What If... Howard the Duck Got Hitched?

 "Captain Mohawk stole our baby!"

Just to be clear, I quite like a lot of KISS. But "I Was Made for Loving You" is a disco-tinged abomination. Just to be clear.

That said... otherwise, I like this episode. Yes, it's very silly having the concept. of Howard the Duck and Dacy (Mr and Mrs "the Duck"...) have a hybrid kid together, absolutely leaning into the interspecies sexz fun of 1986's Howard The Duck (nice touch, the reference to "Mrs Switzler"). And naturally this egg is the most important child ever, whose coming has been foretold and who is therefore fought over by all the cosmic entities of the MCU, from Zeus to the Grandmaster to Dormannu to Thanos to SHIELD.

Only for it to turn out that it's the parents who should raise the child after all, as that's how childrearing works. This child is special... but aren't they all? This episode, broadcast on a day which commemorates the birth of a child, is a rather nice and fun metaphor for all the things we parents go through, and it's lovely.

But also fun. And with a surprisingly high amount of star wattage.

I'm left wondering, though... yes, this works as just a metaphor. We don't need to take the metaphor literally and see what this little girl becomes... but will we?

What If... Nebula joined the Nova Corps?

 "Seems a bit morally grey, with the guns and all."

You'll have to excuse me: I didn't know that What If? was about to drop now, at Christmastime, one episode per day, and I'm a few days late. I'm already blogging Better Call Saul, Twin Peaks and the 1943 Batman serial. I still am. Plus there's Doctor Who tomorrow. Aaaargh. I'll do my best, as this is a current show, to blog it as quickly as I can while not neglecting the others.

Anyway, I love this opening episode. Yes, there's a big central sci-fi idea, with more than a dollop of William Gibson and Blade Runner in the aesthetics of a dark, crime-ridden metropolis and the protagonist being a cyborg. Yet, to me, this feels very much like it's channelling Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe, except with Karren Gillan, outstanding as Nebula, as the principled agent of justice in a world where no one else can be trusted at all. It is this, the mood, the setting, perfect for Nebula as a character, that makes the episode so good.

The plot is clever, though, with the twists and turns somehow working brilliantly both as high concept science fiction if written by Raymond Chandler.

It's wonderful to see Seth Green's Howard the Duck too, obviously. And Taika Waititi's Korg is always a joy. I'm impressed, once again, that an animated series is able to recruit such a high calibre of actors. And it's interesting to get a focus on Xandar and the Nova Corps, very much cosmic side characters with the MCU... but, of course, Nova is coming.

Oh, and Merry Christmas:)

Mallrats (1995)

"And don't ever lose that nipple!"

Finding a quote for a Kevin Smith film is not exactly the most difficult thing ever, which says something in itself.

Ok, this isn't quite as good as Clerks. It's similar- a geek-cum-romantic comedy with slapstick, wit, heart and profound '90s-ness, but it doesn't have the art house look or the hard hitting ending, nor is thereas much depth behind the humour and the cool. This is Kevin Smith by numbers, with a moderately bigger budget.

But you know what? If this is what Kevin Smith comes up with when he's relatively uninspired, I'll take it. It may not be his best work, but it's still awesome. In fact, it's awesome for the deliberately Road Runner-esque scenes of Jay and Silent Bob trying to get past the security guard and destroy the stage. Stan Lee gets an awesome cameo. The Easter Bunny gets a damn good kicking. Some excellent points are made about Superman's sex life.

The performances are superb. Jason Mewes is excellent as Jay, and we see a lot more of him and Silent Bob, always a good thing. But it's the central comic performance of Jason Lee who holds the film together. The Blind Date-style conclusion is neatly done and, unlike in Clerks, the two sets of lovers are back together by the end. The slacker will forever remain a '90s trope; sunce the 2008 crash, and certainly now, it stands revealed as a luxury from a more prosperous era. But the geek, nonetheless, shall inherit the Earth/.

What If... T'Challa Became a Star Lord?

 "You are very articulate for a duck..."

"That, Sir, is very closed-minded!"

It's fascinating, with a second episode, to see what is just format and what is not. Hence we see the same intro with the Watcher, equally effective. But then we see a fascinating tale of T.Challa, in many ways a batter and more beloved Starlord, who even convinces Thanos(!) to join the Ravagers, is adored by Yondu, and tries hard to reconcile Nebula with her father. All while acting as an interstellar Robin Hood, naturally... and co-opting his foes, as the wonderful first scene demonstrates.

Chadwick Boseman is, of course, superb. T'Challa gets to be a huge hero, ending universal poverty and freeing Howard the Duck to boot. There's just the minor inconvenience, after a happy family reunion in Wakanda, that the world is going to end because the wrong Star Lord was chosen. Bummer.

Yes, this is, like all of this series, a short half hour bit of fun. But I loved it.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 (2017)

“I have sensitive nipples!”

Yes, the Guardians of the Galaxy are back. Wisely, James Gunn is also back to write and direct, and the soundtrack plays just as part a role. What we have is more of the same, which is no bad thing. This sequel may not be quite as good as the first film but it has the same humour, the same relatable characters in a very cosmic setting, and the same sense of style.

It even has a heart, with the message that men like Yondu who bother to raise children are proper fathers, whereas giant planets like Ego who bugger off to destroy all life in the universe are not. We also have a touching and hilarious romance of sorts between Drax (who gets the best lines, again: “I have famously huge turds”) and the innocent Mantis. The reconciliation between sisters Gamora and Nebula is heartwarming, and we are told the horrible truth that Thanos (Not in the film but ever- present) used to make his daughters fight and Gamora always won, and each time he would replace a part of Nebula’s body with machinery for losing- truly horrific. Baby Groot is cute. And Rocket Raccoon is everybody’s favourite arsehole.

Ego, of course, can’t always be shown as a giant planet on the screen, so Kurt Russell plays his human avatar, although we certainly get to see Ego as we know him, a living planet with a face. Mantis is as we know her from Steve Englehart. And the Stan Lee cameo is intriguing as we briefly catch him reminiscing to Uatu, suggesting that all his cameos may have seen him working undercover for the Watchers. Ego is a Celestial, apparently; they obviously look quite different in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Howard the Duck gets another cameo, played by Seth Green. And the ending seems to hint at the creation of Adam Warlock, no less.

We get a dramatic and very sad ending bringing everything to a splendid confusion, and some properly cosmic post-credit scenes. I’m glad it won’t be another three years until we see these characters again.

The Walking Dead- Season 2, Episode 5: Chupacabra

"Don't be too hard on yourself. We've all wanted to shoot Daryl."

Again we begin with a flashback, this time of Lori, Shane and Carl making their way away from the many others fleeing and observing as Atlanta gets napalmed. It makes you appreciate the sheer horror of events while Rick was asleep and how they were just trying to do what was best. It's a contrast to the present day where a darker, balder, nastier Shane wants to give up the search for Sophia.

Where is Sophia? This sub-plot is being dragged out so long that she can't simply be dead. Daryl is certainly dedicated to finding her, leading to his accident and his getting unfortunately shot by Andrea. Worst of all, he has a hallucination of his deeply unpleasant brother that feels, at first, as though Merle is genuinely back. Foreshadowing?

There's a fascinating conversation between Dale and Glenn which illustrates, again, how women's rights have gone backwards, subtly and otherwise, since civilisation ended. Maggie is a grown woman, but Dale is terrified that Glenn may have offended their host Herschel by sleeping with his daughter Maggie. She is, in a sense, property; that's the implication.

We end with an awkward dinner showcasing tension between the two groups, and Glenn discovering that Herschell is keeping a bunch of zombies in a hidden place. It's quite a cliffhanger, and quite a well-crafted plot line as ever, but this season is beginning to feel a little too slow-paced.

The Walking Dead- Season 1, Episode 3: Tell It to the Frogs

"I miss my vibrator!"

After a couple of episodes of set-up we settle down and get to know our now-larger cast a little better while we explore the human dimension of how the little post-apocalyptic tribe is functioning- the reassertion of traditional gender roles, in spite of resistance, is depressingly realistic, as is the domestic abuse and the reaction of the abused party to Shane giving the prick the beating he deserves ("I'm sorry, Ed!"). We also see Merle realising the full horror of his situation and starting to escape, but his full fate is uncertain.

Rick slowly integrates himself into the community, helped considerably by the fact that his wife and son are already part of it. There is awkwardness; Shane and Lori have to discreetly end their relationship, while both Rick and T-Bone have a confession to make to Merle's hunter brother Daryl, leading to Rick doing the honourable thing and offering to join Daryl, T-Bone and Glenn on a rescue mission. It's a good narrative way for him to earn the trust of the whole tribe.

We end, as might be expected, with Merle's fate still unknown, but it's becoming increasingly clear, now that the writing has time to breathe, just how good the characterisation of this show is. I think I'm going to enjoy it.

The Walking Dead- Season 1, Episode 2: Guts

"You're the new sheriff come riding in to clean up the town?"

Rick isn't alone any more as we're introduced to our new supporting cast; we have Rick's saviour, the young and plucky Glenn; the cynical Andrea; the quiet and wary T-Bone; the loud racist redneck Merle Dixon, and what I presume to be a couple of redshirts . All of them are trapped in a department store in central Atlanta under siege from zombies. This is a trope if ever there was one, and a chance for Rick to prove himself to his new gang. Again, though, tropes have their uses; they cut down on an awful lot of exposition.

Meanwhile, back at camp, Lori and Carl are alive- and the assumed widow Lori is now sleeping with Shane. That's a bit awkward. At the mall, though, as needed for the narrative, Rick saves everyone by thinking outside the box. A good thing, too, as it was him who put them in danger, but it's all a good bonding experience. But Merle's racist thuggishness means he's cuffed to the top of the building as the zombies attack. He's doomed, surely?

What else? Rick sees a helicopter, which I'm sure will be relevant later. But we're still in the realm of set-up, albeit damn good set-up.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

"I don't believe that anybody could be 100% dick..."

I'm an old-fashioned Marvel geek in that I bought a ridiculous number of titles up until around 1994, when most of my favourite runs were winding down, Mark Gruenwald died and I started building up my record collection, which left less budgetary room for comic books. I know an awful lot about Marvel up to that point (I had a lot of back issues going way back) but I'm patchy thereafter. I do, however, remember Jim Valentino's run on Guardians of the Galaxy, a title set a thousand years on the future and with characters called things like Vance Astro and Charlie 27. This film isn't based on any of that, but a load of Marvel's cosmic characters, many of them associated with the great Jim Starlin.

We have fanwanky Marvel goodness aplenty. There is Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Raccoon(!), Ronan the Accuser, Thanos(!), a strange cyborg version of Nebula who hears no relation to the character as written by Roger Stern in The Avengers back in the mid-'80s, the Collector, the best Stan Lee cameo yet and even footage of a Celestial!

But this isn't a po-faced epic film; it's  witty, fun action film full of funny and charismatic rogues turned heroes, a cross between Star Wars and Firefly. Chris Pratt stars as Peter, a transplanted human with mysterious parentage and the Han Solo of the film. Karen Gillan disappoints vaguely as Nebula. But the best thing in it is Bradley Cooper's Rocket.

This is a superbly plotted and scripted sci-go action film with wit, action, top tuneage (we get Bowie's "Moonage Daydream" and the Runaways' "Cherry Bomb"!) and an amazingly realised space opera world with some of the best CGI I've ever seen. If you haven't seen it, do so now. It'll be on at cinemas for a good while. 

Oh, and remember, this is a Marvel film. Stay to the end.