Audition (1999)

“All words are lies. Pain doesn't lie."

This is a famously disturbing horror film that it’s taken me twenty years to see (1999 being twenty years ago is wrong on all sorts of levels) and it’s well worth it. A sweet if gently misogynistic drama for most of its length, the film suddenly piles on the torture towards the end as all the unthinking misogyny of the earlier scenes gets its extremely painful comeuppance. This is an interesting film to see in the wake of #MeToo.

The plot is simple; lonely widower Aoyama wants a new wife, the subtext being that he wants her to do all the traditional feminine jobs of looking after him and leaving him just to work, while needing to be accomplished herself. At a friend’s suggestion he takes part in a series of auditions for a part in a film which never happens, at which the women are asked a series of bizarre and impertinent questions by their male interlocutors.

Aside from the auditions themselves, though, the misogyny is constant but subtle as Aoyama settles on Asami, a mysterious woman whose true past and true proclivities and abused past are hidden behind an exterior that seems to be quite passive and traditionally feminine. And then she disappears, things are not quite right, the direction turns very unnerving and adopts the grammar of the horror film, and the torture begins. A haunting and highly effective film with a serious point, and the harsh revenge of the abused and objectified woman. Superb, and Eihi Shiina is magnificently disturbing.

Trainspotting (1996)

"I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978."

This is one of my favourite films of all times, and it’s quite inexcusable that I’ve waited until I’m 550-odd films in to blog it. It’s superb; creTively directed, delightfully non-linear in its narration in a very post-Pulp Fiction way, perfectly cast, hilarious, devastating, and based on Irvine Welsh’s truly awesome novel.

Watching it again for the umpteenth fine, although for the first time in at least fifteen years, is how the charming, intelligent, outwardly sympathetic Mark Renton is actually a complete bastard. Yes, he’s complicit in the neglect and death of baby Dawn after he introduces the baby’s mother to heroin, but at least he’s not a parent. Yes, it’s unfair that Spud goes to prison and not his middle class self. Yes, he makes a lot of money in a big heroin deal, although as he doesn’t betray Spud I don’t think he needs feel any guilt about double crossing Sick Boy or Bregbie. No; they deserved all they got. But Tommy? He loses his girlfriend because Renton tricks him into letting him have a video having sex with Lizzie, causing Lizzie to leave him. Then the clean-living Tommy, devastated, asks Renton for heroin, which he gets. All this directly leads to AIDS and his horrible death, which is entirely Renton’s fault. But he’s negative.

Renton may have the privileges that come with being bareTir, but he’s as much of a bastard as anyone in the film. It’s just that he gets to cover it up with his middle class ways. And I bet none of his mates would have had the option of moving to London and making loads of money in the property business.

Sick Boy, despite of his amusing obsession with Sean Connery and his despair at Dawn’s death, is a grasping, cynical, amoral bastard. Begbie is a a monster of the type that far too many blokes have in their social circles. But Renton is as bad as any of them, and I think that’s what Welsh and Danny Boyle I tend us to conclude.

Still one of the greatest film ever made. I love the wit, I love the style, I love the worst toilet in Scotland, I love the nostalgic glimpse of a branch of John Menzies. And the soundtrack is awesome.

Angel: Destiny

"Try staking your mother when she's coming on to you!"

"Wow, that explains a lot...!

Well, this is certainly an arc episode; before we even get the titles Spike received a parcel that goes flash and suddenly returns him to corporeality. Enter eating, drinking, shagging Harmony and, as foreshadowed a couple of episodes ago, a sudden ambiguity over exactly who the Shanshu prophecy nw applies to.

This causes a certain amount of problems with reality in order to create some kind of external threat, and this is solved suddenly at the end by some deus ex machina from the Senior Partners. But that’s ok; none of that is the real focus. It’s the effect on both Angel and Spike on realising that the Shanshu prophecy could now apply to either of them, and the fact that Spike defeats Angel at the end on Sirk’s  Little wild goose chase; he wants it more. And, along with all the flashbacks from 1880 with the two of them, Dru, and the awkward absence of Darla, this is a kind of culmination of a very long running struggle between the two of them, and something which I suspect may go on to define the season.

Other characters are there too, of course, although Wes is on leave. Gunn is increasingly confident and motivated, and Angel instinctively puts him in charge when he nips off to Death Valley. Lorne as a character is now starting to seem worryingly underserved this season. And the White Room is gone, along with the link to the Senior Partners.

The ending is fantastic, though- after spending much of the episode trying to convince everyone that “I’m not the bad guy”, she returns home to reveal that she’s personally behind the wild goose chase and she has a partner. Lindsey...

Angel: Lineage

"Sex with robots is more common than people think."

So it’s a proper Wesley episode, we get to meet Wesley’s overbearing dad, sort of, and he’s played by the actual dad of Betty from Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em. Life can be delightfully random sometimes.

It’s clear, seeing how flustered and klutzy Wes gets with his dad around that his upbringing has a lot to do with how awkward he was when we first met him but, as the pre-titles clearly shows, he’s slowly but surely become increasingly badass. Until his Dad turns up. And turns out to be an evil robot, so the fact that Wes ends up killing him is a cheat, sort of. But that’s fine, I think; we’ve only just met Roger Wyndham-Price. It’s not as though a regular character has died and been brought back. And the episode does it’s job of fleshing our Wesley more, and successfully, while further developing the love triangle between him, Fred and Knox.

There’s also suspicious behaviour from Eve; Spike has her number, and she blatantly tries to turn Angel against Wes to the point of bringing up a certain baby stealing incident, but this backfired with Angel coming to appreciate how Wes will do the right thing no matter what the cost, a quality he admires.

A nice, slow character episode then, if a rather deep one. I suspect fireworks next...

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

“I pity your wife if you think six minutes is a long time."

I like Queen. Unlike Mrs Llamastrangler I wouldn't say they're my favourite band or anything- I like this kind of polished, musicianlike rock and Freddie Mercury's voice is amazing, but punk needed to happen and I prefer the less technical likes of Chris Cornell (RIP) and Mark Lanegan to the late Mr Bulsara. Still, they were of course awesome, and a biopic is clearly overdue.

It’s a very straight biopic, with Gwilym Lee in particular doing a superb Brian May impression, but the plaudits have to  belong to Rami Malek, who simply becomes Freddie Mercury in an extraordinary performance. But the film takes us from the beginnings of the band to Live Aid gradually, missing out what has to be missed out for time reasons but showing us an awful lot. The focus is on Freddie, of course, from the racism he experienced in his youth to his relationship with his Parsee Zoroastrian family to the decadence to a dramatically impactful AIDS diagnosis just before Live Aid, using artistic licence to ignore the fact he wasn’t actually diagnosed until 1987, but rightly so. Other highlights include Mike Myers as the man who lost Queen, and the ambiguous relationship between Freddie and Mary which is played for pathos here.

The film has been criticised, not without justice, for portraying Freddie’s gay lifestyle as a decadent distraction, and it’s certaibly odd to see the excess and partying as something quite divorced from rock ‘n’ roll. But perhaps we should be careful to necessarily equate promiscuity and the leather subculture of the time with being gay. It’s still a hard criticism to answer, though.

This film isn’t particularly deep or meaningful; it’s a straightforward rock biopic, with the facts reshaped for medidramatic effect and for an emotional finish, but it’s very well done and the sort of rock biopic that needs to exist. I rather enjoyed it.

Transformers: The Movie (1986)

"Bah weep graahah weep ni ni bong."

I was born in 1977. Thus I care nothing for anything other than what is now called "Generation One". I'm firm in my belief, having rewatched bits as an adult, that the TV cartoon was casually tossed away crap, far inferior to the comics which were the true carriers of the flame. And, being British, I'm lucky enough to have been blessed with Simon Furman from early on- we got Target: 2006. And yet this film (comics canon!) is a huge part of my childhood, watched and rewatched many times. This time I watch with a critical eye- and no little trepidation.

So is it actually any good if you strip away the nostalgia? Well, yes, much as its roots as a cynical advert for toys are far more visible to me at forty-one than they were at nine. It has a truly awesome soundtrack, for one thing, and opening titles that, at one point, seem suspiciously to be channelling Tom Baker era Doctor Who title sequence tunnel. It has Orson Bloody Welles, for another. Unicron is, of course, blatantly based on Galactus, and for someone supposed to be planet-sized his scale compared to various Transformers isn't very convincing. But yes, destroying a world at the start creates a certain epic scale.

This film was, of course, planned far earlier than 1986, so the deaths of so many early Autobots- Prowl, Ironhide and Brawn among them- seems very cynical. Kids, all your favourite toys are dead. Now get your parents to buy some new ones. And why does this Decepticon attack happen to suddenly kill loads of Autobots where countless previous attacks haven't?

Anyway, we get a big cinematic battle for Autobot City- which evokes the toy Metroplex without actually being it- and the umpteenth epic battle between Optimus Prime and Megatron which this time happens to result in a dead Oppy (awww!), who promptly hands over the Creation Matrix to wet drip Ultra Magnus, and a badly injured Megatron  Then, inside a bizarrely large Astrotrain, a load of injured Deceptcons are jettisoned- the ever-awesome Starscream (Chris Latta was a legend) gets rid of Megatron, of course, but also, I spotted, Bombshell, Skywarp, Thundercracker and Shrapnel, at least. So we have Unicron upgrading Megatron to the much tougher Galvatron and his voice from Frank Welker to the much more famous Leonard Nimoy; not sure how this works diagetically.

Anyway, we get a few set pieces and some picaresque adventure on various planets inhabited by sentient robots. (Is this because the Singularity eventually happens within every technological civilisation and life is ultimately replaced by AI? I'm overthinking this, aren't I?) This gives us a chance to highlight new character such as Springer (who clearly has the hots for poor Arcee), and especially Hot Rod and Kup, who are in the shops now, kids. It also gives us the ridiculous idea of the TV-talking Junkions, silly dancing, Eric Idle and Weird Al Yankovic, so it's not all bad, even if that stupid "me Grimlock" way of talking for the Dinobots is utterly cringeworthy.

The ending, with Hot Rod becoming the Autobot messiah, is obviously lifted straight from all them legends about young Arthur pulling the sword out of the stone, but his defeat of first Galvatron and then Unicron is deeply satisfying, even if it also inexplicably leads to a sudden Cybertronian utopia. Have all the Decepticons been ethnically cleansed off screen or something?

This film is at once very, very silly, extremely cynical and deeply awesome all at once. I loved every frame in spite of everything.

Iron Man 3 (2013)

“Gods, aliens, other dimensions- I’m just a man in a can.”

 I rather liked this film the first time I saw it. And this time around it still struck me as well-directed, very much so in fact, well acted and characterised with Downey and Paltrow as superb as ever. And perhaps this time around the identity of the “Mandarin” was less of a surprise. But the film seems to be lacking something.

Perhaps it’s the lack of a real supervillain. Perhaps it’s the deliberately small scale of the film (compared to Tony’s last outing, at least) with his anxiety attacks in the wake of the events of The Avengers- which is actually a good character point, Tony Stark bring the kind of rich, powerful, arrogant type who needs vulnerabilities to remain sympathetic, although Downey’s huge charisma does a huge job on its own. But ultimately the film feels entertaining but, well, insubstantial by MCU standards. And it never quite convinces how he gives up all the armour at the end.

There are some very good bits. The twist with the Mandarin is brilliant, and Ben Kingsley gives us a superb comic turn, and the Mandarin videos themselves are a superb visual riff on the iconography if the “War on Terror” which feels oddly retro six years later. Guy Pearce is ok as Killian, although his accent slips in places. Don Cheadle further cements himself as a mainstay. And there’s a lot of fun with armour, and various bits of it. But this film is unexpectedly inconsequential. Even the post-credits sequence is a bit of a damp squib.

Angel: The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

"Hermanos! The Devil has built a robot!"

This is, I suppose, as bog standard and disposable as episodes of Angel get. It certainly feels that way. And yet it’s still bloody good telly and masterful in its use of character. As I’ve become fond of saying, if this is a disposable episode then colour me impressed.

The tale of Number Five is heartwarming enough, entertaining, fun, and a good hook for an episode. I’m a little puzzled as to why Holland Manners would headhunt him personally and then have him spend fifty years in a menial job, but meh. And what are these menial internal nail jobs anyway? You see them everywhere in American films and telly but they must surely have been rendered extinct by email. Perhaps even in 2003 they would surely be well on the way out?

Anyway, all the stuff with the wrestlers and Aztec demon is fun, even for those of us who do t live on a country bordering Mexico and who don’t necessarily know much about the culture. It works as an A story. But I think the story is really about Angel and his motivation to keep being a hero. At the start we see him disengaged, a contrast to Gunn who loves getting up in the morning now he can use his lawyer superpowers to do good and make a difference. The problem is, of course, that he’s lost faith in the Shanshu prophecy, but the events of the episode cause him to perhaps rekindle that faith. All this Shanshu stuff is going to be important soon then. And it must apply to Angel, apparently, as Spike is a ghost...

This is perhaps my least favourite episode of the season so far. And it’s still bloody excellent.

The Happytime Murders (2018)

“I never knocked a guy out with his own balls before..."

Well then. I doubt, somehow, that that puppet sex scene will ever be topped. Team America has nothing on this. It's not all about puppet spunk going everywhere, though; this film is a work of bloody genius and you'd have to be proper po-faced not to enjoy it.

The concept is, of course, quite mad; in an LA where puppets exist as second class citizens, the cast of an '80 puppet television show are being murdered one by one. Meanwhile a puppet PI who is basically Philip Marlowe made of felt and voiced (literally) by the Swedish Chef, complete with first person narration, deals with the fallout from, er, falling out with his delightfully foul-mouthed former police partner Connie Edwards, the splendid Melissa McCartney.

It's even better than that, though; the script is hilarious, putting these Sesame Street style puppets in a world with lots of sex, swearing and, er, sugar. There's a rather decent whodunit going on but, even better than that, the firm is full of filthy dialogue. Delightfully filthy dialogue. And the not-particularly-famous cast plays it all perfectly.

If I were to pick holes, perhaps the ending is a little neat- yes, the baddie is defeated but it's not entirely clear how Phil comes to be exonerated. But I think it would be churlish to dwell on that too much; this film is hilarious, and didn't deserve to flop the way it did. Here's hoping for a deservedly long and glorious afterlife as a cult hit.

A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

"Touch his dick and he's dead!"

I first saw this magnificent farce back when I hired out the video, which shows you how long ago it was. It not only stars but is written by John Cleese, and the figure behind Fawlty Towers certainly knows how to do a good farce.

Cleese is bloody good as Archie, of course, the (ahem) archetype of repressed, sexually stultified exemplar of a certain type of public school educated Englishman. Jamie Lee Curtis is also bloody good as the cynically feminine and deeply greedy Wanda with her foreign languages fetish. But truly outstanding are Kevin Kline as the psychopathic Otto and Michael Palin as the stuttering Ken, an extraordinary performance. All four give splendid comedy performances.

There are some laugh out loud moments-  I loved Archie’s apology to Otto- but it’s largely an intricate and character based farce, perfectly constructed. I’m not a fan of the farce in general but John Cleese is a master of the art.

Archie’s speech to Wanda about the stultifying embarrassment of being English is both funny and true, up to a point. I tend to think the stiff upper lip stereotype applies only to the public school educated, separated from their parents and put into a strange and repressed existence that I know mainly from popular culture; the English are fundamentally open, emotional, beer swilling north Europeans quite culturally close to the Scandinavians, Germans and Dutch, but something about that sense of very English embarrassment has permeated throughout our culture. Perhaps the upcoming horrors of Brexit will change that. Perhaps they won’t.

Be that as it may, this is a true comedy classic, and possibly the last creation of John Cleese to have true greatness.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

“I’ll have no pointy earer outscoring me!”

This is probably my least favourite of the trilogy but only because it’s the middle one and therefore the least dramatic. It’s still awesome and features the extraordinary Battle of Helm’s Deep. Never mind that Mrs Llamastrangler asked halfway through if they’d walked far and had to be told that it featured scenes of brisk walking, jogging and even a bit of horse riding..

The main problem with LOTR after this point is, of course, that all the exciting adventures of Gandalf, Aragorn etc are contrasted with the crushing fullness of Frodo and Sam walking very slowly towards Mordor in hundreds of pages of never-ending prose where very little happens. Peter Jackson, quite sensibly, cuts all this down rather a lot while expanding on the good stuff. It all looks superb, of course, and makes you want to go to New Zealand, and it’s all brilliant for the same reasons as the first film. The same cast continues to be magnificent for the same reasons, with the honourable additions of our newly introduced Rohirrim characters- Bernard Hill as Theoden, Miranda Otto as Eowyn, Karl Urban as Elmer and of course Chucky himself, Brad Dourif as Wormtongue. Rohan looks magnificent, the return of Gandalf is perfectly shot and the rejuvenation of Theoden is a joy to behold. And the Ents look extraordinary.

As for the Battle of Helm’s Deep, I’m not usually good with extended battle scenes, with their visual nature and lack of dialogue, but this kept me gripped with its twists and its turns. It’s an awesome finale to an awesome film. Is it just me, though, that finds it a little odd and jarring that Frodo is treated as a “master” by Gollum and as a boss by Sam essentially because he’s the country squire, something which may have been unthinkingly normal to Tolkien’s generation but looks decidedly odd now. But the class politics of LOTR are perhaps for another day...

Angel: Life of the Party

"Charles, you just peed on my shoes..."

After Lorne’s relatively low profile, especially last episode, at last he gets forty-odd minutes as the main event, in an episode which continues the solid run while not necessarily competing to be a highlight of the season.

Lorne has found himself so colossally overworked that he has, in an apparently standard Wolfram & Hart procedure, had his sleep removed. The conceit here, of course, is that this is not an awfully wise move for an empath demon as reality can be affected. All this centres around the apparently fabled Wolfram and Hart Halloween party, an important event for schmoozing.

It’s a good episode for Lorne, and he gets a nice little speech to Angel that he’s not a fighter, and no good with matters scientific or mystical, but the entertainment side is something he can do. This adds a bit of depth to him as a character. There’s also lots of amusing comedy as his words affect reality, with Gunn pissing everywhere, Fred and Wes getting pissed without drinking, and Angel and Eve shagging like rabbits- although she dies begin a meeting earlier by talking about wanking...

We’re also introduced to the influential demon Archduke Sebassis, fully equipped with a little gimp demon, and he has “returning character” written all over him. We also see Fred and Knox seeming to get together on an impromptu date. Yet again, there’s no sign of this season justifying its apparent “story of the week” reputation.

Angel: Hell-Bound

"I liked your poems."

"You like Barry Manilow."

So an arc episode, then, and a pretty good one, although the thread about Spike being dragged down to Hell comes to an abrupt end here. It’s a particularly well-directed episode, in many ways shot like a horror film, which so far seems to be a stylistic quirk of the season.

It’s a terrifying concept here, I assume, for those who believe in Hell. There are no ghosts in Wolfram & Hart’s LA office because, for centuries, a sadistic murdering bastard has been sending them all to Hell so he can stay out. Brr. Plus we get loads of cool Ghostbusters type stuff and a good episode for a rather competent, and heroic, Fred.

Perhaps more subtly we see the possible beginnings of a rapprochement between Angel and Spike, who banter well together. Wes and Gunn are, by now, firmly mates again. Lorne, oddly, only gets a brief scene where he doesn’t interact with anybody. And there's a very interesting exchange between Angel and Spike where we establish they're both certain that the sheer weight of their past sins mean they can never hope to avoid Hell, yet they choose to do the right thing anyway. But then the thought that humans are so morally weak that we require the hope of a nice afterlife to behave morally was always a horribly bleak one anyway. We do the right thing because it's the right thing.

As an episode this one feels very different but, while not reaching the heights of the first few episodes, it nevertheless continues an impressive run of quality.

Angel: Unleashed

"That something you English eat with your beans on toast?"

Three episodes in and the season still hasn’t settled into the story-of-the-week formula. Yes, there’s a surface plot about Nina, a woman who is bitten by a werewolf and has to learn to cope with the consequences, but it seems very much as if there’s a satisfying prospect of loads of arc stuff ahead of us at this point.

Not that the werewolf plot should be dismissed: it’s great. The scenes of Nina turning into a wolf are shot like a horror film, and Nina as a character is well-realised, with a life to return to and a realistic reaction. She also seems to be getting on rather well with Angel, and there are hints that they may sort of fancy each other. Hmm. The concept of a society of monster munching gourmands is a good one though. And I’ve also not failed to notice that this is a story about a woman who turns into a metaphorical monster every 28 days; this is basically an episode about periods.

But there’s plenty of arc stuff- the episode is bookended with scenes of the gang eating Chinese together and being both friends and, of course, trying to plot against the evil organisation that they’re running. But the ending scene is far more relaxed than the opening scene, and the suspicion of what’s been done to Gunn is fading away.

Also fading away, though, and being dragged down to Hell, is Spike, and for rather silly reasons he’s confided only in Fred. Things seem to be coming to a head; is there any hope for Soike...?

Angel: Just Rewards

"Wisecracking ghost sidekick? No bloody thanks!"

So far this season is pretty much as good as telly gets, with the second episode managing to pretty much equal the first without Joss even writing or directing.

A lot of this, of course, is down to the premise: after a few clips of the end of the last episode of Buffy it's established that Spike is now, barring the technical details, a ghost, and the premise looks like it's going to be as per the quote above. And it's enormous fun to see Spike interacting with all these characters, including of course Angel, his rival of old and with whom he has a great sparring chemistry, and naturally Harmony, the comedy ex. All the fun is in the characterisation, as it should be. Oh, there's a threat- a necromancer- but that isn't the point; the point is Spike. He's irreverent, he loves to get under Angel's skin- and hit him when given a rare chance- but he's essentially a goody these days. He's just a bit, well, punk in how he does it. And therefore the first to call Angel a sellout, something he probably needs to hear on a regular basis. He may essentially be, with his lack of corporeality, essentially just a Greek chorus with an acquaintance with the fourth wall, but it's good to have him.

But there's depth, and we find unexpected pathos in the final scene as he admits to Fred that he feels himself slowly slipping down to Hell, and he's scared.

Elsewhere it's still fascinating to see the newly lawyered-up Gunn, and Angel's constant moral dilemmas are fascinating. I'm loving the set-up for this season but, more importantly, how much thought has been given to the characters.

Rasputin: The Mad Monk (1966)

"When I go to confession I don't offer God small sins, petty squabbles, jealousies... I offer him sins worth forgiving!"

This is the kind of film that you know is going to be enormous fun before you’ve even seen a frame; Christopher Lee as Rasputin is a prospect that is certain to get bums on seats. Some films are purely about seeing how a certain actor handles a certain part, and this is certainly one of them.

Lee does not disappoint; his Rasputin is raucous, charismatic, larger than life, magnetic. Just, apparently, like the man himself. Not that we should expect historical accuracy from Hammer, of course; they don’t stand for anything so po-faced and serious as that. But it’s fascinating to see a film from mid-period, peak Hammer which is in their usual horror style but not really a traditional horror; the only monster here is Lee himself, and the only supernatural elements are nicely ambiguous.

Barbara Shelley is equally gripping as the tragic Sonya, and there’s a classy performance from Renee Asherson as the czarina- quite rightly, Nicky is kept out of this.

The only disappointment, perhaps, is that the ending- Rasputin’s dramatic and much-mythologised death- is both a little rushed and not particularly well choreographed, but this doesn’t spoil what is a hundred minutes of seeing Christopher Lee doing his splendid stuff.  All this and a nice little role for the great Cyril Shaps. This may be no one’s favourite film, but if you don’t enjoy this then there’s no hope for you...

The Airzone Solution

“Have I been scintillating company?”

 Unexpectedly, Amazon Prime is now showing- complete with subtitles- this interesting little piece of wilderness years nostalgia for us Doctor Who fans. It isn't Doctor Who, of course- in 1993 that existed only in a rather good set of novels. But it's made by fans, and stars no fewer than four doctors plus Nicola Bryant- and a very young Alan Cumming in a henchman role. And, most importantly, it’s a bloody gripping environmental thriller to boot, belying it’s low budget.

It’s very 1993, of course. From the opening music to a couple of jarring instances of casual racism that wouldn’t happen nowadays (Ellie does an arse-clenching  Chinese accent after a takeaway, and there’s an equally arse-clenching exchange about “big chief”, “pow wow” and “heap”.), but most of all it’s fascinating  to see how the perceived problems of the environment have changed over the past 26 years- incredibly, global warming isn’t even mentioned; the threat is pollution and- nostalgia alert!- the ozone layer. Remember that?

Jon Pertwee, as he often did later in life, phones it in. But Peter Davison is superb as a crusading journalist, while Sylvester McCoy shines in a slightly under-prominent role as an environmental activist. But the indisputable star is the superb Colin Baker as weatherman Arnie, a nice guy forced against his nature to resist the nefarious Airzone Solution, a very ‘90s exemplar of private sector greed from an age when Thatcherism was still very much a thing. This is an obscure bit of fandom drama, but something obscure can nevertheless be bloody good.

Tangled (2010)

“

This is another one of Little Miss Llamastrangler's favourites. And yes, another modern bloody Disney Princess film where they’ve turned the title into a past participle form of a verb. They like doing that, and obviously they couldn’t just call it Rapunzel...

Anyway, this is an entertaining and fun retelling of the fairytale, and I can confirm that it is quite astoundingly addictive to little girls. The central character is well crafted- young, naive but resourceful- and its a nicely picaresque riff on the fairy tale as Rapunzel gets to explore the wild and wonderful outside world.

One nice touch is that Rapunzel end up not with a boring old prince but with Flynn Ryder, who is both a bit of a rogue and a bit common, and their relationship is rather fun instead of just being lovey-dovey. There are also a couple of rather good songs, and some rather interesting cameos. The whole thing is quite impressive.

Plus, I haven’t seen this quite so often as I’ve seen Frozen. I suppose I should be grateful. But I’m not expecting that Little Miss Llamastrangler will grow tired of this film any time soon...

Frozen (2013)

“The cold never bothered me anyway.”

Little Miss Llamastrangler turned four on Monday, and I didn’t get a chance to watch anything last night. So here’s a blog post about what is a) Little Miss Llamastrangler’s favourite film, although other Disney princesses have risen a lot lately in her estimation and b) a film I’ve seen a million sodding tunes and might as well vent about the fact while acknowledging that the film is bloody good for what it is and, indeed, a class A substance for little girls.

One gripe I have is the title- Frozen, not The Ice Queen, the name of the actual Hans Christian Andersen fairytale. This is rather similar to Disney’s version of Rapunzel being called Tangled; they seem to like their past participle form of verbs. I bet if they ever do a version of The Three Billy Goats Gruff they’ll call it Trolled.

But I must admit this is a solid tale, and positive in a lot of ways. They’re really trying to avoid the trope of pretty princesses being all passive in their dresses while princes, i.e. men, have all the agency. This is a love story between two sisters in which Elsa’s sisterly love, not the kiss of a prince, saves Anna from eternity as a frozen statue. Prince Hans, Anna’s initial love interest and indeed fiancé, turns out to be a blunder and a cad and she ends up with the thoroughly working class Kristoff. Best of all, we learn that “conceal, don’t feel” is not the way to go- a nice little metaphor for expressing your true sexual orientation, whatever it may be.

Also, Olaf is funny, and has the best song.

Frozen isn’t perfect- Anna and Elsa are still feminine stick insects who look thin and pretty- but it’s a positive variation on what went before, and I’ll grudgingly admit that it managed to entertain me. Well, the first fifty times at least.

Angel: Conviction

”I need you to to initial here concerning your mortal soul...”

This week my in-laws are visiting for Little Miss Llamastrangler’s birthday and everyone is gaming with headphones and that, so I’m likely to have little access to the telly for Gifted or Inhumans, which are still my priority as I have to get them off the Sky Plus planner. However, while I’m restricted to DVDs I can watch in my laptop, here’s the start of Angel Season Five a little sooner than planned.

Anyway, when I last saw this season a scary number of years ago I recall it bean well, ended well, had some very good episodes but suffered from the lack of a strong season arc and was far too “story of the week”, disapppointing for what is now the only remaining Buffyverse show. This first episode shows none of those problems, though: it’s written and directed by Joss himself.

The pre-titles is nice- a damsel in distress saved by Angel much as in previous seasons until a bunch of underlings come along with their red tape, making him seem somewhat less heroic and appear to be doing it all for publicity. This is a nice little microcosm of the theme of the season- the gang have loads of power but power corrupts. We even get a smug, evil, Greek chorus in the person of Eve who, in a nicely symbolic scene, hands Angel an apple which he bites. Oh, and Angel’s Secretary happens to be Harmony. This will be fun.

There are some nice character touches as the threat unfolds- a very dodgy figure is about to be sentenced for his terrible crimes but, if he goes down, he will unleash a virus that happens to be mystically stored inside the heart of his own Marvel comics-loving son. Nice.

There are nice touches- Wes and Gunn get a scene to establish they’re mates again; Fred gets to grow into her role as boss of all science, Lorne appears to be very comfortable indeed on Planet Celebrity. Most intriguingly, though, Gunn goes through a procedure to give him perfect knowledge of the law- and, er, Gilbert and Sullivan- and his last minute managing to get the baddie off is a thing of coolness. It is, of course, also a thing of moral compromise, and we are likely to be seeing rather a lot of that.

I loved Angel’s scene with the aptly named Spanky, too, and his showdown with the evil head of “special ops”. It’s a very, very strong season opener. And then bloody Spike appears...

Creepshow (1982)

“Where’s my Father’s Day cake...?”

EC horror comics, although I’m sad to say I’ve never read any, are best known, unfortunately, for being the unlucky victim of that stupid quack, Fredric Wertham, whose genuine achievements in his earlier career were overshadowed by his ridiculous witch hunt against comic books. They are also known, of course, for two British portmanteau horror films by Amicus, one of which I’ve blogged. But this, more than anything else, makes me want to look at the source material. I love the linking comic book stuff by Bernie Wrightson.

He’s not the only “name” though; the legendary George A. Romero directs and Stephen King, no less, has here not only his screenwriting debut but a deliciously scenery-chewing acting role in one of the segments. Other interesting little points are an unusually menacing role from Leslie Nielsen and Adrienne Barbeau as the most annoying woman in the world. The whole thing is splendidly grand duignol and enormous fun, bookended by scenes of a tyrannical father stealing his son’s comic book and getting his comeuppance, setting both the tone and the style.

As ever with a portmanteau film some segments are better than others, although the tide one was a real highlight, but what works well here is the tone and sense of cheerfully grisly fun that pervades thecwjolw thing. This may not be the greatest horror film ever made but it’s thiroughly enjoyable to watch all the way through, and that’s a superb achievement . The spirit of EC lives on.

Sleeping Beauty (1959)

“Now, father, you’re living in the past. This is the fourteenth century!”

I’ve seen many, many Disney Princess films; I’m the father of a little girl who will be Four in a couple of days and it comes with the territory. Mrs Llamastrangler and I are now resigned to living in a house festooned with Disney princesses and the toys thereof. And yet, Cinderella aside, I haven’t blogged them. This is mainly because I haven’t so much sat down and watched them all the way through but had them on in the background for Little Miss Llamastrangler while I do various parenting and hoist things. However, there comes a point where you’ve seen them so many bloody tones that you can justify a blog post.

Sleeping Beauty is one of Little Miss Llamastrangler’s absolute favourites, right up there with The Little Mermaid and the distressingly ubiquitous Frozen. To my forty-one year old eyes it’s a much better structured and plotted film than Cinderella, not needing to pad out the airtime with cat and mouse hi-jinks, and features a splendid baddie in Maleficent and a splendid set of comic foils with the three Good fairies. There is still, of course, a heroine who talks to animals and some very 1950s show tunes about dreams and all that, but it tells the fairytale well and seems to be perfectly designed for its little target audience.

There are only so many bloody times a dad should have to see it, mind...!

Get Out (2017)

“With my genetic material, shit gonna go down.”

 This is an extraordinary film, still very recent and an instant horror classic. Like the best horror films it holds back its scares and relies on suspense rather than gore, and works superbly on that score. Better than that, it's actually about something.

I'm British, and aware that it is doubly true that some of the commentary about race relations here are specific to America, where the legacy of slavery is something that actually happened in America rather than being too hurriedly dismissed as something that happened in distant colonies, and also that a great deal of it is universal commentary on race relations that very much applies here too.

The film is seen from the perspective of Chris, a nice, likeable, ordinary black man who is nervous about meeting his white girlfriend's very white family and turns out to be very, very justified. And yet said family is not overtly racist- there are no white hoods here and I have absolutely no doubt that Dean Armitage would indeed have voted for Obama a third time if he could. These are people who would be genuinely upset to be thought of as racist and a little too anxious to prove their non-racism in not-very-subtle ways. And yet, as the film points out, these people have seldom met a black person who didn't work for them.

All this happens with a grainy picture an a directorial style which is at once superb and very much employing the unsettling visual grammar of the horror film. The intensity of the hypnotism scene is terrifying, as is the later framing of Georgina's face in a creepy and highly effective scene, a triumph of both actress and director. This is horror by unease rather than jump cuts.

Even the final reveal of what is going on works perfectly as metaphor; the family may want to lobotomise young black people so their grandparents can use their younger bodies, but the racism here is far from overt but more of a metaphor for cultural appropriation and all the subtle, unthinking exploitation that we white liberals almost certainly undertake all the time. An outstanding and thought provoking film.

Belle de Jour (1967)

"What you need is a firm hand..."

I've done lots of geeky films lately and, yes, I love geeky films, but it’s time now for  subtitled foreign film from a big name director, I think. And it’s about time I tried one of Luis Bunuel’s later films, you know, the ones that actually have sound and didn’t inspire any famous songs by the Pixies.

This film is, of course, superbly directed, with a magnificent central performance by Catherine Deneuve, and very much comes across like a literary novel but with camerawork instead of prose. The film is of course about Severine- 23, newly married but still a repressed virgin but who has deeply sexual and indeed kinky fantasies- I like how horsey men with riding crops have a symbolic use throughout. A well-off woman with a maid, no less, she nevertheless ends up working in a brothel out of sheer sexual desire.

Importantly, I think, it is recognised that most women in such a position are forced into sex work by economic necessity; the character of Charlotte is there to represent this. Nor is the dark side underemphasised- customers are violent and dodgy (although, as with Marcel, bad boys have their attractions) and, most disturbingly, a client shows a deeply perverted interest in thevmadam’s visiting school age niece. But for Severine, with no economic need to do this, it’s all about the rough sex and rough treatment she needs sexually and isn’t getting at home from a husband whom she loves but who does not understand her sexual needs. Importantly, though, the film emphasises that sex is not necessarily always about men dominating women but can be the other way around by showing us a client who likes to be dominated himself. But all this takes place in a world which remains misogynistic, with Husson as an important mouthpiece for this entitled misogyny.

It would be silly, I think, to deny that this film could be very much criticised on male gaze grounds, and there is inevitably a whole host of unexamined misogynist assumptions. This is not a feminist film, and while it treats its women as three dimensional characters it presents a very male point of view. But it is, nevertheless, an extraordinary piece of work.

The Gifted- Season 1, Episode 10: eXploited

"Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go...”

This episode always threatened to be a downbeat one, and unavoidably it is, but we also get a big pleasing twist at the end which seems to offer the chance to divert this first season from its unrelentingly downbeat tone. We begin, though, to a curious flashback- there's a senator, electioneering in ways which are deeply unpleasant in terms of chauvinistic nationalism before he even gets on to his anti_mutant racism. A character for next season?

In the here and now, though, Andy, Lauren, Dream and Blink are captured and collared, and things appear very bleak indeed. And there appears to be nothing but aimless argument at the Mutant Underground, something for Esme, the cuckoo in their nest, to exploit. There's a startling interrogation scene between Jace and Dreamer, though, in which he tells her what she did to him by making him mourn his daughter all over again- and in which he bitterly tells her that he wants not apologies, but vengeance; a nice touch, as this is followed up on.

Campbell, though, is back from hospital, cured, if scarred, and manages to persuade Jace to release all four mutants to him for his nefarious, cruel and extra-legal purposes. We see his cruelty as he forces the Strucker teens to perform their joint power under controlled conditions through torture, during the process of which he murders Sonya in cold blood.

We also see Esme turning the adult Struckers and their mutant allies in different directions, manipulating them and, perhaps not entirely credibly, persuading Reed and Caitlin to try and appeal to Jace's decency; as far as I'm concerned, personal tragedies be damned, he has none. He simply isn't an ambiguous character; he's a shit. Nevertheless, the two of them drive into his neighbourhood, full of flags on people's lawns (does no one in America find this kind of aggressive nationalism creepy?) to the home which Jace shares with Mrs Jace- and attempt to reason with them by gunpoint. Jace, of course, is unmoved, but Mrs Jace is naturally appalled at what her husband has been doing, and that simple question "What are you doing in our little girl's name?" seems to have an effect.

Indeed, when we next see Jace, he's seizing back his prisoners from Campbell and promising to investigate Sonya's suspicious death. But chaos ensues as Thunderbird and the mutants strike, and it becomes clear that Esme has an agenda of her own. Who is she...?

An uneven episode; this season was good at the beginning as it slowly built its world and characters but soon fell into a pattern, and now we may be seeing an escape from this bleak pattern. But there's still plenty of bleakness here and I'm not sure where the ending to this season is going.

The Gifted- Season 1, Episode 9: outfoXed

"Noooooo!"

After a revelatory episode last time we get a decisive one this time. There are only so many times the Mutant Underground can undertake missions without someone getting caught. And this time it’s Blink, Dreamer and the Strucker twins...

We begin with the family discussing the revelations, though. Caitlin is quite resolved to tell the twins about everything, including Andreas and Andrea- and the twins soon find from experimentation that things can get out of control when they hold hands. There’s an interesting dynamic between them, though; on the surface it’s Lauren who is more fearful of this awesome power while Andy is almost eager, but things are more nuanced than that, a nice touch. They get a nice scene in which they muse over whether or not they are doomed to be bad.

At Sentinel Services Campbell is badly burned and refusing medical help, while Jace continues to pursue extra-judicial means in his increasingly disturbing obsession. The mutants know of what Trask are up to from last week, of course, and so we get the routine mission. We also get the routine need to involve Lauren and Andy, and the routine agonised acquiescence from their parents. But it’s genuinely shocking to see that, this time, not only Blink and Dreamer but also Lauren and Andy are captured and at the mercy of Trask and the Hound programme, those horrible collars round their necks. It’s a shocking ending, and a necessary one to pull the series out of its repetitiveness. Things Wouk otherwise have threatened to get rather dull. As it is, the series is still just about interesting me in spite of its unleavened seriousness.

One thing is genuinely superb, though- Amy Acker’s astonishing performance of grief as Caitlin’s children are captured.

Ghost Rider (2007)

"Mooooo!"

I hadn't seen this film until last night hit my expectations we’re not high. The film doesn’t seem to be well-regraded, Nicolas Cage is certainly a very Marmite actor, and Mark Steven Johnson was personally responsible for the crime against cinema that was Daredevil. Having seen it, though, I can’t see much wrong with it and enjoyed it a lot. It’s not up there with the very best but is a perfectly good film.

I suppose the DVD cover didn’t help matters- the quote used praised the film for its special effects, which usually indicates a well-polished turd. Yet the effects are indeed superb here- Ghost Rider looks amazing and the transformation scenes are extraordinary- but the stench of faecal matter is very much absent. There’s a solid script, for a start, making Johnny a sympathetic and well-rounded character and achieving that surprisingly rare trick of making an origin story entertaining. It’s broadly faithful to the comic books, although there’s no mention of Zarathos.

One place they can’t, and shouldn’t be faithful, of course, is with the character of Mephisto, a strange Marvel sort-of-the-Devil-but-not-quite character. For cinematic purposes he has to be treated as a more traditional devil type, and Peter Fonda is magnificent. It’s also a good idea to use Blackheart as the main villain, plot-wise at least. But perhaps stealing the limelight is the splendid Sam Elliott as Carter Oage, the Ghost Rider of the old West who gets one last ride.

This is a satisfying way to spend 100 minutes, a hugely entertaining film. I genuinely don’t understand the hate. Yes, Nic Cage is, er, Nic Cage, And his acting style is certainly unorthodox. But surely he’s perfectly appropriate here...? Received wisdom can be weird.

The Sixth Sense (1999)

“I see dead people!”

I've spent twenty years trying, not very successfully,  to avoid spoilers for this notoriously twist-dependent film. If you've been more successful than I was, PLEASE BUGGER OFF NOW, because it's impossible to talk about this film without spoiling the twist.

Right?

Right.

So... he's dead, isn't he? It's hrd to gauge how unobvious it would have been to the unspoiled, but the anniversary restaurant scene is devilishly clever, and I’m sure the big reveal at the end comes as a shock to the unspoiled; Anna has been distant with Malcolm simply because he’s dead and she’s been mourning him. It is, of course, totally implausible that it would never occur to Malcolm during those eighteen months that he might be a ghost, but I think we can accept that as a sleight of hand.

Beyond that, though, the film is very well made, with some highly effective jump scares with the ghosts, who are largely held back. As ever, it’s suspense that makes a film scary, not gore, and this has it in spades when it so chooses, even if the lighting and picture look so very late ‘90s. It also works brilliantly as a drama, with an impressive performance (and accent) from Olivia Williams but a truly magnificent and career-defining turn from Bruce Willis.

This film is superbly made. Perhaps not one for repeat viewings, as it is dependent on one big twist, but I see why it made the impact that it did.

Incidentally, I thought Philadelphia looked somewhat run down when I visited back in 2001, but this film makes it look beautiful.

The Gifted- Season 1, Episode 8: threat of eXtinction

"I failed! It came back!"

This is, quite clearly, a pivotal episode in which we comics fans have our suspicions confirmed about the decision to use the family name “Strucker”. In fact, we start with a 1952 flashback featuring Andreas and Andrea von Strucker, indeed Fenris, in their full terrifying glory, or at least dialogue about it, which is much kinder on the budget. These mutants are not traditionally X-Men characters, of course, but I like that. And the sense of secrets being uncovered fills the episode.

The other subplot is that the Mutant Underground is dealing with many refugees, one of whom turns out to be a helplessly brainwashed “Hound” spy, although not one without pathos in the manner of her eventual death.

While this keeps the others occupied, John accompanies Reed on a visit to his estranged dad, Otto, who used to work for Trask. What they discover is a real bombshell. Otto is the son of Andreas, is himself a closeted but powerful mutant, and his work with Trask was to eliminate the x-gene and “cure” Reed, his mutant son- what Reed remembers as a serious childhood illness was in fact his powers being erased. Otto could never look his son in the eye after nearly killing him like that, but insists that “everything I did in life was for you!” And he then goes to prove it by sacrificing himself so Reed and John can escape as Sentinel Services come looking.

The bigger revelation, though, is that Lauren and Andy have the same powers as their feared great grandfather add great aunt- what does this mean for them...? This is gripping, fascinating, arc-defining stuff.

In other news, Polaris and Marcos make up and Clarice is subtly integrated into the team, but this extraordinary episode is all about the revelations.

The Gifted- Season 1, Episode 7: eXtreme measures

"All he ever believed in was Magnet Girl..."

A lot of different threads are unfolding- it must be mid-season- in an episode that luxuriates in the fact that we finally know the score ad things can unfold. So we see, in flashback, as Marcos is recruited by John and Lorna, with whom there is a spark from the start. We also see Lorna's disgusted reaction as John is forced to do an underworld ob for his dodgy ex, Carmen. He remains a prisoner of his past.

The same is true of Wes, to whom, following last episode, Lauren is taking a shine. It turns out he has a history of petty theft, but after a bit of a kerfuffle, and some father/daughter awkwardness, he is allowed to overcome them. He and Lauren are still parted for other reasons, though.

John heads off in pursuit of Clarice to find out that she, too, is a prisoner of her past, trying to trace what happened to the foster carers who used to look after her and other mutant children. When John helps her to discover the awful truth- all the people she loved were murdered by Sentinel Services- she finally has a reason to join the Mutant Underground.

Yet most tragically a prisoner of his past is Jace, mourning his daughter again, as he does a deal with the sinister Dr Campbell in agreeing to be more "aggressive" in the use of apparently brainwashed Mutant "assets" called "Hounds". When a lady comes from the Department of Justice to shut this down as being quite illegal and appalling for a free society she is assaulted by a shockingly racist rant from Jace, reminding us that, whatever his personal tragedies, he's a colossal twat. And then said lady suffers a highly convenient stroke...

Meanwhile, the Mutants finally finish reading all the stuff they nicked last week, where they read of Trask Industries (we who know our old comic books recognise that name!) and a family connection for Reed...

The Punisher: War Zone (2008)

"Who punishes you?"

The first Punisher film was, well, a load of late '80s tat with Dolph Lundgren, but fun for that very reason. The second one was, well, shite. This is, in spite of a decent but workmanlike script, elevated by the stylish direction and talented cast into something special.

The script is pretty good, f not great, and gives us Microchip- Wayne Knight is superb- and Jigsaw himself- Dominic West is transcendentally good. The film lives and breathes through its excellent direction; camera angles, framing, use of light are all a cut above what one might expect and Lexi Alexander shows an understanding of how to make an action film work narratively. And then there’s Norn Iron’s very own Ray Stevenson: unlike either Dolph Lundgren or Thomas Jane, he IS Frank Castle, playing the stubborn stoicism of the character while hinting just enough at the pathos beneath.

All this is applied to a pretty par-for-the-course action film plot, but one that allows the central character breathe and one that explores the natural consequences of his actions as he murders an undercover operative. The film emphasises with the Punisher but, importantly, respects his motives without pretending he’s a good guy. Ultimately, though, this is a well-made action film that respects the source material and is cast well. Unexpectedly good.

Inhumans: Behold... the Inhumans

“This is why nobody invites you to do their birthday toasts...”

I’m told the critics didn’t like this, but Mrs Llamastrangler certainly did. First impressions are positive enough, though, although this isn’t the greatest programme ever so far. Fan service is present and correct; the episode ends with Maximus’ coup, but before Lockjaw spirits then away to Hawaii we see Triton (is he dead?), Medusa, Black Bolt, Crystal, Gorgon and Karnak all present and correct. The characters and their powers are all as per the comics, and we’re introduced to Attilan (on the Moon, don’t you know) with an awful lot of spectacle.

There are no stars in the cast, but the relative unknowns are largely impressive, particularly Anson Mount as Black Bolt, necessity requiring physical acting. The whole thing looks rather good, with some splendid CGI; Lockjaw looks awesome, as does Medusa's hair, although the fact that Maximus cuts it off in the first episode means they clearly couldn't afford to maintain the CGI.

This episode is the story of Maximus' coup, instigated against his brother because he wants Inhumans to seize Earth rather than be crowded where they are. Yet Black Bolt rules over no paradise; those Inhumans who get no powers from the Terrigen mists and, unlike Maximus, are not royal, are made to labour in the mines. This is a caste-ridden society, and clearly no democracy.

Overall this is a decent introduction, so I'll give the series a chance. If nothing else, that little cartoon of Lockjaw by the logo is awesome...

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

"What happens if a psycho wanders in?"

Sigh. That was boring. It may have had a slightly more famous cast than usual, with Corey Feldman and the always bizarre sight of a hound Crispin Glover not playing George McFly, and have been helmed by Chuck Norris’ favourite director to boot, but this dragged more than any other film in the franchise.

Oh, it starts well, with Jason apparently dead until he comes to life for no apparent reason, and the first deaths are rather amusing. But then the rest of the film goes on to spend too much time following some rather dull teenagers with their romantic escapades punctuated with a series of random deaths which are gory, yes, but have no build-up, no tension. The film isn’t even trying to be scary, and comes across like a half-arsed romantic comedy for far too long. The gory killings, many of them visually impressive, are brief and followed by cuts to more teenage japery.

For the fourth film in the series- with a massive “previously on”- thus offers nothing different to the format except for not even trying to be scary. And I have no idea what they’re trying to do with little Tommy at the end- set him up as another killer? Disappointing, and not helping with my determination to finish them all.

Pet Semetary II (1992)

"You bury your own."

This film is supposed to be awful. It is, or so I e found, perfectly adequate as a serviceable sequel to a quite good film which deals well with the fact that no actors recur from the first film by simply depicting further shenanigans with that Native American cemetery. It’s a perfectly ok film, and an interesting early starring role for an immediately post-Terminator 2: Judgement Day Edward Furlong.

If that sounds like faint praise then it sort of is, but the film is genuinely adequate rather than bad. I liked the bait and switch film-within-a-film opening, and the plot works well at least until the point where people start being resurrected, where things go a bit mad and we end up with a full three resurrected people. Still, it’s an entertaining watch, with Gus the sheriff being an entertaining cartoon baddie in a solid performance by character actor Clancy Brown, a familiar face from so many character roles.

It’s solid, but not really scary. There’s a nice little electrocution scene at the start (“Oh yummy, beef jerky” said Mrs Llamastrangler. She’s a somewhat twisted individual, but that’s why I married her.) but not much else in the way of set pieces, and perhaps a lot of that is down to the solid, competent but unexceptional directorial style. It’s a film that neither sparkles nor stinks, the epitome of averageness.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

“There’s an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?”

At last I can stop dodging spoilers. I’ve seen it, at last. And it was bloody good. SPOILERS, mind.

Big, epic films are usually rubbish. Going epic tends to mean you can’t avoid being a bit po-faced and pretentious. This avoids that triumphantly by peppering the film with both humour and poignant character moments- so Thor gets to open up to, er, Rocket Raccoon about all the people he’s lost recently and, hilariously, Tony Stark and Doctor Strange spend the entire film in a willy waving contest while Bruce Banner spends the whole film dealing with what Mrs Llamastrangler described as “symbolic erectile dysfunction”. Peter Quill and Thor are also hilarious together.

The whole thing is structured, shot and acted superbly by the usual suspects, and it’s extraordinary how so many characters can be given meaty stuff to do in a little under two hours, although perhaps Captain America could have had some more screen time. I notice, of course, that Hawkeye and Ant-Man are described as inactive in dialogue. Of the few new faces, Joan Brolin is superb as a faithfully rendered Thanos while Peter Dinklage also turns in a good performance and, indeed, accent, as a dwarf who forged great weapons out of stars- I like how the film is very cosmic but how it all has a fantasy flavour, cut from the same cloth as Asgard. The film is superb, and the only reason some other Marvel films probably better is because they don’t have so many narrative jobs to do.

But the deaths, ah, the deaths! I somehow suspect that the half of the universe who died at the end won’t stay dead but, alas, I fear that may not be true for Loki, Gamora or the Vision...

The Gifted- Season 1,Episode 6: got your siX

" Nothing says father-son bonding like breaking into a federal building."

Six episodes in and the subplots are all interacting nicely. We also seem to have got to know all the main characters now and things are moving noticeably faster. Revealingly, there’s a longer “previously on”.

We begin with a flashback, though, to four years ago, as John experiences anti-Mutant racism in the wake of 7/15. Interestingly, too, we’re told he was chosen to lead the Mutant Underground by the X-Men, and that the X-Men are expecting a war. This is interesting wider world building, and only the second and third mentions of the X-Men.

We also learn that other Mutants beside Pulse may be working with Sentinel Services, an escalation, and John in turn decides to up the ante with a raid on a mysterious facility at Baton Rouge. Much of the episode revolves around this but a lot of character development happens. In particular, Clarice confronts John on his acceptance after the fact of what Dreamer did to her- and leaves. I’m not sure whether, next time, she will be friend or foe.

Then there’s Jace again, back at work after mourning his child a second time and cutting legal corners in a disturbing pursuit of revenge. He’s now willing to accept the help of Doctor Campbell who, in true TV drama cliche style, he turned down in a previous episode- and Campbell shows a particular interest in “the Strucker children”.

We also have both Andy and Lauren going on missions and developing their powers, both with the reluctant consent of their parents, who are both doing well under the circumstances but struggling to adjust to the harsh new reality. We’re also introduced to Wes, with his power for illusions, who connects with Lauren and proves his usefulness at the dramatic episode ending. But we end with Marco’s being summoned by Carmen to do nefarious things...

A good episode, and one with many moving parts. The Gifted may not be the stuff of greatness, at least not yet, but it’s the stuff of very good indeed.

The Three Musketeers (1973)

“You cannot go to the Queen with dirty legs...”

I hadn’t seen this before, amazingly, so I certainly raised an eyebrow when the opening credits revealed this film to have been scripted by George MacDonald Fraser. This gives certain expectations and, true to form, the film turns out to be a highly entertaining and rather bawdy comedy that has a lot of fun with the culture of realpolitik and duelling that prevailed in the France of Louis XIII. This is a rather straight adaptation of the novel, albeit one in which Faye Dunaway as Milady gets oddly little screen time, but one that adds a splendidly comical gloss to what was hardly the most serious novel to begin with.

This is a decadent France reigned, but not ruled over by the feckless Louis XIII, not half the man his father was or, indeed, his son will be, leaving a vacuum to be filled by the ambitious Cardinal Richelieu, a competent but oddly miscast Charlton Heston, with the far more suitable Christopher Lee in a lesser role. Perhaps they just needed a big Hollywood name, but why hardly use Faye Dunaway?

Regardless, the whole thing looks gorgeous, odd though the Hong Kong martial arts opening may be, and the cast is quite magnificent. Michael York is the perfect bumbling D’Artagnan for this film,  Raquel Welch is the perfect sultry Constance, and Christopher Lee mystifies is all A’s to why he isn’t playing the Cardinal. The film is pretty much stolen by the splendid comic acting of Spike Milligan though, who shoes us what a bloody comic genius he is.

I don’t think I’ve seen a finer version yet than this.

First Blood (1982)

"We ain't hunting him- he's hunting us!"

Appallingly, I'd never seen this '80s action classic until now. First impressions are that, yes, it's a superb action movie, crammed with sizzling set pieces, yet I came expecting a B movie, and what I got was unexpectedly full of pathos. It's 1982; the Vietnam War ended nine years ago for America. But it seems the returning soldiers were shockingly neglected, materially and emotionally, by their country. And, while this is often seen as a right-wing taking point, Rambo's sobbing breakdown before Colonel Trautman seems to be a rebuke at America's individualistic lack of social democratic institutions.

Anyway, this is an awesome film, and cleverer than it  looks. The initial scene establishes that his only purpose is to find his old friends from the war,  it now the last of them is dead, and he’s alone, alienated, in an America with no place for him. And when Will, a two bit sheriff of a shitty little town in Washington state (those accents are a bit southern, though- is this really accurate?) starts to persecute him for no reason it escalated into a war with a trained and flawless killing machine, leaving things to escalate and escalate with each set piece topping the last and every single minute being utterly gripping. And yet Stallone, playing the macho and taciturn Rambo, never loses sight of the character’s pathos.

The whole thing is brilliantly made, from the brief but shocking Vietnam flashbacks during the early police brutality scenes to the Dukes of Hazzard car chases, and the ever-escalating stakes are completely believable. A much better film, and one with much more of a heart, than I was expecting.

The Gifted- Season 1, Episode 5: boXed in

“This is the best terrible meal that I’ve ever had!”

This is just as gripping as the last episode as The Gifted slowly burrows its way into my brain. The mutants and the Struckers are all free and all together- although not without tension as Reed’s last actions are revealed- and chief baddie Jace is pulling out all the stops to find their HQ, rounding up all sympathisers.

Except our view of Jace as a straightforward black hat is now challenged by the revelation that he lost his only daughter in a 9/11 analogue event that, in a nice bit of world-building, seems to have been the cause of all these repressive policies. He’s given a motive and, in a subtle touch, a multi-racial family to challenge our seeing him as a straightforward racist.

The Mutant Underground is under real pressure and in real danger of their base being found and, lovely though it is seeing Lorna and Marcos together again and taking some time to be excited about their baby despite everything. But Reed makes sure that his operational knowledge is of use and, at no small risk to himself, puts Sentinel Services off the scent. Meanwhile Caitlin again shows her use as a nurse, although not without considerable help from Lauren’s powers. But the Struckers are together, and all agreed for now to stay and help. This feels like the end of the origin story bit so the main stuff can begin, but it’s all very well plotted out. And all the characters are becoming subtly more and more developed. The confrontation between Blink and Dreamer, who violated her memories, is powerful.

More powerful of all, though, is the ending- Dreamer has messed with Jace’s memories, he’s forgotten his daughter is dead, and must mourn her all over again, the worst torture imaginable and one that makes it impossible for us kid to sympathise with the antagonist. Superb stuff.

The Dead Room

"When were you born?”

“1990.”

“Christ!”

This is an admittedly cheap but well cast attempt in BBC Four where Mark Gatiss (naturally!) writes and directs a deliberately modern slant on M.R. James style ghost stories for Christmas. It’s a very good piece of drama with excellent dialogue, a superbly characterised central character, and yet... it isn’t eerie or scary. And it’s not immediately obvious why.

Simon Callow is, inevitably, spellbinding in the central role of Aubrey Judd, veteran radio teller of horror stories, while Anjli Mohindra alsonimpresses as his obscenely young producer in what is essentially a two hander on two similar sets and could easily have been a stage play. This isn’t the 1970s M.R. James adaptation so no sumptuous location filming please; we’re BBC Four.

The script is in many ways superb and literally gothic in that a sun from Aubrey’s past literally comes back to haunt him. Yet, in the wake of A Very English Scandal, there are many poignant reminders of the real dangers of being gay in the 1970s, something which works well. I also admire the light breakage of the fourth wall as Aubrey eloquently deconstructs the modern ghost story; it can’t be too modern, requires a certain distance, more or less within living memory, and a certain old-fashioned reticence in holding back the nature of the horror. You can, he claims, base a horror tale on a horror from as recently as the ‘70s!

And yet, good though this is as a little piece of drama, it doesn’t quite work. I’m not sure the script is to blame, or indeed Gatiss’ direction; I suspect it’s the case that limited resources are the culprit here, and the play just isn’t scary. And that’s a shame.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

“Where do all these guys come from?”

The critics didn’t like this film; I went in knowing that. So I’m left wondering what parts low expectations had in what I made of the film, but I liked it; perhaps more so than Spider-Man 2, and that certainly isn’t what you’re supposed to think.

We’re told this film is an overcrowded mess with too many villains. Well, it isn’t. Both Sandman and Venon are tied in well to Peter Parker’s character development and play important roles, as does Harry Osbourne.  Gwen  Stacy plays an important role too; the film packs a lot in but doesn’t feel rushed. Instead, it actually justifies its long running time.

The core of the film is, of course, the symbiote as a symbolic representation of Peter’s dark side- the arrogance, the selfishness, the temptations that lurk within us all. From a situation of seeming perfection at the start of the film- things are going well for Peter in his love life, studies, work and Spider-Man is insanely popular- we immediately know that the bubble is bound to burst and, importantly, Peter starts to show some neglect for MJ’s work problems before the symbiote even affects him, but as soon as he puts in the dark costume (it’s a shame they didn’t use the proper version of the costume, as Benom looks pretty similar, but heigh-ho...)

Yes, Venon gets relatively little screen time, but a version of Eddie Brock is well used, Harry (whine, conveniently, we already know) is well used and Flink Marco (Sandman) is given a tragic backstory and an important role into being (rather crudely) retconned into Ben Parker’s killer. He’s well portrayed by Thomas Gaden Church and, while both he and Venom have limited screen time, I liked the way both were used. This isn’t a Joel Schumacher Batman film; all the characters are properly developed, however minor, including May, Jonah and the rest of the supporting cast.

So ignore the criticisms; this is a fine film. It also has a top cameo by Bruce Campbell as a snooty French maitre d’, and the CGI with both Sandman and Venom deserves an awful lot of praise. It’s sad that this is the last of the Sam Raimi films; I wish they had more of a wisecracking Spidey, but the trilogy is excellent on the whole, and ends on a high.

The Greatest Showman (2017)

"They're laughing anyway, kid. So might as well get paid."

This is notorious, of course, for being the film that critics utterly despised yet going on to become a massive word-of-mouth hit. Having now seen it I can see why it did well; it’s very well-shot and choreographed. Nevertheless, I didn’t like the songs at all as they sound like contemporary  chart pop with all the unlistenable production that implies, but some people must like chart pop.

This is a musical about Phineas T. Barnum, a figure whose life I know only in broad strokes and who is famous these days mainly for the apocryphal “there’s a sucker born every minute”. But the film presents him, Hugh Jackman’s charm and his being a good family man aside, as a deeply exploitative bastard who exploits those with actual talent- even if the “talent” is to be a dwarf or bearded woman- in order to make himself rich. He’s no better than Simon Cowell, a deeply unpleasant individual who uses, abuses and discards people and is a morally disgusting beast of a human being. When he finally abandons his “freaks” for a night, not wanting them to be seen by his posh mates as he puts on a big opera do, we see how little they mean to him in spite of giving him his fortune, and the bearded lady gets an uplifting song. Yet later on, in a perverse type of Stockholm syndrome, when Barnum nearly loses everything they insist on staying as part of the “family”. This is very uncomfortable to see.

And perhaps that’s it; it’s superbly directed and very well made, and well acted in spite of the central character’s surprising blandness, and I suppose the songs are aimed at people who can stand modern chart pop- they certainly aren’t show tunes- but I’m not sure what the script is trying to do. It seems to want to be a simple, escapist melodrama but you can’t really deal with the theme of “freak shows” without having something coherent to say about them, and this film doesn’t. It’s very well made by it’s largely Australian crew, but in the end it’s a largely empty experience.

The Ash Tree

“Cut it down!”

An obscure little gem, this; a thirty minute BBC drama from 1975 and the first of the legendary screenplays based on the ghost stories of M.R. James (who, alas, I have not read) that I’ve seen, courtesy of BBC 4 on Christmas Eve.

It’s well-made on location, superbly acted with a role by none other than Lalla Ward as the not-to-be Lady Fell, and uses good, economic direction to tell a rather complex, non-linear story very quickly. You have to pay attention and, I suspect intentionally, not everything gets explained- what are the creatures in the tree? What’s the connection of the tree to the witch trials of a century earlier? We get only a general gist of what’s going on, but a bit of mystery is good. It’s refreshing to watch something from a time when the audience wasn’t talked down to, earlier. We aren’t spoon fed; the only clue to Sir Richard’s time period is the clothing and the fact that Tom Jones is a current novel, and the switch between time periods is narrated visually rather than overtly signalled. Edward Petheridge, whom I know best as George III in Jonathan Strange & Mr Norell, is superb both as Sir Richard and the hypocritical Sir Matthew, who directly causes an innocent woman to be hanged as a witch.

This packs an awful lot into thirty-odd minutes and is a nice little curio from the BBC of the ‘70s. I shall certainly try and watch more of these M.R. James Christmas ghost stories.

Doctor Who: Resolution

“I always think I’m rid of them. I never am.”

This episode was written by Chris Chibnall. It is genuinely superb. Those two sentences don’t feel right together but, incredibly, they belong together on this occasion. This is a brilliant piece of telly, with a genuinely superb dramatic scene between Ryan and his father, and the best use of the Daleks since, well, Dalek, using the threat posed by one Dalek to banish all memories of recent years to re-establish them as the ultimate baddie to be feared.

The set-up is superb; narration, a mediaeval fairytale backstory and a mythical tale of an ultimate monster split into thirds and buried in far-flung places. A pair of archaeologists established as real characters through good dialogue before one of them is put through the wringer. And yet the true brilliance is in the basic plot- a naked Dalek without its casing reassembled after twelve centuries and forced to manipulate humans slowly into building it a makeshift casing out of available materials like an episode of the A-Team. This is brilliant not only because it's a fresh and superb take on the Daleks but because we are establishing that not only is one Dalek an unimaginable threat but that it doesn't even need any weapons or equipment or anything other than, well, a bubbling lump of hate itself to come damn close to annexing this planet.

Even better, the reveal of the Dalek casing is quite rightly held back, and the Heath Robinson nature of this Dalek has us clamouring for us to see how they actually look in the Chibnall era. No doubt we have that to look forward to. Next bloody year.

If I may nerd out a little more, though, it's great to have the little fan nods ("I wish I could remember exactly how long a Rel is") and the firm statement that there is no Kate Stewart and no UNIT in the Chibnall era; the Doctor and her friends are on their own. UNIT has been mothballed, it seems, for pettifogging and deeply shortsighted financial reasons, as happens in politics all the time, and the UK has decided to leave an international organisation which is vital to its security and prosperity and bugger the frankly terrifying consequences. It's good that nothing analogous is happening in real life, right?

This is also a much better episode for the Doctor and her by now very well-knit crew; right from the tour of the universe's best CGI for New Year at the start they're a united and supportive bunch, although Yas yet again seems to get the least to do. It's a phenomenally strong Ryan episode, of course, introducing us to his dad Ryan after a lot of set-up over the last season. The result is an extraordinarily written scene in a cafe between father and son, and a masterfully written arc for Ryan, Aaron and Graham. I like the nuances of Aaron's character; far from being a cipher of a deadbeat dad he's a highly competent and able engineer, and while no excuses are made for his past behaviour he's shown as genuinely wishing to feel his way towards redemption. And Chibnall should be praised for resisting the easy cop-out ending of having Aaron sacrifice at the end; instead his near-death helps him with beginning to re-connect with his son.

Come to think of it, not a single named character dies- in a Dalek story.

I can't really fault this. I spent the whole of Season 37 waiting in vain for Chibnall to wow me, and at last he's done it. For the first time he's written a story for Doctor Who that is worthy of debate as to whether it deserves classic status. What took him so bloody long?