Douglas Is Cancelled: Episode 4

 "I'm an avenging angel of dearth, from Newsnight. And you're Prince Andrew."

Wow. This episode is a tour de force of television scriptwriting and performance, and surely the extraordinary highlight of Karen Gillan's career so far. She truly is superb as Madeline here, as she finally and cleverly takes down Douglas, an unstoppable righteous force in an episode that brilliantly examines all of the issues arising from #MeToo. Wow.

So many elements here compliment the core message personally. We have the hapless, thick, casually misogynisic "comedian", tasked with coming up with "family friendly misogyny from a happier time". We have Douglas's increasing panic, followed by misplaced confidence. We have the slow destruction of Claudia's faith in her father. We have that gloeious confrontation between Madeline and Sheila in the ladies'.

And yes, we have Douglas cancelled, hot unfairly, because of a joke that truly was awful. There's nothing really unjust about that, despite the twist that his career ends because of an entirely separate joke for which he bears no real blame: the joke he did tell was inexcusable. And yet... Toby gets away with far worse, because Madeline, in a world of double standards, woukd bring herself down with him. And perhaps the point, the real point, as Madeline says, is that we men who are not like Toby really do need to step up.

Douglas Is Cancelled: Episode 3

 "You do want the job, don't you...?"

Wow. This is a sudden, effective and blatantly deliberate shift of tone from the previous two epidsodes. And it's incredible.

The whole episode is a flashback to Madeleine's past, her first meeting with Douglas... and how she got the job. By the end, we pretty much know what Douglas said at the wedding, and how utterly unforgiveable it was.. And that isn't even the point.

The vast majority of the episode is a two hander between Madeline and Toby. Ben Miles is excellent but Karen Gillan is utterly sublime, playing the discomfort, fear and resignation of a woman who, despite her poise, despite being wise to the gaslighting, The script is outstanding here, showing us the horrible reality of #MeToo as experienced in reality by so many women. So many nuances are there in the script. The gaslighting, the power imbalance, the sheer horror.

And, in the end, Douglas opens the door, sees what Madeline is going through... and advises her, in those words we've heard before, that whatever she has to wade through, it's worth it.

Wow. This isn't the type of first class television I was expecting after the first two episodes. But it's certainly first class television.

Douglas Is Cancelled: Episode 2

 "They execute gay people and it won't stop raining!"

Two episodrs in... and this is wonderful. Rain in Dubai, the crap comedy writer, the awkwardness between Toby and the taxi driver. But mostly, it's the wit, and the characters. Oh, the characters.

Madeline is much more centtre stage this time. We get to see first hand how she manipulates Douglas. On this occasion he's gone in there all cross and about to demand she remove the tweet... and she gets him to retweet it. But the whole thing is a kind of fight over Douglas between Madeline and Sheila, both of whom want to prep him for the interview he's going to have to endure soon... and then we end with Madeline dropping that bombshell. She's an utterly fascinating character, with far more depth to her than initially meets the eye, and so much cleverer than everyone else.

This is masterful storytelling, and halfway through the series we still don't know what Douglas' joke actually was. But the whole thing is engrossing. The entire cast shines, but Karen Gillan, Alex Kingston and Ben Miles are utterly superb. The real star, though, is the script. Steven Moffat can sooo do comedy thst makes you think.#

Is it me, or is Douglas inexorably headed towards absolute doom?

Douglas Is Cancelled: Episode 1

 "That's not ambiguity.That's plausible deniability."

Yes, I know, I've sort of had to temporarily pause my ongoing series that I'm blogging in order to frantically catch up with The Boys after three episodes bloody landed at once. Now ITV have gone and released a new comedy drama by Steven Moffat, so my schedule lies even more in tatters. Grr.

I must say, though, this first episode is bloody brilliant. The premise seems very ho-hum and meh: a news presenter is overheard telling a sexist joke at a wedding and suddenly his career is in the balance. At first glance it looks as though we're in for a tiresome, heavy-handed rant about "cancel culture"... but of course, not.This is Steven Moffat, and he's much cleverer than that.

What's particularly clever is the actual joke itself is held back. It's "Schrodinger's joke". We end the episode on tenterhooks not kmnowing how bad it is or how bad things are.

Hugh Bonneville is excellent as the eponymous Douglas, and so is Karen Gillan as his subtly clever co-host Madeline. But utterly standout performances from Ben Miles as the most cynical producer, and Alex Kingston as the gloriously weary Sheila, utterly steal the show. This is clever, witty, topical (we get lines like "I work with people who hack your phone") and very thoughtful comedy drama. I'm hooked.

What If... Nebula joined the Nova Corps?

 "Seems a bit morally grey, with the guns and all."

You'll have to excuse me: I didn't know that What If? was about to drop now, at Christmastime, one episode per day, and I'm a few days late. I'm already blogging Better Call Saul, Twin Peaks and the 1943 Batman serial. I still am. Plus there's Doctor Who tomorrow. Aaaargh. I'll do my best, as this is a current show, to blog it as quickly as I can while not neglecting the others.

Anyway, I love this opening episode. Yes, there's a big central sci-fi idea, with more than a dollop of William Gibson and Blade Runner in the aesthetics of a dark, crime-ridden metropolis and the protagonist being a cyborg. Yet, to me, this feels very much like it's channelling Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe, except with Karren Gillan, outstanding as Nebula, as the principled agent of justice in a world where no one else can be trusted at all. It is this, the mood, the setting, perfect for Nebula as a character, that makes the episode so good.

The plot is clever, though, with the twists and turns somehow working brilliantly both as high concept science fiction if written by Raymond Chandler.

It's wonderful to see Seth Green's Howard the Duck too, obviously. And Taika Waititi's Korg is always a joy. I'm impressed, once again, that an animated series is able to recruit such a high calibre of actors. And it's interesting to get a focus on Xandar and the Nova Corps, very much cosmic side characters with the MCU... but, of course, Nova is coming.

Oh, and Merry Christmas:)

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3 (2023)

 "I was stabbed, you extraordinary phallus!"

James Gunn is back at Marvel, presumably just this one and... yeah, this was never going to not be awesome, was it? Gunn doing Guardians of the Galaxy is pretty much guaranteed to awesome. It just is. And, ironically, the success of this Marvel film, at a time when Marvel needed it, may bode well for DC.

And yet it's not based on the most promising material from the comics. Sad though Rocket's origin was, I had a reaction of pure geeky joy to see some of the other animals from that Rocket Raccoon limited series from the '80s that my eight year old self read as a back-up story in Transformers. Yet this is hardly classic Marvel material. Neither is the High Evolutionary stuff, and certainly not the Counter-Earth stories from the early '70s issues of Adam Warlock in those dark days before Jim Starlin, shown here in very 1970s fashions as a tribute..

This, then, is not promising material for a film. Yet the end result is a triumpjh. The characters, the actors, the cast, all are exquisite. The directing, too, is extraordinary, with some particularly impressive set pieces.

It's a good choice to have the High Evolutionary- Chukwudi Iwuji is superb- as an unambiguous villain, and I enjoyed the way Adam Warlock was played for laughs, and seems to join the team. And that's what it's all about, the team. Every character is likeable. Every character has depth. They are a true family. Heart, humour, awesome direction... how could this film possibly not be amazing?

The Guardians of the Galaxy: Holiday Special

 "I'm sorry! GoBots killed his cousin!"

This is one of the finest Christmas sitcom episodes- for that is what this is- that I've ever seen. It's superb. And not only for the fact that the eponymous Kevin Bacon is seen watching Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. I like the bloke already, even if he is one of those disgusting actor folk.

The plot may be cheesy- Mantis and Drax feel sorry for Peter Quill at Christmas so they, er, kidnap Kevin Bacon, much hilarity ensues, and Mantis finally tells Peter that she's his sisater. Aww. Heartwarming. Yet the whole thing is gleefully silly, does a lot of violence to the fourth wall, and gets its humour from its well-crafted funny characters. Drax we know well, but Mantis is really fleshed out here, and she's bloody likeable.Kevin Bacon is, of course, awesome, but not as awesome as Mantis and Drax getting rat-arsed from their cosplay money in Hollywood.

Yes, the dodgy ethics of just kidnapping a Hollywood star and, you know, assaulting a few police officers is handwaved away, but why not? That's the tone.

That song about Christmas at the start is a highlight- that Santa Claus chap sounds terrifying. So is "this is human trafficking". But the whole thing is awesome. This is the greatest science fiction holiday special since 1978, despite the lack of Wookies. Plus, Groot as a Christmas tree is a perfect ending.

What If... Thor Were an Only Child?

 "We never get to fire the nukes...!"

I think it's fair to say this is a lighter episode in both senses. Yes, it's light-hearted and yes, it's funny... but it's not that funny. And, as it's fairly lightweight in every other respect, having little of substance to say, it nearly needs to be funnier than it is in order to be more than ok.

The premise is that Frigga and Odin never adopt Loki, and Thor therefore develops into a bit of a frat boy, spending the whole episode partying on Earth.

The episode plays everything for laught. Countries are emblazoned with their names, as we see Thor hurl Captain Marvel from land named "France" to land named "United Kingdom". The characterisation and dialogue are funny; Jane Foster and Darcy are a great comedy double act. Yes, people act out of character for the sake of having witty lines and visuals, but an episode like this can get away with that.

This isn't unfunny. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just... well, ok.

What If... T'Challa Became a Star Lord?

 "You are very articulate for a duck..."

"That, Sir, is very closed-minded!"

It's fascinating, with a second episode, to see what is just format and what is not. Hence we see the same intro with the Watcher, equally effective. But then we see a fascinating tale of T.Challa, in many ways a batter and more beloved Starlord, who even convinces Thanos(!) to join the Ravagers, is adored by Yondu, and tries hard to reconcile Nebula with her father. All while acting as an interstellar Robin Hood, naturally... and co-opting his foes, as the wonderful first scene demonstrates.

Chadwick Boseman is, of course, superb. T'Challa gets to be a huge hero, ending universal poverty and freeing Howard the Duck to boot. There's just the minor inconvenience, after a happy family reunion in Wakanda, that the world is going to end because the wrong Star Lord was chosen. Bummer.

Yes, this is, like all of this series, a short half hour bit of fun. But I loved it.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 (2017)

“I have sensitive nipples!”

Yes, the Guardians of the Galaxy are back. Wisely, James Gunn is also back to write and direct, and the soundtrack plays just as part a role. What we have is more of the same, which is no bad thing. This sequel may not be quite as good as the first film but it has the same humour, the same relatable characters in a very cosmic setting, and the same sense of style.

It even has a heart, with the message that men like Yondu who bother to raise children are proper fathers, whereas giant planets like Ego who bugger off to destroy all life in the universe are not. We also have a touching and hilarious romance of sorts between Drax (who gets the best lines, again: “I have famously huge turds”) and the innocent Mantis. The reconciliation between sisters Gamora and Nebula is heartwarming, and we are told the horrible truth that Thanos (Not in the film but ever- present) used to make his daughters fight and Gamora always won, and each time he would replace a part of Nebula’s body with machinery for losing- truly horrific. Baby Groot is cute. And Rocket Raccoon is everybody’s favourite arsehole.

Ego, of course, can’t always be shown as a giant planet on the screen, so Kurt Russell plays his human avatar, although we certainly get to see Ego as we know him, a living planet with a face. Mantis is as we know her from Steve Englehart. And the Stan Lee cameo is intriguing as we briefly catch him reminiscing to Uatu, suggesting that all his cameos may have seen him working undercover for the Watchers. Ego is a Celestial, apparently; they obviously look quite different in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Howard the Duck gets another cameo, played by Seth Green. And the ending seems to hint at the creation of Adam Warlock, no less.

We get a dramatic and very sad ending bringing everything to a splendid confusion, and some properly cosmic post-credit scenes. I’m glad it won’t be another three years until we see these characters again.

The Circle (2017)

"Secrets are lies!"

It's a surprise to see that Netflix are making films (and this is a film, with a cinematic release) with such stellar casts; here we get Tom Hanks, Karen Gillan, the late Bill Paxton and John Boyega, although Emma Watson, playing American, underwhelms a little as Mae. Still, the film, an adaptation by Dave Evers of his own novel, is superb and thought-provoking.

Mae takes a job at "The Circle", an organisation that seems to be inspired by Apple, Google and Facebook in its culture, employment practices and messianic leader Eamon (Hanks), clearly based on Steve Jobs. At first things are great, with a high salary, a friendly culture on "campus" and plenty of fun and ties. Then we get our first sign of the company being something of a cult, with compulsory "optional" recreational activities and an expectation that employees will maintain a heavy presence on "TrueYou", a thinly veiled Facebook analogue. Mae realised things have gone too far with chips being planned to go into children's bones so they can be monitored and connects with reclusive and disillusioned TrueYou inventor Ty Laffitte (Boyega). Yet her ill-advised cry for help has horrific circumstances.

Mae's persuasion by Eamon to go "transparent", to have her entire life broadcast to the online public on the grounds that "secrets are lies", privacy is bad and we need to be watched to stop us doing bad things is deeply, deeply sinister. Things go predictably wrong very quickly but Mae has her revenge on Eamon- yet it isn't a happy ending as the onward march of social media to trample over our right to privacy is unimpeded, with the Circle able to track down any person for any reason and, now compulsory, delivering electoral information and public services in the ultimate corrupt privatisation. Even the Circle's claim to oppose tyrannical regimes is somewhat undercut by the fact that sending "frowns" to a dictatorship is a pretty impotent thing to do, just like all forms of clicktivism.

The film is marred, perhaps, by a strange blandness on the part of Emma Watson, but the ideas played with in this film are superb. It's worth seeing this script being performed in spite of the film's faults.

Oculus (2013)

"It was the mirror..."

This could have been a very good horror film. The central idea is sound, indeed very good, if a little derivative, and the performances (though Karen Gillen's accent slips) are generally good. This isn't, however, much of a start for Gillan's post-Doctor Who film career.

The concept- a mysterious mirror of a MacGuffin manipulates reality around it to cause murder, violence and gore and is resistant to scientific inquiry- is strong, and making the protagonists two siblings trying to make sense of their parents' deaths ten years previously increases the drama. The use of two parallel narratives, the present and the past, works well. The ending is particularly clever and horrific, with Tim being arrested for a murder he didn't commit in both time zones, and I love the philosophical implication that reality itself is subjective.

However, the realisation of this is hampered by the direction. Oh, it looks professional in its way, but it's over-glossy and suffers from that modern curse of MTV-derived directorial styles that simply don't work on a horror film. One is left to wonder just what a previous generation would have made of this script.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

"I don't believe that anybody could be 100% dick..."

I'm an old-fashioned Marvel geek in that I bought a ridiculous number of titles up until around 1994, when most of my favourite runs were winding down, Mark Gruenwald died and I started building up my record collection, which left less budgetary room for comic books. I know an awful lot about Marvel up to that point (I had a lot of back issues going way back) but I'm patchy thereafter. I do, however, remember Jim Valentino's run on Guardians of the Galaxy, a title set a thousand years on the future and with characters called things like Vance Astro and Charlie 27. This film isn't based on any of that, but a load of Marvel's cosmic characters, many of them associated with the great Jim Starlin.

We have fanwanky Marvel goodness aplenty. There is Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Raccoon(!), Ronan the Accuser, Thanos(!), a strange cyborg version of Nebula who hears no relation to the character as written by Roger Stern in The Avengers back in the mid-'80s, the Collector, the best Stan Lee cameo yet and even footage of a Celestial!

But this isn't a po-faced epic film; it's  witty, fun action film full of funny and charismatic rogues turned heroes, a cross between Star Wars and Firefly. Chris Pratt stars as Peter, a transplanted human with mysterious parentage and the Han Solo of the film. Karen Gillan disappoints vaguely as Nebula. But the best thing in it is Bradley Cooper's Rocket.

This is a superbly plotted and scripted sci-go action film with wit, action, top tuneage (we get Bowie's "Moonage Daydream" and the Runaways' "Cherry Bomb"!) and an amazingly realised space opera world with some of the best CGI I've ever seen. If you haven't seen it, do so now. It'll be on at cinemas for a good while. 

Oh, and remember, this is a Marvel film. Stay to the end.

Doctor Who: The Time of the Doctor

"Why are you naked?"

"Because I'm going to church!"

Yes, I know. I'm very, very late. But I spent Christmas away in an ITV household and only saw The Time of the Doctor late at night and on iPlayer, and when we finally got home after the New Year we discovered that Youview hasn't recorded it. Grr. We're switching to Sky.

But now I've finally seen it again, thanks to Netflix, and been able to take notes so I can blog it at long last, and there is soooooo much to talk about, old news or no. I'm aware that there is a very vocal group of online Moffat-haters, but I'm not one if them, I'm afraid. There will be gushing. If you don't want to read a gloriously positive meditation on the perfect conclusion to the Matt Smith era, look away now.

One thing I've often wondered about Steven Moffat, what with his near-Douglas Adams approach to deadlines, is to what extent his intricate plot lines are charted in advance and to what extent they're made on the hoof (an equally valid approach). Personally, I suspect the answer lies at neither extreme, but it matters not: however he's done it, the Moff has triumphantly tied up all the ongoing plot lines of his era so far as far as I can determine. So let's get all the arc stuff out of the way first so we can move on to talk about the episode, shall we?

The cracks in Amy's wall? The Time Lords trying to get through to our reality via the original crack, so to speak, at Trenzalore. The question that must never be asked, "Doctor who?" Required by the Time Lords so they can come through. Who is behind those religious, military types who have been a theme of the Matt Smith era? The Papal Mainframe, headed by the Doctor's friend and fellow exchanger of flirts, Tasha Yem (whose name reminds me of Tasha Yar from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

There's more. The Time Lords cannot come through, whether they're nice now or not: their reputation precedes them, and a new Time War would erupt. Tasha Yem's lot go through an "unscheduled faith change" (delightful dig at religious hierarchies there!) to ensure that Trenzalore is protected, the question is never asked and that "silence will fall": the Silence, it transpires, are actually goodies, and we see them fighting alongside the Doctor.

There's even more. The Doctor is, in fact, on his thirteenth incarnation ("Are we forgetting Captain Grumpy?"): this is it, although we should perhaps not think too much about what looked like an aborted regeneration in The Impossible Astronaut. The Kovarian chapter broke away from the Papal Mainframe to blow up the TARDIS and send River to kill the Doctor ("Totally married her!"). And I do believe that's all the loose ends.

Anyway... we all love Handles, who is cool, cute and useful to the plot, but he is also a useful metaphor for that old Christopher Bidmead theme of entropy, essentially that things fall apart, and as with Logopolis this functions nicely as a metaphor for the Doctor's regeneration. But- and this is important- the fact that everything is going to fall apart and degenerate until the eventual heat death of the universe ("Can't get the parts") is no reason to despair. The Doctor knows that the siege of Christmas will eventually break through and destroy everything, but that's not the point; generations of people will live and love laugh there in the meantime, and these people matter. They matter so much that the Doctor, with his notorious wanderlust, is content to spend his last few centuries of life staying in the one place, defending the citizens of Christmas for as long as he can. This kind of cheerful defiance of entropy is the most Doctor Who thing ever.

The funny scenes of Christmas dinner with Clara's family are important, as they anchor these weighty themes to everyday reality. There's a definite parallel, in the Doctor sending Clara home to protect her, in what he did to Rise in The Parting of the Ways. We remember this as another regeneration story, so the stakes are raised. Still, it says a lot about Clara that she is a lot more resourceful and clever in getting back than Rose was.

Christmas is under attack, so we get nice set pieces with Daleks, Sontarans, cool wooden Cybermen and Weeping Angels, although the latter are a little under-utilised. There's a scene which nicely exploits the fact that Matt Smith has a shaven head during filming. There is the delightful concept of a town where lying isn't possible. But better than any if this is seeing the Doctor embedding himself into a real community, slowly growing old (this is an acting your de force from Matt Smith), yet holding out against all comers... except old age. By the end of the episode he's at least 1,400, and dying. The clock is striking twelve.

But there's Clara, as ever, to save him, in this case by having a chat to the Time Lords on the other side of the crack. Yes, entropy, everything dies, blah blah blah, but why not kick the can down the road for a bit more and give the Doctor a brand new regeneration cycle? We may all be doomed in the end, but the Doctor will now live to save a load more people along the way.

The regeneration itself has its cake and eats it in being both enormous (the explosion) and low key (Clara and the Doctor in the TARDIS). The short cameo from Karen Gillan, "the first face this face saw", is far more effective than Tennant's over-indulgent "reward" in The End of Time. And the underplayed regeneration is brilliant; it would have been so easy, as with last time, to be self-indulgent. Instead we have an exciting and unknown future lying ahead.

Doctor Who: The Angels Take Manhattan

"He went to get coffee, and turned up in a book. How does that work?"

"I don't know. We're in New York."

Damn you, Moffat. You sadistic evil genius, you. You distract us with scares, timey-wimey cleverness and a story title that makes us think of Muppets, and then you go and make us have all these damn feelings, damn you. Even those of us who like to think we have hearts of stone. The Angels Take Manhattan is twisted, evil, and possibly the best thing in Doctor Who since, well, the last story you wrote with the Weeping Angels. Once again: DAMN YOU!!!

Let's leave Amy and Rory until we've talked about the other stuff, because I won't be able to talk about the other stuff otherwise. Bloody feelings…

This is a much, much better use of New York than the last time. We get iconic locations, including the Statue of Liberty being used as a Weeping Angel (!). Everything looks great. There's a definite Raymond Chandler / Dashiell Hammett influence, what with the private eye in the opening teaser and, ahem, "Melody Malone", whose identity, I'm sure, was never intended to surprise anyone.

Speaking of River, she and the Doctor are, of course, married, meaning that the heroes of the episode are two married couples. And it's fun to see River and the Doctor acting just like a married couple. There are the witty lines alluding to this, of course ("Sorry I'm late, honey. Traffic was Hell"), but there are also fault lines in this very strange marriage. River loves the Doctor, which is why she slaps him for using his regenerative energy to heal her broken wrist. But she's terrified of his seeing her aging and becoming aware of her mortality. The Doctor hates endings, and is therefore unlikely to be keen on commitment, hardly a deep observation given his lifestyle.

Oh, and River alludes to the long-running season thread, namely that the Doctor has been deleting all records of himself. It means that the man she's supposed to have murdered no longer exists, so she's been freed and made a professor. There's one ripple from the Doctor's "absence": what about the others, I wonder?

The Angels are horribly scary, too. The baby Angels, with their terrible giggling, are well scary, especially when Rory is trapped alone with them in a darkened cellar with a match. And all throughout the story the set pieces, and the excellent direction, keep making you jump. Scares along with heartbreak- damn you once again, Moffat!

The typically Moffat-esque timey-wimeyness is gobsmackingly clever here, probably the cleverest we've seen since Blink. The concept of the Doctor and Amy possessing a book, from their personal future, recounting the adventure they're having now, is devilishly clever. And the fact that they can't read ahead without fixing their futures is even more so. It's hard to talk about the way this is used without getting all emotional about Amy and Rory, but the bit where the Doctor accidentally sees the last two chapter titles ("Death at Winter's Quay" and "Amy's Last Farewell") is a hugely clever moment, as well as being pure evil.

But let's get back to the elephant in the room, shall we? There are all sorts of ominous signs. It's constantly reiterated that the Doctor doesn't like endings, hence the fact that Amy and Rory are still around even after being officially dumped in The God Complex. This is where he has to face up to what he doesn't like.

Of course, Moffat being evil, he tortures us with three endings, all of them heart-breaking. First, we're told that Rory is fated to be sent back in time, to spend the rest of his miserable life in a little room, without Amy. Worse, the only way out for him is to destroy the Angel by creating a paradox, and he can only do this by jumping off a building to his death. This sequence just breaks your heart, and then Amy goes and jumps too because she can't bear to be without him. DAMN YOU, MOFFAT.

Except there's one more, equally evil, timey-wimey twist. All of that has been un-happened, everyone's ok, and they will all live happily ever after. Except they won't, because the one remaining Angel sends them back in time, one by one, with lots of tears. The Doctor has to face it: this is an ending. It's also unbelievably good telly. But still evil.

We end with a final message from an unreachable Amy to the Doctor: don't be alone. As Donna once said, he still needs someone to stop him. As for who that someone is, and how we resolve the puzzle that was set by Asylum of the Daleks… we have to wait until Christmas. Damn you, Moffat.

Doctor Who: The Power of Three

"There are soldiers all over the house. And I'm in my pants."

It's close. Very close. This is the penultimate outing for the Ponds, an episode which takes the time to fully examine both characters, and how the Doctor has affected their lives, until they leave the show next week. I have no idea what's going to happen, being joyfully unspoiled, but I couldn't help but notice the ominous hints: the Doctor admits to Brian that some of his companions have dies, and it's eventually Brian who changes the Ponds' minds and gets them to choose travelling over real life, adding, ominously "Just bring them back safe." Oh dear. That lovely night-time conversation between the Doctor and Amy gives off similar ominous vibes. They're doomed, right?

We get a proper examination of their dual lives, pulling at the Ponds in two directions. That, rather than the gimmickry of the plot, is what the episode is about. The central device, of a very slow invasion, is hardly original, and nor is the concept of loads of mysterious McGuffins suddenly appearing, but then it isn't supposed to be. Indeed, the script even goes so far as to point this out, as Brian rattles off a list of all the usual tropes. It doesn't matter. Let the plot just go ahead and be Quatermass- this is about the Ponds. Although, admittedly, the tension-filled moment where the Doctor opens the box, only to find nothing, is rather too obviously straight out of Kinda. And it's a bloody huge coincidence that, of only seven wormholes on the whole planet, one of them should just so happen to be in the hospital where Rory works.

It's nice to see UNIT, too, of course, and it's especially nice that they've been reformed to be much cuddlier, losing the Orwellian overtones of recent years and becoming infused with scientific values of which the Doctor approves. Kate Stewart, Head of Scientific Research, is a great character, very Doctorish, and making her the Brig's daughter is not only good shorthand but also a sign that we, the viewers, are allowed to be invested in her as a character. She'll probably be back; they cast a Redgrave, after all. Also, the Tower of London being their not-very-secret base is well cool.

It's a good Doctor episode, too. Matt Smith gets, and delivers, such magnificent speeches, and the sequence of him doing household chores (and keepy-uppy) is fab. I'm also enjoying these fun little mini-adventures, this time involving Zygons, Henry VIII, and God knows what else.

The villains are a bit blah, very casually sketched, although admitted the Doctor gets a great speech out of the situation. And the Doctor saves the day with little more than the most casual application of handwavium. But that's sort of appropriate. It's not really about the plot.

I'm nervous about next week. Very nervous…

Doctor Who: A Town Called Mercy

"Everyone who isn't an American, drop your gun!"

Well, that was… adequate, I suppose. Nothing seriously wrong with it but it didn't really sing. Mostly it was the formulaic plot and the tiresomely excessive focus on the ethics of Kahler-Jex at the expense of the fun, but there was a certain lack of sparkle.

On the other hand, a Doctor Who western is a cool idea, even if it was done better forty-six years ago. The location filming in Spain ensured that the whole thing looked great, and there were a pleasing number of tropes to go around, from the lynch mob at the town jail to the gunfight at noon. I especially liked the undertaker, who reminded me of Back to the Future III. Then again, this is a timey-wimey Western. It couldn't not remind me of Back to the Future III.

Interestingly, Amy and Rory disagree on whether the Doctor is right to crudely expel Jex  from the town and send him to his death. Also interesting is that Amy notices a harder edge to the Doctor when he travels alone for too long. He may have regenerated since this was last an issue, but the Doctor still needs someone to stop him. And, right now, this is a problem, because he's gradually drifting away from Amy and Rory…

Ultimately the episode suffers because of the excessive hand-wringing over Jex. Yes, I know, we're meant to see a parallel between the two alien doctors, and the Doctor's crimes are arguably worse than Jex's. But vague parallels don't get us very far.

The cyborg is cool, I suppose, as is the ending, although the narration device seems a little forced and pointless, and there are enough set pieces to stop the episode from being overly bogged down. Still, meh. Hopefully there'll be more to talk about next week.

Doctor Who: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

"Egyptian queen or not, I shall put you across my knee and spank you."

I'll admit I wasn't concentrating 100% on first viewing, but I was, er, distracted. Yes, distracted. Deliriously, wonderfully so. I'll say no more!!! Suffice to say that I've watched it again and was blown away. I haven't been as harsh on Chris Chibnall's scripts in the past as others have been, but his episodes have never been my favourites. Until now.

There's a tendency, under the present reign of the Moff, for Doctor Who to concoct episodes out off the maddest possible combinations of characters and high concepts just because it's cool. It's a high risk strategy, placing huge demands on the nuts and bolts of the script to hold it all together, but when it works, it's just brilliant. And that's what this is. The script just sings.

Yes, we have the eponymous dinosaurs on a spaceship, and the CGI is mostly convincing. But we also have Queen Nefertiti(!), an Edwardian big game hunter played by Lestrade from Sherlock, Rory's dad, played by Mark Williams of The Fast Show, and two delightfully camp robots voiced by David Mitchell and Robert Webb. Oh, and a massive beach with big skies that's actually the engine room for a spaceship. All this has got to be crammed into forty-two minutes, which is seemingly impossible. Thing is, though, it works brilliantly, and that's because of a brilliantly structured plot. Case in point: surely the opening sequence must be more crammed with stuff than any previous episode? That's some tight plotting, yet the whole thing is done with such lightness of touch, and the dialogue sparkles.

The dinosaurs are great, and cool set-pieces abound, from the Doctor, Rory and Brian riding a triceratops to Amy and Riddell shooting at raptors. The villain- essentially a pirate / banker type moral blank space- is suitably nasty, murdering a whole ship full of Silurians for a profit. Interestingly, the Doctor leaves him to die at the end, which is rather reminiscent of his treatment of Cassandra, two incarnations ago, in The End of the World. Also interesting is that, for the second episode in a row, we're reminded that the villain has no idea who the Doctor is. All traces of his existence have been erased. This is definitely leading to something…

Also interesting is the developing arc between the Doctor and the Ponds, whom he now sees only every few months. In fact, before he goes to pick them up he revealingly says that he "(hasn't) seen them for ages". Also interesting is that Amy is pointedly made to look very Doctorish when she discovers the Silurian backstory by pushing some buttons, in front of Nefertiti and Riddell, especially when she insists that "I will not have flirting companions!" Steven Moffat has been quoted as saying that companions are there as the audience's representatives, through whose eyes we see the Doctor's adventures. When he starts allowing his companions to be so clearly portrayed as Doctorish, this is definitely a harbinger of the Ponds leaving. Amy even voices to the Doctor her fear that the Doctor is visiting them less and less often, and that one day she will once again be left waiting for a raggedy Doctor who never comes.

Doctor Who: Asylum of the Daleks

"You're going to fire me at the planet? That's the plan? I get fired at a planet and expected to fix it?"

"To be fair, that is slightly your MO…"

"Don't be fair to the the Daleks when they're firing me at a planet!"

Oooh boy. That Steven Moffat is a very clever and naughty man, casting Jenna-Louise Coleman in this, as a character who can't possibly be a companion because she's not from contemporary Earth and, oh yes, she's actually a Dalek. And yet her last word is "Remember". What's going on? How can I possibly wait to find out? Grr. Typical Moffat to smuggle this into precisely the episode no one would expect it. We've come to expect misdirection from Moffat, but this time he's outsmarted us all.

Oswin (a boy's name, surely????) is the emotional heart of this episode. (Actually, this episode rather appropriately has two emotional hearts, the other being Amy and Rory, but we'll come to that.) We spend the whole episode seeing how cool, nice, quirky, pretty and downright amazing she is, only to find out that her life is an elaborate fantasy (an old Moffat trope; I remember Silence in the Library…) and she's been turned into a Dalek. And then, of course, she sacrifices herself to save the Doctor and his friends, proving that she's human after all.

It's unique seeing the Doctor's relationship with Amy and Rory these days. He travels alone these days but, as Steven Moffat has often said in interviews, it's not as though they'll never see the Doctor again, and the stories as transmitted are those particular moments where they do- implying, of course, loads of untransmitted adventures for the Doctor. He could age years between episodes. And so we have a paradox: we only see the Doctor from the Ponds' point of view, but we also see the Ponds from the Doctor's point of view. Years have passed since we last saw them. Amy is a successful model. And, upsettingly, they're divorced. And, of course, Amy explicitly insists that this is the sort of problem that the Doctor can fix. And yet, annoyingly and wonderfully, he can. (It seems the split up was about children- I predict that the episodes to come might see the patter of tiny Ponds…?)

Misdirection aside, of course, there was genuinely stuff here to please those of us who like a bit of fanwank. We had some real Sixties Daleks, one courtesy of RTD, and crowd-pleasing mentions of "Spiridon, Kembel, Aridius, Vulcan, Exxilon". But there was cool new stuff- the epic CGI awesomeness that was the Parliament of Daleks, the Dalekised humans (foreshadowing!) and the Dalek zombies. Especially the Dalek zombies.

The conclusion of the episode, though, courtesy of Oswin's cleverness, has the Daleks forgetting the Doctor, continuing the recent theme whereby traces of the Doctor's existence are currently erased. This is definitely leaving somewhere. Just like the end of The Wedding of River Song, we end with a constantly repeated "Doctor Who?"

Doctor Who: The Wedding of River Song

“You and me- we should get a drink sometime.”

“OK.”

“And married.”

“Fine.”

Oh blimey, here it comes at last. It ratchets up the tension to get such an arc-heavy “Previously on Doctor Who” sequence; it’s always interesting to see which particular clips they choose to go with. Why so much emphasis on the Teselecta, hmm?

The opening is weird, and great. Steam trains choo choo their way into the Gherkin, Roman charioteers wait at traffic lights, a picnic is ruined by pterodactyls and Charles Dickens is giving an interview to BBC Breakfast News. There’s so much stuff crammed in here that will take more viewings to get.

This world is presided over by “Holy Roman Emperor” Winston Churchill, whose war mammoth, thankfully for the budget, is kept off-screen. It’s a bit weird to see the return of that Silurian eugenicist, though; can’t we have some Victorian Sapphic sleuthing, instead?

The Doctor’s entrance into the narrative is both dramatic and bearded, as expected, and it turns out that time has gone all wrong, the universe is in a spot of bother, and this is all a framing narrative anyway. This is all out of left field, and really rather fun.

So, off we go into the main narrative it self. There’s almost as much spectacle here as the Doctor searches for information on why the Silence want him dead. There’s a nice cameo from Mark Gatiss as Gantok, a bizarre Viking dwarf, and some terrific stuff with some scary-looking skulls that eat rats. Brr. But basically, Dorium’s back, decapitated but still alive. Yay!

Dorium’s a great, witty, charismatic character and thus perfect for giving out loads of exposition. That he certainly does here, and there’s one line worth quoting as I’m sure it’s going to mean an awful lot next year- and perhaps up to the 50^th anniversary, given what we learn at the end of this episode: On the fields of Trenzalore, at the fall of the eleventh, when no living creature could speak falsely or fail to answer, a question will be asked. A question that must never be answered.”

What’s this about, then? Is “the fall of the eleventh” a reference to the next regeneration or just a red herring? Just how far ahead is Moffat planning?

Anyway, the whole point of “Silence will fall” is that the Doctor must be killed before he can answer the question, or Bad Things Will Happen. The Doctor is in denial at first but, in a nice little touch, he changes his mind as he learns that Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart has dies. This is a nice little tribute to Nicholas Courtney. That and, as my mate Nick remarked in the pub last night, the fact that they’re all wearing eyepatches. I didn’t see an on-screen caption, though?

It’s interesting to see the events at Lake Silencio again, this time from the Doctor’s perspective, and we’re made privy to the conversation between River and himself. There are two very odd things here, though. Firstly, River is being controlled by the spacesuit and isn’t responsible for what happens. She’s the weapon, not the murderer, so why the Hell does this innocent woman happily end up in prison, “serving time for a murder you probably can’t remember”? And that goes double after what we learn at the end. Secondly, why does River need to be in the spacesuit at all if she doesn’t do anything?

Except, River doesn’t shoot. The Doctor lives, time goes tits up, and we’re back where we started. The framing narrative is now the main narrative, time is dying, the Doctor and Churchill have weapons on them for reasons they can’t remember, and there are tally marks on the Doctor’s arm. Oh dear.

I love the moment where we see loads of Silence on the ceiling- it certainly scared the pants off me. And as for special agent “Pond, Amelia Pond”- what an entrance! Is it me or does Karen Gillan look particularly ravishing in an eyepatch? I love the way the character gets treated here- she’s so cool and so heroic, with an office on a train and everything. And her relationship with alt-Rory is cool, too.

Things now proceed to get cooler as the steam train choo choos into the Great Pyramid, which has “Area 52” written on the side. This is Amy’s headquarters, which she runs alongside River. They’re all wearing eyepatches because this allows them to remember seeing the Silence for as long as they wear them. This is rather important, as they are holding prisoner a number of Silents, plus Madame Kovarian.

I love the Doctor’s attempts at matchmaking between alt-Amy and alt-Rory. “Texting and scones”… I’ve certainly never heard it called that before.

The main romance of this episode is, of course, between River and the Doctor. Everything that happens is about love: River is prepared to allow the universe to die because of her love for the Doctor. As for the Doctor, he’s not pleased about this, but he does drop a subtle hint about his feelings for River. Reader, he marries her. As River says, at least he gets to die knowing that he’s loved. They kiss, and the Earth moves.

We cut to Amy, in her garden, sharing a glass of wine with her daughter. For River, the wreck of the Byzantium has just happened. This is, of course, in her personal future. But things are still raw for Amy. She deliberately allowed Kovarian to die (although this was, as River says, in another reality, so this reality’s Kovarian is presumably still out there) and feels guilty about it. River doesn’t think it’s that bad a crime but, given the circumstances, that’s not too surprising.

River drops a few important revelations. She was only pretending not to recognise that spacesuit in Florida; the Doctor didn’t actually whisper his name to River but something else, and… the Doctor isn’t dead! It was a Teselecta after all, with the real Doctor inside. Predictable enough, I suppose, but it’s been so enjoyable getting up to this moment that I don’t really mind.

The Doctor isn’t going back for Amy and Rory; he still believes what he believed at the end of The God Complex and he prefers to “step into the shadows”. It seems a bit unfair for River to be in prison, but it seems she’s spending all of her nights with her husband, er, texting and scones.

Dorium has the last word, though, revealing the “first question”, the one which must not be answered under any circumstances, for fear of dire consequences.

“Doctor who?”