Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

 "Tokyo Police Corporation will give us more plentiful lives..."

Two years after the delightfully depraved Machine Girl, Yoshihiro Nishimura returns with this hilariously blood-soaked masterpiece of an over-the-top gore fest that has a point to it, as dystopias often do.

The film is making no attempt to hide the strong influence of RoboCop- we even have similar delightfully twisted TV adverts- in its Tokyo of the near future where the privatised police force have the silhouette of samurai and are a law unto themselves. There's a lot of savage satire of modern Japan, from corporate culture to sexual harrassment on the bullet train.

There's a lot of grand guignol here. The gore is neither realistic nor intended to be, which actually makes the film feel in less bad taste and less challenging for the squeamish, but there's no denying that it's over the top and pretty much as far as you can go. This future Tokyo is plagued by mutant "engineers", who, when wounded, sprout grotesque mutations from the injured body part... and yes, we see these for all sorts of body parts. Yes, including those ones.

The film is cleverer than it may seem, though. As soon as we get the Key Man's big, over-the-top supervillain origin story we're reminded that he's just a distraction, and that the true enemy is unaccountable power in the shape of police privitisation and corruption. The hero, Ruka, is an honest, good cop, but by the end of the film we realise she's the only police officer in the city who isn't corrupt and sadistic. In hindsight, the fact that the police chief keeps a limbless, disfigured gimp girl as a slave may offer a bit of a clue that these may not be the good guys.

This film is a masterpiece, as metatextual as it is gory, with the script cleverly making explicit that the final scenes are literally Ruka vs. a sequence of end of level bosses. This film very much is the gore fest of reputation, but it's so much more than that.

Iron Fist: The Mistress of All Agonies

 "Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is leave."

Argh. This episode could have been really good. The ideas are good, the plot is even good. It's just... the script and some of the performances are not up to par.

I'd exempt Wai Ching Ho from that though. She's a chillingly evil, gaslighting power who seems powerful even when tied up and interrogated, perhaps partly because she "spend most of the 17th Century being interrogated. Then there's David Wenham as the resurrected Harold, a kind of evil Captain Jack Harkness who, Ward is told by a rival, is fated to become a little more evil with each resurrection.

Harold has quite the journey, first acting like the wandering monster in Frankenstein before remembering who his is, ultimately killing his underling suddenly and callously on a whim. He's a dangerous man, manipulating Ward into the clutches of the same psychiatrist who "treated" Danny. And then Joy has the shock of her life, falling right into his manipulative clutches. If handled better, this could have been superb, with both Gao and Harold being manipulative and evil.

But there's more- Sacha Dhawan as an assassin after Danny. Our- and Danny's- proper introduction to Bakuto. Who is he? He certainly knows a lot, to the point of knowing more aboiut what the Iron Fist can do than Danny does.

This should be good. This is a fascinating plot, on paper. Why am I not enjoying this? Because by this point things are feeling a little off.

Better Call Saul: Mabel

 "For ten minutes today Chuck didn't hate me..."

This opening episode of the season was written and directed by Vince Gilligan himself. That certainly explains the quality of the writing, and the direction, upon which Mike's subplot depends to a huge extent. That this is a superb piece of television hardly needs mentioning.

Let us begin with Mike. His arc is extraordinarily based on visuals, montage, facial reactions, superb direction, Jonathan Banks being an actor of the very first rank. The upshot seems to be that this season will follow Mike's pursuit of who lies behind Hector Salamanca, whom we know to be Gus. Is this episode a statement of intent from Gilligan himself to that effect? Or am I entirely wrong?

Then there's Jimmy. Oh, Jimmy. We start with a flash forward to the monochrome life of "Gene" in Nebraska, deeply frustrated and unfulfilled, in a deeply revealing scene. Gene, Saul, Jimmy: all are very different personas.

We have the fascinating contrast, as a marker in the season opener, between Kim and Jimmy. Kim is professional, agonising over a bit of puntuation while taking on some of Jimmy's tiresome old clients while Jimmy just... well, does his thing. And receives a visit from an aitr force captain that harbinges that monochrome future. 

Then there's Chuck. There's the brothers bonding over childhood stuff... but Chuck has the recording. And a plan. Is this brother versus brother, step vs, counterstep, to define this season? Is this episode a statement of intent from Gilligan himself to that effect? Or am I entirely wrong?

Be that so or be it not, this is a triumph of the televisual art.

Clerks (1994)

 "She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles."

I haven't seen this wonderful film since I was at uni. What took me so long? It is, first of all, hilarious. But, for this fortysomething, it's so gloriously, nostalgia-inducingly '90s, and my '90s. The '90s of slacker culture, Grunge, Douglas Coupland and lumberjack shirts. Oh, and landlines and video stores.

The soundtrack is glorious too- Soul Asylum, Bad Religion, proper '90s stuff. But the film is far more than just a comedy. The structure is based on Dante's Divine Comedy. Yes, I know it's filmed as it is because it was made on the cheap, but it looks so wonderfully arthouse, which somehow works.

The characters are superb too. The put-upon Dante, our audience identification character who isn't even supposed to be here today, seems decent on the surface. But there's no two ways about it: he's being unfaithful to his very lovely girlfriend, and gets what he deserves.

Both he and Randal are aimless in their McJobs, suitably for the zeitgeist but reflecting a more prosperous age where such directionless apathy was a luxury that could be afforded. We explore that lifestyle here, with Randal at least having some self-awareness.

Most of all, though, the comedy is wonderful, real, inspired, and contains nuggets of wisdom. I can certainly confirm milkmaids exist. I am a bearded example. I'll get the latest date no matter what.

I think it's going to have to be full steam ahead with the View Askew-niverse for me. It's been too long.

Iron Fist: The Blessing of Many Fractures

 "Are you a moron? You thought you could end a criminal conspiracy by destroying a few test tubes?"

Iron Fist continues to be inconsistent. This episode is, on the whole, quite good. The opening is clever: Danny suspects that Gao is after his friends, Colleen makes sure Claire is safe... and Danny finds the corpse of Harold, naturally assuming the Hand was responsible, with Ward, of course, not only allowing him to think so but twisted the knife. The contrast between Danny's naive goodness and Ward's damaged cynicism could not be clearer. And the contrast permeates the episode.

Ward and Joy are offered a prisoner's dilemma of a severance package: it must be accepted by both or neither. Both play games behind each others' backs, with Joy ultimately outsmarting her brother and rejecting it, believing sjhe can fight back. Yet she does so in a way she sees as being Ward's... gathering dirt on the board. The key brother/sister scene is very touching, with Ward resolving to tell Joy all. Yet he can't, seeing blood everywhere like Lady Macbeth, something that will surely continue... and ends by being a total arse to her. Yet again.

Danny, meanwhile, supported by a loving Colleen and a wisely critical Claire (I love the letter from Luke!), rather naively resolves to go to China and get at Gao there, which leads to some rather cool adventures, not least with a drunken boxer, although I'm not sure how he can still afford this after having been ejected from Rand, knowingly or not. There are some great character scenes with him, Colleen and Claire and much discussion of the ethics of killing and revenge. Yet the most cutting comments come from the boxer: is Danny really motivated by his loyalty, as Iron Fist, to K'un Lun? 

We end with triumph, as Danny captures Gao, but not before it looked as though he would kill her. It seems it was indeed Gao who killed his parents. 

This is actually good telly. Who knows what next episode will be like.

Carry On Cruising (1962)

 "He's one of the biggest bull shippers in the business."

Well, there are a lot of Carry On films. They can't all be good.

I suppose this is a transitional film in some ways. It's the first in the series to be made in colour, most obviously. It's 1962. The Sixties haven't exactly started swinging yet, but perhaps there's something in the air. We are, as Philip Larkin put it, between the end of the Chatterly ban and the Beatles' first LP. So we have, I suppose, a few tentative steps in the direction of the naughty humour for which the films will soon become known. Very tentative steps, mind.

Unfortunately, the film just isn't very good. Charles Hawtrey's absence doesn't help, but the script just isn't as funny. And the format is tired, worryingly similar to the film's recent predecessors. Sid James is stuck in another straight role as a captain having to cope with members of his crew being replaced by incompetent newcomers, a familiar format. This both wastes James' talents and is worryingly repetitive.

The main performances can't be faulted. Kenneths Williams and Connor are superb, as is Liz Fraser/ Esma Cannon, again, is an inspiration. But some of the more second string performers aren't bringing much to the party. Worst of all, the jokes just aren't as good. This is more of a straight farce than previous films, almost but not quite in the usual style.

Still, I suppose we're bound to get the occasional dud. Here's hoping the next one will be better.

Enys Men (2022)

 "Trim your feeble lamp, my sister!"

I'm only 25% Cornish, I've never listened to an album by Gwenno, and I've only actually visited said great country once, but you know what they say: ottuma ugens mil gernow a vynn godhvos a reson.

Aren't online translation thingies great? Anyway...

This is an extraordinary, unique, and very Cornish film, which uses incredible cinematography and the uniqueness of the Cornish landscape to create a mood. It's at once increasingly unsettling as the run time moves on and visually poetic to its core. It's both arty and horror. Think The Wicker Man crossed with Un Chien Andalou, but with more lighthouses, chapels and ghostly tin miners. 

The narrative is, and this is the whole point, far from linear. The film consists entirely of Mary, a botanist, alone on the island to study some rare flowers, and we follow her routine with its subtle little variations. There are ghosts, yes, but what sort of ghosts? Do they belong to the island or to her psyche? It's nice to see a creepy turn as a preacher by the great character actor John Woodvine, still charismatic at ninety-two.

The film is slow, despite not being overly long, but the slowness is the point. Everything is a visual metaphor, and the visual metaphors are the narrative. There's probably little more than a hundred words of dialogue, and some of them are in Cornish. It's a film I'd recommend to fans of thoughtful, artistic horror. But if you enjoy this sort of thing, and having to concentrate, this is one of the finest films I've yet seen from this decade, and certainly the best directed.

Knights of God: Episode 5

 "I find history rather boring..."

Sirprisingly, Gervase's gets relatively little screen time here. Plotlines elsewhere develop. Hugo's splendid;y arch scheming continues as he turns the senior Knights slowly against Mordrin. Edwards learns, and is devastated by, his son's apparent treachery... and is a little bitter at Arthur for setting things in motion. Again, we get vague references to Gervase's "true nature".

There's no longer quite the need for so much world building as the premise is by now established, but one again this vaguely Arthurian future Britain is fascinating, very V for Vendetta, a low tech, lived in near future. It has none of the corporate trappings of cyberpunk but the cynicism and lived-in look of Aliens and Blade Runner... on an ITV budget.

Of course, the point is that we (and Gervase) must think Julia dead, although we are allowed to see the truth. But Gervase, I suspect, will not turn against the Knights but follow them with deepening bitterness. The ending is heartbreaking, with Julia unable to go to him and declaring her love. This is good stuff.

Iron Fist: Felling Tree with Roots

 "And it makes my hand light up..."

Wow. This series is bizarrely all over the place. Last episode was pretty awful. This episode is pretty damn good. Yes, we get a very sweet, heartwarming sex scene between Colleen and Danny, the sort that feel very real between two people who genuinely feel an intimate bond. Yes, Danny has the courage of his convictions and gives a defient speech to the board of Rand, showing himself to be media savvy in the process.

Yet it's a dark, dark world. Madame Gao visits Danny in Rand's offices, where she has a pass: "I've been in Rand a lot longer than you have." She's there to troll him, yes, to annoy and disorient him, but also to warn him off. As it turns out she uses the thirteentrh floor of the building for her heroin trade. The continues to goad Danny about his father. Yet, by the end, after Danny, Collen and the Hand's rivals have trashed the heroin factory, it turns out that the whole operation is now, like much Western industry, outsourced to China. And it seems Danny's own father may have had connections to heroin too. Wow. Quite the bombshell.

The opiatre addiction between Ward and a frustrated Joy is not quite working, but it certainly shows the stress Ward is under from the way he's exploited by his manipulative, amoral father, who has Danny eating out of the palm of his hand. Ward's sudden patricide i shocking, yes, But not foreshadowed. It's quite the ending to quite an episode. Oh, and who is Bakuto? And what happens now that the board have removed Danny and the Meachums? This really feels like a turning point. Unexpectedly good.

The Beatles- Abbey Road (1969)

It's time for another Beatles album, and this time my favourite. I know it's fashionable to rave about the later Beatles albums and neglect the earlier ones- a mistake- but this, their last album in spirit if not chronologically, Let It Be featuring a lot of older, slightly retro material- is my favourite.

It's hard to say why and say something new, though. The songwriting at this point is creative and trailblazing while still solid, with none of the out-there experimentalism of the White Album. That's not to say the album isn't full of experimentalism- the second half medley is utterly sublime- but the songwriting remains nevertheless disciplined.

We have Lennon's R&B-esque "Come Together", a reminder that, in 1969, rock music and soul music were yet to quite be separated. In "Something" and "Here Comes the Sun" we have the height of Geoege Harrison's songwriting career, and a reminder of how good he was, and would have remained if he'd occasionally given that bloody slide guitar a rest in his later career.

For me, the best song on the album is "Because", although the medley runs it close. This album, though, is more than the songs that comprise it. More than any other Beatles album, it's as much a soundscape as a collection of songs. It's also the last album of theirs produced by George Martin, not the sort of man you'd expect to come up with such a forward-looking, clear yet trippy sound.

One could argue that rock music peaks here, and all that's left is to explore various side trips. Maybe I'm being a pretentious git. Regardless, I can't see how the Beatles could ever have topped this.

Knights of God: Episode 4

 "All hail the knights of God!"

This episode isn't quite as intensely totalitarian as the last one, and that's sauying something, as the main focus is on Gervase's brainwashing, done through typical fascist techniques alongside a little light experimental use of drugs, courtest of Michael Sheard as a very British Dr Mengele.

The drectorial style, wisely, avoids trippiness here: it would not suit the bleak, fascist aesthetic as Gervase is initiated, via a creepy ceremony, into the Knights of God. His brainwashing is oddly believable, even to the point of subjugating Wales, pursuing the rebels' mysterious leader... and betraying his own father. But I suspect his loyalty would be tested were he to discover that Julia has escaped... and been shot while doing so. Is she dead?

Meanwhile we're intruducted to Nigel Stock as Brother Simon, Mordrin's right hand man, while Hugo continues to archly plot and be performatively resentful. This is certainly leading to conflict.

An eventful episode, then, for a mere twenty-fice minutes. This continues to be very, very good.

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

 "You know, what's remarkable is how much England looks in  no way like Southern California."

I'm not in the mood for anything serious, so this it is then. It is, of course, just more of the same sort of stuff from the first film with pop culture jokes combined with lots of metatextual fun, but I for one am not complaining. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

This time we're introduced to Mini-Me as well as Fat Bastard, a third character to be played with aplomb by Mike Myers. We get rid of Vanessa with hilarious simplicity and then get introduced to the wonderful Felicity Shagwel and... well, it's an Austin Powers film. You know the drill. It's very, very silly indeed.

What's interesting, though, about a film from 1999 being all nostalgic about thirty years earlier is how very '90s it all is from a quarter century later. Even this version of the '60s is very much a version of the decade curated to '90s sensibilities, more Oasis' "All Around the World" than "Yellow Submarine" in aesthetic. But we get the late Jerry Springer, absolutely in his pomp and a reminder of how even trash telly back then had a layer of basic decency to it that would eventually be got rid of. Even Starbucks was sort of newish back then.

The film works so well because it knows full well how daft it is and leans into that, with the time travelling shenanigans and the best knob, fart and poo jokes in cinematic history. The script is magnificent. So is the cast. But praise has to go especially to Mike Myers, absolutely at the peak of his career here. Brilliant stuff.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)

 "How many holes do you have? I'm sorry, is that a personal question?"

I hear this film is not so well-liked as some Marvel films. I rather suspect that this may be connected to the fact that this film is utterly bonkers. I, for one, say that this is no bad thing.

Where to start? I'll briefly observe, with the MCU fifteen years in, that it offers a fascinating contrast with the comics in that there can be no equivalent of Marvel time: actors age. Even, at last, Paul Rudd. Even Michelle Pfeiffer, sixty-five and sexy. Even Michael Douglas, an action grandad living his best life as a Hank Pym in his late seventies. And, yes, Cassie is an adult xennial, part of that awesome generation that won't tolerate oppression and will save us all.

Then there's the wildness of the quantum realm. It's CGI, and obviously so, but it's perhaps the most out there science fantasy madness ever to be given to us by a mainstream Hollywood offering, full of trippy, utterly and deliciously insane visuals.

But... Kang. Wow. I'm aware of the... issues surrounding Jonathan Majors at the moment. And how, indeed, the Kang arc may be affected. With the post-credits sequences really leaning into Kang as a massive thing, too: Immortus, Rama-Tut, a proper Council of Kangs, all played by Jonathan Mayors. But damn, he's such a good actor- charismatic, believable as a villiain who is a cross between Einstein and Alexander the Great from a thousand years in the future. He comes across as psychopathic, yes; charismatic, yes; but a three dimensional person, with wit and a penetrating intelligence. Everything he says, one feels, contains a subtext that goes over one's head. He's quite the villiain, a triumph of both script and acting. He has both the eccentricity of a scientist and the believable threat of a man who can and will conquer for the intellectual challenge.

I haven't even mentioned the excellent humour, or the heartwarming daddy/daughter stuff between Scott and Cassie, something which this doting and denied daddy just gobbles up. Little Miss Llamastrangler will be just as brilliant. Then there's the love between Hope and Scott, Scott's insecurity as the man who talks to ants vs. his heroism, the glorious heroism of Janet and Hank, old people who kick arse. 

And, yeah, super-evolved, socialist ants. Although, you know, perhaps they should read a bit less Marx and a bit more Beveridge, and Lloyd George without the temperance. But I digress. The point is, the critics are wrong, This is one of the finest Marvel movies of this decade.

Iron Fist: Immortal Emerges from Cage

 "I had the fastest donkey cart in K'un Lun too."

Hmm. I liked the stuff with Ward's unravelling opioid addiction, sudden though it is, and Joy's alarm. I like the arse-kicking partnership between Colleen and Claire as they protect Radovan with their complementary talents. They're quite the team.

But the stuff with Danny and that monk from his past as he spends much of the episode fighting agents of the Hand in a contest... it's just a poor man's Luke from The Empire Strikes Back, isn't it? That monk is Yoda, encouraging Danny to destroy his ego, past and feelings to be Iron Fist. He cannot be allowed anger, lust, emotion, feelings. And he must focus only on destroying the Hand even at the expense of an innocent girl's life. 

Danny's act of mercy at the end is where he leaves Dagobah and metaphorically goes to Cloud City. He and the monk from his pazst turn their backs on each other. But... we've seen this all before. With Darth Vader. It's disappointing that an episode trying to show the depth of K'un Lun and its martial arts should be so derivative and shallow. I hope things donb't stay like this; this episode shows an alarming drop in quality.

Still, Madame Gao's revelations are shocking. She's lived in K'un Lunn? She has dirt on Danny's father...?

Better Call Saul: Klick

 "You finally got me where you want me..."

Wow. I thought this episode was going a certain way, with Cbhuck dying because of Jimmy's acts and decisions while he keeps up the nice guy act, thus cementing how morally awful he is. Certainly, this is all his fault. And the scenes of Chuck undergoing medical examination with bright lights and much electricity are shot superbly, reminding me of certain scenes from Trainspotting.

Yet the episode takes an unexpected turn.Chuck suffers, the MRI scan leaves him in a catatonic trance for twenty hours... yet he survives unharmed, returns home... and traps Jimmy into a recorded confession. Yes, I saw it coming. But it's a bombshdell of a moment, and elegantly earned.

This is a clever bait and switch. The opening flashback deceived me, perhaps... Jimmy clearly not having such deep feelings for their dying mother than Chuck, yet her dying words are "Jimmy! Jimmy!", to Chuck's heartbreak. Naturally, Jimmy is not told. Moments like these make us see Jimmy through Chuck's eyes. Yes, Chuck is an arrogant snob. But he has integrity. Jimmy, to put it mildly, doesn't. Poor Kim.

Then there's Mike, put off from his attempted assassination by Nacho and... someone else, perhaps? Mike looks scared, in a superb bit of facial acting from Jonathan Banks. Could it be an early sign of Gus? I know not, butr this is fascinating.

This isan't an explosive, dramatic finale. It's a quietly devastating one. And it works. This is exquisite stuff.

The Wrong Box (1966)

 "Yes, I enjoy an egg myself. They don't make good pets, though."

This splendid film is, yes, a farce, quite literally, and one executed with delicious clockwork precision, the climactic scene at once wonderfully chaotic and utterly orderly in how everything is tied together. This is entirely true. Yet the farce, perfect though it is, is merely the plot as background: this film is memorable for the wit and the performances.

There is, of course, exquisite visual humour, not least at the end whith the hearse chase, the unexpected real funeral, the band. The concept is delicious: a tontine. A sum of money is invested for a large number of young boys, with the last surviving to inherit all. The film begins with a highly entertaining series of, well, stupid deaths, crammed with cameos from British character actors. Finally, we are left with two brothers, played by those great theatrical knights John Mills and Ralph Richardson, both as adept at comedy as one might expect. The peerless Peter Cook and the no less inspired Dudley Moore steal the show, of course, but Michawl Caine is a superb comic straight man.

It's a shock to see Tony Hancock in colour, at this late stage. He is, let's be honest, phoning it in, and past his best. Yet he phones it in with aplomb. Peter Sellers is superb, but that's a given.

This superb cast, though, would be nothing without the sparkling, witty script, of a type that, despite its Vicxtorian setting, is redolent of the era between the satire boom and Monty Python, when British comedy was in glorious ferment, with Peter Cook at the centre of most things that mattered. A masterpiece that ought to be much better known.

Knights of God: Episode 3

 "Aim..."

Crikey, this is bleak, bleak stuff and an unflinching study of fascism. And this is a kids' programme? 

Things take an unexpected turn; Julia and Gervais don't end up escaping afgter all, their acts of sabotage being far too serious fr the punishment block... and when Mordrin arrives they are interrogated while being sleep deprived and forced to stand for hours. Things are already pretty damn intense by the time they are separated and Mordrin begins the real mind games.

It's an impossible choice. Gervais must sign a document renouncing his father and the rebellion, and pledging to become a Knight of God, or Julia will be summatrily executed by firing squad. The tension is horrifying... and poor, brave Julia gets to experience all the suffering of thinking she's about to die until the execution is called off.

Surely a promise brought about by coercion is worthless? Regardless, this is devastating, brilliant telly.

Iron Fist: Under Leaf Pluck Lotus

 "I want the leak under the sink fixed!"

Things get more and more intriguing. There's a new, synthetic heroin on the market, being pushed by the Hand, manipulating the Rand corporation. Yet there are other kinds of drug abuse too. Ward, ignoring Harold's calls, takes pills and gets high, much to Joy's consternatiion. And Rand's drug factory appears to be emitting chemicals that cause cancer in children. We see the dodgy ethics of big business, the dangers of under-regulated capitalism, and juxtapose this with the innocence of Danny.

Speaking of said innocence, this is the episode where Danny and Colleen start exuding huge amounts of sexual chemistry and it becomes clear, in the cutest possible way, that these two socially awkward martial artists rather like each other.

Conflict is brewing between Ward and Danny about business, that is clear. Yet we also start to see both the insidiousness and the power of the Hand, with Claire Temple turning up to explain what happened in Daredevil. Suddenly, Danny, fish out of water, has a purpose. And Colleen too.

I'm not sure we quite have a format or status quo yet, but thatr's no bad thing. I'm enjoying this,

The Devil's Men (1976)

 "I beliewve the Devil has taken possession of this village!"

There was, around 1976-ish, a sudden craze for movies about robed devil worshippers sacrificing groovy youngsters in stone crypts, of which this is one. It's of it's time; the youngsters of 1976 may have considered themselves as hip and groovy, but punk was coming along to give them a good slap. 1976 was forty-seven years ago, as 1919 was to them. In some ways they were modern, yes, but the women shopped and cooked, and were slapped when, ahem, hysterical. It was a long time ago. It was the year I was conceived.

This is, I suppose, a silly B movie by a Greek director shot on sumptuous location saturated with visual culture, with Peter Cushing and Donald Pleasance imported for star power. The critics, it seems dislike it. Yet, accepting the fiulm for what it is, it's an enjoyable romp, full of lots of little cultural nuggets that become apparent, even in a B movie, after so many decades.

This is an X rated movie. There are boobs. There is Satanism. There is Kensington gore. Yet the hero is a friendly, likeable, boozy Catholic priest- played by a Donald Pleasance who will never be square jawed but is a hero more than one might expect- who gets to save the day with exorcism. The Pope would almost like this film. If not for, you know, the naked ladies and the fornication.

This film is a load of old tosh in the best possible way. It's on Netflix. Watch it. I advise a bottle of wine.

Knights of God: Episode 2

 "Worshipping a god of power, strength, and vengeance..."

We begin with a "previously on"... and then it's straight to a concenttration camp. In England. It's not an extermination camp, but it's bloody grim, a place of brainwashing, indoctrination and mind crushing military style discipline without purpose. We see, too, that Prior Mordrin can only maintain a semblance of order by the ceraseless executions of those who would be free.

It's grim. It's bleak. This 2020 may actually be worse than the one we got, and that's saying something.

We get a bit of exposition- throughout the '90s there was conflict between a rich south and a poor north, an interesting perspectibve from the Thatcherite '80s, leading to civil war. And somehow the Knights of God took over, replacing Christianity with a harsh religion of vengeance. Like the concentration camps, this has certain historical echoes.

Gervase suffers the camps but is slowly falling in love with the rather lovely Julia. Shre has a plan to escape via, er, being put in the cooler. It's a good thing too. Because his dad Owen is rumbled, tipped off by Arthur in another delightful scene between Gareth Edwards and Patrick Troughton. But they'rer on to Owen and, via their incredible futuristic computer power, they're on to Gervase.

This is excellent stuff. But bloody hell it's dark for kids' telly.

Iron Fist: Eight Diagram Dragon Palm

 "You're all I've got..."

Suddenly it all changes: Danny doesn't fall far, fortunately, and wakes up to a charm offensive by Harold, who is not dead after all. He's welcomed back into the company, 51% stake and all. Is this it? Has Danny won?

Well, no. From the start his new role has tensions. To the existing board members he's a cuckoo in the nest, and he would be wise to show some patience before throwing his weight around. Yet, on day one, the board meeting brings a moral dilemma about the pricing of a new drug... and Danny does the right thing, rather than the diplomatic thing.

There's more backstory, too. Harold did die of cancer. But he did a deal with the Hand, who resurrected him, but at the cost of secrecy and being their "good servant". Why do the hand want that pier in Red Hook, Brooklyn? They're certainly prepared to terrorise a triad for it.

Meanwhile Danny and Joy bond further, while Colleen continues with her cage fighting. I have no idea where this is going, as the arc has taken an unexpected turn. But the Hand, I'm sure, are the Big Bad. With Madame Gao at the centre of it all. I'm still enjoying this. It may not be quite as good as previous Netflix Marvel stuff, but the margin isn't great.

Knights of God: Episode 1

 "You've got to live. For all of us."

I have only the vaguest of memories of seeing bits of this in 1987 when I was young, and it's been unavailable since, so I know not what to expect. What's that, you ask? How am I seeing this? Oh look. A squirrel.

Anyway, this first episode is an outstanding piece of worldbuilding, a very 80s cross between Arthurian legend and a V for Vendetta type vaguely dystopian, Fascist future. John Woodnutt is dictator of the South and Midlands, he has recently conquered a defiant Wales, but the North remains free and lawless, called a "wasteland". The Knights of God rule a land called "Anglia" from Winchester, as London is ruined. There are direct parallels here with Anglo-Saxon England where the same was true.

This fits Arthurian myth perfectly: Arthur defeated the Saxons at Badon; presumably young Gervase, seemingly fated by legend, will pull some sort of sword from some sort of stone within these thirteen episodes.

Even more intriguingly, Gervase is watched over by an older, Welsh accented Gareth Thomas as Owen, and he is seen talking to a white-bearded Patrick Troughton, whose character seems to be called "Arthur". I'm loving this so far.

Better Call Saul: Nailed

 "Like two hundred bucks expensive...?"

Oh Jimmy. Oh Kim. Oh Chuck. This penultimate episode is where, if I can play fast and loose with metaphotrical cliches, the chickens that are Jimmy's sabotage with the photocopier last episode come home to roost. Which is... yeah, a terrible sentence. But I'm going to leave it as it is, because I'm a terrible person.

Chuck, in court, is humiliated, meant to look a buffoon. Then, and shortly after, it's made clear that, while in recovery, he's mentally fragile, however intellectually sharp he may be, and however easily he may be able to realise what's happened... which leads us to a truly fascinating scene played with utter sublimity by three actors of the very first rank. Chuck explains to Kim what he believes Jimmy did, with great perception and accuracy. Bob Odenkirk is superb in playing Jimmy's blustering, while Rhea Seehorn is extraordinary, giving us a seething emotional reaction from Kim which could mean either she believes Chuck or she doesn't. Despite initial appearances, for Chuck's benefit... she does. And this is going to remain unspoken and drive a wedge between her and Jimmy.

As an interlude... Mike's subplot is the fun one, aa he stages a caper to steal huge wodges of cash. Very clever. Very Zorro. Well done. Drinks all round. Except... Nacho can put two amd two together. Will Hector? Worse: a "Good Samaritan" died because of Mike's actions. Yes, Hector was the killer, but... consequences.

So it is for Jimmy. He sees, with his own eyes, the consequences of his actions as a Chuck who is stressed, upset, not well... hits his head on a counter. Jimmy is charming, personable, likeable. It takes a while to realise what a malevolent, destructive, evil man he is. And yes, he is. You're right, Dave.

This extraordinary series gets deeper and deeper into the human condition.

Star Crash (1978)

 "Time for a little robot chauvinism!"

What's that you say?You suspect this hilariously low budget space opera, clearly based on the style of old movie serials, may not be entirely uninfluenced by a certain Hollywood blockbuster of the previous year? Really...?

In one sense the contrast between this film and Star Wars is hilarious. The star fields and models, while trying to evoke Star Wars, are rubbish. The script and acting are gfloriously cheesy, although Caroline Munro is genuinely charismatic and awesome. David Hasselhoff's hairstyle is not merely awful, but the most awful of all possible hairstyles.

I'll cut to the chase: this is a terrible film. But there are two types of terrible films- boringly terrible and hilariously terrible.This is a hilarious episode of the second kind, with absurd concepts, dialogue and plot twist. The emperor (played by a visibly embarrassed Christopher Plummer) at one point just stops time for plot convenience. Even better, at one point Akton seems to know things he wouldn't obviously know, and Stella immediately makes the leap of logic that he can see the future. But Akton then explains he can never tell her what's to come because she would try to change the future that's "against the law, so therefore I can tell you nothing"... all while he's merrily changing the future himself. Perhaps I ought not to be applying logic and reason here.

This is also a fascinating halfway house between Star Wars and the previous generation of space operas. This may be obviously influenced by movie serials, but there's none of the Joseph Campbell fairytale vibes. And we also have moments of stop motion animation right out of a Ray Harryhausen film. This film may be awful, but gloriously so.

1917 (2019)

 "Am I dying?"

"Yes, yes, I think you are."

Wow. How else can I begin? This film is at once a tour de force of cinematography, an epic quest that is at times both dreamlike and almost evocative of Lord of the Rings... and profoundly, deeply, realistic. It's a profound work of the cinematic art that will linger in my mind. And I'm sure there are subtexts and metaphors which have just swooshed right over my head.

The cinematography, by the great Roger Deakin, is sublimre, giving us a textured world that feels at once both of its time and utterly real. The first few minutes, from the field right through the trenches and what must be a cavernous set, are apparently a single shot... and the feat is repeated again and again as Schofield and Blake traverse the bleak sights of No Man's Land on their desperate mission.

The War and its very real horrors are superbly evoked- the rats, the mud, the fear, the grim humour, the bloody awful food, the normalisation of violent death. The dialogue feels real So do the characters- we get to know Blake and Schofield very well, and Schofield's slow metamorphosis from reluctance to absolute determination is well-earned and feels real.

And yet... there is also, somehow, a mythic element here, an epic quest, a kind of Odyssey, a picaresque tale of wanderings. It is hard not to see the cherry trees as metaphor- cut down in their prime, but they will grow again. And the poor orphaned baby, with milk from Schofield, is another sign that out of death comes rebirth. And yet, at the same time, war is unremittingly grim.

An extraordinary work of genius. Literally my only criticism is of Colin Firth's moustache.

Better Call Saul: Fifi

 "Things work out the way they're supposed to, I guess..."

We begin with an extraordinary tour de force of direction with a van crossing the border from the part of Mexico run by the Mexican government to New Mexico, a part of Mexico occupied by the United States since 1848. He said innocently. But this is all one shot, with so many camera angles, as exacting as theatre but in more dimensions. Exquisite.

This is part of Mike's sub plot where, as well as having a nice grandad/granddaughter scene, he plots his revenge against Hector. But that's for later. This episode is about Jimmy, Kim, and Chuck.

Kim, as I may have occasionally mentioned, is doomed. Yet the die is cast. She resigns to an oddly gracious Howard who, once again, shows himself to be tough but not necessarily a total bastard or without integrity, much as his management style is, thank the gods, frowned upon these days.

Thing is, she has all her eggs in the Mesa Verde contract. She does well, is about to get it, but... is sabotaged. By Chuck. Whose first day in the office without the tech hocus pocus is all aboit screwing over Kim, which Jimmy is somewhat displeased by, hence... and I never expected to type these words... a MacGyver-style photocopying montage.

Jimmy has, basically, set Chuck up to fail. And, in so many ways, his arrogant older brother deserves it. But Chuck expressesa his gratitude for Jimmy staying with him, which he disn't. Ouch.

Two episodes to go.So many twists and turns. This episode feels primed and ready to emit intense dramatic stuff. Simply masterful writing. And that's not without even deploring the characters' sadly realistic ignorance of the Pacific theatre of the Second World War.

The Mandalorian: The Return

 "Mandalorians are stronger together."

And so the season ends. Din Djarin gets an epic heroic quest to do, and shower himself in honour from all, with thev rather adorable help of R5, the honourable help of his lady liege Bo-Katan, and the rather awesome help of soon-to-be-Din Grogu, exemplar of how every fighter needs a magic user in the party to provide magical protection. This is the way.

This is an awesome finale. Yes, as has been discussed, this season has turned the focus somewhat away from Din Djaron and towards Bo-Katan and Mandalore. Yet the ending swerves decisively away from that, and why should a show called "The Mandalorian" not focus on such things?

Moff Gideon, I trust, is gone for good. He was a great villain, not least because Giancarlo Esposito (watch Breaking Bad and The Boys!) is an actor of the very first rank who needs to do some classical theatre very soon. He excels at morally flawed yet brilliant and charismatic figures. Prospero? Mark Antony? Coriolanus...? 

Anyway, this is both a dsuperb finale, destroying the Darksabre yet leaving Mandalore united and with hope, wheras Din Djarin and Din Grogu, shrouded in honour, unofficially set of to help the New Republic police the Outer Rim.

This is the way. This is how to cap an excellent season.

This Week

 Just to say that there’s a specific and temporary reason for my absence at the moment. I don’t expect to blog again until Sunday, most likely, but normal bloggery will resume from then on, fear ye not.

Before that, though, one more thing to blog…

Duck Children (2001)

 This is an eight minute short film, sperficially giving the message (Amewricans, this isaimed at you) that civilians owning firearms is, obviously, not coinsistent with not being a ***ing barbaric ****. Just saying, you know.

Anyway, this is film as theatre in thatr a camera is pointed at some young children being charmingly made to perform on stage as deucks. Lovely. Then some redneck ****, with a firearm, typica;;y owned by men woith very small penises, proceeds to murder them all, proving that all gun ownersa- minus farmers worried aboiut foxes, sporting types keeping their guns locked in clubs etc- are not human. Seriously. If you own a military type of gun, like a machine gun or some **** like that, stay away from me and my child, and think about your evil lifestyle.

Anyway, I adore the deliberately theatrical bent of this piece of very short cinema. School shootings are evil. Americans: if you believe gun ownership is more important than the lives of children... just die. Children's lives are precious, as though that needs saying.

Your neighbour owns a gun, and is not a farmer? Call the police. This person is a criminal.

Better Call Saul: Inflatable

 "There are wolves and sheep in this world, kid."

Oh Kim. We know you're doomed. The dramatic irony is blatant. The script wants us to know what you don't: turning down the awesome job to rely on Jimmy is going to destroy you. And it's not as though you haven't been warned. You're a sheep, Kim. Remember what Chuck told you about Jimmy?

Mike, you are obviously a wolf, but a fascinating one. You have principles. You're a genuinely great father-in-law, your ulterior motives are good...but you're a world-weary cynic who knows the world and how to survive in it.

And Jimmy... you're no alpha male. But you're a wolf. In possibly ironic contrast to Chuck- not in this episode- who, desapite his career and material success, is a man of sheeply principle. But you have no principoles, Jimmy. The opening flashback tells us how this came about- and yes, your dad was the sheepiest of sheep, even if that 70s newsstand was awesome to behold.

But Kim... oh, Kim...

Wolves and sheep aside, this episode is obviously awesome, and the "trying to get fired in a way which doesn't forfeit the bonus" montage is Office Space levels of funny. Telly seldom gets better than this.

Carry On Regardless (1961)

 "P.. P.. Panting?"

"No, that's the way I always breathe."

These early Carry Ons are fascinating... and, don't get me wrong, they're not unfunny. But it'll be a while before we get to the really good stuff. I'm afraid I'm anal about these things. I'm doing them in order.

Like most of the early films, this is a much gentler farce than would later become standard. It fits the early pattern. Surprisingly, Kenneths Connor and Williams predominate, with Williams slightly evolving from "intellectual" to "camp", and Charles Hawtrey sidelined a bit, although his boxing skit is hilarious.

Yet we have interesting, nay fascinating features here. A young, tough, Bill Owen, long before Last of the Summer Wine. Joan Simms giving an extraordinary performance in the wine tasting skit. The unique Stanley Unwin, with a language of his own. Incidentally, on the subject of said oddball, I suggest you type "Wubble U" and "Petal". This is a man of the '50s who looms large-ish in rave culture.

The film is... quite good, but no more than that. Sid James makes some progression towards the laughing lech he would become, but at this point is still far more of a straight man. Esma Cannon, as ever, is superb. Why is she not more well known?

Overall, though, it's clear why this film, while perfectly fine, is no highlight. It's a stepping stone. Greater stuff lies ahead.

Ninja Champion (1986)

 "Not the wine. My nipples, you jerk."

Oh, look. It's a cheap Hong Kong action film from the mid-80s, directed by Godfrey Ho and with the word "Ninja" in the title.  This will be a cinematic materpiece, right? And in no way a hilariously cheap little film full of laugh out loud moments and the most blatant of "as you know, Bob" clunky exposition?

Well, no. I mean, you could tell where that first paragraph was heading. I could, if I was feeling lazy, just say "this is a Godfrey Ho ninja film, you know the drill" and leave it there. But let's talk about the film, because it's fun.

The thing is, the plot is actually pretty well-constructed and satisfying, with clever reveals amongst the action, if you'll forgive the sudden use of a previously unmentioned identical twin sister. But the acting, dialogue and sheer 80s-ness of everything make it impossible to take the film seriously. There's a scene with a horny wife trying to turn on her frigid husband until the scene suddenly switches to her, on a beach, building a high, vertical tower out of hard stones. I'm sure there's subtext here but I can't quite put my finger on it.

There is a whiff of that very 80s nastiness where a woman is raped and sets out to kill her rapists, and this is at the centre of the film. Worse, the "hero", George, subsequently abandoned Rose as she was "soiled" by her rape. But I think he both comes to repent what he's done and is adequately punished by the end. He has lost Rose and will now be alone forever.

Hilariously, the ninja sub-plot is basically crowbarred in, and only really intersects with the main plot at the very end. But the fight sequences are fun. And that is, with a film like this, the main thing. 

Yeah, this film is rubbish. Gloriously so.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 23- The Spies

 "Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes."

Oh my. This is how you do a penultimate episode.

It's simple, really. Two sets of plans are made to retake Mandalore. The first by the united tribes of trad and rad Mandalorians under Bo-Katan, the second by Moff Gideon, finally revealed... and appearing in a splendid scene of imperial realpolitik that both references and rubbishes Grand Admiral Thrawn from the '90s Timothy Zahn books.

The Mandalorians' return to their home planet has an epic tale and feels like an ancient saga in how the events unfold. There are great character moments. Bo-Katan relating her surrender and betrayal by Gideon as Mandalore fell. Din Djarin declaring that he serves her not because of her royal blood but because of her character. That awesome, Michael Moorcock-like sand ship that evokes The Dragon in the Sword. How all seems hopeless at the end, like a film I need not mention. The heroic sacrifice of noble Paz Viszla.

And yes, IG-12, piloted by Grogu. The perfect comic relief to leaven this bread. Bring on the finale.

Iron Fist: Rolling Thunder Cannon Punch

 "It's my name!"

Like the two previous episodes, this is utterly gripping. We have the narrative of Danny trying to prove who he is and asserting his rights against the Meachums. Colleen (I liked the reference to Daughters of the Dragon) has an interesting arc with her joining in the cage fighting she'd previously denounced as dishonourable: sher's up to something. More compellingly, though, what drives the status quo forward now is connections with the wider Netflix Marvel world.

We know from laast episode that Harold wants to defy the hand. We now see him humiliated, controlled and belittlred by Madame Gao. Meanwhile, a seemingly desperate Danny finds none other than Jeri Hogarth, gains her trust, and suddenly his legal situation is looking up. The legal machinations of Jeri are hugely entertaining. What's more Danny seems to be starting to suspect that Harold may well not be quite so dead...

So far this is as good as any of its predecessors. Acting included, overall.

BMX Bandits (1983)

 "Your little walkie talkies... have gone walkies."

I had my opening line all planned out. You know, Mad Max II, Picnic at Hanging Rock etc always get cited as Australia's greatest cinematic achievement, yet this- a childhood favourite of mine, hired often from a local video shop- never gets a mention.

Well, having seen it again for the first time since the '80s I must admit it's not quite in such exalted company: this is a fairly formulaic action film for kids, notable, to those without my nostalgia, only for the early appearance of Nicole Kidman. But, while a formulaic film can't truly be compared to the greats of the cinematic arts, there's absolutely wrong with using a formula if it's executed well, as this film is. It may not be one of those films helmed by Brian Trenchard-Smith that makes one Mr Tarantino rate him so highly, but it's bloody good fun to watch and a perfect example of this kind of film.

We have charismatic young leads, a quietly witty script, loads of kid-friendly action sequences, and baddies who never actually kill anyone while striking the right balance between comedic and threatening. Best of all, we have loads and loads of extremely cool BMX stunts. This film is every bit as good as my fond memories were hoping for.

Even better, it wears its 80sness loud and proud. One of the baddies wears a Minder T-Shirt with Arthur Daley's face plastered all over it. And Sydney has never looked better than when BMX bikes are being chased by cars. This is a very, very fun way to spend ninety minutes,

Dead Set: Part 5

 "This makes you the winner of this year's Big Brother".

That quote up there... yeah, it's an empty prize, but aren't they always, zombie apocalypse or no? Blimey, this is far more Hobbesian than I remembered. Utterly, splendidly bleak.

The dark catalyst of a character is, of course, Patrick- a toxic boss and an utter wanker, a liability in normal ligfe but absolutely impossible in a situation of base under siege. This isn't a message of conformity or that individualism is bad; the group are diverse, different and act as a democracy. But the Patricks of this world have no time for the collective. Here, his pointless escape will open the gate and risk everyone. He has to die, as decent people must realise. It's horrible.

Worse, we have Joplin- weak, pretentious, not as clever as he thinks, the perfect pause. And so things degenerate into utter hopelessness. Kelly's heroic last stand consists of just an immediate short scream. We end with a landscape of only zombies and cameras. Metaphor much?

Wow. Zombie apocalypse? Thatcher's children stand no chance. Simply superb.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 22- Guns for Hire

 "I don't think they get many of our kind here..."

The Mandalorian can pretty much do no wrong at the moment. Take this episode, for example. Narratively, it's a case of the season arc quite transparently stopping for an episode so we can have a quasi-whodunit set in a decadent society where all citizens live lives of leisure, served by droids, and where blatantly Asimov themes of robotics, as on the Spacer worlds, play out.

And yet... look at the world building. The ultimate culprit, played by the wonderful octogenarian Christopher Lloyd, is a Separatist devotee of Count Dooku. Mando gets to show off his experience of Ugnaught culture. We have a brief appearance of star-cross'd lovers, a Quarren captain and a Mon Calamari prince. And we get a droid bar. I love the droid bar. Yet I also love the depiction of a post-work society which will, in a few generations, collapse into utter decadence.

It's such fun seeing droid-hating Mando interact with Bo Katan here, both joint stars of the show here. Yet the conclusion almost transcends all as Bo-Katan wins over the mercenary Mandalorians by taking the Darksabre from a willing Mando... on a devilishly clever technicality. This is all just bloody brilliant. And Grogu even gets a bloody knighthood...

The Taming of the Shrew (1929)

 "O my word, she is a lusty wench."

This is not, of course, a very good adaptation. It is, nevertheless, the first big Hollywood Shakespeare film of the sound era. I shall save discussion of the play itself- is it misogynistic or ironic? What did Shakespeare intend? Does that matter, as Roland Barthes would bid us ask?- for a better adaptation, although I would note that Mary Pickford portrays Catherine's "taming" with a literal wink to the fourth wall. 1929 was not the dark ages. Straight misogyny just would not do.

Yet this isn't very good. Early talkies often aren't. Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks are good silent actors, but there are reasons why sound killed their careers. Their big acting styles, so evocative in silent movies, don't suit sound. Also, the chemistry here is of a couple whose marriage is ending, not beginning... because their marriage was ending.

Nevertheless, and controversially, I'd say that Pickford is pretty good here. You can tell she wasn't hired for her spoken acting, but she's fine, and her visual acting, while not subtle, is very good indeed and suited for comedy in a way lots of the slapstick here falls short. Fairbanks, as Petruchio, is... rubbish.

As is the film. Shakespeare's dialogue is changed beyond reason. This is Shakrespeare for the groundlings which... is not, actually, intrinsically a bad thing. But this is not a path down which Hollywood would continue.

A bad film, then, despite patches of merit. But fascibatingly bad. Also, well out of copyright and on YouTube.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 21- The Pirate

 "Bo-Katan walks both worlds..."

Wow. The Mandalorian gets better and better. This season is on fire.

The plot is simple, time-honoured, life-affirming Western stuff. Greef Kargo's decent, hard-working community are attacked by pirates, overrun, and become refugees. The New Republic won't help because of bureaucracy, or rather the understandable realities and limits of power. So it falls to the Mandalorians, who successfully fight off the pirates and are rewarded with land of their own. Simple.

Except it's not about the plot, it's about the nuances and little things. The Salacious Crumbs pointing out the ambush. The fact we all knowdamn well what Kargo is doing when he bends down to the R2 unit. The fact that the New Republic colonel who refuses help is portrayed not as a stupid pen-pushing staff officer but as a reasonable man with competing, impossible priorities who is, while we may not like it, probably making the right decision. The subtle plotting of G68. Paz's unextectedly supportive speech.

And so, after some awesome action sequences, the Mandalorians have some security. And the Armourer- I live her- bonds further with an increasingly spiritual Bo-katan and bids her remove her helmet(!) and go forth to recruit others so Mandalore may be retaken. And if that bombshell wasn't enough... we learn that Moff Gideon was sprung... by Mandalorians???!!!

Wow. Just wow,.

Dead Set: Part 4

 "I mean, don't forget, this place used to be like a church to them."

Things are hotting up. The Big Brother house is under siege by zombies who are quite blatantly lampshaded as cheerfully blatant metaphors for consumers of celebrity culture. This cheerfully winks at us, knowing that it isn't very clever. But so much else here is.

At last Pippa and Patrick get out to the others, and Patrick- surely based on real producers Charlie Brooker may have encountered: he says, after killing zombie Davina, "I hired her. I can do what I want." And his effect on the group is immrediate, profoundly obnoxious, alienating and clearly making no friends, which may not be very clever in the long run. Yet he's ruthless, makes the hard choices, and you can see how he got where he is.

Meanwhile, we have Riq, the decent romantic, and Alex, the hardened cynic who, in the end, sacrifices her life for romance hoped for vicariously. The characterisation, darkly witty humour and encroaching sense of threat are approaching perfection.

G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

 "I hope you both get fleas!"

The previous year, the creators of thisfilm gave us Transformers: The Movie. It was, for a great big toy advert, genuinely quite good for what it was. The script and the dialogue were genuinely good for trhe kind of thing it was. I loved it as a kid. I appreciate it now, load of old tosh that it is.

Ten year old me also loved this. Forty-five year old me, while being regularly hit by blasts of nostalgia, can appreciate that this film, which went straight to video, just isn't very good.

I'm British, so therefore we have the complex Action Force/G.I. Joe thing. Let's not go there. Instread, let us acjnowledge that G.I. Joe belongs to Larry Hama. His superb and lengthy run on the comic book is THE true version. The cartoon was rubbish, full of silly fantasy elements. Yeah, like this. I mean, the baddies are a hidden civilisation with some silly Graham Hancock origin, with a science based on organics, who plot to use space spores to reduce humanity to mindless snakes. This is not the sort of gritty, witty stuff that the esteemed Mr Hama would write.

Also, the focus on Lt Falcon is unmerited- given the stakes, what does he matter? Also, the new trainee Joes I barely remember, hinting that the film must have come out when the toys were experiencing a drop in sales. 

The animation is superb, very anime, very active camera angles. But the characterisation, dialogue and most of the voice acting are shocking. Compared to Transformers: The Movie, this is very poor. Yes, there's a good set piece with Pythona. Yes, Burgess Meredith is always charismatic. But this is a tragic misfire, whatever ten year old me may think.

Iron Fist: Shadow Hawk Takes Flight

 "We're not bad guys, if that's what you think..."

For a series apparently disliked by the critics, this is pretty damn good so far. Yes, I know it's a cliche: the hero is stuck in a psychiatric ward where no one believes who he is and he's in the Catch-22 of having to pretend to be someone else- but it works here, and it's a nice means of both developing character and giving us more exposition.

So Danny was in K'un Lun, one of the seven capital cities of Heaven, that appears on Earth only once in fifteen years.There he learned to focus his chi into the Iron Fist... that won't work when he's drugged up. We see him slowly convince everyone that he's Danny- Joy, Colleen, Harold, even his doctor... who, ironically, proceeds to detain him for superhero fantasies, a nice touch.

Harold thinks Danny may be useful as an enemy of our old acquaintances the Hand... but Ward has a different agenda, as we see at the end. I'm not sure why, plot-wise, Danny's power suddenly works, but it's an awesome conclusion. More please.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 20- The Foundling

 "But it was real!"

Before I gush about this wonderful bit of telly, let me first gush about geekier matters. Carl Weathers, that septugenarian movie star, directs, and superbly, for the second time. Even cooler is that we get a flashback to Grogu's youth and how he's the only Jedi youngling saved from the massacre by a rather cool and heroic Jedi, played by... Ahmed Best, who now has a place in the Star Wars mythos that isn't Jar Jar Binks!

Grogu gets a special piece of armour from the armourer, and is taken on as a foundling, winning a rather cool little duel. It's all at once extremely cute and nicely revealing about aspects of Mandalorian cultutre.

The tribe bonds over the taking of a foundling by a kind of pterodactyl thing. Mando is great as ever, yet it is Bo-Katan who is the star this episode. She covers herself in glory in rescuing the foundling, and is praised by the armourer, who she seems to accept as a mother figure. Bo-Katan's arc is fascinating: she utters the words "This is the way!" Is she losing faith in her doubts? She has seen the Mythosaur...

This is mythic, beautifully crafted telly.

Dead Set: Part 3

 "I'm only on the front cover of Heat!"

These episodes following the first are only twenty minutes long and the whole thing isn't obviously structured in an episodic way. Was it originally planned as a TV film? Never mind, this is good stuff, mixing typical zombie tropes with good characterisation and social commentary.

Thus we get to see the scary, pointless, power tripping behaviour of the police once society has collapsed, interesting to see on the day when a scathing report into the Met is published. Concepts like looting are now meaningless. We hear, via the radio, that France is swiftly following the UK to zombie apocalypse.

Yet there's still time for Joplin to show himself a perv and a coward as well as a pseud. For Patrick to poo his pants, yet indeed. And for the pathetic laddishness of Marky to be contrasted with the loving joy of Riq discovering Kelly is alive. Humanity is often pathetiuc, yet there is hope. This is very, very good and, oddly, far less bleak than Brooker's later Black Mirror despite the premise.

Iron Fist: Snow Gives Way

 "That's my building."

"You should sell it and buy some shoes,"

Apologies, but I'm having trouble sourcing further watchable episodes of Robin of Sherwood so that will have to be paused for now. Instead, having caught up with the Disney Marvel series, I'm going to crack on with the Netflix stuff so it's hopefully done in toime for Daredevil: Born Again. I can only hope. I'll continue to alternate with other stuff, Dead Set for now.

So, Iron Fist. I read a few issuyes of Power Man and Iron Fist in the '80s not long before cancellation, mostly the Secret Wars II stuff. I vaguely know the broad strokes of the origin story. That's about it. So I enjoyed thr mystery here. It's an intriguing sert-up- Danny Rand, in theory a rich man, arrives back home after fifteen years to find himself unrecognised, friendless, homeless and, perhaps, conspired against by the family of his late father's seemingly dead business partner. The family dynamic is well developed so we get to know the characters- Danny is naive and good; Ward will always be the bully he was as a kid.

There is mystery upon mystery, though. Harold faked his death a dozen years ago: why? What happened to Danny after that plane crash, of which we see only dreamlike flashbacks. What and where is K'un Lun? Why indeed hid humanity abandon the paradise of hunter gathering for the hard slog of agriculture?

Also, we meet Colleen Wing, having met Misty Knight in Luke Cage.And we get some very, very cool and borderline supernatural martial arts. I'm aware the critics are a bit lukewarm about this show but so far I'm intrigued.

Scream (1996)

 "There's a formula to it. A very simple formula.

Best horror film of all time? That's a hard question. But this is a work of genius. It does a lot of violence, but as much of it is directed at the fourth wall as to the killings of Ghostface.

The metatextuality is as exquisite now as it was then. I mean, watching this in 2023 one winces at the passing of time, that we no longer living in a world of landlines, video shop and the great state of California being guilty of judicial killing. Yet we have Randy outlining the rules of how not to get killed in a horror movie. We have a character declare that A Nightmare on Elm Street was great but the sequels were not, in a film directed by Wes Craven. Hmm. We have so many references. After this point, is a straight, non-metatextual slasher truly even possible?

This is a wonderful thing, a B movie genre turned into very clever, if very fun, riffing on all sorts of postmodern stuff. It's very clever indeed. Yet it's accessible.This is a Hollywood horror hit. And it's not lowbrow. There is hope for humanity, and this is the highlight of Craven's career.

The cast is superb, although the ensemble outshines Neve Campbell. The opening set piece is the perfect set up, with Drew Barrymore selling it to perfection. Yet, despite the very meta humour, the whole thing is structured as a perfect slasher, with the big reveal handled very well indeed. This is, simultaneously, a superb horror film and a superb deconstruction. One of the best of its decade.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 19- The Convert

 "This is the way!"

This is, perhaps, a less obviously crowd-pleasing episode, despite the events at the start and finish, and much of it focuses on unexpected characters, which is brave. It is, nonetheless, compelling. And no doubt much is set up for the rest of the season. Will the devious Elia Kane be the big bad, the cuckoo in the Coruscant nest, a former devotee of Moff Gideon?

We meet Dr Pershing again- reformed, now a successful product of a programme designed to convert former Imperials into loyal citizens of the New Republic. Yet Elia- with much excitement- slowly exploits Pershing's scientific idealism- though his ethics are debatable- into a trap leading ultimately to the mind flayer, the name of which surely deliberately evokes both Dungeons and Dragons and Stranger Things.

We explore Coruscant in a way we never really have before. The Imperial capital is a veritable Trantor of a planet, full of both naive New Republic functionaries and cynical amoral senators- naive idealism coexisting with the potential for corruption. This Eden does not feel secure, and the snakes are there.

Yet Dr Pershing is not the only eponymous convert; almost by accident, so is Bo Katan. The action scenes at the start are fascinating, as well as showing the increasing bond and trust between her and Din. They escape to a refuge of trad Mandalorians who follow the way. Din is redeeemed... yet, as she has taken the waters and not since removed her helmet, so is Bo. By circumstance. How will she react? Is her arc one of acceptance and seizing her inheritance?

Dead Set: Part 2

 "Does this mean we're not on telly any more?"

After all the Big Brother fun of the first episode we were always going to slip into more of a standard zombie story. Hence the characterisatyion as everyone adjusts to the fact civilisation is over... and we have the tension of knowing that Angel will die and become a zombie.

We get more of Riq, and are introduced to the magnificently blunt Alex. I love her. Meanwhile, the gloriously rude Patrick and the delightfully stupoid Pippa keep up the comic relief. They're both doomed. The fun bit is working out who else is, Angel aside. Marky? His sense of guilt for pretty much killing Angel is palpable.

It's the 2000s: zombies were in the zeitgeist. But this is Charlie Brooker and, much though the metaphor of poular telly consumerisn has to break down a bit from now on, this is still brilliant.

Better Call Saul: Bali Ha'i

 "The price is fifty thousand dollars..."

This is another episode of set-up... yet the tension is nicely set simmering. Indeed, it's inherent in the very structure of the episode. The pre-titles sequence shows Jimmy, unable to sleep, symbolically unsettled and disaffected, an obvious metaphor for the fact he doesn't belong at the firm, and his days there are numbered. To drive the point home, he sees the advert for Sandpiper, with his ideas ignored. The episode ends similarly, with the same old cupholder metaphor we saw before. But this time he acts forcefully. Perhaps this harbingers his quitting?

There is, quite deliberately, no trying to hide anything here. It's all foreshadowing. Similarly with Kim. Howard hates her, even if the worst of her disgrace may be over, courtesy of Chuck. She's headhunted for a better job... but won't take it, out of her self-defeating love for Jimmy. She's clearly doomed, and it's tragic. She's a good, loving, loyal persaon whose faith in Jimmy, despite even Chuck's warning from last episode, is going to ruin her. It's quite clear, a slow motion car crash.

Completing the triptych of doom is Mike, a decent man forced to make moral compromises through necessity while remaining decent- he behaves with extraordinary honour towards Nacho. On the face of it, he's forced to an arrangement, although he shows guts in a successful attempt to save face. But they threatened his grandaughter. He isn't going to let that slide...

They're all doomed. But the pacing, the nuances, the acting... this is sublime stuff.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

 "That's right, buddy. You show that turd who's boss."

It's 1997, Cool Britannia amd that. That brief period of time when the Union Flag meant Noel Gallagher's guitar, not fascism. Where the flag of our nation was not considered as a sign of fascism by the dimmer kind of right winger, as though conceding the key national symbol to nationalists who are in no way patriotic is a clever thing to do. Sigh.

Anyway, isn't this film fascinatingly dated while still being awesome, bearing in mind that today's "dated" is tomorrow's "period"? I mean, let's look at the version of 1967, through the prism of 1967. It's shown as a decade of universally accepted free love drugginess and grooviness that bears zero relation to the actual decade in which my parents both grew up, in Leicestershire. Which is, of course, part of thejoke.

Indeed, while Space appear in the closing credits, this is not a Britpop reimagining of the decade. This is a '60s of Burt Bacharach and Nancy Sinatra.

This is a bloody funny film. Obviously, it's the same style as Wayne's World, but better. The James Bond pastiche is on point. Austin Powers is in no way like James Bond in character, puns excepted: he's more obviously the popular image of the decade. But Doctor Evil, the consummate pastiche Bond villain, is exquisite pastiche. The laughter scene alone is priceless. An then we have the comical canonisation of the deceased henchmen.

Groovy baby. Sgagadelic.

Robin of Sherwood: Robin Hood and the Sorcerer, Part 1

 "Beware the Horned One!"

I dimly remember reading the comic strip in Look-In in the mid-'80s, of which I remember nothing, but until tonight I'd never seen an episode of Robin of Sherwood, though its reputation precedes it.

It's fascinating to see what was in the zeitgeist in 1984: Herne the Hunter features prominently in The Box of Delights too, albeit the subtext of his being Woden- god and protector of the downtrodden English- is more explicitly present. We have a magic sword, a New Age score by Clannad, Robin's iconic duel with Little John involving mystical possession. 

And yet... the way this is shot, acted, written, is grim and gritty. This is not the clean, fantasy Middle Ages of Errol Flynn; this is a dirty, lived-in Norman England, a place of despair and unspeakable tyranny where the Norman lords, universally, are cynical, world-weary and cruel and the English, up until now, are meek and downtrodden. It's all so very well thought through. Yet the effect is far from a Flynn-style swashbuckler. This is both action adventure and drama. And, yeah, with that fascinating mystical pagan twinge.

One slight criticism: this is Sherwood Forest, which bestrides Nottinghamshire and the South Riding. So what's the stone circle? Why so many southern accents? 

That aside, though, this is extraordinary. I'm hooked.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 18- The Mines of Mandalore

 "Did you think your dad was the only Mandalorian?"

This is an interesting and fascinating episode: a bit of humour with good old Peli- it's good that we get to see her every now and again- on Tattooine, and then it's off to explore the ruins of Mandalore. I'm not sure why Mando was so keen to resurrect that IG droid last week when it seems like any half-knackered R5 astromech droid will do, but never mind.

It's superb, tension-filled stuff, with evocative ruins, monsters and a splendid end of level boss, a skittering insect thing that pilots a big robot that in turn pilots this big mecha thing. As all-out action it's superb. Yet as lore, it's fascinating. We see the mines, the waters, we hear of the mythology, in no way based on the tale of Theseus. And we get to know Bo-Katan a little better as she not only rescues Din butbthe two of them seem to bond, despite their differences. As Bo-Katan says, it's more important than ever for Mandalorians to unite.

The characterisation is handled superbly. It's all subtext, all showing and not telling, but the relationships between the two Mandalorians and the increasingly brave and capable Grogu are fascinating. It's also deeply evocative to see what's left of Mandalore, which looks dead from space. That ending, too...

Superb as ever.

Dead Set: Part 1

 "Please do not swear!"

Long before Black Mirror, in 2008, when Charlie Brooker was still giving us his excellent Screen Wipe on BBC4, we had this, what is at first glance a high concept bit of fun about the Big Brother house during the zombie apocapypse. But it's so much more than that and, indeed, so much more fun than that.

I first watched this as it aired. Watching it today reveals starkly how long ago 2008 feels- the "edgy" vibe, the toxic workplaces and bad bosses, the pre-#MeToo mores, Heat magazine, the phones, trashy pop culture on mass market telly as opposed to the online ghettos to which it is now rightly consigned. Reality TV is well made, and there's an art to it, but in the same way that there's an art to Sun journalists managing to present the news in words of one syllable. It's genuine talent, wasted.

And the zombies are the most bleeding obvious of metaphors. They first attack the screaming crowd after a Big Brother eviction. Are the ensuing ravenous zombie hordes really much different from what they replaced? There's a glorious shot of a dead eyed zombie watching the feed from the Big Brother house. It says it all.

The script is wonderful. Charlie Brooker gives us a fun and real-seeming set of housemates and, in Jaime Winstone's Kelly, a star we can identify with: a runner, probably an unpaid, exploited intern, The satire of the TV industry and its working is splendid too, from a writer who knows his stuff. And, of course, zombie Davina McCall. Need I say more?

First class stuff.

Foundation: The Leap

 "It's time the dynasty bent..."

Oh my. That was an eventful finale and, ultimately, a rather good one. This season hasn't been excellent but it has, I think, been very good, as much where is departs from canon- inevitable and sensible- as where it follows it.

The big set piece of Hari Seldon in the Vault works well, despite necessary changes- this is not a hologram, but a resurrection, courtesy of magic nanobits, who will awaken only for each Seldon Crisis and then, presumably, live in the new civilisation created by both Foundations. Everything the people of Terminus knew was wrong but, although hurt, they accept it. They, Thespis and Anacreon plausibly unite. So far, so broadly similar to the novel.

But then we turn to the three Cleons. Brother Day's punishment for Azura is truly horrific, proving him to be a tyrant and symbol of a dynasty that must fall. His mercy for Dawn, to the fury of Dusk, is predictable after his religious experiences; we must not have stagnation.

Less predictable, yet utterly logical, is Demerzel's sudden killing of Dawn. She is loyal to the dynasty.

Yet there is a sting in the tale; the rebels have affected the genetics of all future Cleons, starting generations ago. The emperors will evolve. Will this assist their survival? Time will tell.

Both Day and Demerzel have lost a beloved child, although the reaction of Demerzel is more.,.. human. Parenthood is a big theme here, not least for Salvor Hardin, who discovers her genetic heritage. And meets her genetic mother. Yeah, bombshell upon bombshells.

What next?

Better Call Saul: Rebecca

 "My brother is not a bad person. He has a good heart. It's just he can't help himself..."

I find myself saying variations of this exact same sentence in relation to many serialised television dramas, but let's say it here... this isn't a landmark episode. It contains no set pieces or big moments. It exists for arc plot reasons, moving the pieces around the board so that future episodes can have those moments. It's a self-abnegating but necessary task. This episode is, at its root, functional.

Yet it's bloody brilliant.

Episodes like this, in the greatest television shows, transcend their functionality. An episode like this can still be well shot, can have writing that exposes character subtly and beautifully, and said exttraordinary writing can be riffed upon by extraordinary performances.

So we see how Jimmy is a con man compatred to Chuck as the rigorous professional... yet he has charm that Chuck doesn't. We hear, from Chuck, the family backstory of hoew Jimmy's inability to resist temptation can hurt those he loves to the ultimate extent... a warning to Kim of what, I'm sure, certainly awaits her. Jimmy may be in the doghouse right now, but Kim's love for him will be her downfall. I say this unspoiled, but I have zero doubt of this. She's doomed. Which is awful, Her realism, patience and professionalism are a huge contrast with Jimmy- con man, salesman, whose tricks work until one day, inevitably, they don't, like Wile E Coyoye running for a few feet after the edge of a cliff.

There's a highbrow cultural reference for you.

Then we have Mike, approached in that diner by Tuco's dad, at this point still walking and talking. He's given a proposition to testify and reduce Tuco's sentence. And, yeah, this is Mike. Proud, principled, a good man morphing into a criminal for the berst of reasons.

He's going to say no. There's no tension intended here.

Oh, and we're introduced, in flashback, to Chuck's eponymous wife. The questiuon of what happened to her hangs in the air.

This is as good as television gets.

Carry On Constable (1960)

 "A dog! That's a sign of Pluto, the darkest, most evil planet of all!"

Ok, this is no one's favourite Carry On film. The best years lie ahead. And yet... these films have an early format. Kenneth Connor has a type of character. Kenneth Williams is less camp, playing pretenbtious gits... yet the scene where he and Charles Hawtrey dress as old women is gloriously gay for 1960. Such nuances fascinate.

Leslie Phillips is absolutely a fixture in these early films, and both he and Kenneth Connor get contrasting love plots. That's an intrinsic part of the plot at this point. Although the pairing of Hattie Jacques and Sid Jameas- in a surpreisingly straight yet superb role- dominates here.

The cimedy is amusing but, like the previous film, not great. That is no condemnation, heaven forbid: the film should be judged on its own terms, those of a time where the sixties show no signs, yet, of swinging.

It's a fascinating glimpse of policing, and indeed life. sixty-three years ago. Policing is very military: police officers march in the morning and leave upon reaching their beats. "Phrenology" is not dismissed as a pseudoscience by self-declared intellectuals. 

This film isn't great. But it's perfectly good, and fascinating. Also... wasn't Hattie Jacques lovely?

The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

 "You speak treason?"

"Fluently!"

I've been meaning to watch this rather fascinatinhg film for some time, anfd it doesn't disappoint. The very Hollywood Middle Ages; the decidedly swashbuckling slant; the very peculiar Technicolor... none of these surprise me. But the wit of the script was a pleasant surprise, and both Errol Flynn and Olivia De Havilland, the prettiest young lady ever to utter the words "I'm a hundred and four, you know" are absolutely triumphant. Basil Rathbone is also a revelation as Not Sherlock Holmes.

This is very much a faithful telling of the myth, to the extent that the myth is consistent, with Little John and Friar Tuck getting their traditional entrances and the famous archery contest for Maid Marian's heart, although the Sheriff of Nottingham is notably sidelined. Yet it's also a swashbuckling film, with Robin as much a swordsman as an archer- the early set piece with Robin cheekily inviting himself to feast with Prince John and his daring set piece escape is utterly magnificent, but it's nevertheless clear that the swashbuckling angle is crowbarred in somewhat. This is, of course, no bad thing, but it's very notable.

The attitudes of the time raise an eyebrow on occasion- Richard the Lionheart is off crusading against "infidels"- and the film portrays the England of 1191 as very much an apartheid state with "Normans" against "Saxons". But why are the English so loyal to Richard, that absentee landlord of a king? But this is, of course, Hollywood, and such things are of a piece with the very fairytale mediaeval visuals on display here, and it all fits the mood of the film.

This is enormous fun, in no way trying to be big and clever but just to entertain and wow us, which it does superbly.

The Mandalorian: Chapter 17- The Apostate

 "Now that's using your head..."

Oh, I've missed The Mandalorian. It may not be particularly deep or philosophical, intelligent though it is: it's a western, and deals with the inherent themes that arise from the mythology of the Old West which are, yes, by no means shallow. The Old West is every bit as evocative and worthy of art as any mythology, and admired as such everywhere in the world except for its native United States. And this episode reinforces that, balancing character, plot, wit and action.

The arc is set up. After last season, the Mandalorian has a hopeless task to redeem himself for removing is helmet, alongside Grogu, now his apprentice. He must bathe in the Living Waters below the Mines of Mandalore that probably don't exist, presumably as a season-long quest. There seems to be little hope. Even Bo-Katan has given up, yet Mando has achieved the impossible.

We meet Grief Kargo again, who has made a decent, honest success of his town. He's pleased to see Mando, and is keen to enlist this potentially useful citizen as landed gentry or at least sheriff; pirates look increasingly menacing, and seem set to loom rather large this season.

It's all such fun, with a giant crocodile and trees full of Salacious Crumbs; tiny little droidsmiths; a proper gunfight. I loved Andor with a passion, but there's room for this too.