Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3 (2023)

 "I was stabbed, you extraordinary phallus!"

James Gunn is back at Marvel, presumably just this one and... yeah, this was never going to not be awesome, was it? Gunn doing Guardians of the Galaxy is pretty much guaranteed to awesome. It just is. And, ironically, the success of this Marvel film, at a time when Marvel needed it, may bode well for DC.

And yet it's not based on the most promising material from the comics. Sad though Rocket's origin was, I had a reaction of pure geeky joy to see some of the other animals from that Rocket Raccoon limited series from the '80s that my eight year old self read as a back-up story in Transformers. Yet this is hardly classic Marvel material. Neither is the High Evolutionary stuff, and certainly not the Counter-Earth stories from the early '70s issues of Adam Warlock in those dark days before Jim Starlin, shown here in very 1970s fashions as a tribute..

This, then, is not promising material for a film. Yet the end result is a triumpjh. The characters, the actors, the cast, all are exquisite. The directing, too, is extraordinary, with some particularly impressive set pieces.

It's a good choice to have the High Evolutionary- Chukwudi Iwuji is superb- as an unambiguous villain, and I enjoyed the way Adam Warlock was played for laughs, and seems to join the team. And that's what it's all about, the team. Every character is likeable. Every character has depth. They are a true family. Heart, humour, awesome direction... how could this film possibly not be amazing?

The Guardians of the Galaxy: Holiday Special

 "I'm sorry! GoBots killed his cousin!"

This is one of the finest Christmas sitcom episodes- for that is what this is- that I've ever seen. It's superb. And not only for the fact that the eponymous Kevin Bacon is seen watching Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. I like the bloke already, even if he is one of those disgusting actor folk.

The plot may be cheesy- Mantis and Drax feel sorry for Peter Quill at Christmas so they, er, kidnap Kevin Bacon, much hilarity ensues, and Mantis finally tells Peter that she's his sisater. Aww. Heartwarming. Yet the whole thing is gleefully silly, does a lot of violence to the fourth wall, and gets its humour from its well-crafted funny characters. Drax we know well, but Mantis is really fleshed out here, and she's bloody likeable.Kevin Bacon is, of course, awesome, but not as awesome as Mantis and Drax getting rat-arsed from their cosplay money in Hollywood.

Yes, the dodgy ethics of just kidnapping a Hollywood star and, you know, assaulting a few police officers is handwaved away, but why not? That's the tone.

That song about Christmas at the start is a highlight- that Santa Claus chap sounds terrifying. So is "this is human trafficking". But the whole thing is awesome. This is the greatest science fiction holiday special since 1978, despite the lack of Wookies. Plus, Groot as a Christmas tree is a perfect ending.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 (2017)

“I have sensitive nipples!”

Yes, the Guardians of the Galaxy are back. Wisely, James Gunn is also back to write and direct, and the soundtrack plays just as part a role. What we have is more of the same, which is no bad thing. This sequel may not be quite as good as the first film but it has the same humour, the same relatable characters in a very cosmic setting, and the same sense of style.

It even has a heart, with the message that men like Yondu who bother to raise children are proper fathers, whereas giant planets like Ego who bugger off to destroy all life in the universe are not. We also have a touching and hilarious romance of sorts between Drax (who gets the best lines, again: “I have famously huge turds”) and the innocent Mantis. The reconciliation between sisters Gamora and Nebula is heartwarming, and we are told the horrible truth that Thanos (Not in the film but ever- present) used to make his daughters fight and Gamora always won, and each time he would replace a part of Nebula’s body with machinery for losing- truly horrific. Baby Groot is cute. And Rocket Raccoon is everybody’s favourite arsehole.

Ego, of course, can’t always be shown as a giant planet on the screen, so Kurt Russell plays his human avatar, although we certainly get to see Ego as we know him, a living planet with a face. Mantis is as we know her from Steve Englehart. And the Stan Lee cameo is intriguing as we briefly catch him reminiscing to Uatu, suggesting that all his cameos may have seen him working undercover for the Watchers. Ego is a Celestial, apparently; they obviously look quite different in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Howard the Duck gets another cameo, played by Seth Green. And the ending seems to hint at the creation of Adam Warlock, no less.

We get a dramatic and very sad ending bringing everything to a splendid confusion, and some properly cosmic post-credit scenes. I’m glad it won’t be another three years until we see these characters again.