Doctor Who: Arc of Infinity

Part One

“I’m simply following orders.”

A season begins, and it’s the twentieth! It’s quite a landmark, and frankly quite mind-boggling to think I’ve actually got this far. From this point on the rest of the marathon looks like it’s going to be a doddle. Anyway, what exciting new adventures have we to look forward to now?

Er, some technician type people doing some dull repairs and stuff. A planet once full of either wonder or skulduggery now feels very mundane and domestic. Meanwhile, in the TARDIS, the Doctor has repaired the sound on the scanner. Wow.

To Amsterdam, where a couple of backpackers are about to sleep in a crypt. I think I’ll go out on a limb here and assume I’m not going to be the first person in this thread to mention An American Werewolf in London.


Wow, the Doctor and Nyssa are discussing the fact that the TARDIS used to be in a state of “temporal grace”, referring right back to The Hand of Fear! I never noticed the reference before. But even though my initial thought was “cool”, I immediately started wondering whether it was healthy for a show, in 1983, to be referencing a fairly throwaway line from 1976. This is a turning point, I feel; we’ve had plenty of continuity references before but this feels worryingly gratuitous, as though the show is gradually starting to aim itself at the fanbase and not the general public.
 
“Impulse laser?” No, you muppet, it’s an armadillo. This is one of those scenes which occasionally appear in episode one and make you fear for the rest of the story. As does the appearance of the High Council, with its obligatory regenerated Borusa. Somehow all the familiar trappings of Gallifrey are being used in a purely perfunctory way, which rather strips them of any impact they once had. And the Time Lords’ hostility towards the Doctor is just aggravating; you know full well they won’t actually kill him because this strange extra-dimensional figure needs to bond with him and this mysterious traitor is clearly working for him. And the whole thing achieves nothing but to allow Johnny Byrne to put this bit of the plot on pause for a bit. So far this is every bit as bad as his previous Keeper of Traken.

Fortunately we get Michael Gough, albeit pointlessly wasted in the role of Hedin, and the magnificent Colin “Archie” Baker as Maxil. So far he’s been the best thing in it.


Part Two

“I have my orders.”

“You don’t have to relish them so much.”

Crikey, the number of bedrooms we’re seeing in the TARDIS these days is ridiculous. This time it’s the Doctor’s room we see. Come to think of it, it’s episode two and we’re still seeing a lot of the TARDIS interior, something that seems to be happening a lot these days.

To Schipol Airport, and who should arrive off the latest flight but Tegan. She’s back! And wearing actual clothes! This raises the possibility that we may see her actually wearing different outfits in different stories. Can it be?
 
The Doctor gets a mild ticking off for failing to return Romana, but receives an otherwise disconcertingly friendly welcome from the High Council following his initial rough treatment. They all agree he hasn’t done anything wrong. And then promptly sentence him to death. Even though they’ve abolished capital punishment. It’s not the Doctor’s lucky day.

Tegan, meanwhile, has lost her job, but as soon as she realises her cousin has disappeared she throws herself into the investigation. That’s the Tegan I like to see. But, er, isn’t the fact that she of all people should turn up a bit of a massive coincidence? Other important characters are the Castellan, probably the most obvious red herring in the history of the world, and Hedin who, for equal and opposite reasons, must obviously be the baddie.

There’s more continuity as Damon informs the Doctor that Leela is “well and happy” as the Doctor regrets he missed the wedding. Again, this is nice, but it’s a reference to something which was screened five years ago, it’s not relevant to the plot, and it’s hardly subtly done. Should the programme be doing this sort of thing?
Nyssa, being brave and generally heroic in a way which demonstrates how recent stories have started to give her some bare outlines of an actual personality, tries to rescue the Doctor. He doesn’t seem very keen though, and is apparently executed…


Part Three

“So it’s you.”

No he isn’t, shock horror, he’s just floating about in some other reality being gloated at by our mysterious villain. Elsewhere, Maxil and the Castellan continue to twirl their metaphorical moustaches while Tegan gets on with actually advancing the plot, finally uncovering the villain’s layer.

We also get a scene in which Ome- er, the mysterious bad guy strokes his “chin”. This is quite the silliest thing to appear in Doctor Who for quite some time. Unfortunately this is about the most entertaining thing to happen this episode, most of which consists of Omega just trying to delay the plot. It’s all very dull.

Still, the villain’s identity is at last revealed, and I’m pleased to see we get a full and detailed explanation from Hedin of how he survived the events of The Three Doctors: “No, he exists, Doctor!” It’s almost as though he was the Master…


Part Four

“If I am denied life, then all must perish!”

This is the episode where everyone realises they’ve spent money to film in Amsterdam, so they’d better make sure it shows up on screen. This leads to plenty of outdoor chase scenes, and an amusing moment where the Doctor’s plans are scuppered by a lack of coins for a payphone- that wouldn’t happen nowadays!

We’re also treated to the most eye-poppingly absurd technobabble to justify the location: “Amsterdam is located on the curve of the Arc, below sea level to maintain pressure for atmospheric conversion.” Why on Earth did anyone think it needed to be explained at all?

The Doctor uses a gun again, this time threatening Omega with it, and the story basically ends because Omega didn’t bother thinking through his plan properly because he’s basically a rubbish villain. Er, right.

“So, you’re stuck with me, aren’t you?” says Tegan, inviting herself back on board the TARDIS. “So it seems” replies the Doctor. It really comes across as though he’s never liked her very much. I’m beginning to suspect he doesn’t. I’ve never known such a dysfunctional TARDIS crew before.


Overall, well, rubbish. I have no hesitation whatsoever in awarding this 1/5. This is the first time I’ve felt a story was pure fanwank, with no substance whatsoever. The plot is gruel thin, the villain’s actions make no sense, and worst of all the trappings of Gallifrey are rendered dull by being treated as obligatory references to be ticked off to please the hardcore fans instead of fun concepts to be played with. Suddenly all the sense of wonder is gone. This sets a dangerous precedent- is this how the icons of the series are going to be treated from now on?

Doctor Who: The Time Monster

Part One

“Look, I know I’m exceedingly dim, but would you mind explaining?”

What a very odd beginning. The dream sequence, that is, not the stock footage, obviously. Quite a good beginning too, and not a bad first episode. Of course, UNIT is by now far too cosy an organisation to be taken as seriously as it was earlier this season, and the comedy feminism has dated quite as much as Stuart Hyde’s entire appearance. There’s no way at this point I can avoid quoting the line “May God bless the good ship Women’s Lib and all who sail in her.” Mind you, Stuart’s studenty pseudo-Marxism has dated just as much: “That’s all right, Prof- you go and enjoy your nosh. Leave it to the toiling masses.”

There’s a worrying undertone of sameyness and watering down of the established format though- yet another example of the Master posing under an obvious assumed name, too much silliness (souped up Bessie) and the Brigadier continuing his metamorphosis into a figure of fun.



Part Two

“You know, it’s a long time since I came across a hypnotic subject who turned out to be as good as you are. It’s just like old times.”

The above line, with its postmodern references to the by now established clichés of the programme in its present format, is just one of many examples right through the story. And this is simultaneously a big part of what makes this story both genuinely fun to watch and deeply problematic- the show can only really afford to have that sort of fun with the fourth wall if the core elements are solid. And here they clearly aren’t- the plot is just a series of set pieces and the overall tone is that of a Hanna Barbera cartoon- the Master’s telephone trick on Benton is a case in point.



Part Three

“Get on with it, you seventeenth century poltroons!”

Atlantis, eh? Perhaps this time it’ll be a case of third time lucky. Certainly, one promising sign in that our 500 year old king seems to have the great Ozzy Osbourne as an advisor. And it’s most convenient for the viewer that the king should contrive to explain how he’s 537 years old at this exact point.

We’ve now reached the point where thinking about the plot is a very bad idea, and the Doctor’s tea leaves-powered wine bottle machine is too silly for words. But there’s more- apparently the Doctor and the Master used to make these at school to spoil each others’ time experiments. Such an evocative addition to the show’s mythology.

Just when things can’t get any sillier we get UNIT versus a mediaeval knight, UNIT versus some roundheads and UNIT versus a V2. This is technically an awful episode, as bad as things have ever got, and yet it still manages to entertain, mainly with the humorous dialogue- some intended, some probably not, and the infectious sense of fun.



Part Four

“I’m sorry about your coccyx too, Miss Grant.”


It’s a nice touch that, just before the bomb apparently hits Yates, the Brig calls him “Mike”. But Yates has survived, if not entirely unharmed, as witnessed by a standard Pertwee era comedy yokel. We get more funny lines here to counterpoint the general shoddiness of everything: “Is this a private fight or can anyone join in?”; “I’m Stuart Hyde- registered, card-carrying, paid-up coward.”

We get to see the inside of both the Master’s TARDIS and the Doctor’s, and they both seem to be using the same, rather groovy, never-before-seen desktop theme. I wonder what it’s called. I also notice Jon Pertwee doesn’t know how to pronounce “nanosecond”. Still, this Time Ram thing sounds a cool idea, and I like Jo’s bravery in wanting to accompany the Doctor in full knowledge of the dangers. Awful though it is, this story actually treats Jo’s character rather well.

We get an odd paradox with the Doctor’s TARDIS and the Master’s both ending up inside each other. That’s brilliant. And weird. No doubt we’ll never see anything like this again…

There’s plenty more silliness, of course, Benton as a baby, the Master once again dispensing with the fourth wall as he turns down the Doctor’s sound because he’s “a bore”…



Part Five

“How about ‘Curses! Foiled again’?”

At last, stuff is happening on Atlantis. And we get Ingrid Pitt! Ooh! I was surprised at the scenes of the Master flirting with Galleia, mind- it seems to amount to rather less than fan mythology would have us believe.



Part Six

“It was the daisyest daisy I’d ever seen.”

Oh dear, it’s the Minotaur, and the Doctor’s using his red cape! We get one very nice scene in this episode though- the Doctor reveals a hitherto unknown Zen Buddhist, Barry Letts-influenced side as he recounts a tale of a hermit who lived on a mountain when he was a “little boy”. The rest of it’s some very clichéd Doctor / Master stuff though, very Hanna Barbera indeed. And with the final reveal of a naked Benton we get the most Hanna Barbera ending yet seen.




Well, technically I suppose that was the worst story yet. The plot, the tone, the treatment of the format and the regulars- all were utterly risible, and clearly pitched at the level of a Saturday morning cartoon. And yet, awful as it is, it still manages to be fun to watch. So much so that I haven’t got the heart to give it less than 2/5.

Season Nine as a whole scores 3.6/5, slightly better than Season Eight but still below every other season so far.




Rankings

The Massacre 5/5
The War Games 5/5
Spearhead From Space 5/5
Fury from the Deep 5/5
The Evil of the Daleks 5/5
The Myth Makers 5/5
The Aztecs 5/5
The Tomb of the Cybermen 5/5
Marco Polo 5/5
The Crusade 5/5
Day of the Daleks 5/5
Inferno 5/5
The Highlanders 5/5
The Daleks’ Master Plan 5/5
The Time Meddler 5/5
The Invasion 5/5
The Power of the Daleks 5/5
The Mind Robber 5/5
The Web of Fear 5/5
The Rescue 5/5
The Reign of Terror 5/5
An Unearthly Child 5/5
Colony in Space 5/5
The Macra Terror 5/5
The Savages 5/5
Mission to the Unknown 5/5
The Ambassadors of Death 4/5
Doctor Who and the Silurians 4/5
The Curse of Peladon 4/5
The Gunfighters 4/5
The Claws of Axos 4/5
The Tenth Planet 4/5
The Moonbase 4/5
The Dalek Invasion of Earth 4/5
The Romans 4/5
Terror of the Autons 4/5
The Krotons 4/5
The Ice Warriors 4/5
The War Machines 4/5
The Smugglers 4/5
The Abominable Snowmen 4/5
The Sea Devils 4/5
Planet of Giants 4/5
The Daleks 3/5
The Seeds of Death 3/5
The Enemy of the World 3/5
Galaxy Four 3/5
The Space Museum 3/5
The Mutants 3/5
The Chase 3/5
The Space Pirates 3/5
The Sensorites 3/5
The Edge of Destruction 2/5
The Dæmons 2/5
The Time Monster 2/5
The Mind of Evil 2/5
The Faceless Ones 2/5
The Ark 2/5
The Wheel in Space 2/5
The Dominators 2/5
The Web Planet 1/5
The Keys of Marinus 1/5
The Celestial Toymaker 1/5
The Underwater Menace 1/5

Season 5: 4/5
Season 7: 4/5
Season 3: 3.9/5
Season 4: 3.889/5
Season 6: 3.857/5
Season 2: 3.778/5
Season 1: 3.625/5
Season 9: 3.6/5
Season 8: 3.4/5