Aliens vs Predator (2004)

 "And they usecus like cattle. They're hosts for us to breed."

 I was poised to watch something su/btitlred and intellectual until, at the last moment, I decided to watch this. Parasite will come later. It's Saturday night, the little one is in bed, the missuys is gaming, and I have a bottle of Rioja.

You know what? This is goodf. Yes, I know: it centres on a mysterious pyramoid found in Antarctica from prehistorical times, showing clear influences from Aztec and Cambodian culturres as well sas Egyptian civilisation, which is orders of magnitude older, making nonsense of the history.

I don't give a shite.

This is, if we ignore the fact it ends in the middke of things and doesn't actually end, actually not a bad film at all. LKet's hooe, however, that we get a resolution.

The script is excellent until it suddenly stops without resolution. It's a plus that the cast abounds with resoected character actors rather than stars. Lance Henriksen shines as a tycoon who is actually acting in the interests of the greater good, if not entirely without the sae desire for glory that they all share. It's interesting that this should be set in comntemporary times and, er, recycle the general vibes from both Sgtargate and Erich von Daniken.

Notghing here is original, But it's actualkly fairly well written with a strong intitial hook, and the cast is superb. It may be exploitative tosh, but thus is avtually pretty decent.

Judge Dredd (1995)

“I never broke the law. I AM THE LAW!!!”

This isn’t my first viewing, of course, but the last time I saw this film was on VHS and when John Major was prime minister. It’s probably one of those much-maligned films that benefit from being seen some time later.

There’s no doubt that the film has its flaws. A phoning-it-in Sylvester Stallone is woefully miscast, and the film spends most of its running time breaking the sacred commandment that is Thou Shalt Not Remove Dredd’s Helmet. The Angel family are also shovelled pointlessly into the film with no real development, and it’s very obvious that the Mega City One Street scenes, in spite of the rather good design and use of CGI, are shot on a small set shot to look bigger than it is. You’re also made painfully aware of the flat studio floor.

Still, if you look past these flaws,  and the first two in particular, we actually have a bloody good script here and, while clearly straining against the budget, things generally look pretty impressive. Dredd’s characterisation is perfect (with lots of “I knew you’d say that”) and the world of Mega City One and the Cursed Earth is both faithfully and clearly presented in a way which gives us a world true to the 2000 A.D. strip and a film which works pretty damn well for those who, like myself, are not necessarily huge Dredd fans. A complex plot is made admirably easy to follow, there’s lots of humour, and we have the clever including of Fergie as a much-needed Everyman  for us to identify with

The whole thing, inevitably, looks very ‘90s now, and nothing dates the film as much as the stunt casting of Stallone just because he’s a big name. But this is certainly a cut above most ‘90s sci-fi B movies and manages to overcome its flaws. I enjoyed it.

Snatch (2000)

"You know... fish and chips, cup of tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... London!"

I once saw this film, back in uni, and I watched it properly- i.e, after I'd seen Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Sadly I've yet to blog Mr Madonna's acclaimed debut, and am probably blogging things in the wrong order. Well, soz, but I haven't got either on DVD and it's Snatch that happens to be on Netflix. So here we are.

Anyway, I loved it. It's very of its time, very much trying to be a Cockney version of Tarantino, and not much different in style or theme to its predecessor. And no, it doesn't come close to Tarantino- it doesn't have the depth, wit or cinematic literacy, but not many films have. But it nevertheless manages to be funny, cool, and make a complex and non-linear plot easy to follow, which is not exactly an easy feat of writing or directing. And both the cast and direction are top notch. No, it may not be Pulp Fiction, much as its trying to be that kind of film, but it oozes charm and gets away with being derivative through its sheer Cockneyness. Bloody southerners.


I'd single out Jason Statham and a menacing Alan Ford for their performances, while Brad Pitt's performance is certainly unique. Is it racist in how it portrays Irish Travellers (not Roma)? Well, arguably they're eventually shown to be, if anyone is, the goodies, and we still live in a world where racism towards travelling peoples still seems to be seen as ok in a way other kinds of racism aren't- the film is probably no more racist in this area than the society that spawned it.

Aside from that, and a dodgy America-friendly reference to non-existent "social security numbers", the film is a splendidly enjoyable way to spend 100 odd minutes. Mr Madonna done good.

Trainspotting (1996)

"I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978."

This is one of my favourite films of all times, and it’s quite inexcusable that I’ve waited until I’m 550-odd films in to blog it. It’s superb; creTively directed, delightfully non-linear in its narration in a very post-Pulp Fiction way, perfectly cast, hilarious, devastating, and based on Irvine Welsh’s truly awesome novel.

Watching it again for the umpteenth fine, although for the first time in at least fifteen years, is how the charming, intelligent, outwardly sympathetic Mark Renton is actually a complete bastard. Yes, he’s complicit in the neglect and death of baby Dawn after he introduces the baby’s mother to heroin, but at least he’s not a parent. Yes, it’s unfair that Spud goes to prison and not his middle class self. Yes, he makes a lot of money in a big heroin deal, although as he doesn’t betray Spud I don’t think he needs feel any guilt about double crossing Sick Boy or Bregbie. No; they deserved all they got. But Tommy? He loses his girlfriend because Renton tricks him into letting him have a video having sex with Lizzie, causing Lizzie to leave him. Then the clean-living Tommy, devastated, asks Renton for heroin, which he gets. All this directly leads to AIDS and his horrible death, which is entirely Renton’s fault. But he’s negative.

Renton may have the privileges that come with being bareTir, but he’s as much of a bastard as anyone in the film. It’s just that he gets to cover it up with his middle class ways. And I bet none of his mates would have had the option of moving to London and making loads of money in the property business.

Sick Boy, despite of his amusing obsession with Sean Connery and his despair at Dawn’s death, is a grasping, cynical, amoral bastard. Begbie is a a monster of the type that far too many blokes have in their social circles. But Renton is as bad as any of them, and I think that’s what Welsh and Danny Boyle I tend us to conclude.

Still one of the greatest film ever made. I love the wit, I love the style, I love the worst toilet in Scotland, I love the nostalgic glimpse of a branch of John Menzies. And the soundtrack is awesome.

Wonder Woman (2017)

“They came to the conclusion that men are essential for procreation. But for pleasure? They are unnecessary.”

I thought DC Universe films are supposed to be rubbish? First Suicide Squad turns out not to be the turkey of popular opinion, then Wonder Woman turns out to be really rather good. I really ought to get round to the others.

I know very little about the Wonder Woman of the comics and am, I fear, reliant on popular culture for my knowledge of the character, although I’m vaguely aware of William Marston, his unconventional sex Life and his eccentric proto-feminist views. Both of those strands seem to be reflected here, with Diana originating from an island of Amazon warriors who seem to be ageless and are, of course, entirely female. And, while the film perhaps wisely steers clear of any overtly political style of feminism- that sort of thing tends to lead to preaching to the converted, and that would make this popular blockbuster a wasted opportunity; best to simply use humour and optimism to show a female hero kicking arse in a time (1918) when women were still a few weeks away even from having the vote. Yes, society has an awful lot of structural misogyny within it and, I have no doubt, my own consciousness of my male privilege doesn’t have much effect on stopping me from inadvertently contributing to it. After all, we live in a very misogynistic society in spite of some advances, and unconscious bias is a thing. It could hardly be otherwise. But sexual politics, like all politics, is the art of the possible and this is the age we live in. And a kick ass scene where Diana runs over the top and runs to the other side of the trenches to save an entire village is far better and more effective than preaching.

This film is fast-paced, exciting, full of witty lines and cool, likeable characters played superbly by an excellent cast, with a splendid villain to boot. But Gal Gadot is a true revelation, with exactly the right balance between innocence, heroism and wisdom. Hugely enjoyable.