The Blood on Satan's Claw (1971)

"There is growing amongst you all an insolent ungodliness, which I will not tolerate!"

I was expecting a B movie here- after all, look at the title. Instead I find an artily directed film, perhaps a little too lowly paced, with a visually realised depiction of the late 17th century (dialogue about "King James III" in exile makes me put this after 1688, but the fashions put it not too long after) that evokes the 1970s BBC M.R. James stories. The effect is of a very well-directed film, with the pretty visuals made to look eerie by horror direction and overcast weather, This film is often lumped in with The Wicker Man as "folk horror". It isn't as good, but you can see the stylistic links.

Patrick Wymark is superb, outstandingly so, as the judge, and both Wendy Padbury and Simon Williams are very good indeed in the early part of the film as the threat emerges of the younger generation, creepily acted and shot, being involved in a cult which may be Satanic but may be pagan in a way which was popular in the early '70s, when pagan survivals in modern culture were perhaps exaggerated. And perhaps their disappearance part way through the film, with Michele Dotrice (pre- Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em typecasting, and bloody good) taking prominence as a Satanic disciple, is a flaw in the coherence of the script, But I don't see this as being as troubling as the horrible rape scene, filmed so as to show us the victim's point of view, which is a big part of why this film has to be seen as well made yet deliberately abrasive. A simultaneously assured and rough watch, fascinatingly flawed,

Doctor Who: Survival

Part One



“People don’t just vanish.”

“You did.”

“That’s different.”

Blimey. Doing the Marathon has really leant this story a sense of occasion. The last proper McCoy story. The last story of the ‘80s. The last regular story for sixteen years. And for a long time threatening to be the last story ever. Fortunately, though, none of this is apparent in the story itself.

We end with another new writer, Rona Munro, now better known as a playwright, of course, and incredibly only the second woman to write for Doctor Who. It’s set in London’s suburbs in what was then the present day, and for the first time in this Marathon it’s a setting that feels pretty much like now. It’s quite shocking to get this sudden rush of normality; of streets, clothes and attitudes in Doctor Who, especially at this point.

So this is Perivale, where Ace comes from. I can identify with her even more, especially when she complains that “Nothing ever happens here”. Ace is back to see what happened to her old mates, but they’re nowhere to be found. Ace tries a phone box (ok, that’s dated a bit) while the Doctor gets bored very quickly (!) and is distracted by some feline goings-on. There’s something about this Doctor that suits such domestic ennui in a way none of his predecessors ever did.

They reach Ace’s old youth club, which is now the setting for some self-defence classes given by Sergeant Paterson, arse and windbag. I’m very strongly reminded of the Monty Python sketch where people are taught how to defend themselves against fresh fruit.

Said windbag alludes to Ace’s past (“The police let you off with a warning, didn’t they?”) and scolds Ace for not bothering to ring her mother, but fails, oddly, to query why the Doctor is hanging around with this young teenager. I suppose that’s another thing which dates this story a bit. We’re told four other young people are missing, and the Doctor removes himself from Patterson’s tiresome company by claiming he’s “going to see a man about a cat”. It’s a good scene, with Julian Holloway nailing his unlikeable part straight away.

The scene also, of course, introduces the theme of the story. While Ghost Light dealt (loosely) with natural selection, this story is more concerned with social Darwinism and the “law of the jungle”, with the carnivorous ways of our feline friends acting as the pivot. This is underlined in the following scene, in which shopkeepers Hale and Pace regale the Doctor with an obvious parable on this theme. Of course, the fact that the scene takes place in a shop makes it easy to relate the theme to Thatcherism.

And ok, Hale and Pace date the story a bit too.

Ace finally finds a mate who, in a further nod to the story’s themes, is a hunt saboteur. Apparently people are saying that Ace had “either died or gone to Birmingham”. Oi! There’s nowt wrong with Birmingham.

We then return to the topic of Ace not phoning her mother. I suppose it’s a shame the Doctor couldn’t rig some kind of device in the TARDIS, really. I’m sure such a thing will never happen. The Doctor then wanders off to find a cat for some reason, armed with some obviously fake brands of cat food (good old BBC!) while Ace wanders off to the sort of park that I used to play in as a kid but you just don’t find any more, with a roundabout and proper swings and everything.

And then suddenly a Cheetah Person on a horse appears from nowhere, chases her for a bit and then teleports her to Planet Quarry. The Doctor then discovers, firstly, that Ace has gone, and, secondly, that Patterson is still an arse. Ace soon discovers there are other people on Planet Quarry, including her mates Shreela and Midge, one of whom is slightly nicer than the other. Ace, of course, being fab, instantly takes charge. The Doctor and Patterson, meanwhile, are also transported to said planet by a cat of more conventional appearance. Well, I think it’s supposed to be. Actually it looks like some weird stuffed animatronic thing.

And so to the cliffhanger. The Doctor and his annoying companion are in a village full of tents and Cheetah People, and who should be there but the Master…



Part Two



“No dead wood!”

The Sergeant, goaded by the Master, runs, and instantly becomes the plaything of some Cheetah People, giving us our first inkling that he’s perhaps not so well equipped to survive as he thinks. The Doctor grabs a horse and saves him, and they move away from the village. The Master, apparently able to control the Cheetahs, remains unharmed in the village.

While this is going on we get the beginnings of a power struggle between Ace and Midge for leadership of the group. But while Midge offers nothing but cynicism, Ace instantly starts making plans to “get” a Cheetah Person. Her first trap fails, her second works- on Patterson and the Doctor. Here we get an exchange of exposition between our two groups, and the Doctor leads everyone through the village, being careful not to run and attract the attention of the hunters. It’s noticeable here that Patterson, in this context, has no authority and is below not only the Doctor but arguably Ace, Shreela and Midge in the pecking order.

The Doctor explains that the animatronic cats are “Kitlings”, scavengers with the ability to teleport between worlds, while the Cheetah People are linked to the planet and slowly destroying it by fighting each other. We don’t need to look hard for the metaphor here, but I like this way of doing things- science fantasy with social subtexts instead of “hard” sci-fi.

Sadly, a milkman suddenly teleports in front of everyone and the Doctor is forced to watch as chaos ensues. Ace, ending up by a stream, finds a Cheetah Person, Karra, helpless and in need of water, and goes to her aid. This contrasts with Midge, who kills a cat and takes its claw. Does this explain their different fates? I suspect their genders matter, too, especially as one of them is nurturing while the other is hunting and killing. Still, although I’m aware that symbols of femininity are said to be important to this story, that aspect of it went right over my head.

We discover that the Master is seemingly trapped here, and slowly being turned into a Cheetah himself. We’re left unsure whether this is to be Ace’s fate. But the Doctor is surprisingly ambivalent about whether or not Ace should help Karra, leaving the choice to her. The dynamics between the others, meanwhile, are getting very interesting. The Sergeant manages to assert leadership briefly, turning again to the Darwinian (and now more explicitly Thatcherite) theme of “no shirkers and no dead wood”. Midge, interestingly, attempts to consolidate the number two position by bullying others. But he’s too far gone; turning into a Cheetah, he’s captured by the Master who uses him to return to Perivale. Meanwhile, Ace’s eyes turn green…



Part Three


“If we fight like animals, we die like animals!”

Interesting, each episode has a different setting and flavour: the first on a very normal-seeming Earth; the second on Planet Quarry; and the third back on Earth again, but this time no longer so normal-seeming.

The Master is worried that he may still be turning feral, and the juxtaposition of this scene with scenes featuring scenes with Ace and Karra does nothing to diminish our fears for Ace. But when the Doctor arrives and asks her to “come home”, she chooses her existing life. Only at the end of the episode, of course, do we find out what “home” is.

The Doctor informs Ace that she has the ability to get everyone home, as Midge did, but if she does so she risks passing the point of no return and remaining feral. But he insists the choice is her; once again this Doctor’s reputation for manipulation proves an exaggeration of the truth.

We return to Perivale. And while not everything can just return to normal, Patterson immediately switches back to straightforward arse mode. But the Master and Midge are at large, and usurping his territory. Midge, strolling into the youth club dressed like a yuppie and pronouncing on survival of the fittest, seems very much the Gordon Gecko. But of course it’s the Master who’s pulling the strings, and he has a showdown to arrange with the Doctor. This turns out to consist of the Doctor and Midge charging at one another on motorbikes, causing a bit of a bang. The Master, horribly, orders Midge to just give up and die as he’s lost the Darwinian struggle for survival. But the Doctor has survived, and in the true showdown that follows he ultimately triumphs by breaking the cycle of Darwinian struggle and refusing to fight. The Master remains on Planet Quarry, trapped there by his adherence to the empty doctrines of social Darwinism. Anthony Ainley has been a revelation here, at last getting the chance to shine as the Master without the need for any of the “heh heh heh” stuff.

The final few lines are wonderful, as is the fact that we end simply with the Doctor and Ace walking to their next adventure…



Yet another 5/5, then. A brilliant script well made, and a fitting farewell in so many ways.



As for Season 26, with 4.25/5 it gets the same strong score as its predecessor. After a wobbly start the McCoy era has proven a revelation to me.

Doctor Who: Trial of a Time Lord Parts Thirteen and Fourteen: The Ultimate Foe

Part Thirteen

“I’m as truthful, honest, and about as boring as they come.”

The court is back from recess, and who should turn up but James Bree! There’s little time to wallow in nostalgia, though; the main trial plot has stopped treading water and started swimming again, and the Doctor’s in trouble. He’s run out of tricks for his defence, he’s accused of genocide and he’s a hair’s breadth away from being convicted and condemned. So now, of course, is the dramatically appropriate moment for Mel and Glitz to mysteriously turn up to testify in his favour. Glitz, necessarily, has softened from the thug of earlier.

It’s also the dramatically appropriate moment to reveal they’ve been sent by the Master, who is a most suitable means of extracting maximum dramatic potential out of the revelations that follow. Particularly as he turns up from inside the Matrix. Glitz was working for the Master back in parts one to four, and that mysterious box was full of “stuff the secrets had been nicking from the Matrix for years”. And, of course, this being a script by Robert Holmes, a dirty Time Lord cover-up then ensued, involving Earth being naughtily moved across the galaxy to become Ravolox, with enormous collateral damage caused by solar flares. The Doctor gets a great speech after this revelation, describing his own people as “decadent, degenerate and rotten to the core,” although unfortunately this is one of those moments where Colin’s performance suffers a bit of a wobble.

And then the Master casually refers to the Valeyard as “the Doctor” while explaining that he’s been adjusting evidence on behalf of the High Council to ensure the Doctor’s conviction. The Doctor is told that he’s “an amalgamation of the darker sides of your nature, somewhere between your twelfth and final regeneration.” Interesting- this wording, together with the fact he seems to be working for the High Council as some sort of expendable stooge, seems to indicate he’s not so much a future incarnation of the Doctor as a distillation of certain of the Doctor’s qualities, and to some extent an artificial creation of these shadowy Time Lord politicians. This is the Robert Holmes script about corrupt Time Lords to end all Robert Holmes scripts about corrupt Time Lords. Literally.

Oh, and it all seems to make sense, incidentally. The only bits so far that haven’t made sense at all have been in the Pip and Jane Baker episodes, where the workings of the trial seemed to be all over the place and the consequences of the evidence being from the future hadn’t been though through. But the whole business with the sleepers, Ravolox, and the Doctor’s apparent actions on Thoros Beta seem to have been resolved pretty much satisfactorily to me. I don’t think we need to have it spelled out exactly which scenes happened as shown and which didn’t.

Oh, and I haven’t any complaints about Peri’s fate, either. It makes sense, more or less, given her earlier relationship with Yrcanos.

Anyway, Holmes recalls his own script for The Deadly Assassin as the Doctor and Glitz spend the rest of the episode inside the Matrix. Among other things they encounter a number of Mr Popplewicks, all played by Onslow from Keeping Up Appearances, a wonderfully Holmesian satirical dig at bureaucracy.

Part Fourteen

“You are elevating futility to a high art. There’s nothing you can do to prevent the catharsis of spurious morality.”

…So, after a sublime swansong from Holmes, we move to the ridiculous in the shape of this script by Pip and Jane Baker. Sadly, the comparison with their lamented predecessor hardly shows them in a good light.

We get to see the familiar sight of the inside of the Master’s TARDIS. It’s only by doing this marathon that I’ve come to realise just how consistent was its appearance during the ‘80s. We also get an exploding quill pen, by far the coolest thing in this episode. Unfortunately, there’s an awful lot of utter poo here. The Doctor states that “I would trust Mel with my life,” but he’s not even met her yet! I know he’s only pretending to go along with the fake trial, but still. At least I got a cheap laugh out of “Never mind the Sydney Carton heroics,” mind.

This is so poor compared to the previous episode, though. There’s not actually much wrong with the plot, but the dialogue is awful and the characters keep explaining the plot to us in a condescending manner which rubs me up the wrong way. Plus, we get loads of no doubt accurate scientific gobbledygook which reminds me of all the things I didn’t like about the Bidmead scripts. And then the Master, hearing that the High Council has been deposed and insurrection has ensued, actually makes a speech to the Time Lords in the courtroom offering to take control which bears uncanny similarities to a certain speech in Logopolis. Unbelievable.
As a final indignity, the Doctor actually suggests the Inquisitor as a candidate for the presidency. Why? She’s spent the whole season being nothing but an incompetent buffoon.

So, it’s a tale of two episodes. The first part, a worthy swansong from Robert Holmes which fortunately doesn’t leave the plot for Pip n’ Jane to explain, gets 5/5, while the Pip n’ Jane monstrosity gets 2/5. I’m not too bothered about what Eric Saward’s version would have been like, but I’d have loved to have seen Robert Holmes’. I was going to give it a 1/5 but I suppose giving one episode 5/5 and the other 1/5 would have been a bit much.

The last episode aside, though, it’s actually been a damn fine season. I wasn’t actually expecting that I’d be rating this particularly highly until I got to it, but it’s a relief to give a season a good score for once- at 4/5 it’s a creditable joint sixth, which comes as a genuine surprise to me. Who’d have thunk it? Not only is this much-maligned season a triumphant return to form after a poor few years, but it’s the best season of the ‘80s so far by a long way. I suspect the famously diminished presence of Saward may have something to do with it…

Doctor Who: The Mark of the Rani

Part One

“Well, you’ve certainly never done a day’s labour in your life. And I suppose it’s just possible you might even be a gentleman.”

It’s the early nineteenth century, and there’s trouble at t’mill. We start with some location filming outside a coal mine, and some Geordie accents that sound pretty much convincing to this East Midlander, not something I’ll be able to say throughout. But something strange is happening, with a gas in the bathhouse…

The Doctor and Peri leave the TARDIS with what might be considered unseemly haste for this season, observed by a scarecrow which moves as soon as they look away. They’re soon involved in an altercation with some “Luddites”, arriving at the mine to report what has happened. Here the Doctor hears the name of George Stephenson- it’s a celebrity historical!

The quality of the Geordie accent slips a considerable amount when the old crone starts speaking, but, getting ahead of ourselves a bit, is this Kate O’Mara not being able to do a Geordie accent or Kate O’Mara playing the Rani as not being able to do a Geordie accent? I like to think it’s the latter but, alas, I suspect not.

The Master turns up, and promptly manages to persuade a load of psychotic “Luddites” to attack the Doctor instead of, say, himself, and proceeds to introduce himself to the Rani in a way calculated to annoy her as much as possible. The fact that he’s somehow alive again after quite unequivocally getting killed at the end of Planet of Fire is explained by the line “I’m indestructible,” which of course is entirely satisfactory.

The Rani, meanwhile, is a rather different type of villain to the Master; more of a deeply unethical scientist than the universe conquering type, she finds the Master’s moustache twirling antics to be deeply silly. And indeed proceeds to spend the entire remainder of the story seething with irritation at his antics. Oh, and she has a plan about extracting stuff from peoples’ brains, but I shall not dwell on it as it’s deeply boring. It’s with this scene that it occurs to be that Pip and Baker can’t do decent dialogue. Yes, I laughed at “Unfortunate? Fortuitous would be a more apposite epithet,” along with everyone, but bog standard Pip and Jane dialogue is barely tolerable most of the time.

They can’t do characterisation either; the Doctor and Peri are much more shouty and argumentative in this story, and don’t actually seem to like each other very much or to be having much fun travelling the universe. Which is out of character, frankly; however grim recent stories have been there’s always (barring The Twin Dilemma, and at least that has a pretext for it) been an affectionate relationship between the Doctor and Peri and an assumption that travelling the universe is at least supposed to be fun. Here that’s nowhere to be seen.

And for the first time I find Colin Baker’s performance to be a bit off, particularly in the scene where he’s been captured by the Rani. To be fair, he is given awful dialogue.

Part Two

“The tree won’t hurt you.”

Our Perils of Pauline cliffhanger is resolved in the traditional fashion, by blatantly re-editing last week’s final scenes into a situation clearly less perilous. Still, at least we get to meet George Stephenson. And his accent is atrocious. Oh dear.

So, Stephenson’s protégé Luke will “outshine” him, eh? Things are bound to turn out well for him then…

The Master and the Rani are still arguing in much the same way as they have for ages, and it becomes clear horribly early into this episode that there’s no real plot as such; no character has a plan and they’re all just reacting to each other. Consequently there’s no real sense of pace or movement and the story just drifts. This is very dull.

One good thing is the Rani’s TARDIS, mind; it’s refreshingly different from the usual template. But the Rani can control it remotely- I assume this limits its lifespan then, as we were told in The War Games!

The trees are awful, of course, both in appearance and in concept, and it’s a relief when the story ends. We finish with the Doctor explaining what he and Peri do all the time in the TARDIS; “Argue, mainly.” This pretty much shows what a simplistic grasp Pip and Jane seem to have of their characterisation.

A plotless mess with crap dialogue, no sense of pace or direction and poor characterisation. I’ll be generous and give it a 2/5 as visually it looks ok enough.

Doctor Who: Planet of Fire

Part One

“For our people to survive, we must have faith.”

Another script by Peter Grimwade, a writer with a decidedly mixed reputation. But it’s a positive start; filming in Lanzarote allows the programme to create an alien planet which looks very different. We’re instantly introduced to the cultural and religious fault lines of Saudi Ara- er, Sarn, with a conflict between Timanov (Jason King!) and his belief in the god Logar, and a new generation of sceptics. Sadly, this aspect of the plot is rather perfunctory as there is no real hint of any cultural hinterland to this religion beyond what is requited by the plot, but this is more or less acceptable given that this turns out not to be the main aspect of the plot.

The Doctor’s a bit upset over the circumstances of Tegan’s departure, but it’s notable that when Turlough asks if he missed Tegan he only replies “Well, we were together a long time.” I still maintain that the Doctor never particularly liked Tegan but just put up with her out of politeness!

Amazingly, Kamelion pops up again. I’d quite forgotten about him. And Turlough sabotages the TARDIS to prevent the Doctor hearing about a distress signal from his home planet of Trion. Well, well, well! I’d quite forgotten about Turlough’s sneaky tendencies, too, but even at this late stage it’s all quite in character- another reminder that in an exception from the norm the scripts generally develop the character superbly. Although I’m not sure how this fits in with his apparent wish to return home back during The King’s Demons.

We’re introduced to Peri and her guardian Howard, both of whom have absolutely 100% convincing American accents. They have a bit of an argument, the upshot of which is Peri taking off most of her clothes so she can go swimming. Mmm. Following which Turlough decides to keep his shirt on while swimming for some reason.

More plot stuff happens, as Turlough and Malkon both turn out to have a “chosen one” symbol on their arms, the TARDIS ends up on Sarn, and Kamelion turns into the Master…

Part Two

“I’m Perpugilliam Brown and I can shout just as loud as you can!”

Kamelion’s wearing the Master’s body but the real Master is here too, watching from behind a screen just as he was during The Keeper of Traken. Kamelion can’t maintain his form after mental pressure of Peri, but instead of turning back into his normal form he becomes a silver version of Howard, which is much cheaper.

We see the Master’s TARDIS again, and there still see to be a few light bulbs that need replacing. Lots of stuff happens which is entertaining enough- the planet’s going to blow up, the equipment kept underground is probably from Turlough’s father’s ship- but it all feels like a bunch of set pieces in search of a plot.

Part Three

“Gullible idiots!”

Full marks for finally getting Turlough to ditch that awful uniform, but the Doctor’s question mark braces are quite the fashion faux pas.

It turns out that Turlough and Malkon are probably brothers. This is an excellent departure story for Turlough, penned by his creator. I particularly like the scene with the Doctor warning him that if he holds back anything important then their friendship is at an end- in this situation more than any other Turlough has to choose between his natural deviousness and his decent side. 

The plot’s all over the place again this episode- the Doctor wanting to materialise around the Master’s TARDIS a la Logopolis, a healing flame a la The Brain of Morbius- but froth though it is it’s enjoyable all the same.

That’s quite a cliffhanger- the Master’s all little!

Part Four

“Leave us in peace. We wish to die with our faith.”

So, Sarn's a prison planet to which Turlough’s family were dispatched for being on the wrong side. It’s a little cursory, perhaps, but at least Turlough gets an origin. Apparently Trion has agents on every civilised world, including “an eccentric solicitor in Chancery Lane”. We finally learn that Turlough’s first name is Vizlor and that for him the English public school is “the worst place in the universe”.

Kamelion asks the Doctor to kill him, is a faintly embarrassing scene that reaches for pathos but doesn’t quite manage it as the prop was sadly never very mobile or suggestive of a personality. Timanov’s dignified exit is rather more effective. And as for the Master’s demise- well, that looked rather permanent. I feel absolutely sure that in the unlikely event we ever see the Master again we can expect a full and detailed explanation of his survival.

Turlough, it seems, is no longer a political prisoner. His leaving scene is most satisfying in terms of his character arc; in returning to Trion to face his responsibilities he’s finally grown up.

Peri, meanwhile, has been welcomed aboard…

That was entertaining enough, if a little slight. The plot was a little disjointed, but it was all good fun and Turlough got a good exit. A solid 3/5.

Doctor Who: The King's Demons

Part One


“He’s said to be the best swordsman in France.”

“Fortunately, we are in England.”

Crikey, forced to watch a story on video again. Doesn’t seem to happen very often these days.
Terence Dudley again… oh dear. It’s the middle ages, and we begin by having a series of mediaeval tropes paraded before us- the travelling tyrant king; the feast; the challenging to a duel by the dropping of a gauntlet; the joust. Then the TARDIS lands.

Two quite astonishing things happen regarding our heroes early on in the story. Firstly Tegan has actually changed her clothes, and secondly, our heroes unaccountably fail to recognise that Sir Gilles Estram is being played by Anthony Ainley and thus is obviously the Master.

Gerald Flood is excellent as the king, especially as the part he’s playing is somewhat more complicated than it at first appears. The sets and locations are also fab. Of course, the best thing about it is the king’s song. Still, the whole thing feels a bit dull and pointless.

The cliffhanger made me laugh out loud. This is the second time in a row that the return of the Master has been heralded by “So you escaped from…”


Part Two

“Mediaeval misfits!”

There’s something a bit embarrassing about the “Arise, Sir Doctor” scene. Still I’m sure it’s just a one off and it’ll never happen again.

The Master’s plan is just to meddle in history. As the Doctor says, it’s “small time villainy by his standards” and more reminiscent of the Meddling Monk, although of course Terence Dudley’s scriptwriting pales in comparison to that of the great Dennis Spooner. Oh, and he has Tegan flying the TARDIS again.

The Doctor and Master get a rather stagy confrontation scene which makes no sense whatsoever in terms of the Master’s motivation and which consists pretty much entirely of toe-curdlingly embarrassing dialogue. Still, at least we’re introduced to Kamelion, who at least looks rather good.

After a rather contrived ending, Kamelion joins the TARDIS crew for some reason. No doubt we’ll be seeing him all the time now. And after a brief interlude of the Doctor being nasty to Tegan (he really doesn’t like her, and I’m actually starting to feel sorry for her), they’re all off to the Eye of Orion.


Oh dear. That was a bit of a mess. I’ll be generous and give it 2/5 for looking good and being well performed. But the script was awful.

As for the season as a whole, it doesn’t get very good marks either at only 3/5, the worst score so far. Aside from the excellent Enlightenment, only Mawdryn Undead really managed to impress me. I’m hoping for better next season. But first, a bit of nostalgia…

Doctor Who: Time-Flight

Part One

“Are you responsible for this box, sir?”

“Well, I try to be.”

Ah, a Concorde, that technological marvel! That dates this story immediately- this is set back in the days before the future became considered passé. Although the décor inside, and especially the glimpse of newspaper, date this story in quite another way. But oops- where’s it gone?

Inside the TARDIS we have a perfunctory discussion about going back in time to save Adric, but within what feels like thirty seconds all of this is over and they’re all off to the Great Exhibition. This is most awkward, and although it’s probably true to say there can’t be more than a certain amount of character stuff in a format where you’re never more than 25 minutes from a cliffhanger or story climax (something which doesn’t apply to the “new series”, where although the stories are shorter the episodes have time to breathe), it could have been better handled than this. I’m noticing more and more how much poorer the treatment of the current large TARDIS crew compares to the original lot. It’s not as though Ian or Babs got all that much character stuff either, just the amount that was required by the constraints of the genre, but it worked. For this crew, it doesn’t.

The TARDIS lands on a runway- please don’t let this be another Faceless Ones! It’s interesting to look for Tegan’s reaction here to finally being at Heathrow- will she stay or will she go, to paraphrase Joe Strummer at around this time? 

Thankfully, lots of tiresome scenes of the TARDISeers falling under suspicion from the authorities are curtailed by mentions of the good old Brig and some chap called Sir John Sudbury from “C19”, with some UNIT bloke at the end of the phone going so far as to insist the Doctor be briefed on the missing plane. On the other hand, it’s all a bit too continuity heavy. Perhaps they could streamline all this into, I don’t know, perhaps the Doctor carrying some paper that’s, I dunno, psychic?

So a second Concorde takes off, with the TARDIS, on its side, on board. And our heroes plus pilots end up in some illusory other world which turns out to be the Jurassic. We get a surprisingly highbrow reference to Berkeleyan philosophy for such a silly story (“That is why this tree / doth continue to be…”) and there’s some bloke in weird make up speaking an odd language in a funny voice. It seems he’s played by someone called Leon Ny Taiy. I wonder who he is?

Part Two

“Magic? Arabia?”

Sop, there are some squidgy, semi-corporeal things that control people and do other things required by the plot, except that some annoying professor bloke is able to resist its control. He thinks he’s in Siberia. Ho hum. Still, as time goes on he’ll become gradually less annoying until he morphs into an almost exact clone of Dr Tyler off The Three Doctors. Oh, and the Plasmatons are a bit like Gell Guards, I suppose.

Nyssa and Tegan have to pass through the obligatory illusory version of Adric, on account of he just snuffed it, and then they get a Melkur and a Terileptil, just to remind them of some of the more mildly disappointing of their recent adventures.

We get a decent retro-looking Ray Harryhausen monster conjured up by Kalid, but rather suddenly he’s defeated. And then turns out to have been the Master in disguise all along. Naturally, he had to disguise himself as a bizarre Aladdin style conjurer and speak in some weird made-up language, even when no one else was around, because, er, um, er…

Part Three

“The Xeraphin is calling us.”

We begin what will become a tradition of full frontal refusal to explain how the Master escaped from his last sticky situation with the obligatory “So you escaped from Castrovalva”. Then the plot starts all over again, this time with the baddie being the Master instead of some weird conjurer type. At least our villain, stranded here, now has a motive.

Two pilots muck about in the TARDIS for a bit, while the Doctor discovers the entire Xeraphin race is locked up in some column thing. The Prof sacrifices himself (yay!) and then we get a battle of wills between two random Xeraphins. Don’t get me wrong, it all makes a sort of sense, but it’s all a bit random, innit?

Part Four

“I’ll explain later.”

I don’t at all like the Doctor’s brief admission that the Master has finally defeated him, it’s unDoctorishly defeatist. I realise this Doctor is supposed to be less charismatic and less assertive- fair enough- but more and more I’m seeing something beyond the character of Davison’s excellent Doctor- a lack of respect for the character from the scripts. The Doctor should always be the hero- this is his show, after all.

It all ends with a bargain between the Doctor and the Master, manipulated by the Doctor to strand the Master on Xeraphas- it’s all strangely reminiscent of the conclusion to The Mind of Evil. It’s a nice touch, and at the same time a bit embarrassing, to see Tegan actually acting as an air hostess.

The story does tend to stretch credulity somewhat, even given the necessary conventions of the genre, with how easily the Concorde pilots adapt to the fantastic events they’ve witnessed, with their insistence on joking about it even when faced with scepticism from their superiors really pushing it.

Tegan gets wistful while wandering the terminal (Terminal 3 was new then, right?) but it’s a huge shock when the Doctor and Nyssa just take of without her without warning.

This is an odd story. For the first time in ages it’s obviously been written and performed as though purely a kids’ show- see the bloke playing the captain of the second Concorde- not a bad performance but one clearly tailored for a kids’ show. It’s a throwaway load of nonsense, of course, more like T-Bag or Emu’s Pink Windmill than Doctor Who, but actually on those terms it’s sort of ok. 2/5.

As for Season 19, at 3.429/5 it rather surprisingly ties exactly with its predecessor. But neither season has exactly scored well. This comes as a genuine surprise to me- I thought I actually liked this season quite a lot!

Doctor Who: Castrovalva

Part One

“I was forgetting, Nyssa- bioelectronics is your strong point.”

I think this is our first ever pre-titles sequence, and very nice it is too. Unfortunately there follows a lot of dull scenes involving running, security guards, irritating incidental music and Adric being particularly annoying. Suddenly, with a new season and a new Doctor, he’s become a lot more annoying. And then the Master gets him but leaves him on the ground in a trance to be collected by the others, Considering what happens later I can’t see the point of that scene.

With everyone aboard, the new Doctor disappears into the depths of the Ship while Nyssa and Tegan chat. It’s notable that Nyssa doesn’t seem at all bothered by the traumatic recent events, calmly dispensing technobabble as though she hasn’t a care in the world. Meanwhile the Doctor, perhaps recalling The Horns of Nimon, slowly divests himself of his scarf by turning it into thread to guide him through the labyrinth. Ooh, how very symbolic for our new Doctor!

There’s a brief conversation with Adric where it becomes clear he’s confused and has to be reminded that Romana’s gone. I think this is the first time we ever hear the phrase “console room”. There follows what might well be Tegan’s first ever exclamation of “Rabbits!” and our second look at the TARDIS BBC micro, which looks as if it’s now a permanent feature. Still, just as people today have digital radios that look like old wooden radios from the 50s, no doubt the Doctor is just using technology that looks retro in style but is in fact incredibly advanced. Er, right?

Peter Davison does a rather good Hartnell impression and a rather less good Troughton one, although it’s good to see the recorder again. All entertaining enough, but surely we ought to be getting round to quickly establishing this new Doctor? He gets a lot of screen time this episode but we still have little or no impression of what he’s going to be like.

Nyssa and Tegan discuss recursion, which foreshadows, of course, what’s to come. Nevertheless it comes across as awkward, un-naturalistic dialogue, something I’m picking up as a general feature of Bidmead’s scripts.

The TARDIS is apparently even more huge than we’ve previously imagined, so much so that the Master manages to kidnap Adric while he’s lost in the corridors. Happily, this means we won’t be seeing much of him for a while. Meanwhile, Nyssa and Tegan lead the doctor to the “stark simplicity” of the Zero Room- more foreshadowing. The episode ends with Nyssa consulting the TARDIS Wikipedia…

Part Two

“We’re playing Russian Roulette with the TARDIS!”

At last we get a small sign of Nyssa reacting naturally to the terrible things that have happened to her as she expresses her revulsion at the Master and switches off the monitor. Not much, but it’s something.

It’s notable that throughout the whole story, not just those featuring Castrovalva itself, the Master is essentially in control of reality itself as far as the TARDISeers are concerned. His control, through Adric, of block transfer mathematics (for which read magic) allow him to literally reshape reality. The surprising thing, if anything, is that his ambitions are so limited, pretty much focused only on his rivalry with the Doctor. This tells us a lot about his obsession with the Doctor, something which has gone to such lengths that it can hardly be considered rational. And it’s also a little odd that we will never see him using this power again.

“I’ll have to explain how to vent the thermal buffer” states the now bespectacled Doctor. How appropriate that this line will eventually be echoed in a much later appearance by this Doctor! And then we have the expected Pertwee impression. There are some great ideas in this scene, mind- the architectural configuration of the TARDIS can be redesigned from the control room, and rooms can be deleted to provide extra “thrust”.

Finally we get to the countryside outside Castrovalva, which looks strangely similar to the South of England. Odd, that. It’s amusing to hear Nyssa advising Tegan that “There’s a whole room full of clothes if you want to change.” Tegan won’t be following this advice for some time but, on the other hand, pot, kettle…

Oh, and I see Eric Saward’s name appearing in the credits as script editor. That’s surprisingly early. Still, I suppose it makes sense given that this was the fourth story of the season to be made.

Part Three

“I’m beginning to feel quite my old self. Or my new self.”

I very much like the gradual introduction of Castrovalva, and the gradual way it’s revealed that they are in fact friendly and apparently harmless. It’s good to see Michael Sheard again too. We get a nice series of scenes introducing us to the setting, marred only by the fact the Portreeve is so obviously played by Anthony Ainley- “Neil Toynay”, indeed! I particularly like the early signs of friction between Shardovan and the Portreeve- yet more foreshadowing. And, of course, the way everyone is instantly intimidated by Tegan!

“I know so little about telebiogenesis” admits Nyssa. I sympathise- I can well remember Wednesdays at school. Maths, history and physics in the morning, then double telebiogenesis in the afternoon. It never was my favourite subject.

The sequence leading up to the cliffhanger is brilliant (“Yes, well that’s democracy for you!”) and the concept of recursive occlusion is brilliant. It even hits you at the end that the sets actually look like the Escher sketch, which is great design.

Incidentally, I wonder if anyone at the time ever did an etch-a-sketch of an Escher sketch? Sorry…

Part Four

“With my eyes, no. But in my philosophy…”

It’s a nice touch how Shardovan seems so sinister right up until the moment we realise his secret is that he shares the Doctor’s suspicions. Appropriately, he ends up as the hero. And I love the scene where the Doctor uses the mirror and some chalk to demonstrate to Mergrave and Ruther that their entire world is a lie. It really is a great concept- space folding in on itself, the same point in space having multiple locations, and the inhabitants of Castrovalva being part of it. The revelation of the forged history is also brilliant.

I had to raise an eyebrow at Shardovan’s line “Why are all these women here? Is this a holiday?” Along with the fact that all the women in Castrovalva seem to be performing some sort of domestic task whenever we see them it seems that feminism has yet to catch on here.

The Master is unveiled and we get a suitable conclusion, although sadly the Doctor once again addresses his rival as “Master”, something he should never ever do, at least by choice.

Now, that’s more like it. The story takes almost two whole episodes to get going, but the final two episodes are superb. Finally Bidmead is able to turn his brilliant concepts into effective drama. 3/5 overall, but the average mark reflects the fact (well, opinion!) that it’s a story of two halves. Peter Davison was fantastic, but now I’d like to see a story with him actually playing the Doctor!

Doctor Who: Logopolis

Part One

“I sometimes think I should run a tighter ship.”

We begin with what we assume to be the TARDIS, but it’s a real police box, in content. It’s surprisingly late for the show to be pulling this trick for the first time. But distracting from this somewhat is a “Take your litter home” sign placed right above a bin! We also get our first instance of the “not a real phone” situation. That worked quite well- perhaps it might be worth another go in, say, 24 years’ time?

Meanwhile the Doctor and Adric are wandering morosely around some part of the TARDIS we’ve never seen before, bedecked with gloomy tendrils of ivy which seem rather in keeping with the Doctor’s mood. The Doctor muses on the inevitability of entropy increasing on account of the Second Law of Thermodynamics… perhaps one of the more reactionary laws of physics? It is, of course, essentially what this entire season has been about, but it’s also a rather apposite metaphor for the Doctor’s fate. And, indeed, his mood.

We meet Tegan. And her Aunt Vanessa, who has a car with a choke, cos it’s 1981. Blimey, that reminds me of my early childhood, as Doctor Who is going to do rather often from now on. Anyway, Tegan wants to be an air hostess, and I’m sure she’ll get to London airport on time and definitely without anything bad happening. I like her- unlike Adric and, to get slightly ahead of ourselves, Nyssa, she has an actual personality.

The Doctor suddenly wants to repair the TARDIS’s “chameleon circuit” for some reason (it’s the first time it’s ever called that, right?), which apparently involves materialising around an actual police box and measuring it exactly so something called “block transfer computations” can be done on it. Fair enough, it seems to fit in with the story’s themes, but why is the Doctor suddenly doing this, exactly?

More continuity porn as we get another peek at Romana’s now deserted room and the Doctor refers to the fact the TARDIS has been stuck as a police box ever since it was in “a totter’s yard”. Apparently he should have waited for the “chameleon conversion” before leaving Gallifrey but “there were pressing reasons at the time”. Still, it seems he at least waited long enough for the TARDIS BBC micro to be installed.

One of the season’s more minor themes is referenced as the Doctor says that “The TARDIS and I are getting rather deter at these short hops.” But mainly it’s all doom and foreboding. Especially after the Doctor catches sight of the Watcher. Brrr.

Still, things soon perk up a bit as the TARDIS materialises around a police box which turns out to be another TARDIS. A bit of an homage to that rather fun and silly story The Time Monster then ensues as the Doctor and Adric walk from TARDIS to TARDIS, nicely balancing out the gloom and doom a bit.

There’s some more intentional but rather less successful comic relief thereafter as Tegan wanders into the TARDIS and asks to speak to the “pilot”. Er, why? Still, the cliffhanger’s a biggie: the Master’s at large. Which we, er, knew at the end of the last story anyway.

Oh, and it’s interesting that the Doctor only killed people by shrinking them in one story, Terror of the Autons, when he was Roger Delgado, but after The Deadly Assassin and now this it’s become a calling card.

Part Two

“I’ve just dipped into the future. We must be prepared for the worst.”

The Doctor has to jettison Romana’s room. How very symbolic. Now the Doctor’s even mardier than he was before, if that’s possible. Especially after her receives a message from Traken telling him that the Master’s escaped. How far we’ve come from the series’ origins- the Doctor is now receiving messages from the planet he just left. Apparently the Master knows exactly what the Doctor’s going to do because, bizarrely, “he’s a Time Lord- in many ways we have the same mind”. Er, is this an allusion to Gallifreyan telepathy or, as I suspect, is it just a lazy narrative shortcut?

Now the Doctor wants to “flush out” the Master by flooding the TARDIS. He’s now clearly gone beyond morose to suicidal. Poor Adric! Fortunately for the special effects budget, it doesn’t work. And the Doctor gets to have a proper chat with this Watcher fellow- a chat we’re not privy to, naturally. It doesn’t seem to cheer him up much.

We finally get to the much-heralded planet Logopolis, which in some bizarre fashion exactly resembles the video to David Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes. Tegan’s great during all this, demanding answers from the Doctor and actually intimidating him a bit. This elicits the only comic acting we see from Tom throughout this entire story, and for that I’ll be eternally grateful.

The Doctor, in another narrative shortcut, is expected on Logopolis, and indeed well known and trusted. They’re mathematicians who refuse to use computers (ah, traditional educational values!) and whose sums are capable of producing actual solid objects. More unexpected is the arrival of Nyssa, brought along by “a fiend of the Doctor.”

Part Three

“Our numbers were holding the universe together.”

The Watcher’s arrived on Logopolis. Ooh! Meanwhile, the Doctor’s in a spot of bother. Still, through a combination of Logopolitan ingenuity and the TARDIS mysteriously being much lighter than it was in Full Circle the problem is solved, but not before taking up half the episode so the plot can be rationed out more slowly. 

Still, this story may be overly serious by a long way and structured very oddly, but there’s no denying it’s crammed with great concepts. The conversation between the Monitor and Adric is great; the Logopolitans can’t use computers because their calculations affect the physical world and would therefore affect the computer. Only the living mind, for some reason, is immune. I’m not sure how all this works, but it’s great, a sort of Schrödinger’s cat as applied to mathematical calculation- a mind-blowing concept.

I’m still puzzled as to why the chameleon circuit needs fixing now, as you’d imagine the threat of the Master would be much more urgent. The bit with Tegan accusing the monitor of running a sweatshop is problematic too- it’s a nice character moment for her, but she doesn’t get anything like a satisfactory answer.

There’s something most effective and disturbing about the Master posing as Nyssa’s father- the fact he’s wearing Tremas’s body adds an extra level of cruelty and horror. But poor Nyssa’s day is going to get even worse…

The master has destroyed Logopolis, but knows not what he did, the plonker. Without Logopolis using its maths to open CVE’s into other universes to stave off the eventual heat death of the universe (there’s the ultimate in another theme of the season- procrastination!), our heroes are beset by the terrifying threat of entropy! Things are so bad that the Doctor and the Master are forced to work together. But not before the Doctor has a right whinge at his companions. He really is in a bit of a mood.

Part Four

“It’s the end. But the moment has been prepared for…”

A whirl of activity, as everyone heads to the real Pharos Project on Earth to do some sums and save the universe. Oh, the drama. The Doctor addresses the Master as “Master” here, which feels very wrong. I can’t remember him ever doing that before.

Entropy completely destroys Traken, which is truly horrible for Nyssa. It feels quite wrong to me how much the script underplays the horror of this- surely Nyssa should be traumatised?

We get a lot of tiresome running from guards, and then it’s time for the Master’s cringeworthy “Peoples of the universe…” broadcast, followed by the kind of villainous cackling that is the aural equivalent of moustache-twirling.. This is pure unintentional silliness, and in no way a threat worthy of this great era’s final moments. Fortunately, the build-up to the regeneration, the old clips, the revelation of the Watcher, and the effect of the regeneration itself, are all wonderful.

Well, that had loads of great concepts in it. But it seemed very oddly structured, in a way which was very aesthetically displeasing for me. Bidmead’s good on themes and concepts, but his grasp of character is no more than functional, and he seems to have little conception of the narrative beats needed to make a story exciting. And where was the action here? The ideas were good, but unfortunately a lot of the fundamental elements of Doctor Who scriptwriting are absent. So Tom’s era, perhaps the greatest of them all, finishes on an anti-climax. It just scrapes a 3/5 for the ideas and the development of the themes.

As for the season as a whole… an average of 3.429/5, which places it third from bottom. That’s a surprise, as the E-Space trilogy earned three 5/5s in a row from me, and there were a lot of good things about this season. But ultimately I think there was just too much that was po-faced, and not enough excitement or humour.

Doctor Who: The Keeper of Traken

Part One

“It surely does not become of us to mock the Melkur!”

So, Johnny Byrne, another new writer. It’s extraordinary how few of the old hands have been penning the scripts this series. The effect is that things seem very fresh but also a little disorienting. And perhaps also more of an obvious influence from the script editor than usual. But anyway, The Keeper of Traken…

For the first time the Doctor and Adric are alone in the TARDIS and, surprisingly, it works very well indeed. With just Adric the Doctor is suddenly full-on sombre; we’ve seen elements of this tendency more and more over the season but without the influence of Romana and K9 it’s much more to the forefront. The relationship between the Doctor and Adric is also very much a father / son one, which makes the Doctor seem older and fits with the changes in his character. Adric is very accepting of the doctor as a father figure and, surprisingly, the two actors work very well together. Tom is excellent, of course, in portraying this most interesting piece of character development. But I must give credit to Matthew Waterhouse too. Anyway, The Keeper of Traken… 

We have an empire held together just by “people being terribly nice to each other”, something which isn’t developed any further than that. We also have the concept of good and evil apparently being things which objectively exist rather than being subjective judgements, to the extent that “evil beings are drawn to Traken where they calcify into “Melkurs”. All of which is, frankly, simplistic drivel which has no place in either the scientific world view or the general tone of Doctor Who. I don’t have any problem with Doctor Who being considered a children’s programme (it is), but the simplistic concepts behind this scripts come across as intended not just for a children’s programme but a rather patronising conception of one. All this talk of Traken’s “goodness” and its effect on “evil” Melkurs makes me feel as if I’m being talked down to. And good children’s television never makes me feel that way, even at 32.

The dialogue comes across as the worst kind of cod-Shakespeare, too. And our introduction to the characters via flashback as the Keeper introduces them is awkward and stagey, too, the characters’ dialogue being too obviously intended as exposition.

Still, nice line from the Doctor as the end as he and Adric, rather drearily, are about to be accused of some crime: “I wonder what we’ve done this time?”

Part Two

“Obey without question!”

Pretty much a second episode of drivel, really, and at the halfway point the story is on course for a 1/5. Still, Anthony Ainley is good as Tremas, it’s good to see Margot Van der Burgh (it’s been a long time!) and John Woodnutt again, albeit both wasted, and Kassia’s eyes when hypnotised evoke pleasant memories of Image of the Fendahl. I wonder who this baddie could be, hypnotising Kassia like that?

I must admit it all looks good, too, as has everything this season.

Part Three

“What can’t be cured must be endured.”

Fortunately from this point things begin to pick up, as the focus shifts from the awful concepts of the story, the dull guest characters and the dullness of the Doctor and Adric being suspected of nefariousness and locked in a cell. I like the way everyone has to bribe Proctor Neman to get him to do anything (at least there’s one snake in this paradise, then!). 

Nyssa is the other guest character of interest here, likeable, knows a lot of science-y things, brave and determined, but even she is far from a well-rounded character, as those traits pretty much describe her whole personality.

The focus on the action is bringing some entertainment into the story, though, and the cliffhanger’s great.

Part Four

“So, a new body. At last!”

One slight problem here- the two remaining consuls seem to accept the Melkur as the new Keeper, but surely by definition they’d see him as evil? Just because the pace is picking up doesn’t mean things have started making sense!

Interesting to see a mention of the second law of thermodynamics, and our good friend entropy. It’s almost as though something were being foreshadowed. Bizarre how this story manages to develop the overarching themes of the season with a genuine brilliance which is entirely lacking in the ideas behind the story itself.

I was much amused by the Doctor’s banging of heads with Neman and his two mates- shades of The Highlanders there. And also by our first sight of Nyssa building some kind of device in the TARDIS- quite possibly not the last time we’ll see something like this! But Nyssa, along with Adric, pretty much gets to save the day. How puzzling that she doesn’t join the TARDIS crew at the end…

Geoffrey Beevers is magnificent as the Master, with almost the perfect voice for villainy, surpassing Peter Pratt and probably second only to Gabriel Woolf. Shame about his make-up though, so much less graphic than in The Deadly Assassin! It’s great to see the Master again, although this story doesn’t really give us a great confrontation scene between him and the Doctor- something to be rectified shortly, no doubt. The Doctor’s also strangely slow to realise who he is.

The Master’s still after a new body, though, and just when the story seems to be over he goes and gets himself one. Poor Tremas…

Well, after the poorest start in some considerable time this manages to climb its way up to a 2/5 by competent action plotting, some development of the overarching season theme and some competent stuff with the Master. The whole concept of Traken is still rotten, though.

I’ll try and do Logopolis tomorrow. And judging by my notes it’ll probably break my record for word count for a four parter by a long way!