Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

 "Ghost in the machine..."

Let's admit it: this isn't exactly the greatest film ever made. But it's a fascinating one. 

This is the most cyberpunk film I've ever seen, from a time when cyberpunk was, at a stretch, still pretty much a thing in its original form, and it's helmed by a director best known for making the music videos for R.E.M, which in itself is pleasingly '90s. Even better, it's an adaptation of a William Gibson short story (I've read it, but we're talking thirty odd years...) with a screenplay by Gibson himself.

It's not exactly great, despite all that- it lacks a certain sparkle in dialogue, direction and performance (although Henry Rollins is great) and, given the cast, I suspect that last flaw is down to the director. Yet this isn't by any means a bad film either, simply promising but flawed. And it shows, perhaps, that the script is by a novelist who isn't used to writing for the screen.

Yet it's fascinating to see this imagined cyberpunk future of 2021 (there's a pandemic!), with corporate rule enforced by Yakuza, intelligent savant dolphins (shades of Halo Jones there), and, er, VCRs! The internet is shown with trippy visuals and imagined in such a quaint, 90s, virtual reality way. It's all so... cyberpunk.

Yet the ideas are often great. Uploading extra memory capacity to one's brain. An electronic virus. A cyborg preacher. This is a flawed film, but I'm glad it exists: a film that is the cinematic epitome of cyberpunk itself.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

 "Be excellent to each other!"

Obviously, I've seen this film a million times. That goes withoit saying. But that was before my blogging days, and it was in another century. And besides, the wench is... sorry.

Anyway. we all know the story, and how splendidly silly it is; Bill and Ted must manage not to flunk history (how do they pass everything else???!!!) in order to one day form the band that will end all war and poverty by being awesome. This proves that we metalheads will save the world, although presumbly with better guitars.

It's not about this. It's about the gleeful playfulness with history, the irreverence. It's about that late 80s rock zeitgeist. It's about Keanu Reeves' firsr venture into Hollywood, although Alex Winter is seemingly the more characterful of the two. It's about Napoleon and water slides.

It's about military schools, presented here as comedy, but... resder, if you have ever sent your child to one, taught in one, or endorsed their existence in any way, you are subhuman scum. That is all. Thank you.

It's about the coolness of shsdes in 1989. It's about how the phone box time machine is in no way the TARDIS, and how the very concept of a phone booth evokes such nostalgia in 2022.

This very silly and very cool film is not, on the surface, very clever. But thst's misleading as there's quite a lot going on, much of which breaks the fourth wall.

The Matrix (1999)

 "There is no spoon."

This film, by its very cinematography, may well sinply ooze the essence of the late '90s. But it is timeless.

Obviously, this is a truly great film. The fact that a film so drenched in philosophy and wonder can be such a blockbuster hit is a testament both to the genius of the Wachowskis and to the openness of humanity to ideas. And the fact that the "red pill" has in recent years been adopted by thenow thankfully dated alt-right is as meaningless as the alt-righ themselves,  along with everyone who doubts that Trump is a wannabe dictator or that Brexiteers are all Putin's bitches. These people are sad, hateful virgins, while this film is full of joy.

The point is not that this film posits a reality in which our lives are not only but a dream but are simulated realities while we are farmed horribly by AI's resulting from a singularity that looks worryingly as though it may happen within my lifetime, competing with global heating in the fear stakes. The point is, on the one hand, that this film has such a bloody good soundtrack (Rob Zombie, he whose "Dragula" was ubiquitous, and rightly so in late '90s rock clubs, and, er, Marilyn Manson, a genius who may possibly also be an abusive bastard). On the other, though... yes, this is an action sci-fi film with sci-fi protagonists. Yes, it uses its premise to mimic the martial arts visuals on the popular martial arts films of the time. Bjut it means something.

There may well be a religious subtext. If so, it's refreshingly subtle and not preaching uselessly to the converted. There may, as chronicled in recent years, be a trans subtext, endorsed by the Wachowskis who have both transitioned. But subtexts naturally abound with a subject matter so deep as the nature of reality and the ethics of living in a comfortable simulation vs. harsh reality. Should we pretend that there is a spoon?

And yes, I noticed: said bent spoon was in the real world, not the matrix. This film is awesome.

Constantine (2005)

"God's a kid with an ant farm, lady. He’s not planning anything.”

I know very little about John Constantine  eyond Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing. I’ve never read a single issue of Hellraiser. I’m therefore not much attached to the original material, prepared to judge this film on its own merits, and willing to overlook the fact that Constantine should be a blond Englishman.

Except... they cast Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves. On what planet is that appropriate casting? Reeves is, by all accounts, a nice bloke but it is a fact universally acknowledged that he can’t act. I’m afraid he just can’t carry a film, no matter how much spectacle or CGI we get.

And there’s another issue- sometimes a music video director turns out to be brilliant when let loose on a cinematic canvas. Here we have a music video director who has given us a two hour music video. It gets annoying after a bit.

Still, the script is quite good, and presumably very much the D.C. version of Christian mythology. It’s an arresting idea- suicide is cruelly punished in Hell, and Constantine is desperately trying to atone for a youthful suicide attempt- although certainly not one that makes God seem a nice bloke. I’m not sure which of the concepts are from the film and which not, but I like the idea of Hell having an extended version of the Bible. I love Midnite and the neutral bar, too. It’s all very Manichean.

It’s a pity, really; with a better star the film would have been pretty decent, and perhaps even spawned a sequel. But Keanu Reeves...?

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

"See the amazing cinematograph- the wonder of modern civilisation."

Francis Ford Coppola gives us a lush, gorgeous Dracula. While the film doesn't entirely work- it's bloated and over-detailed- I'd actually blame the source material rather than this excellently made film which, in spite of what is often said and in spite of some obvious and welcome homages to James Whale's 1931 film, is if anything a little too faithful to the novel.

The casting is full of big names, although an oddity is that very few of the big names are using their own native accents in one way or another. Gary Oldman is a splendid Dracula, while Winona Ryder- who, it being the early '90s, had to appear in this film- is well cast as the sexually repressed and innocent Mina, whose repressed desires are soon teased out. Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker is, as ever, Ted, while Anthony Hopkins is a convincing and amusing Van Helsing.

The film makes explicit what is implicit in the novel: it's all a metaphor for sex and sexuality, as numerous scenes make clear with vampirism always portrayed in an obviously sexualised manner. Another nice touch is that all narration us epistolary in nature, paralleling the firm and structure of Stoker's novel. But Coppola also adds a prologue in which Vlad the Impaler turns against God and (in a process not entirely clear) towards vampirism after the Juliet-like suicide of his wife, who thought him dead. In lesser hands this would have been corny and embarrassing, but Coppola makes it work.

The direction is beautiful: I love the change in texture and camerawork during the cinematograph scenes. The only real criticism I can find is Richard E. grant phoning in his performance; the film is beautifully made and bloated only because Coppola is clearly such a huge Dracula fanboy, something I'm well prepared to indulge.