P.R.O.B.E: The Zero Imperative

 "This is a hospital, Miss Shaw. Not Scooby-Doo."

It says a lot about me was that tonight's viewing was a choice between a 1980s BBC TV production of Sophocles' Antigone and this, a straight-to-video Doctor Who spin-off from the wilderness years. My geek side just won out against my pretentious git side... this time!

Thing is, though, this may not be Sophocles but it's a very impressive script from a young Mark Gatiss, a tale of dark, otherworldly forces, possession and family tragedy that is perfectly paced, well characterised and unfolds in a deeply satisfying way, with revelation after revelation. Bill Baggs' direction, too, is impressive, using stylistic camerawork to cover what must have been a tiny budget.

The dialogue is great, as is Caroline John as Liz Shaw, now running her own outfit investigating supernatural weirdness in contrast to "another acronymic organisation from my salad days"- love the pipe.

Nevertheless... although Jon Pertwee, Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy (especially towards the end) are all great, I tend to feel that the inclusion of so many former Doctors (although I love Sylv's "Trust me, I'm a Doctor") perhaps undermines Caroline John in what's supposed to be a starring role. Still, that isn't the script's fault, and the overall impression is of a compelling thriller that, very wisely, leads with mood and character as opposed to anything too expensive-looking....

Carry On Screaming (1966)

 "May I blow it?"

It's October. The month of Halloween. The month of ghouls and ghost and things that go bump in the night... and the next film in my slow, chronological meanderings through the Carry On series turns out to be rather appropriate. Who'd have thunk it?

Just as recent films have been genre pastiches, this time we get a glorious taste on the British horror films from the likes of Hammer and Amicus, very much in their heyday at this point. The look of the film is perfect, as are the opening titles and song. Yet, as ever, the success of this film lies in the superb performances and the gloriously crap jokes... and yes, the innuendo about the whistle is absolutely the best thing in it.

No Sid James this time, but Harry H. Corbett is a more than adequate replacement in what is more or less a starring role. Fenella Fielding, too, is a wonderful new addition with perfect timing. But best of all, as so very often, is Kenneth Williams, hamming it up in the best possible way as the dastardly Doctor Watt (Doctor Who is his uncle, apparently...!).

Everything about this film is wonderful and utterly unafraid to be silly. Charles Hawtrey gets a surprisingly small role (was his personal life more than usually chaotic at this point?), but it says a lot that the absence of the great Sid James is hardly noticeable here.

Carry On Cowboy (1965)

 "I know a horse backfiring when I hear one!"

When I first saw this film many years ago I was, perhaps, more impressed than I was this time around, but it's still one of the better Carry Ons. The sets, locations and costumes genuinely look great: everything truly looks like the Old West. Although...well, the accents? Let's not go there.

We've settled into the cast we know from the peak of Carry On. Kenneth Williams really shines in a role that allows him to give a different but superb comic performance as the strait-laced yet hypocritical judge. Jim Dale is perfect as the hapless hero, and Sid James is strangely perfect as the baddie. Angela Douglas, though,is superb as the daughter seeking revenge for her father's murder. Bernard Bresslaw and Peter Butterworth now seem to be core cast members, with Kenneth Connors no longer a mainstay.

Charles Hawtrey as the chief of the "Indians"... yeah, that's weird, but they he was a somewhat weird man so that's not surprising. The stereotypes are, naturally, all wheeled out- smoke signals, "how", scalping, "firewater".

The jokes land well, as ever, the best being when the Rumpo Kid goes to "get" some money from the bank: we know what to expect from a Talbot Rothwell script. But both the production values and the performances serve to make this, if not right up with the best, one of the better Carry Ons.

Carry On Cleo (1964)

" Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!"

Yeah, like any other quote had the remotest chance of being chosen...

We know the format by now- the Carry Ons are six years in at this point, hugely popular... and this is the third instalment in 1964 alone. We know what territory the films can explore- this is the second to be set in the past. The cast is set- although this time Jim Dale is promoted to a more major role and we get a delightful cameo from Jon Pertwee.

We get a load of delightfully awful jokes (a soothsayer who says "sooth, sooth"!) and more fascinating little time capsule nuggets revealing the way things were in 1964- Caesar has difficulties in the senate when talking about the "winds of change" and is heard to protest that "You've never had it so good!" And, well, the less said about Cleopatra's blacked up bodyguard the better. It was another time...

On paper, this should have everything. But, for me, something doesn't quite click here, and I can't really say why. It's not the gleefully deliberate historical inaccuracies. The script may not, perhaps, be as good as other Carry Ons but it's perfectly good. The performances are excellent as ever.

Could it be, perhaps, that while Kenneth Williams is excellent as ever he may be a little miscast as Julius Caesar? Whether so or not, for me this one does,'t quite come off on the whole.

The House That Dripped Blood (1971)

"The one with Be;a Lugosi, of course. Not this new Fellow.

Time for another of Amicus' splendid portmanteau films, I think, and a haunted house theme can't go wrong. Indeed it doesn't and, while this is perhaps not up there with the finest of Amicus' stuff, it is nevertheless a highly enjoyable film with a magnificent cast of British character actors.

A framing device having been devised with an inspector investigating the bizarre disappearance of the house's latest tenant, we jump into the first segment, and perhaps the best, as Denholm Elliott excels as a horror seemingly becoming obsessed with his latest murderous creation, seeing him anywhere. The twist is clever, and the mood effective.

We then have Peter Cushing and the ever-affable Joss Ackland in a less effective segment about a creepy waxworks, elevated by the extraordinary haunted performance of the recently bereaved Cushing. But what follows, with Nyree Dawn Porter and the great Christopher Lee, is a highly effective example of the trope of the creepily evil child.

The final segment stars Jon Pertwee, showing a delightful disinclination to vary the performance he was giving each week at the time in Doctor Who, but is enjoyably charismatic as the old school horror star who buys a cursed vampire cloak from the truly awesome Geoffrey Bayldon. Ingrid Pitt as an actual vampire just adds to the fun.

Nom not all the segments are equally good. But, like all of its ilk, this Amicus portmanteau horror is massively fun to watch.

The Airzone Solution

“Have I been scintillating company?”

 Unexpectedly, Amazon Prime is now showing- complete with subtitles- this interesting little piece of wilderness years nostalgia for us Doctor Who fans. It isn't Doctor Who, of course- in 1993 that existed only in a rather good set of novels. But it's made by fans, and stars no fewer than four doctors plus Nicola Bryant- and a very young Alan Cumming in a henchman role. And, most importantly, it’s a bloody gripping environmental thriller to boot, belying it’s low budget.

It’s very 1993, of course. From the opening music to a couple of jarring instances of casual racism that wouldn’t happen nowadays (Ellie does an arse-clenching  Chinese accent after a takeaway, and there’s an equally arse-clenching exchange about “big chief”, “pow wow” and “heap”.), but most of all it’s fascinating  to see how the perceived problems of the environment have changed over the past 26 years- incredibly, global warming isn’t even mentioned; the threat is pollution and- nostalgia alert!- the ozone layer. Remember that?

Jon Pertwee, as he often did later in life, phones it in. But Peter Davison is superb as a crusading journalist, while Sylvester McCoy shines in a slightly under-prominent role as an environmental activist. But the indisputable star is the superb Colin Baker as weatherman Arnie, a nice guy forced against his nature to resist the nefarious Airzone Solution, a very ‘90s exemplar of private sector greed from an age when Thatcherism was still very much a thing. This is an obscure bit of fandom drama, but something obscure can nevertheless be bloody good.

Doctor Who: The Five Doctors

“Wonderful chap. All of them.”

It’s great to see Hartnell again, even if only for a brief yet well-chosen clip. I like these pre-title sequence teasers- perhaps they should be brought in permanently at some point? 

Meanwhile, there’s a new, very 80s-looking, considerably less battered TARDIS console which the Doctor has knocked up very quickly in the short time since The King’s Demons. Tegan’s changed her clothes again and Kamelion is presumably off playing the lute somewhere off-screen.

Our heroes are visiting the Eye of Orion, in North Wales, the most tranquil place in the universe. And for once, nothing bad is going to happen, oh no.

We cut to the First Doctor, played by Richard Hurndall, walking about in a garden and getting taken away in a black triangle. This black triangle thing may well be simple but it actually works very well. And Hurndall at least looks the part. Also interestingly, he’s observed on screen by a mysterious gloved figure who seems to be moderately talented in painting miniatures.

Meanwhile, a newly re-moustachioed Brig is chatting with Lieutenant Carstairs from The War Games either before or after a big UNIT reunion. Along comes Patrick Troughton, and it’s such a joy to see him again. Interestingly, he says of the Brig’s replacement that “Mine was pretty unpromising too”, indicating he remembers the events of The Three Doctors, and that opens a whole can of worms.

Their conversation is a key example of a great awkwardness that pervades this story though; these are two old friends who haven’t seen each other for ages, and yet the words they’re given to say acknowledge this in only the most perfunctory way, as there can be no deviation from the plot in a ninety minute story containing as many elements as this. It’s an inevitable consequence of the very nature of this story, but that doesn’t make it feel any less awkward. The characters, most of whom are fondly-remembered figures from the past, are just treated as pawns there to serve the plot and given little opportunity to display the qualities we loved about them in the first place. And this tendency will get more and more awkward as the story progresses.

At least the scene with an obviously older Pertwee getting kidnapped by the black triangle thing driving around in Bessie doesn’t display these faults, even if only because there are no other characters for him to interact with. Unlike Troughton, this is his first ever return to the show, and it’s a particular delight to see him again. And it’s obvious from the very start that Terrance Dicks gets a particular kick out of writing his dialogue (“Great balls of fire!”)

The pattern’s established by now as we get a quick scene with Sarah and K9 and a clip from Shada, and then the focus moves to Gallifrey. Sadly, the familiar tropes of the Gallifreyan ruling caste have become completely formulaic by now, but at least in a story where they’re no more than a minor element this is less irritating than it could be. Still, it’s hardly encouraging that the annoying Castellan from Arc of Infinity is back again, or plausible that Borusa has regenerated yet again. Still, their desperate employment of the Master is a damn good idea, clearly showing just how desperate the situation is, and Ainley is wonderful here. Interestingly, he’s offered an entirely new regeneration sequence. This has huge implications. Equally as interestingly, he states that “A cosmos without the Doctor scarcely bears thinking about”, which arguable gives a bit of credence to some of the more intriguing theories about his motivations…

Hurndall, appropriately, has been transported to an area very reminiscent of the Dalek city on Skaro. He meets Susan, of course, and again we have the awkwardness of there being little time for dialogue which does not advance the plot. Surely these two would have something to say to each other, particularly given the circumstances of their parting? Still, the Dalek looks fantastic, and the mutant inside the shell is extremely impressive. This scene is where we learn all this is happening in the Death Zone, North Wales, Gallifrey. Although hearing Susan saying the word “Gallifrey” doesn’t feel quite right.

There’s some unintended hilarity as Pertwee ostentatiously rescues Sarah from falling down a very slight slope, and then more unintended hilarity as Sarah’s intended line that the Doctor changed to become “all teeth and curls” is nabbed by Pertwee, thus ensuring it makes no sense whatsoever. Still, it’s great to see the two of them together again and their chemistry is great.

The first and fifth Doctors meet at last, but again the necessity of there being no time for dialogue which doesn’t advance the plot has awkward consequences. Surely the fifth Doctor and Susan must have things to say to one another? Again, though, this sort of awkwardness is inevitable given the number of elements to be fit inside ninety minutes.

Possibly the highlight of the whole thing is Pertwee’s arrogant dismissal of the Master’s claims that he wants to help. The sheer rudeness on display is magnificent, and I’m willing to bet that this is the part Terrance most enjoyed writing. Pertwee is splendid here too, of course. Oh, and the bit with those bolts aimed at the Master, setting bits of the undergrowth on fire, is my first definite memory from watching Doctor Who on original transmission (I was six) although I’d been watching it for a season or two by this point.

Sadly, Hurndall isn’t particularly good. It isn’t that he’s so unlike Hartnell- he was quite right to try and interpret the character himself- but that he overdoes the abrasiveness so much as to be unlikeable. A lot of the time he delivers his lines in a way which is actually sinister, the worst offender being “Well, well, well, so two of them made it. I wonder what happened to the other?”

On the other hand, the Cybermen deliver their lines in a way which is most entertaining- my personal favourite is “Ah!” closely followed by “I have found the ones from the TARDIS.” They also get bonus points for causing Susan to sprain her ankle.

This is all zooming past- the Raston Warrior Robot, “No, not the mind probe!”, a sadly hard to see Yeti- betraying a masterful skill at plotting from Terrance Dicks who, for all the problems inherent in such an artificially fast pace, has managed to work all these disparate elements into a coherent plot while giving everyone enough screen time. It’s an admirable achievement, even if the result nevertheless suffers under the weight of all the elements which needed to be included. Particularly admirable is the way that Davison, the incumbent Doctor, is allowed the starring role in being the one teleported to the Capitol to investigate who’s really behind it all.

The whole chessboard trap, in which a second group of Cybermen are dramatically killed, is good fun, however much the stuff about pi is extremely silly and the Master seems to just walk straight across the first time. It’s just a shame that Hurndall is again so unlikeable.

It’s good to see Liz and Yates again, even if they are illusions, and even better to see Jamie and Zoe, even though continuity is shattered into a thousand pieces by the fact that the Doctor remembers that their memories were wiped. Apparently in between this and his enforced regeneration he was able to nip to the UNIT farewell party to chat with the Brig. Perhaps, at a stretch, the Time Lords offered him a last request off-screen and he’s being allowed the one short trip before being brought back and summarily regenerated. Or, er, perhaps not. But I say again: Season 6b? Pah!

Hurndall, Pertwee and Troughton all get to meet up briefly for the climax while a load of companions mill about at the back. Their interactions are great, if disappointingly brief. And it’s odd to see the Brig greeting Sarah with “Miss Smith, isn’t it?” even though he’s got to know her quite well, particularly during Planet of the Spiders.

Borusa’s revelation as the villain, his eventual fate, and the appearance of Rassilon himself are all brilliantly done, and the final scene of the Doctor once again running away from his own people in a rackety old TARDIS is utter genius. And so is the story. It may be too fast-paced for the characters to really interact in the way fans would have dreamed about, the direction may be dodgy at times, but what’s not to love about this? 4/5.

Doctor Who: Planet of the Spiders

Part One
 

“Ah! Doing a bit of hairdressing on the side?”

We start with an unexpected sight- Mike Yates may no longer be part of UNIT, but he’s back. It’s also unusual, and refreshing, to see the Doctor and the Brig watching some kind of variety show, even if it’s not entirely recreational.

Yates has infiltrated himself into a hippyish group of Buddhists whose general appearance is absolutely as ‘70s as it’s possible to get. Clothes, hair, moustaches: all look like something from a contemporary parody of the decade, but there they are.

It’s great to see Cyril Shaps again, playing another nervous character, this time someone with psychic powers. We hear than the Brig has been involved with someone called Doris, and get to see some clips from Carnival of Monsters, something which is always to be welcomed. It’s also nice to get a letter from Jo telling us how she’s been getting on. She’s returned that blue crystal, though, for reasons which seem ominous.

We get an interesting speech from the lama, Cho-Je , about becoming a “new man" only to realise you’ve “never existed”. It’s almost as if something’s being foreshadowed in Buddhist terms. I wonder what?

Suddenly Cyril Shaps is dead- and it’s hard to escape the conclusion that it’s pretty much entirely the Doctor’s fault, collateral damage from his desire to satisfy his curiosity. Again, foreshadowing.

It’s a great big spider…

Part Two

“Of course we’re flying!”

Spiders which jump on your back, turn invisible yet exert control… a brilliant idea, and one I’m sure we won’t ever be seeing again in the future, such as, for example, in thirty-four years time.

This is actually the last full on UNIT episode of the Pertwee years, and although there’s no real marking of this fact it’s not a bad way to go. The Brig’s hair may be a bit long (I’m one to talk, mind…) but there’s some good stuff, especially a nice line from Benton about how “I’m expendable and you’re not.” And the Brig’s on the phone to a medical officer called “Sullivan”- who he?

We get another mention of the Doctor’s hermit guru from halfway up that mountain, again foreshadowing later events. But basically this is a chase, involving land, sea, air, Bessie and the Doctor’s fantastic flying new car. And I like it- it’s fun, it’s appropriate as a celebration, so who cares if the plot is not advanced one iota, especially as Lupton just teleports away at the end?

Oh, and towards the end, we get our final comedy tramp of the Pertwee era. Not that there were really all that many of them in the end.

Part Three

“You are cleverer than the Two-Legs on Metebelis 3!”

Now there are loads of spiders, and after last week’s high jinks the plot is heating up. We get to hear enough of Lupton’s history to establish that he’s a nutter. I love the scene where both he and the spider attack each others’ minds in turn.

It’s a shock when Sarah is suddenly transported to Metebelis 3, the fabled planet which has been gradually seeded, Bad Wolf style, throughout the last couple of years. Things have changed since the Doctor was last here in The Green Death- it’s now inhabited by human colonists with Mummerset accents who are under the tyrannical rule of the mysterious spiders. Sarah’s quite extraordinarily brave at being suddenly transported to another planet and a bit of extreme peril- she’s quite clearly great by this point.

Interesting to have the Doctor explain to Yates something that’s always bugged me a bit- how come the TARDIS always lands at the right place on a given planet?

Part Four

“Oh dear. This is getting monotonous.”

The above quote most definitely does not sum up my feelings on this story- I think it’s great so far!

We get some nicely and economically sketched details of society on Metebelis 3. It may be a fairly generic Doctor Who trope, a society oppressed by monstrous rulers, but it’s only a minor subplot here. Incidentally, the Metebelis 3 colonists look every bit as uber-70s as the Buddhist group on Earth.

Tommy has a good look at the crystal and goes all Flowers For Algernon, a subtle hint of what’s happened to the spiders on Metebelis 3- they’re Earth spiders made larger and cleverer by the crystals, a big plot bombshell- and just how significant the crystal will turn out to be.

Sarah risks her life for the Doctor by going to get the machine for him, while the Doctor suddenly looks very old whilst lying there. Still, once cured he briefly reverts to some of the old Season Eight style rudeness by loudly waking his hosts at the crack of dawn.

The Doctor gets straight to work. This is good stuff!

Part Five

“Much as I admire your stoic acceptance of the inevitable, I’d appreciate it if you’d shut up for a moment.”

This is a very long reprise indeed, but the effect is that both Sarah and the Doctor end up in the “web”, waiting to be eaten. The Doctor escapes, but his confrontation with the Great One- all the more effective for being unseen- is deeply effective as the Doctor himself is clearly very frightened indeed. The story’s themes are starting to come together nicely; the Great One says to the Doctor “You are proud, little man.”

There’s a nice bit with our heroes about to leave Metebelis 3, as the Doctor briefly panics that he’s lost the key only for Sarah to calmly reveal that she has it. There’s also a nice touch with Tommy; Sarah suggests he might be “normal”, and he replies “I sincerely hope not.”

And then the crux of the whole story arrives as the Doctor and Sarah finally meet the mysterious K’anpo. (Incidentally, for future reference, the Doctor speaks fluent Tibetan.) It becomes clear that the Doctor is the cause of everything that’s going wrong, just because he found that crystal on Metebelis 3: “Found?” “Well, perhaps ‘stole’ might be a better word.”

Part Six

“Not all spiders sit on the back.”

Not only is the reprise very long, it also has scenes fitted around it which weren’t there last episode, which is sort of cheating. But it’s exciting stuff from beginning to end, one of the finest individual episodes yet. K’anpo reveals who he really is- the old Time Lord hermit who tutored the Doctor all those years ago. It seems he’s “regenerated” (the first use of the word- it gave me a thrill!) and that Cho-Je doesn’t technically exist at all but is some kind of avatar, some kind of “projection” of his next life. I’m sure there are Buddhist allusions here that I’m not getting, but it’s cool nonetheless.

The Doctor must face his fear and atone for what he’s done. There a real sense of inevitable doom as he sets off for Metebelis 3. Meanwhile, K’anpo is hurt after being attacked, and “regenerates” into Cho-Je. Cool!

The Great One is huge, and looks very impressive indeed. She’s overreached herself though, and the crystal is too much for her, just as K’anpo thought it would be. All the spiders are killed, but the Doctor’s been fatally affected by the radiation…

UNIT HQ. Three months later, and the TARDIS has finally brought the Doctor “home”- it’s fitting that this Doctor, having got over his exile, is now ready to admit just how attached he’s become to this one place and time. K’anpo gives the process a push and the Doctor’s face change. It may not be that visually impressive, but in context it’s a huge dramatic moment. Wow.

Well, that was great. I’m sure most of the Buddhist stuff went over my head, but it was a perfect framework for this Doctor’s swansong in a story which was truly about him as a character. 5/5.

The season as a whole scores 4.2/5, giving it fourth place so far. It’s been a season of four 5/5s and one 1/5, a strange combination!

Doctor Who: The Monster of Peladon

Part One

“I don’t want to leave Peladon without having a word with my good friend the king…”

“Namedropper!”

The first shot instantly tells us we’re on Peladon again, although this time it’s far more obvious that the citadel is just a matte painting. We get miners, bizarre hairstyles, and this rather cool looking alien from Vega who quickly gets killed. We also get Alpha Centauri, now far more annoying, and a very fit looking queen. Oh, and the Doctor’s hair has never been bigger.

This is a story made about miners in 1974, so it’s clear there must be a subtext about Edward Heath and the miners’ strikes of the time, but sadly I’m not so read up on this to be able to spot any parallels. This seems to be a very left-wing script though, especially from a post-Thatcher perspective. The Doctor even states at one point “When miners have to take up arms to protect their rights, they probably have reasons.”

Part Two

“How unfortunate! What a catastrophe! Has she been harmed?”

The Doctor rather stupidly lets the miners know how to open the armoury door, in an alarmingly lazy bit of plotting which hints to us that this may not turn out to be any good. There’s also a lot of tiresome mistrust of the Doctor by Ortron to fill up time- I hate this kind of thing; only Malcolm Hulke is really able to pull it off. And Alpha Centauri is getting really annoying.

It’s interesting to compare what this story is saying about the Federation to what we heard in The Curse of Peladon- if the European Union metaphor is still in operation then this story seems much more Eurosceptic, implying that membership has benefited the Peladonian aristocracy but not its people. I’m not sure how much relevance that has to 70s Britain, mind.

Part Three

“Since she is only a female her activities are of little importance.”

I think this is the point that it becomes obvious that the queen is so irredeemably wet that it’s completely implausible that she’s retained her position, especially in such a patriarchal (and don’t we know it) society as this one. Sarah’s “advice” to the queen on, ahem, “Women’s Lib” of course treats the subject with all the seriousness and gravitas that it requires. “It isn’t like that on Peladon”, indeed.

Meanwhile, Alpha Centauri continues to greatly annoy. Without Izlyr around to make snarky comments about him, you just want him to get off the screen. And why does he accept the Doctor so readily, especially after the ending to The Curse of Peladon?

We end with two momentous events- the sonic screwdriver being actually used as a screwdriver (shock, horror) and the appearance of some Ice Warriors. The very last thing we were all expecting, I’m sure.

Part Four

“I am the law!”

Suddenly, without warning, from coasting along on the trajectory to a 1/5 for three episodes, the story perks up a bit with the arrival of Judge Dredd- er, Azaxyr. His summing up of the situation is great, with Alan Bennion acting everybody else off the screen even with a bucket on his head.

And then we get an entertaining speech with a double meaning from Gebek, and a rather fun swordfight from the Doctor. Things still haven’t improved to the point of actually being any good, but a 2/5 is now looking possible if the standard can be kept up.

Part Five

“He was the most alive person I’ve ever met.”

Sarah believes the Doctor is dead, but it’s obvious from the shot of the explosion that the Doctor wasn’t anywhere near caught up in it.

It’s a genuine sock that Azaxyr, and especially Eckersley, are traitors working for Galaxy Five. For some reason I find it hilarious to hear Alpha Centauri say “Thank you, Eckersley, but you are still a traitor.”

Part Six

“You sure you don’t want to take the job, Doctor? Civil Service post, with a pension…?”

This episode spend most of its time just plodding on, waiting to end. The Doctor’s apparently dead again but we don’t care because the story cried wolf in this way only an episode ago. It’s hardly a surprise to hear he’s just put himself in a trance.

The story seems to have finished with Azaxyr dead, but oh no- Eckersley has to go and kidnap the queen, just to pad things out for a few more minutes. Still, he gets a nice ending- Death by Aggedor.

That was awful. I’d probably have to go all the way back to The Underwater Menace to find a story I disliked so much. A half-hearted rehash of Curse of Peladon but without any of the charm or characterisation, and with six episodes to fill and a plot which is really quite thin, most of the story is just padding. Dull and boring, with even the coolness of Azaxyr not raising it from a 1/5.

Doctor Who: Death to the Daleks

Part One

“You won’t go away, will you?”

The story starts with a random bloke running for a bit and then getting killed- must be a Terry Nation story then. And if that wasn’t enough, things suddenly start going wrong with the TARDIS- yep, it’s Terry, all right.

Thing is, though, the scene where the TARDIS goes wrong and strands the TARDISeers may be predictable, but it’s fun, and shows what a surprisingly good pairing the Pertwee Doctor and Sarah Jane actually make. Sarah Jane (or “Sarah” as everybody seems to actually call her), on her very first visit to an alien world is stranded, and taking it extremely well. The fact that this is believable is more down to Lis Sladen’s performance than the script, but believable it is.

Sarah returns to the TARDIS while being followed by a sinister figure who, for once, doesn’t turn out to actually be friendly. Still, there’s a big alien city to remind us who wrote this story. The dialogue’s a lot sharper than you’d expect from Terry Nation though, a reminder that Robert Holmes unofficially script edited this.

I like the fact that the story starts at night but it becomes gradually lighter as the episode progresses, the sort of detail which can be so easily forgotten.

This is a typical Nation first episode in which our heroes explore their surroundings for a while, only meeting any other characters later if at all, but it’s a proven formula. We finally meet some stranded humans, and they include a character called Jane Tarrant, surprisingly our first Tarrant of the marathon. Apparently there’s a space plague, no doubt requiring doctors of space medicine.

This is very well directed, with lots of good handheld bits and even an impressive-looking dissolve. The Daleks’ flying saucer looks good too, and is immediately recognisable from The Dalek Invasion of Earth, another surprising example of continuity from many years ago. We’re seeing a surprising amount of this sort of thing- presumably the Radio Times Tenth Anniversary Special has had an influence. But it also goes to show that the reveal of the Daleks is not supposed to be a surprise, but a dramatic climax, and the saucer is a hint of what’s coming which whets our anticipation.

Sadly, once the Daleks appear their voices are nowhere near as good with Michael Wisher doing the voices on his own, and for some reason they’ve been painted silver. And this should have been a good cliffhanger- in fact a double cliffhanger with Sarah about to be sacrificed- but we can clearly see that either the Dalek guns don’t work or they’ve forgotten to do the effects.

Part Two

“Inside each of these shells is a living, bubbling lump of hate.”

Slight problem here- the Daleks’ weapons don’t work, but the lights on their domes apparently do. But aside from that things are still great. There’s some nice tension inherent in this uneasy alliance between humans and Daleks- we know the Daleks will betray them once their weapons are working again.

There’s more great direction on show early on as we get our first Dalek POV shot and our first Dalek to be attacked and set on fire, both of which look great and recur throughout the story.

Galloway’s an interesting character, resenting the Doctor for challenging his status as the alpha male. And he renders himself beyond the pale by trying to fit in with the Daleks and agreeing to the extermination of some Exxilons.

The sacrifice scenes are brilliantly done, very atmospheric with the chanting, the incense, the cages and the attention to detail all round. This story was the second BBC video I ever owned, I think way back in 1989, so I’ve seen it many times. But this is the first time in many years and I’m surprised just how good I’m finding it.

I love the model TARDIS the Daleks use to test their new guns. This makes it seem doubly ironic that it’s the Daleks who rescue Sarah and the Doctor from being sacrificed. The Doctor and Sarah are forced to flee to a tunnel with something nasty, leading to a nice line from Sarah: “I just heard your wind effect gnashing its teeth.”

 Part Three

“Yes, a palpable hit.”

Seeing Bellal, an Exxilon without the rags, makes me realise what a fantastic alien costume this is. Admittedly we also get a strangely mannered performance, but yet again everything about this story proves to be far more impressive than I remember.
 
Annoyingly, though, we get yet another story trying to tell us that “primitive man” could not possibly have built all those ancient monuments, so aliens must have done it. Grrr. One of my pet hates, that.

I love the whole thing with the city- the tests are fun in themselves, and I think the element of being chased by Daleks would be an exciting addition to IQ tests in real life.

Surely the most terrifying cliffhanger so far… the floor of doom.

Part Four

“Now the universe is down to 699 wonders.”

More tests, culminating in some groovy psychedelia. This episode is as great as all the others, and a real eye-opener about Terry Nation. Being script edited by Robert Holmes really does seem to pretty much compensate for all his faults. Admittedly, the “I have failed- self-destruct” Dalek suicide scene is just silly, but this is a fantastic ending, with even Galloway redeeming himself as all the plot threads are nicely drawn together. Although it’s ironic that the Doctor and Bellal are once again saved by the timely arrival of some Daleks, and Jill and Sarah seem to fill the Daleks’ sacks with sand and move the parrinium awfully quickly.

Oh, and I notice that pulsing sound is heard briefly inside the Dalek ship. It’s maintained its 100% record in Dalek stories so far.

Well, that was great, 5/5. With Holmes there to tart up the dialogue and presumably sharpen up the plots and characterisation, a Terry Nation script is revealed to be actually rather good, with some great ideas. So far this season, which I hadn’t had particularly high hopes for, has earned two 5/5s and a 4/5. Can it keep on with this sort of form?

Doctor Who: Invasion of the Dinosaurs

Part One

“Age?”

“You’d never believe me.”

An episode in black and white for what I think is the last time. It’s tempting to say something about how it enhance the atmosphere of this particularly atmospheric episode, but of course that’s wishful thinking. These episodes should be seen as they were meant to be seen.

London is deserted, something we tend to think of as a standard Doctor Who trope, although this is only the second time it’s happened, the first being The Web of Fear. But the situation is handled very well, with a real mood being created. The bird noises on the soundtrack are particularly effective.

The pterodactyl scene is one that’s probably best seen in black and white, I must admit. But this is very good- Malcolm Hulke seems to have a particular talent for creating situations where no one believes the Doctor without being annoying, mainly because the suspicion arises naturally and believably out of the situation.

And then we get to see the dinosaurs. Yeeees…. they never fail to remind me of a certain TV advert I remember from my youth. Type “Chewits advert 1986” into a popular video site and you’ll see what I mean…

Part Two

“…And pink for your actual pterodactyl.”

The appearance of the 12^th century man is a little incongruous in the context of the whole story, but at least it serves a purpose for the plot. And after last episode’s establishment of the mood the plot can start- the sudden and welcome appearance of the Brig immediately puts a stop to the business about no one believing the Doctor before it becomes tiresome. 

Just how many sugars does the Doctor take in his tea?

UNIT are back to their best from the start here- it seems the lessons of The Three Doctors have been well and truly learned. And in a pleasing piece of continuity Yates has had a “spot of leave” after his ordeals during The Green Death. 

There’s a first class guest cast here- a suitably sinister John Bennett as General Finch- an obvious baddie, but clearly supposed to be- and Peter Miles and Martin Jarvis in charge of the main moustache-twirling duties. 

This is impressive stuff. There’s some very good writing on show here, from the Doctor’s continuous interruptions (introducing Noel Johnson- General Smythe- as Charles Grover) to the shock revelation that Yates is a traitor.

Part Three

“Well, sometimes that girl baffles me.”

This is, sadly, the last ever story by Malcolm Hulke, and well up to his usual excellent standard. And after seeing so many it’s easy to spot recurring features- the serious tone, the good treatment of UNIT, the believable motivation for every character, and the sceptical treatment of the Doctor- in fact the first episode of this story reminds me very much of the first part of The War Games. But the characterisation in this episode is always good, from Yates’ stricken conscience as he insists the Doctor not be harmed to Sarah’s journalistic background coming into good use as she researches the scientist Whittaker.

Interesting line, “Back in the cold war days”, the first indication we’ve had for a very long time of these stories being set in the near future. Charles Grover is a great character, believably written by Hulke and extremely well portrayed by Noel Coleman, in a very different performance from his role as General Smythe so long ago.

That’s a fantastic cliffhanger, something no one could possibly see coming.

Part Four

“If she fails to respond to the re-education, we shall have to destroy her.”

This is the second time I’ve seen this story, and I’ll admit I’m a little less blown away than I was the first time, with the padding a lot more obvious. But still, this is great. The Doctor’s new car is fab, for a start, although its existence seems to contradict the impression we’ve recently been getting that the Doctor is loosening his ties to Earth with the end of his exile.

Crikey, it’s Carmen Silvera! The idea of the spaceship being a fake is great, and Sarah’s realisation that she can’t have been out for three months because she’s still got her scar is inspired. Meanwhile, the Web of Fear parallels continues as the Doctor skulks around in the underground, to be faced with a pterodactyl that’s obviously on wires. Oh dear…

The people on the ship are against “moral degradation, permissiveness, usury”… all my favourite things, in fact. This completely changes our impression of the villains- they’re not just environmentalist hippies but they have a scarily authoritarian social agenda too and want to establish a version of Franco’s Spain in the Jurassic. Or Cretaceous, or whenever.

You just have to groan as the Doctor walks into such an obvious trap…

Part Five

“So it was you, Mike.”

It’s a nicely underplayed moment, the Doctor’s realisation that Yates has betrayed his friends. It showcases just how brilliant Pertwee has been in this story, giving possibly his best performance since Season Seven. Could it be that his final series will see a sustained upturn? We’ll see…

Benton, on the other hand, is as loyal as ever, and the scene where he lets the Doctor overpower him gives us hope. The method the Doctor used seems awfully Star Trek, mind…

There’s more good stuff on the “space ship” as the bonhomie of the prospective “colonists” begins to look ever more sinister- they may regret having to do it but Sarah is clearly set to be the first dissident to be executed, and the very concept of the “reminder room” illustrates just how totalitarian this little society is.

Sarah escapes, only top be recaptured after making the same mistake with Finch as she did with Grover. For the first time we see the chief conspirators all together after we’ve been put fully in the picture about what’s going on. It’s strangely believable that such a scheme could come about, if we ignore the science being nonsense. A few reactionaries reinforce each other’s prejudices, they agree that something must be done, groupthink takes hold… it could happen. Except for the small point that the timey-wimey stuff is completely impossible, of course. Interestingly, this was made only a year or so before there are supposed to have been murmurings of a coup against the Wilson government. Probably mythical, of course, but presumably there was something in the zeitgeist.

Oh, look, a tyrannosaurus. That’s an original cliffhanger.

Part Six

“Don’t worry, Brigadier. I’m never wrong.”

Before we end the story we get to see a big fight between the two dinosaurs. Personally, I’m quite fond of the modelwork and, for what it is, it’s actually very good. And, aside from Sarah finding a too-convenient air vent through which to escape, so’s the episode.

The Doctor’s speech to Yates is brilliant, in terms of both script and performance. We get the fabled “There never was a golden age, Mike. It’s all an illusion.” but also, more to the point, the advice to “take the world you’ve got and make something of it.”

We get a nice ending, with the “passengers” getting to confront those who manipulated them and, most appropriately of all, Grover and Whittaker get transported back to their “golden age”.

That was absolutely brilliant. Great ideas, great characterisation, great performances. An easy 5/5. I’ll miss Malcolm Hulke.

Doctor Who: The Time Warrior

Part One

“Brigadier, a straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.”

New title sequence- wow! This is the business. So much better than anything else we’ve seen.

Good to see Bob Holmes is back after not contributing to last season, although technically this is part of the last production block. And it’s good to see a story set in Earth’s fairly distant past, even if it is a fairly generic Middle Ages- in context it really feels like ages since we’ve seen anything similar.

We get a classic Homesian Double Act ™ with the great Irongron / Bloodaxe combo. They’re both well played and fun characters, and the scene with them discovering and investigating the “fallen star” nicely fleshes them out. Bloodaxe’s horse is a bit of an awkward sod, I notice.

We get a brilliant spaceship and a brilliant alien costume, and Linx is a great character from the start. I love the way he claims the planet for the Sontarans to general indifference.

We switch, after an almost Troughtonesque length of time, to a scene featuring the Doctor and the Brig, whose moustache has never looked so plastic. And of course it’s a rather interesting experience to see the debut of You-Know-Who for the first time since my pre-Marathon viewing of the on-screen debut of The Sarah Jane Adventures.

Just when it can’t get any better Dot Cotton appears. And the cliffhanger’s rather good too- the Sontaran face mask is brilliant.

Interestingly, by the way, the TARDIS arrives where it’s supposed to- “for once”.

Part Two

“Young girl? I should’ve thought he was a bit old for that sort of thing.”

Sarah Jane’s refusal to believe she’s travelled back in time starts out funny but gets a little annoying after a while. First impressions are not great. Fortunately, this doesn’t last beyond the early part of this episode- before long she’s taking charge and telling Sir Edward what to do. Good stuff.

I love the concept of Linx using alien technology to give a mediaeval warlord advanced weapons. Still, Irongron seems to learn how to use a remote control awfully quickly.

We hear for the first time that Linx’s race, the Sontarans, are in an interminable war with the Rutans. And then, almost thrown away, the Doctor casually mentions the name of his home planet for the first time: Gallifrey. It’s incredibly low-key for such an important moment.

Part Three

“Is this Doctor a long shanked rascal with a mighty nose?”

We get an awfully long reprise. Still, this is all good stuff from the reliable pen of Robert Holmes, and the cast certainly seem to be enjoying themselves. There’s a nice chat between the Doctor and Sarah Jane in which they discuss time travel and their situation, a nice and necessary character moment. Amusingly, the Doctor refers to the Time Lords as “galactic ticket inspectors”. Holmes starts very early indeed in his bringing-the-Time-Lords-down-to-earth agenda.

The Doctor’s plan is great, as is the dialogue, consistently. This is great fun, and the perfect start to the season. Who says it was RTD who invented the “light and fluffy” series opener?

Part Four

“Not so much of that oatmeal, girl. It’s pikemen we’re feeding, not horses.”

Er, potatoes? In mediaeval England? And mentions of pikemen are a bit anachronistic, come to think of it. Plus the Doctor sounds nothing like Linx when he’s supposed to be doing an impression of him. And he spends an awfully long time in front of a firing squad getting shot at without getting killed. Still, minor quibbles. This is great.

A fantastic start to the season. A fun, light-hearted tale that may not be big or clever (and it’s certainly set in a very vague Middle Ages indeed!), but if it's meant to give the impression that Bob Holmes can just casually toss off a bloody fantastic story without seeming to try much at this point then it certainly does the trick. 5/5.

Doctor Who: The Green Death

Part One

“This fellow’s bright green, apparently. And dead.”

We get an immediate sense that this story is going to have significantly better dialogue than the last from Stevens’ Chamberlain spiel at the start. Slightly less impressive is the bizarre use of CSO for descending down a mine shaft, but this is good, and it’s also good to see UNIT again, especially the Brig. I would mention Jo dressing as Peter Davison, but I’m sure everyone else has by now so I won’t.

Interesting that the Doctor feels the need to establish his detachment from UNIT by briefly gallivanting off to Metebelis 3 for a bit of slapstick. Now his exile is over he clearly feels less attached to his old UNIT surroundings. Still, he says he’ll follow in a bit.

There’s an interesting parallel here with Jo, of course, who’s also feeling less attached to her circumstances than she was, as we’ve seen in recent stories. It was implied as early as Frontier in Space that she wouldn’t be travelling in the TARDIS again so it comes as no surprise to see her spurn a trip to the now-fabled Metebelis 3 for a more Earthly, and more serious, concern. The Doctor, freed from his exile, is more carefree than he’s been for ages while Jo, who’s clearly been following the environmental catastrophe in South Wales for some time, is moving in the opposite direction.

It’s a nice piece of foreshadowing that the Doctor and Jo don’t even listen to each other, and Jo also demonstrates her ties to UNIT are loosening. All this is clear to the Doctor: “So- the fledgling flies the coop”. There’s also an irony here; the Doctor, giddy with his new-found freedom, is neglecting his responsibilities for a pleasure journey, even if he does propose to follow on later. And while the Doctor engages in some slapstick on Metebelis 3, it’s actually Jo who’s the more Doctorish in her attitude.

There’s another symbolic parallel, of course, as she disrupts Professor Jones’ experiment, just as she did the Doctor’s back in Terror of the Autons. This pretty much tells us how she’s ultimately going to end up, right in the first episode.

Part Two

“I’m quite spry for my age, actually.”

Some interesting developments- Stevens has a “Boss”; Yates is mentioned so he’s definitely recovered from that explosion in The Time Monster- but although the plots moving along nicely there’s also some witty dialogue (“unauthorised footsteps”!) and of course we get to see the giant maggots. And this is the first time we hear the Doctor speak of Venusian Aikido, not Venusian Karate.

Part Three

“In the whole history of the world, there’s never been anybody just like Bert. And there’ll never be another…"

It’s a great relief to see that the Brig is back to his best after the unfortunate events of The Three Doctors. His confrontation with Stevens is a delight: “Are you threatening me, Mr Stevens?” “Yes, I think perhaps I am.” But Stevens has friends in high places, extending right to the prime minister, although I notice this is quietly dropped in later episodes. And the PM’s a Jeremy. Thorpe, presumably? Lock up your dogs...

There’s a bit of a Mad Men moment, reminding us just how long ago 1973 was, where the Brig and Stevens both drink whisky in the middle of the day as though it were tea or coffee. And a rather shocking Life on Mars moment, where the Boss causes Fell to commit suicide by jumping off a roof. You wouldn’t see that in a family programme these days.

The dinner party scene is fascinating. Jo is clearly getting closer to the Prof and distancing herself from the Doctor. It’s Jones who comforts her when she finds out Bert’s dead. And they’re clearly about to sleep together when the Doctor quite deliberately whisks the Prof away to the laboratory. That’s excellent writing. Can this really be the same people who wrote The Dæmons and The Time Monster?

Part Four

“Well, I’m not such a dunderhead as you all seem to think!”

We see Benton for the first time in ages, and then Stevens’ man from the ministry turns out to be none other than… Mike Yates. I’d forgotten all about that- it came as a genuine shock. The Brigadier is no fool in this story.

I love BOSS’s dialogue, especially as it could easily have been a generic baddie. But it has a real personality and wit, and a knowledge of philosophy and music. And what makes the Nietzschean allusions so great is that they so clearly go right over “little Superman” Stevens’ head. The final reveal that it is in fact a computer (of charmingly antique design and filling a whole room) makes this even more impressive- we could have got another WOTAN but instead we get this great character.

Oh yes, and we get a Pertwee comedy turn as a milkman and a tea lady. Just when it seemed things couldn’t get any better.

Part Five

“Today Llanfairfach, tomorrow the world, eh?”

I love the fact that BOSS doesn’t want to personally take over the world, just maximise the profits of Global Chemicals by any means possible. Come to think of it, the character of BOSS is almost certainly intended as a statement on Big Corporations on the part of the writers.

The Doctor’s reaction to interrogation, by now something of a Pertwee era standard, is great, as per usual. Some great lines from the Doctor: “Freedom from freedom?”

More good stuff here, and I love it that Jo gets to repair the communicator in another indication of how far she’s come. On the other hand we get more gratuitous use of CSO (this story’s most glaring fault) as the Doctor drives through the slag heap.

Oh, and naturally, the delirious Cliff chooses to murmur “serendipity” rather than “it’s the fungus” or something.

Part Six

“Don’t worry Doctor, I’ll look after her.”

I’m really enjoying this story, so just this once I’m willing to overlook the fly. It’s pretty poor though. Fortunately, everything else rocks. I love the way BOSS quotes Oscar Wilde and discusses Wagner and Tchaikovsky. He has a real personality and wit yet is also strangely childlike. It’s quite effective to see him suffer pain while dying.

Jo’s extended leaving scene is great and entirely fitting, from Cliff’s clumsy proposal to the Doctor, too upset to stay, walking out of the party and driving off, if not literally into the sunset.

Fantastic, 5/5. Great story, great dialogue, great performances and particularly great treatment of the regulars in a story where it’s essential. For some reason Letts and Sloman, usually disappointing so far, really pull it out of the bag with this one.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed Season 10 really rather a lot. In fact, with an average of 4/5 it’s in joint first place with Seasons 5 and 7.

Doctor Who: Planet of the Daleks

Part One

“I’m qualified in space medicine.”

Terry Nation is back! Oh, the nostalgia…

It’s a very odd beginning. It seems the last episode did indeed end in a cliffhanger, but it seems very disjointed. It’s also a very bad idea to have Jo speak into a tape recorder, extremely awkward in practice.

We get a jungle, hostile plants, and it all sounds a bit like Kembel. Yep, this is a Terry Nation story, all right. It’s impossible to take seriously. All the lines are functional and lacking in any sparkle whatsoever, especially Jo’s, but are as well acted as they can be. Plus, we get invisible creatures. And Space Thals. And Bernard Horsfall! Plus a jaw-droppingly gratuitous continuity reference which not only references The Daleks but mentions Barbara, Ian and Susan.

Shocking cliffhanger, the very last thing I was expecting…

Part Two

“I’ll dismantle the circuitry, reverse the polarity…”

I’ve just realised where I’ve seen Tim Preece before- he’s Tom from The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin!

More old Terry Nation tropes are dusted off: the Thals' commander was killed in the landing; there’s a nasty tentacled thing in the jungle; Jo is stalked by a menacing and mysterious figure who turns out to be a goodie. But better than that, there are loads and loads of Daleks, not one of them cardboard. Have we ever seen so many? Plus their voices are much better, they have a cool looking city, and we get to hear that pulsating sound again. 

There’s a rather good scene with the Doctor and Codal discussing courage in the cave. And you really feel for the Doctor and Jo, each thinking the other dead. There’s also some very effective use of CSO as the invisible Wester pours some medicine into a bowl for the infected Jo.

This is very by-the-numbers, but fun nonetheless. And the Daleks, with their talk of Mengele-style genetic experiments on their prisoners, are suitably evil. 

The episode ends with some more Thals arriving. And the Doctor deciding to use an ordinary screwdriver mere seconds after brandishing his sonic one.

Part Three

“You know, for a man who abhors violence, I took great satisfaction in doing that.”

This is almost certainly the last time I’ll ever watch this episode in black and white.

This story shouldn’t have been called Planet of the Daleks- Terry Nation’s Greatest Hits would have been a much better title. Even the original bits, like the water which stays molten at below zero, just feel like the sort of thing we’ve seen before. And when we get to the bit with the lifts… well.

It doesn’t all make sense, of course. The Doctor tells Codal while planning their escape that once they’ve put the Dalek out of action they might just have enough time to escape. But as soon as they’ve done it they just stand around chatting for a bit. And it’s also clear that, in this Dalek city, all roads lead to one particular corridor for some reason.

It’s such fun though. I had to laugh out loud once the Dalek started cutting through the door. This is a blatant remake of a story that was actually directly referenced a couple of episodes ago- you have to admire the sheer cheek of the blatant self-plagiarism on display here. I love the Doctor’s mad escape plan. And just when it can’t get any sillier, 10,000 Rolykin Daleks turn up.

Part Four

“Should be a long slow haul”

Er, is the cliffhanger quite the same in the reprise? Never mind, it’s forgivable in this story, even more of a 1930s movie serial than The Daleks, as seen in the way the plot stops for several episodes while our heroes encounter a series of perilous situations. It’s all very silly, but fun.

We briefly get a bit of attempted characterisation as Taron whinges at Rebec for being in love with him- what a git! Still, this being a Terry Nation script, we never again get any reference to their being a couple.

The Daleks are preparing a virus to kill all their foes with, which is a surprise- it’s usually radiation. Bet you it takes several whole episodes before it’s ready.

At last, in a highly visible display of script editing, we get some dialogue linking this, more or less plausibly, to Frontier in Space. Interesting that the Doctor needs Time Lord help to steer the TARDIS properly at this point.

I’ve just noticed in the end credits- the middle eight’s not there any more. When did that happen?

Part Five

“We can never leave here. Never. Never. Never.”

More of the same, really. Not much to say about it. And it’s damned difficult coming up with quotes for each episode in a story with such bland dialogue as this.

The only notable moments are Rebec doing her best Ian impression inside the Dalek casing, and the impressively acted distress of the Daleks trapped in a room with the virus. One of the Dalek voice actors has been particularly excellent this story, and it’s noticeable how many long scenes of Daleks talking actually seem to work well.

Part Six

“We are abandoning! We are abandoning! We are abandoning!

Ooh, the Dalek Supreme is coming! And he’s a movie Dalek. And the invasion’s set to start right now, just in time for the last episode! With a countdown! Never have I been so bludgeoned with such Terry Nation-ness.

This is fun and well enough handled, with the tiresome, half-hearted obligatory love interest stuff between Jo and Latep kept to a minimum. I like the Doctor’s speech about not glorifying war, and better still the Dalek Supreme’s speech about the Daleks never being defeated.

Of course, the best scene is where the Dalek Supreme exterminates an underling for failure. I love it when they do that.

Overall I enjoyed that, load of old rubbish that it was. Nothing happened, but nothing happened in an exciting way, and it was very good of Terry to play us all of his hits again. 3/5.

Doctor Who: Frontier in Space

Part One

“Well, I’m never going in that thing again.”

 I’d always assumed I’d seen this story before at some point in the 90s, but watching this first episode I don’t think I have. So I genuinely don’t know what to expect.

 We start with some superb modelwork, and what I think is the first mention of hyperspace in Doctor Who. This looks set to be our first real space opera since The Space Pirates. And while we’ve seen glimpses of Earth’s future recently with Colony in Space and The Mutants, this is the first indication we get that there’s supposed to be a coherent future history, as the Doctor explain to Jo that these are the early days to the Earth Empire seen in The Mutants.

 This is good; the Draconians look great, the situation is intriguing, and we even get to see a Drashig again. I like the newscast, a tried and tested Hulkean method of doing a bit of world-building.

 Ogrons! Although of course the Doctor is quick to pooh pooh any idea that this necessarily means the Daleks are behind it all.


Part Two

“Jo! Will you stop pacing up and down like a perishing panda!”

 This seems to be a very long reprise. It’s good stuff though, further establishing the premise of the story and making wider hints about the nature of 26^th century Earth, which seems to be some kind of Putin-style “managed democracy”. We also get to see a lot of the South Bank of the Thames as it was then!

 The presentation of the Draconians is very well handled- they’re clearly based on Japanese samurai as far as their props and costumes are concerned, and are clearly allegories for Eastern civilisations as seen through western eyes. There’s a particularly good line from the Draconian prince, of humans: “They’re an inscrutable species.”, nicely undercutting a common stereotype.

 Of course, there’s the usual cold war allegory going on as well. Malcolm Hulke did write it, after all.


 Part Three

“Well, I mean, criticise the government and you’re for it, aren’t you?”

 I like the scene with the Doctor and the mind probe, very Doctorish, and this is still very good, but I’m starting to wish the story would start to move on from all these cells and interrogations. There are certainly lots of escapes and recaptures.

The Doctor is sent to a lunar penal colony, without a trial, and it soon becomes clear that it’s a dumping ground for political prisoners, a nicely dystopian touch. And then, of course, there’s the Master. In a position of authority, naturally.

 It’s a relief when the Professor actually believes the Doctor’s story after three episodes of no one doing so. And it’s good to see the story move on. All the same though, the fact that the Doctor and Jo seem to spend all their time in cells, and the slow pace of the story, are surprisingly unproblematic for me, mainly because Hulke’s script has so much good character stuff for the Doctor and Jo.

 Oh, and doesn’t the Doctor’s hair look bushy in his prison uniform?


 Part Four

“I seem to be quite the master criminal, don’t I?”

 Poor Professor- condemned to a year in solitary and then the story forgets about him!




 Firstly there’s a nice scene between the Doctor and the Master in which the Master, played even more brilliantly than usual by Roger Delgado, remarks on the reversal of roles since the Doctor visited him in his cell in The Sea Devils. We also get hints of the Master’s mysterious employers and a sense of the story broadening in scope.


But fundamentally this episode is about the development of Jo, and her relationship with the Doctor. We start with the Doctor briefly summarising the plot of The War Games to Jo, and then we move on to his recent exile, where he met Jo, “and that alone made the exile worthwhile.” By the standards of early ‘70s Who this is practically Bad Wolf Bay territory. I don’t think they’re lovers at any point, but there’s a relationship developing between them. They clearly care a lot about each other, and they’ve both changed as people by being together in a very New Series sort of way. The Doctor has softened notably since meeting Jo, while Jo has developed into a stronger and more confident person. But at the same time, it’s implied that Jo won’t be around for much longer- for the second time this story she tells the Doctor “I’m never going back in that TARDIS with you again.”

Of course, this is all hilariously undercut by a firing-on-all-cylinders Delgado; “In reminiscent mood are you, Doctor? Poor Miss Grant, you have my deepest sympathy.” And just to make things perfect, he’s reading War of the Worlds!

The escape scene between the Doctor and Jo is brilliant, with Jo’s magnificent monologue fully showing the greatness both of Katy Manning and the character, at least when written as well as this. And, of course, the monologue works as a commentary on her own character, how far she’s come since Terror of the Autons, and hints at how she’s very soon not going to need the Doctor any more. It’s an excellent piece of writing.


Part Five

“An emperor who does not rule deposes himself.”

I’m watching this on the Australian version of the video release that I got from eBay a few years ago, and bizarrely it has the Delaware theme for this episode. I’m glad I’ll only be hearing it this once- it’s awful! Still, another good episode. I love the scenes with the Doctor and the Master trying to convince the Draconian Emperor, archly played by John Woodnutt. Interesting that it should be the Draconians, not the humans, who finally believe the Doctor.

The issue of the position of women in Draconian society is admirably summed up with great eloquence and gravitas: “I think it’s about time that Women’s Lib was brought to Draconia.” Surely one of the great dialogue triumphs of the age.

There are problems here: the Doctor is captured again by Earth police; the Ogron masks are a bit poor; and the Draconian prince manages to convince General Wotsisname rather too easily. But there’s also greatness. Delgado is fantastic. And it’s great, and hugely symbolic, to see that Jo can now resist the Master’s hypnotism.


Part Six

“No doubt you’re a qualified space engineer too, Doctor.”

“Naturally.”

More development for Jo, as she overcomes her fears of several monsters for which the costumes are readily available, and then cheerfully sets about escaping from yet another cell. Unfortunately, the Master may not be able to control her but he’s an, er, master of the art of manipulation.

It’s a satisfying ending, with the Daleks revealed as the Master’s mysterious employers, and turns out to be an appropriate ending for Delgado, whose impression of the Daleks (“stupid tin boxes”) is hilarious. The very final scene is very odd though- it’s not clear whether it’s a cliffhanger or not. And the Doctor seems to be requesting the help of the Time Lords a lot these days.

Overall, great- a brilliant script with great development of the regulars, the Draconians are fantastic, and Delgado bows out at the very top of his game. He’ll be missed. It loses a point for too much time spent in cells, but this isn’t enough to stop this story being very good indeed. 4/5.

Doctor Who: Carnival of Monsters

Part One

“Our purpose is to amuse. Simply to amuse. Nothing serious, nothing political.”

This instantly looks good, and not just because it’s an alien planet for once. Grey, balding bureaucrats and “Functionaries”. An interesting opening, too, in the context of the marathon- watching the stories in order the characters of Vorg and Shirna seem very Space Pirates. Robert Holmes themes of the individual versus bureaucrats become very obvious and seem very consistent watching the stories in order.

We see the TARDIS land! And even better, it’s genuinely random as the Doctor’s clearly landed here by accident. Apparently he wanted to go somewhere called Metebelis 3- wonder if we’ll ever hear of that again?

This is great- a fantastic concept, Ian bloody Marter, more escapology from Jo and a fantastic cliffhanger.

This script is fun, it’s witty, it’s very very clever but best of all it’s done with a real lightness of touch. Best first episode since Spearhead From Space, easily.

Part Two

“The Drashigs! My little carnivores! They’re great favourites with the children.”

Ogrons! But never mind them, this script is brilliant, simultaneously light and fluffy yet with depths if you look for them. The characters on the Bernice are caricatures of the carefree elite of the British Raj, but they are simultaneously colonial rulers and zoo animals. And it’s strangely realistic that they should be over-the-top caricatures designed to amuse, as in the story that’s exactly what they are. I love the boxing scene between the Doctor and Andrews- “Queensberry rules?” “Naturally”; the whole thing is hedged about by notions of how these things are done properly, and yet to the observers outside the scope it’s simply the primitive creatures getting aggressive. 

A Cyberman, even if we can’t see it very well! Reduced to an exhibit for entertainment purposes, but was it ever anything else? I’m loving all this postmodern stuff.

Part Three

“Merciful and compassionate?”

“One has… twinges.”

More redefinitions of the Doctor’s role vis-à-vis the Time Lords- apparently it was him who got the miniscopes banned, which gives us a rather different impression of him from that in The War Games where he ran away because he “was bored”. And on top of that, of course, the Time Lords don’t usually interfere “as a rule”. Then again, he could be making it up to impress Jo? Actually it seems plausible…

This is a great episode for Jo- it’s her idea to get rope from the ship to escape the miniscope, and she has a good stab at getting the Bernice people to realise they’re in a time loop. Plus all the general postmodern witty goodness. And I’m beginning to wonder- are Vorg and Shirnas some kind of parallel to the Doctor and Jo, and what sort of comment is Holmes making if they are?

Part Four

“One has no wish to be devoured by alien monstrosities, even in the cause of political progress.”

The story continues to be great right up to the final episode, and even a civil servant like myself can appreciate the brilliance of the Inter Minorian civil servants’ dialogue: “The tribunal will not tolerate insolence from unauthorised life forms”. Plus, we get to vada some dolly old palare. Bona! 

That was fantastic, an easy 5/5, and the best story for ages. The script is wonderful- a great central concept, great characterisation, great dialogue and loads of postmodern fun. This is the point at which Robert Holmes becomes truly touched by genius. A great start to the Doctor’s new-found freedom. This feels like a different programme.