The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes: The Three Gables

 "Is murder a woman’s secret...?”

Oh dear. After the mainly not very good overlong specials I was hoping for a return to the good stuff now that we're back to the proper length episodes. Alas, on the evidence of this episode, I have every reason to be concerned about what the rest of the series may bring. This really is the most appallingly muddled and messy script I've ever seen from the Granada Sherlock Holmes. 

There's only really one plus point- the splendid performance of the then ninety-six year old Mary Ellis in her final acting role before her death... aged 105. Otherwise, this is dross. Admittedly the original Conan Doyle short story was hardly one of the best (this is one of those stories described as "drivel" by Nicholas Meyer in The Seven-Per-Cent Solution. Yet the changes made here, and the padding out to include a wasted Peter Wyngarde as a pointless gossip-monger, are pointless, yet the treatment of the character of Steve Dixie faithfully translates the casual racism of the original, reminding us that Conan Doyle, while progressive on racial matters in The Yellow Face, was nevertheless a man of his time. I'm less inclined to excuse the use of the character here, though, in 1994, with no thought seemingly given to the issue.

Essentially, this episode is a mess, incoherent and giving very little for Brett to do. Please let the rest of the series not be like this.

The Prisoner: Checkmate

"It 's not allowed- the cult of the individual!"

A weird but very interesting episode this time, with subtle exploration of themes of totalitarian control through some sharp and nuanced dialogue and a very Brezhnev-like exploration of how dissent can be medicalised as a mental condition.

Yes, we get the visual spectacle early on of a chess game played with real people, but this is just done to introduce chess as a metaphor and introduce us to the likeable “queen” who, sadly, is fated to be used as a pawn-.and to show us a rebellious rook (never referred to as anyone else) who commits the crime of independent thought. It’s interesting, though, that this is followed by Number Six having an interesting and opaque conversation with one of the players, played by no less a figure than George Coulouris, who explains ways of distinguishing prisoners from staff.

The medical scenes are disturbing, with the rook’s individualism being punished by Pavlovian electric shocks and the psychiatrist, a Freudian quack, recommending to the new Number Two (a coasting Peter Wyngarde) that Number Six should be forced to have a “leucotomy”, better known as a lobotomy; in 1967 no longer quite flavour of the month but still legal to perform on a patient without their consent in the UK. Even Brezhnev’s Soviet Union had no truck with this barbarity.

Also cruel, though, is the way the queen is conditioned into unrequited love for Number Six. And the end is clever; Number Six is betrayed by his own accomplices who are in the end unable to accept him as a fellow prisoner because of his air of authority. This may not be the most high concept of episodes but it’s quietly one of the cleverer scripts.

Flash Gordon (1980)

“And use your fingers too, this time. Careful, darling! It’s very sensitive.”

I can’t believe I managed to get to the age of 34 without seeing this film. It’s… unique. The whole look and style is basically the 1960’s TV Batman ethos as applied to pulp magazine / 1930’s movie serial sci-fi (Lorenzo Semple Jr even does the scripting duties!), but this is a film which definitely feels as though it was made just post-Star Wars.

I don’t know much about Flash Gordon, really, aside from a half-remembered cartoon I saw as a very young kid and, of course Defenders of the Earth. But I understand this is a very faithful adaptation of the original comic strip, in all but tone. Certainly, it has a very 1930’s serial feel, with constant peril and non-stop action. I suspect the heavy erotic element may be new, though; about half the cast list at the end of the film is for scantily clad concubines of one kind or another, and there’s quite a lot of scenes in the movie which are pretty much soft porn. These are generally the scenes featuring Aura, who is constantly kissing, carousing, being whipped (and enjoying it, according to Klytus!) and coming out with some delightful double entendres. I’m not good with heights myself, but she can teach me to fly any time.

Sam J. Jones is perfect as Flash, in an Adam West sort of way. There’s a touch of plywood to his performance, of course, but this is deliberate and appropriate. The whole thing looks and feels very garish, glittery, camp and over the top, and the excellent soundtrack from Queen, the campest band in all of rock n’ roll, is just the icing on the cake. The alien landscapes and spacescapes are very stylised, and in no way realistic, but the sense of scale is definitely cinematic.

There’s one thing that makes me feel just a little uncomfortable, though. There’s some rather dodgy orientalism going on; the baddies are effeminate, sensuous and despotic, thus embodying all the tropes of the East as seen by the West. I suspect this may not have been Edward Said’s favourite film. And as for Ming the Merciless himself- well, he’s a great moustache-twirling villain, and delightfully played by Max Von Sydow, but, well, he’s a rather arse-clenchingly embarrassing Chinese stereotype, isn’t he? The clothes, the moustache, even the make-up imply a sort of Fu Manchu in space. And all of this stuff is too prominent and foregrounded to be dismissed. It’s a genuine problem. I mean, the very name “Mongo” has certain ethnic connotations.

Still, Max Von Sydow is fantastic, as are many in the cast. Although (yes, I know where this was filmed), I couldn’t help noticing how many of them are British. I say this as a Brit, but do Americans not mind when so many films based on characters from their popular culture are stuffed to the gunwales with British actors? The recent Batman films by Christopher Nolan show the very same syndrome.

Oh, and there’s one of these British actors who most definitely deserves a paragraph to himself: Brian Blessed, of course. I recall reviewing his appearance in Blake’s 7, which seemed to be a sort of transitional phase from Brian Blessed, the versatile actor to BRIAN BLESSED THE BARBARIAN KING, WHO GOES “RAAAAARGH!!!” Although I was surprised that “Gordon’s alive?” doesn’t even make it into his top twenty shoutiest lines in the film. It’s a good performance, which is a very good thing as he’ll be using it non-stop for the next thirty years…

The plot is pretty relentless, and works on the same two levels as the 1960’s Batman TV series. Personally, I found it hilarious that weddings on Mongo use the same Wedding March as we do on Earth. Perhaps Richard Wagner was from Mongo?

The last scene, though, with a gloved hand taking Ming’s ring from his charred finger… Russell T. Davies has seen this film, hasn’t he?

Doctor Who: Planet of Fire

Part One

“For our people to survive, we must have faith.”

Another script by Peter Grimwade, a writer with a decidedly mixed reputation. But it’s a positive start; filming in Lanzarote allows the programme to create an alien planet which looks very different. We’re instantly introduced to the cultural and religious fault lines of Saudi Ara- er, Sarn, with a conflict between Timanov (Jason King!) and his belief in the god Logar, and a new generation of sceptics. Sadly, this aspect of the plot is rather perfunctory as there is no real hint of any cultural hinterland to this religion beyond what is requited by the plot, but this is more or less acceptable given that this turns out not to be the main aspect of the plot.

The Doctor’s a bit upset over the circumstances of Tegan’s departure, but it’s notable that when Turlough asks if he missed Tegan he only replies “Well, we were together a long time.” I still maintain that the Doctor never particularly liked Tegan but just put up with her out of politeness!

Amazingly, Kamelion pops up again. I’d quite forgotten about him. And Turlough sabotages the TARDIS to prevent the Doctor hearing about a distress signal from his home planet of Trion. Well, well, well! I’d quite forgotten about Turlough’s sneaky tendencies, too, but even at this late stage it’s all quite in character- another reminder that in an exception from the norm the scripts generally develop the character superbly. Although I’m not sure how this fits in with his apparent wish to return home back during The King’s Demons.

We’re introduced to Peri and her guardian Howard, both of whom have absolutely 100% convincing American accents. They have a bit of an argument, the upshot of which is Peri taking off most of her clothes so she can go swimming. Mmm. Following which Turlough decides to keep his shirt on while swimming for some reason.

More plot stuff happens, as Turlough and Malkon both turn out to have a “chosen one” symbol on their arms, the TARDIS ends up on Sarn, and Kamelion turns into the Master…

Part Two

“I’m Perpugilliam Brown and I can shout just as loud as you can!”

Kamelion’s wearing the Master’s body but the real Master is here too, watching from behind a screen just as he was during The Keeper of Traken. Kamelion can’t maintain his form after mental pressure of Peri, but instead of turning back into his normal form he becomes a silver version of Howard, which is much cheaper.

We see the Master’s TARDIS again, and there still see to be a few light bulbs that need replacing. Lots of stuff happens which is entertaining enough- the planet’s going to blow up, the equipment kept underground is probably from Turlough’s father’s ship- but it all feels like a bunch of set pieces in search of a plot.

Part Three

“Gullible idiots!”

Full marks for finally getting Turlough to ditch that awful uniform, but the Doctor’s question mark braces are quite the fashion faux pas.

It turns out that Turlough and Malkon are probably brothers. This is an excellent departure story for Turlough, penned by his creator. I particularly like the scene with the Doctor warning him that if he holds back anything important then their friendship is at an end- in this situation more than any other Turlough has to choose between his natural deviousness and his decent side. 

The plot’s all over the place again this episode- the Doctor wanting to materialise around the Master’s TARDIS a la Logopolis, a healing flame a la The Brain of Morbius- but froth though it is it’s enjoyable all the same.

That’s quite a cliffhanger- the Master’s all little!

Part Four

“Leave us in peace. We wish to die with our faith.”

So, Sarn's a prison planet to which Turlough’s family were dispatched for being on the wrong side. It’s a little cursory, perhaps, but at least Turlough gets an origin. Apparently Trion has agents on every civilised world, including “an eccentric solicitor in Chancery Lane”. We finally learn that Turlough’s first name is Vizlor and that for him the English public school is “the worst place in the universe”.

Kamelion asks the Doctor to kill him, is a faintly embarrassing scene that reaches for pathos but doesn’t quite manage it as the prop was sadly never very mobile or suggestive of a personality. Timanov’s dignified exit is rather more effective. And as for the Master’s demise- well, that looked rather permanent. I feel absolutely sure that in the unlikely event we ever see the Master again we can expect a full and detailed explanation of his survival.

Turlough, it seems, is no longer a political prisoner. His leaving scene is most satisfying in terms of his character arc; in returning to Trion to face his responsibilities he’s finally grown up.

Peri, meanwhile, has been welcomed aboard…

That was entertaining enough, if a little slight. The plot was a little disjointed, but it was all good fun and Turlough got a good exit. A solid 3/5.