Finn is a stormtrooper with a conscience, already a rich and powerful background for a character. It helps that both of them are played so well.

And then Han and Chewie appear. It's so good to se them, and Harrison Ford is so amazing you forget how old he is. He gets a huge role and gets to be really heroic- and at the endowed see why, narratively, it had to happen: killed by his own evil son. Whose mother, Leia, now leads the Resistance and is as cool as ever.

The First Order, who have taken over from the Empire, are superb baddies and... well, they're Nazis, aren't they? There were so many punch the air moments with the reveal of various old faces- Admiral Ackbar! Nien Nunb! Yes, lots of the plot beats feel familiar, but so they should. The plot feels completely Star Wars. Everything looks good, with a proper, finely balanced Star Wars aesthetic for all the aliens and all the decor. J J Abrams has done an amazing job.