The Haunting (1963)

 "It was an evil house from the beginning- a house that was born bad!"

This may be the quintessential, the perfect haunted house movie. It's also a serious contender for the best and most terrifying horror movie ever made.

It won't satisfy fans of gore, of course. The fear is abstract and unseen, just sound and subtle but terrifying hints of something malevolent in this house with a long, evil past. The horror is conveyed by the performances and, especially, by the extraordinary direction of Robert Wise: few things in this world are more terrifying than the use of the camera in this film. And there's a nicely metatextual touch in that part of what makes the house so unnerving is the unnatural angles, a nice little nod to German Expressionism.

Yet, as with many such horror films, the focus is on one tragic young woman, Eleanor- naive, of limited horizons, spending her whole adulthood caring for her controlling mother in a dysfunctional family. No wonder she's attracted to the calm, urbane Dr Markway. He, on the other hand, seems to represent the veneer that is civilisation, which likes to think it is in control of the forces that truly shape everything... 

There's a lot going on here, thematically, behind the horror. Eleanor's background is complex, tragic and shown to us without didacticism. Yet it seems to me that, ultimately, the film is about the cycle of abuse, a truly terrible thing. This is a truly great film.

A couple of interesting points, mind. I was surprised to see the diminutive "Nell" for "Eleanor" used as late as 1963; it feels much more archaic than that, being a contraction of "Mine Eleanor". And then there's the dialogue about creepy statues moving when one isn't looking at them.. don't blink!

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Fit the Fourth

 "We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"

This episode is, of course, where the novel ends: it is also, if I recall correctly, where we diverge from the radio series. But that's after the ecxplosion at the end: until then we hae plenty of Douglas Adams' signature absurdity to look at.

The whole thing about Deep Thought and the Ultimate Question is conceptually awesome, of course, however dated the computing looks forty years later. Yet there's more going on than this- the ridiculing of philosophers (personally, I think we need rather more of them in today's accessible cultural media, but...) and the fact that they behae exactly ike the more rigidly-minded trade union leaders of the time. I somehow doubt Arthur Scargill would have enjoyed this episode much.

Yet we also have an absurd, timey-wimey series of events cause by Arthur's tremendous difficulty with his lifestyle,and a wonderful sequence about the mice offering to buy Arthur's brain: there will never again be a sitcom quite like this. And that's before we even get to the glorious piss take of cops at the end...

Blake's 7: The City at the Edge of the World

“I am surrounded by cretins!”

So. This is it: the last episode of Blake’s 7 that I’ve seen before. From now on it’s all uncharted territory for me. Exciting, eh?  Know how the series ends, obviously, but aside from that rather huge exception I’m completely spoiler-free.

As Chris Boucher is wont to do, we begin some way into the story, after Tarrant has already done a bit of sniffing around on the planet below. He quite horribly bullies Vila into going down to do a job for the natives, alone and unarmed, in return for some unobtainium crystals, while nobody’s looking. This is fascinating, for two reasons. Firstly, it’s becoming clear that we are not meant to like Tarrant. Secondly, this episode makes him look like both a bully and a pillock; he’s definitely taken down a peg or two.

It’s interesting, in this light, to note how comparatively concerned and caring Avon is made to look in contrast, just before Vila teleports down. It’s Avon who tries to plant a tracer on Vila for his safety, and his disapproval is clear. He and Cally are very much the anti-Tarrant double act here, and Dayna’s not impressed either.

Tarrant is also shown to be naïve and rather stupid in assuming the natives are harmless. It’s not long before Avon (significantly in the context of what seems to be a developing conflict between Tarrant and Avon; this one Avon definitely wins) safely detonates an intended booby trap. And when the rather silent natives finally deliver Avon to his destination, a ruined city, it’s revealed that Tarrant has in fact made a massive, massive cock-up. There are no unobtainium crystals. But there is the splendid Bayban the Butcher, splendidly hammed by the wonderful Colin Baker, and his comedy henchmen. But there’s also, er, a henchwoman, Kerrill, who seems cute and vulnerable beneath the harsh exterior.

It seems there’s a mysterious portal Bayban wishes to penetrate, and he’s conned Tarrant into supplying him with the best locksmith around. The locals (represented by a taciturn Valentine Dyall) apparently say that “It contains this world and the next”. If we’re paying attention then we’ve already guessed that it leads to another world. But all this exposition is delivered amongst a lot of highly entertaining lines from the great Bayban. I love his annoyance at being only second on the Federation’s “most wanted” list after Blake!

Vila has one hour to open the portal, or things look grim. Fortunately, though, he’s a bloody good thief. If this were D&D he’s have a dexterity of 18, without question. He’s not as unlucky as things might seem, especially as Kerrill re-appears, having just happened to put on some rather alluring clothing. Vila quickly manages to impress her by cleverly working out that the portal is in fact a force field, designed to resemble a solid object, which will throw back any energy fired into it. All he needs is a low energy probe, too subtle for it to detect. In love Vila’s sense of rivalry with his opponent.

Suddenly, it opens, and they both go through. And, as every viewer knew it would, it simply closes again. Still, Kerril is getting rather tactile, so Vila is still not necessarily having such a bad time, even if he is becoming rather conscious of being used. He’s about to go back, but her scream brings him back, and the two of them have a lovely little cuddle. They’re aboard a spacecraft, next to the skeletons of two of their predecessors, when they suddenly hear a voice from thirty centuries ago. The planet’s civilisation is at the height of its power, but some local Hari Seldon-type chap has been insisting that for some reason they’re about top collapse into barbarism. The ship is a kind of ark, programmed to find a suitable planet, and the remaining natives have been genetically engineered with a Quatermass and the Pit-style race memory to ensure they continue to behave in ways their rather controlling ancestors would approve of. Once the other end of a teleport is set up, the entire race can migrate. Talk about pushy parenting…

Unfortunately, the ship seems to be in flight, and the air will therefore soon run out. There’s only one thing for it; to have what I imagine would be some lovely, slow, gentle sex. Never mind the fact that, in true TV fashion, the two of them later wake up fully clothed! Still, they’re alive, they’re a really sweet couple, and the ship has landed, after all. Oh, and there are unobtainium crystals everywhere. Shame the planet so obviously looks like a papier-mâché set.

Meanwhile, Avon and co all teleport down, although not before they give Tarrant a hard time. It’s noticeable that Avon is the one in charge as they all rather efficiently work their way towards Bayban. It’s nice that Dayna at last gets to re-use at least one of the character traits established in her first appearance, making use of an exploding remote controlled car that she’s invested. More of this, please: in every episode since Aftermath she’s seemed like just another generic female character. There’s a big fight, and Bayban is sent packing.

Kerrill and Vila are so cute together, but it can’t last; we know that Vila’s a main character in this serial, and that reset button is going to be pressed. It’s done very well, though, with lots of sadness. Especially as Kerrill tells Vila that she loves him. Besotted though he is, he isn’t quite able to say the same; perhaps in the long run they wouldn’t have been so good together. Still, it’s a great episode for Vila; not many end with him being told that he’s “a clever man, and brave”. A wonderful episode.

Doctor Who: Enlightenment

Part One

“The rigging’s no place for a coward like me.”

Chess in the TARDIS at the start reminds me of the previous regime but, of course, there’s no K9 and the tone is quite different. It’s hard not to see the black and white pieces as symbolic of the Guardians. It’s also hard to resist reading into the fact that Turlough’s playing white and Tegan’s playing black, although what this might signify I’ve no idea.

The TARDIS’ power is being drained by a rather weak-seeming White Guardian who has been much diminished from the days of The Ribos Operation, to the point that he’s taken to wearing a bird on his head. Beaches and cocktails are a distant memory.

Interesting that the Doctor doesn’t see Turlough as reliable and charges Tegan with communicating with the White Guardian- I tend to see this as judgement of Turlough’s character rather than any specific knowledge of what he’s up to at this point, but rather that the Doctor has understood both Turlough’s shifty nature and that he’s well-meaning underneath it all.

The Doctor and Turlough emerge on to an Edwardian sailing ship and acquaint themselves with its crew, who are oddly unable to remember coming aboard. Meanwhile Tegan is enticed outside by the creepy and mysterious Marriner. But we’re soon introduced to Captain Striker and the TARDISeers are reunited for a meal which supplies what I think is only the second “Brave heart, Tegan” ever.

The cliffhanger, of course, is mind-blowingly brilliant, and this is the perfect opening episode, piling mystery upon mystery.

Part Two

“You’re a Time Lord. A lord of time. Are there lords in such a small domain?”

The yacht’s crew wouldn’t dream of using their advanced technology to cheat at the race in which they’re competing, as they “observe the spirit as well as the rules of the race”. Aside from the minor fact it’s taking place in space it’s being treated entirely as a race between ships involving marker buoys. Which just so happen to be planets. Striker’s ship is seen rounding Venus, meaning he must be a Bjork fan. I mean, Venus as a Buoy. Boom boom. Oh, and the prize is “enlightenment”.

There’s lots of clever writing here. Our brief sight of the Greek captain alerts us both to the fact that the different ships are from different time zones and also that the Greek captain, in a nice bit of foreshadowing has an anachronistic red jewel on his sword. Meanwhile, we’re interested to the concept of the Eternals and their dependence on “Ephemerals” to be truly alive. They are gods in all but name, capricious and fickle as were the Olympians, treating humans as toys whose lives mean nothing because “Ephemerals have such short lives in any case. But these ideas are developed far more effectively in the relationship between Tegan and Marriner than in any expository dialogue.

Turlough gets some superb material this episode, being condemned to everlasting life on the ship by the Black Guardian for his failure to kill the Doctor and then appalling the Doctor by betraying a confidence about the expected mutiny. He’s being significantly better written here than in either of the previous two stories, with Strickson providing a performance to match, and as a result the cliffhanger has real weight.

Part Three

“I had no idea ephemerals could be so entertaining.”

Turlough’s picked up by Captain Wrack’s Buccaneer, and he’s now drinking in the Last Chance Saloon in more ways than one. Sadly, in spite of the required personnel being present, we don’t get the appropriate musical accompaniment.

It’s great seeing inside another ship, greater still that it’s a pirate ship, and utterly surreal (in a good way) that the ship is commanded by Nurse Gladys from Open All Hours. Although of course her towering and triumphant vocal performance of a certain ballad is of course the crowning moment of Lynda Barron’s career. Wrack the character is great, and even Leee John’s… unusual performing style is not out of place in these surroundings.

There’s a fascinating moment as mariner says to the Doctor that “Your companion is a very beautiful woman” and the Doctor replies “Is she?”, further ammunition for my theory that the Doctor doesn’t actually like Tegan and only keeps her around because he’s too nice to just turn her off the Ship.

Part Four

“Your mind is divided, confused, hard to read sometimes. But one thing is clear in it always- greed!”

There’s an interesting conversation early on between Tegan and Marriner in which Tegan misunderstands his fascination as love whereas he only wants “existence”. And we’re still being given a lot of these nice little character moments right through the final episodes even with all the plot threads to resolve. This is a bloody brilliant script.

Turlough seems to betray the Doctor by denouncing him as a spy to Wrack and insists on staying behind on the Buccaneer. Yet the Doctor still has faith in the boy, hoping that he intends to prove himself by doing so.

Tegan and the Doctor realise that the tiara is Wrack’s focus for her weapon, and the Doctor smashes it into tiny bits, which results in nothing aside from Wrack briefly re-enacting the final scene from The War Games. 

But shortly after that he saves the ship from destruction, and heads over to the Buccaneer to assist Turlough. We see two figures thrown overboard, who Tegan assumes to be Turlough and the Doctor. It’s clear from Marriner’s reading of her thought that the Doctor’s dislike of her is not reciprocated, although I don’t see anything in this story to indicate she has any sexual feelings for him as has been suggested in the past.

We end with both Guardians and Enlightenment, a prize to be awarded to a bunch of innocent immortals, which apparently consists of knowledge of good and evil. I’m sure there’s some kind of allusion here but I’m not sure what it is. I’m a bit confused by the Guardians’ dialogue though- I thought it was established in The Armageddon Factor that they represented chaos and order rather than good and evil? Perhaps I’m going too far with that- the Black Guardian was certainly described many times as “evil” in The Armageddon Factor- but chaos and order are much more interesting as concepts.

The Doctor and Turlough win, the Doctor declining his prize. Turlough’s share is forfeit to the Black Guardian under some sub-clause of his deal. Turlough ultimately redeems himself by choosing the Doctor’s life instead of Enlightenment, his conscience thus winning out over his greed. The Black Guardian is defeated by this, and Turlough’s contract is terminated. “Enlightenment was not the diamond” says the Doctor. “Enlightenment was the choice.” Utterly superb stuff.

Well, we’ve waited twenty years for a script by a woman and the first one goes straight into my top ten. 5/5. The finest story since Kinda and only the second truly great story of the Davison years.

Doctor Who: Terminus

Part One

“Don’t patronise me, Turlough.”

I’m approaching this with an open mind, although I’m well aware of its reputation. I’ve only seen it once before, in the late ‘90s, and I can remember very little. The only bias I have going into this is that I was hugely impressed with Steve Gallagher’s Warrior’s Gate. Still, there’s the awkward fact that I’m watching this in the full knowledge that it’s not popular and whatever I end up thinking I’ll suspect myself of either conforming to received opinion or setting myself in rebellion against it. I don’t win either way- much better to enter a story completely blind! Anyway, here goes…

We open with more development of the Turlough / Black Guardian angle as Turlough sabotages the TARDIS. Mark Strickson is excellent in playing this rather shifty, cowardly, self-centred yet redeemable character in a way I haven’t appreciated before. Tegan is getting suspicious of this newcomer, and incidentally is still wearing the same outfit. I assume she gets to change them once a season? Still, it’s shaping up to be an interesting relationship.

Meanwhile, we get to see Nyssa’s room again. And also Turlough’s room, which used to be Adric’s room, and still has all his old stuff in it- a nice touch, reminding us that Turlough doesn’t share the painful memory the other TARDISeers have to deal with, and is still yet an outsider.

As a result of Turlough’s sabotage things start going wrong with the ship, leading to yet another “I’ll explain later” from the Doctor. And then the Ship merges with somewhere else- a nice different way of arriving somewhere with the TARDIS exterior not being seen at all throughout the story. It’s very effective seeing the four TARSISeers gradually disappearing into the mysterious vessel.

And then of course we end with loads of lepers appearing, one of whom is apparently Kathy Burke…

Part Two

“We’re all going to die!”

The computer operated by the Doctor in this episode looks uncannily like the sort of thing that would have been released as a board game and advertised on kids’ TV at the time. Now that the Marathon is reaching a time I can actually remember I’m getting all these random outbreaks of nostalgia triggered by the most bizarre things.

Things are still good so far, with an interesting backstory of plague and corporate greed, and the odd coincidence of Terminus being at the exact centre of the universe. Not to mention Kali and Olvir being officially the most ‘80s people ever. I mean- that hair!

Peter Benson as Bor is instantly recognisable as Henry Tudor to those, like me, who have seen the first episode of The Black Adder far more times than is healthy. And there are other characters in similarly great looking armour with names like Eirak, Valgard and Sigurd, known as the Vanir. Hmm. I’ll take this as an indication that Norse myths are being referenced here but I’ve no idea which ones. The Garm’s a giant, too, so the giants are superseded by the gods, or “Vanir”, but that’s both very tenuous and not relevant to this episode.

Nyssa gets infected, and promptly strips off into her underwear. And at the same time she acquires some unsightly buboes and lesions. Yep, that’s how you get the dads watching, I’m sure they’re all leprosy fetishists…

Part Three

“You’re weird, Turlough.”

At this point it starts to feel a bit slow and plodding, presumably the problem people have with it, but I can’t quite put my finger on why it feels so. We’re getting plenty of plot revelations, the characters are well written and played, there are some good concepts and it’s even well designed. But still, there’s something a little unengaging about it all for some reason.

The Vanir power struggle subplot begins, to be paid off next episode, Tegan and Turlough have a conversation about the ethics of killing, mandated by the story arc- they’ve both been sidelined a bit- and we get the big revelation; Terminus’s first engine blowing up started the Big Bang and the second one’s about to blow, taking the universe with it! I’m not sure I buy this- surely the civilisation that built this ship also built many more, each with the potential to do the same, so by the law of averages the universe should have ended by now? Still, in the context of the story, it works. Oh, and it’s technically all Turlough’s fault if it does.

Part Four

“You represent a pure investment of my time and energy!”

It’s quite unexpected to see that the Garm does actually cure Nyssa. Not only that, he can talk, too, and also save the universe by pushing a lever. He’s a giant (Norse mythology!) as are the Vanir (Norse mythology!) and presumably the same species as the ship’s dead pilot.

The cure may have worked on Nyssa, but it’s crude, unfocused and as likely to kill as to cure. Nyssa, on the other hand, would be able to turn it into a much better cure, much as she would be able to synthesise unlimited supplies of hydromel to free the Vanir from their dependence on the Company, just as the Garm has been freed by the Doctor.

“It’ll be good to see the TARDIS again.” says the Doctor. “And Tegan.” Adds Nyssa, “Well…” says the Doctor!!! It isn’t even the first time he’s said something like this- he doesn’t even like Tegan, and is only putting up with her to avoid an unpleasant scene. Blimey!

Nyssa stays behind where she’s needed, in a fitting and unexpectedly emotional departure.

I can’t put my finger on anything that was actually wrong with this, but it seemed somehow unengaging for large stretches. There’s a lot about it that’s good though, and its bad reputation hardly sees fair. I give it a solid 3/5.

Doctor Who: Mawdryn Undead

Part One

“Don’t you know anything?”

It’s great to get a genuinely strange opening to a story for the first time in ages. We have two public schoolboys- this somehow seems so very early 80s- TWOCing an old car. One of them, “Hippo” Ibbotson, is your standard Billy Bunter type, but the other, Turlough, is a devious character with a mysterious background. The car crashes, and Turlough accepts a Faustian pact from none other than the Black Guardian- he’s to be taken away from Earth if he agrees to kill the Doctor. Oh, and the Black Guardian is now wearing a bird on his head. Very fetching.

And if that’s not enough, the car turns out to belong to the Brigadier himself. Yay!

To the TARDIS, and while Nyssa is again wearing a different set of clothes, Tegan is still wearing what she’s had on since Arc of Infinity.

Aside from the welcome reappearances from Nicholas Courtney and Valentine Dyall (not that we saw much of him in The Armageddon Factor), it’s also good to see Angus MacKay again as the headmaster. Good to see they’re maintaining the Who tradition of using the word “transmat”, too.

A nice line from the Brig, who we are soon to discover has lost bits of his memory: “Take it from me, boy- a solid object can’t just dematerialise!”

Part Two

“Well, well. So you’ve done it again, Doctor.”

The TARDIS has gone, and the Doctor is stranded. Meanwhile, Nyssa and Tegan seem to be in the same place, yet the Doctor is nowhere to be seen. Or is he? Because both of them immediately seem to think that the weird decaying bloke they see in the TARDIS is the Doctor, in spite of his not looking or acting remotely like him.

Meanwhile, the Brig still can’t remember much. He recalls that Benton left the army in ’79 and is now selling second hand cars, and that Harry Sullivan has been seconded to NATO. He can’t remember who the Doctor is, though, and doesn’t seem to have heard of Liz, Jo, or Sarah. There’s one slight problem here, of course. Pyramids of Mars clearly states that Sarah (and thus the whole UNIT lot) comes from 1980, yet the Brig says he retired in 1976. There’s no way round that: continuity is broken! Ah well, it took twenty years to do it, which is not bad. The moral here, I think, is only refer to continuity if there’s a need to and if you know what you’re doing, or this kind of mistake is bound to occur. The way things have been going the last few stories, with the increased number of often gratuitous references to the past, it was pretty much inevitable that something like this would happen.

None of which means I’m not enjoying this story, mind. In spite of the continuity bombs the whole structure of it all, with the two separate time zones separated by the ship, feels very fresh and different. And there’s the odd bit of clever misdirection, such as Turlough’s apparent confiding in the headmaster until he turns out to be the Black Guardian. Plus, I love the bit where the Brig surprises Tegan by instantly getting her reference to the TARDIS.

Part Three

“If I reverse the polarity of the neutron flow…”

Oh dear, two Brigs aboard the ship! The Doctor’s even mentioned the Blinovitch Limitation Effect- that’s how serious it is.

I love the way the (moustache-sporting) Brig instantly takes charge in 1977.

In fact, Nicholas Courtney really is fantastic throughout. It’s a great episode mainly because there are two Brigs and it’s a joy seeing how both of them react. All this’d stuff with Mawdryn and co wanting to die is a bit morbid, though.

Part Four

“It would mean the end of me as a Time Lord!”

Bit of an ineffective cliffhanger, that. Especially as the Doctor has yet to explain what he’s talking about. And even when he has done, the nature of the threat itself is just a little too continuity-heavy, relying as it does on the Doctor’s remaining regenerations being forfeit. Can’t we just have the current Doctor being the Doctor, as things used to be in the fairly recent past?

The two Brigs, inevitably, meet, this resolves the plot, and the Doctor “will explain later”. I’m guessing Steven Moffat is a particular fan of this era, as the Doctor has been saying he’ll explain later a lot recently.

Turlough’s on board, joking that he’s “not that easy to get rid of.” “So it seems.” says Tegan, exactly paralleling the Doctor’s reaction to her own rejoining in Arc of Infinity. TARDIS crew as dysfunctional as ever, then. Especially with the small point that the new companion seems top want to actually kill the Doctor…

That was a good ‘un. I’m starting to get a bit concerned about the excess of baggage from the show’s past, mind, as this could lead to the show becoming too backward-looking, but that’s not really a dig at this particular story, more a long term trend. This was good, using the time travel concept creatively, using the Brig well, and starting an intriguing new arc with Turlough and the Black Guardian. A good 4/5.

Doctor Who: The Armageddon Factor

Part One

“Don‘t say it, please! Don’t say ‘Another underground passage!’”

The beginning is fantastic- an ersatz Celia Johnson and Trevor Howard in a spoof piece of propaganda which contains the line “Men out there, young men, are dying for it”. Unfortunately, as the camera pulls back to reveal the joke it also reveals a general cheapness of the kind which was so ubiquitous last season but which has been far less on obvious show recently. And, of course, this is a script by the Bristol Boys, and I fell out badly with them last season. This is not a story I’d been looking forward to, frankly, as the last time I watched it about four years ago I absolutely hated it.

But actually, some so-so acting and a bit of visual cheapness aside, there’s not a lot wrong with this first episode. The premise seems simple at first- Atrios is at war with its neighbour, Zeos although, naturally, this being a Baker and Martin script, we shouldn’t expect the “nuclear” part to in any way reflect scientific fact. The Marshal, who seems to be in charge, is a stereotypically trigger-happy military type who owes a fair bit to Jack D. Ripper and, surprise surprise, wants to carry on with the war. Princess Astra (the lovely Lalla Ward- yay!), meanwhile, wants the war stopped, and has been trying to negotiate with the Zeons, alongside her medic boyfriend Zerak. Except that Zeos doesn’t seem to be there. And, this being a sci-fi concepts heavy Bristol Boys script, we instantly know that’s important.

And then more mysteries pop up: the Marshal is talking to a mysterious mirror, and the Doctor and Romana can’t see Zeos from the TARDIS. But it’s not all big sci-fi ideas- there’s some great dialogue between the Doctor, Romana and K9 towards the end of this episode, which makes me suspect the hand of Anthony Read, who’s had an unexpectedly fantastic season as script editor. K9’s description of optimism as “Irrational, bordering on insane” is priceless.

Part Two

“I think one of us is being extremely stupid.”

“Affirmative.”

I love the Doctor’s dialogue when the Marshal unexpectedly becomes friendly towards him, claiming that his coming has been foretold. His mockery of the marshal’s cod-Shakespeare dialogue is great, and I love the way he spends much of this episode gently mocking the Marshal in ways that go over his head. In fact, the awesomeness in this episode pretty much centres on the dialogue; I love K9’s silly yet bathetic “Temperature unacceptable!” as he trundles to his fiery doom.

Oh, and the space invaders scene is brilliant, as is the very fact that Atrios has only six- er, three- ships. The mystery continues, too, with the suggestion of something between Atrios and Zeos. Once again, a surprisingly good episode.

Part Three

“I have watched you and your jackdaw meanderings!”

Suddenly things really start happening and we get some total changes of setting and situation which, rather unfortunately, strain the budget a little, but still show this to be a surprisingly great plot which tends to foreground the Big Ideas- the very things that Baker and Martin are good at.

Our heroes are transmatted to the mysterious third planet we get to meet the Shadow and his similarly hooded underlings. Things start getting rather epic as the Shadow demand the five segments of the Key to Time which are in the Doctor’s possession, and he has the TARDIS. He also has Astra. And, incidentally, if Astra is the only surviving member of Atrios’ royalty, why isn’t she queen? Presumably at some point the Marshal became military dictator and ended the monarchy.

The Doctor manages to talk his way out of trouble- and the Shadow simply walks away declaring he’s just going to wait for the Doctor to make a mistake! Bizarre though it may seem, this scene actually works through clever scripting.

The episode ends on a bombshell- there are no Zeons on Zeos as they’ve all been killed in the war, but their automated defence system, under the control of K9’s new computer friend Mentalis, have carried on prosecuting the war anyway- a brilliant concept. The next stop is “obliteration”. Of everything…

Oh, and I love Shapp’s description of Zeons as looking just like the Atreusians(?) aside from their clothing. The cheap depiction of alien races in this season extends even to verbal descriptions!

We end with the Marshal’s ship, clearly based on the Millennium Falcon- this is our first blatant influence from Star Wars. And, as another aside, it occurred to me while watching it that it’s probably the influence of the Bristol Boys who pretty much caused the word “transmat” to become a Doctor Who standard- they were using it back in The Sontaran Experiment and they’re still using it here in their swansong story as a team.

Part Four

“I’ve stopped the universe.”

So, the Marshal wants to blow up both worlds for some reason, but Mentalis won’t defend itself as it’s won the war- the clichéd military mind versus the clichéd machine mind- “the armageddon factor”. How very cold war. Why was all this not explained at the end of last episode? It certainly would have helped improve the cliffhanger.

After spending a comically long time panicking, the Doctor and Romana finally remember they can take shelter in the TARDIS. Rather cleverly, the Doctor knocks up an ersatz sixth segment so he can use the Key to Time to create a time loop, delaying Armageddon for a few hours.

Great cliffhanger here, as K9 calls the Shadow “Master”!

Part Five

“Your silliness is noted.”

The Doctor and the Shadow get a rather pleasing confrontation scene here, as the Shadow reveals, to no one’s surprise, that he’s an agent of the Black Guardian, and so the Doctor’s counterpart. Rather more of a surprise is the appearance of Drax, a technician coerced into helping the Shadow, who turns out to be not only a Time Lord but an old classmate of the Doctor’s.

We’re told that the Doctor and Drax were both in the “Class of ‘92”, and that the Doctor’s uni nickname was “Theta Sigma” or “Thete”! And all this was 450 years ago, 73 years after the Doctor first stole the TARDIS, if Romana’s comments in The Pirate Planet are to be believed! Drax spent five years in Brixton Prison, where he picked up not only a cockney accent but a complete set of cockney stereotypes, and is now trapped, with his TARDIS on Zeos. He’s a Time Lord, not just an ordinary Gallifreyan. And apparently the war’s been going on for five years, so they’re a lot more efficient at this nuclear war business than, say, the people of Skaro. 

The Shadow, dastardly fellow that he is, wants to do with the whole cosmos what he’s done with Atreus and Zeos, causing a nuclear war between the two sides of the cosmos like a proper Dr Strangelove. The fiend!

Part Six

“Any second now, beautiful mushrooms will blossom and burst!”

So, Astra is the sixth princess of the sixth dynasty of the sixth royal house of Atrios. Good job the Doctor and Romana happened to come across her sixth, then. But the idea of an actual person, with as much right to live as anyone, being a segment of the Key is pretty horrible, and I’m glad we get some dialogue in which Romana says so. It seems even the White Guardian is not necessarily very nice from the perspective of a mere mortal.

The Black Guardian is great. I care not that he’s just the White Guardian with the negative reversed, as we get to hear Valentine Dyall’s magnificent voice. I shall gloss over his silly attempts at disguise and move straight to the Doctor’s “absolute power” speech- another great piece of acting from Tom Baker. The ending doesn’t quite work, which is disappointing- after all this, the Doctor just scatters all the segments through space and time again? What happened to this great crisis we were told about in The Ribos Operation? Surely the White Guardian will be highly displeased? Still, Asdtra’s back, and after a season of the Doctor having absolute control of the TARDIS he’s now obliged to fit a “randomiser”. No doubt he won’t be landing anywhere we’ve heard of for a good while, then.

Surprisingly entertaining stuff, that. Not one of the greats but some great sci-fi concepts and lots of wit and humour make this a strong 4/5. And doing that comes as a shock to me, frankly- before the Marathon I’d have had this down as a dead cert for a 1/5.

And just as shockingly, after last season’s car crash, this season scores a solid 4.667/5, making it my favourite season so far! Now that I was not expecting.