Batman: The Entrancing Dr. Cassandra

"A Batfight seldom takes more than forty seconds, and they're already half an hour late."

Now this is more like it. It will never be one of my all-time  favourites, it's extremely cheap-looking, and all the ersatz "arch-criminals" are both underused to the point of undermining the characters and far too easily defeated, but the wit and the fun are back.

We first meet alchemist Dr Cassandra and her sidekick husband Cabala (both played by minor Hollywood stars) as they use invisibility to rob a bank that's "so conservative it pays no interest at all", and the silliness remains at that level- right to the point of a gun that turns our Terrific Trio into two-dimesnsional beings, aka cardboard cutouts. This is splendidly silly, and results in Batgirl being introduced to the Batcave.

The misuse of the arch-criminals is unnecessary and jarring, although I love that Gotham Prison has an "arch-criminals' wing". And the Batfight in total darkness is hilarious. After last episode's disaster, the series may well be regaining its mojo just before the last ever episode...

Batman: The Funny Feline Felonies

"Karate isn't effective unless accompanied by yelling...!"

Now this is a good one and no mistake. And yes, it’s another Catwoman script from Stanley Ralph Ross, invariably a sign of quality. Without impugning Julie’s definitive status Earths Kitt is again superb, and while the Joker is very much playing second fiddle here he gets loads of great set pieces to balance it all out.

The show’s traditional fourth wall baiting humour is very much in evidence, with the first scene being Warden Crichton and Bruce confidently pronouncing the Joker a reformed man and fit for (very) early release. This goes as well as can be expected, with a hilarious “kidnapping” and a winning double act of villainy- Romero and Kitt have superb chemistry.

The plot- an old Seven Years War riddle leaving clues to a load of gunpowder to use for robbing a bank- is silly, of course. So is Batgirl’s rivalry with the Dynamic Duo, just to “outsmart men”. And our two victims here- a twentysomething music cartoon and a fashion designer from “Londinium”- are delightful grotesques. You can’t not love a script in which the Jokeg critiques an old riddle for its iambic pentameter. And, of course, Batgirl is late to the rescue because she’s obeyed the speed limits.

This is wonderful. More please.

Batman: Catwoman Goes to College & Batman Displays His Knowledge

Catwoman Goes to College

"I just heard there's to be a spontaneous demonstration in Chime Square tonight."

Terrible news: this is Julie Newmar's final appearance as Catwoman. This is, of course, devastating news. She is at once superb, sexy and a real mistress of comic timing- and has real, electric chemistry with Adam West. She will be missed.

This is a very 1967 episode, concerned with the new (for then) phenomenon of student protests, although of course there's certainly no political context here, no civil rights or Vietnam. Instead there's Catwoman who, although apparently dead, is being rather generously paroled from prison, and enrolling at uni to do, appropriately enough, criminology. Sadly, all the students- many of them suspiciously old- wear ridiculous uni garb.

It's an odd beginning- a Batan statue is stolen in a suspected student prank- but the plot matters not, here; quite rightly, we have set pieces designed to give Julie a fitting swansong, plus an amusing sequence in which "Captain Courageous", a cop transferred from California, arrests the framed Batman.

It's amusing to see the duo captured again by Catoman's feminine wiles, and a suitably acidic cliffhanger...




Batman Displays His Knowledge

"The way we get into these scrapes, and out of them- it's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations."

The above line, from the Boy Wonder after the cliffhanger resolution, does splendid violence to the fourth wall. Not only is the author not dead as M. Barthes insists, he is God.

I note the students are spoken of only as "misguided" and potentially jeopardising their futures by protesting- there's no suggestion that democracies need a right to protest, not any consideration that the morals may depend on the cause. But this is prime time network television, and an episode where a French fence turns out to also be a fencer, because of course. Rhere's also the best farcical secret identity scene yet as Alfred types out slow responses from "Bruse Wayne" to the Commissioner.

But we end with the most sexually charged scene between Catwman and Batman yet, and that's saying something. Julie is amazing.

Goodbye, Julie. You're the best Catwoman ever and always will be. I'll miss you.

Batman: The Penguin’s Nest & The Bird’s Last Jest

The Penguin’s Nest

“Citizen, you may return to your harpsichord.”

With Frank Gorshin's Riddler suspiciously absent since the movie (a dispute over money?) it's clear by now, I think, that Burgess Meredith's Penguin is the cream of the remaining criminal crop. Catwoman has equal promise, but has only actully appeared twice in the TV series thus far and not really built up a head of steam, and Cesar Romero's Joker is not really in the same class. A script like this, penned by the splendid Lorenzo Semple Jr, only reinforces the Penguin's primacy.

The conceit is fun: the recently released Penguin is running a restaurant for the rich, but suddenly seems suspiciously keen to get arrested and sent to prison- a concept successfully mined for comic potential as a custard pie is thrown at the Commissioner- Neil Hamilton really is a superb comic actor, as I've been extremely remiss in saying. The scene with the Commissioner phoning "Batman" with Bruce in the next cubicle is equally hilarious.

Batman's eventual solution is funny, too- to arrest him on a petty offence and send him only to the police cells, an insult. But soon his plot becomes clear- a complicated forgery scheme with the forger neighbour to his permanent(!) cell. But the most priceless moment is where Warden Crichton tells Batman that inmates can easily access blank cheques to increase their financial skills- "Another first. Another one of your advanced penological techniques".

The cliffhanger is a little vague and overcomplicated. But still a superb episode.

The Bird’s Last Jest

“What about the underprivileged criminals..?”

So the cliffhanger resolution is... the Batshield and reversing the polarity of the cables. Hmm. Never mind, soo the Penguin's gang are all arrested and we have a very silly courtroom scene where Penguin quotes Emile Zola (I'm constantly impressed with the cultural references- you wouldn't get that on a similar show today) and gets himself released through verbal cleverness... but not to prison, as he so desperately wants.

So Alfred gets another secret mission with a forger's fingerprints hand painted by Batman. Apparently fingerprints can be forged this was but criminals never have a sufficiently steady hand as they are all "addicted to tobacco and alcohol". I love that.

The ending, with Alfred in a pie, is delightfully barmy with some typically absurd switching between the Caped Crusaders and their secret identities... and the conclusion is hilrious, with Penguin's forger friend being paroled as he heads to prion. A splendid pair of episodes.

Batman: The Greatest Mother of Them All & Ma Parker

The Greatest Mother of Them All

"Her legs remind me of Catwoman."

"Yu're growing up, Robin..."

After this second season has given us a few stories of varying quality we suddenly get this wonderful work of genius. This is certainly the wittiest, most original and enjoyable script yet, and a real highlight of the series, with Shelley Winters having infectious fun as the mother of a gang of notorious hillbillies who have come to Gotham.

Ma Parker gets a splendid introduction- winning an award for mother of the year and announcing "This is a stick up!" while receiving her award, robbing all the other ladies including one who protests at being called fat. And this story dispenses completely with the usual storytelling formula, showing us a group of baddies who, cleverly, want to be captured and put into prison for their own nefarious purposes. But it's all such fun.

I love the first scene with Bruce and Dick, as the surprisingly learned Aunt Harriet puts Dick through his Ancient Greek grammar. Also wonderful is Ma Parker insisting that her "boys" at their meal properly as their hideout is surrounded. We even have a rocket powered wheelchair. But the climax is clever and unusual; Mar Parker and her "boys" are caught suspiciously easy, but over months they've planned to take over the prison, a perfect base of operations for crime. and as for Batman and Robin, it's Speed, twenty-five years early...


Ma Parker

"Only forty-eight years until your next parole."

"Gee, I never thought of that. In forty-eight years, I'll be a free man!"

The above two lines alone put this episode into the annals of true greatness.But on top of this we get a cameo from Julie Newmar as Catwoman (Joker and Penguin are apparently in solitary, unable to accept Ma as top dog!). But things don't last, in spite of a suspicious inspection by a returning dynamic duo, saved from being blown to pieces by a fifty-five mph speed limit, which is perfect, as Warden Crichton- quite a regular character- ultimately spills the beans.

The Caped Crusaders nearly get a jolt from electric chairs (a tasteless item, surely?) but are saved by Morse code. This second episode has a lot o work to do and doesn't quite sparkle quite as much, but there's no doubting that this two parter is one of the finest so far.

Batman: Fine Feathered Finks & The Penguin's a Jinx

Fine Feathered Finks

"That pompous waddling master of fowl play..."

After the first two-parter we petty much know the format and it happens here for a second time- the intriguing opening followed by Gotham's police admitting they're unable to deal with this week's villain- the Penguin- leading to the Commissioner striding purposely towards the Batphone with another inspiring speech about how awesome Batman is.

We turn to a frustrated Dick, about to give in with his French verbs until Bruce rebukes him that "Language is the key to world peace". And it's in his deadpan delivery of such splendidly over-the-top goody goody talk that Adam West, already, is showing himself to be a legend. And Burt Ward, while nowhere near as extraordinary, is perfectly cast. It's incredible how much this series arrives so fully-formed in these early episodes.

Lorenzo Semple Jr deserves credit, too, for his hilariously deadpan script- based, as was last week's two parter, on a recent comics story, for this is a far more faithful adaptation of the mid-'60s comics than you think. And, after the sock footage of the Batmobile and the Caped Crusaders running up those police station steps. Here we discover the Penguin has just been released from prison- allowing Batman and his police friend to note with approval the "progressive" policies of Warden Crichton, and when Robin expresses frustration that such an unreformed miscreant has been let loose, he is naturally rebuked. Quite right too.

The Penguin is first glimpsed in his cell as we get to see the charismatic performance of Burgess Meredith- his performance is more mannered and less suggestive of hidden depths that Frank Gorshin's Riddler,  but the mannerisms of his larger than life Penguin are inspired. This is the definitive portrayal of a character that always was, let's face it, very silly indeed. And let us not enquire too closely into how a recently freed felon can afford to open an apparently legitimate umbrella factory.

Incidentally, Penguin refers to "the Batman", with a definitive article. This is surprising to encounter in 1966.

Little moments of silliness abound, such as the Batmobile's "emergency Bat-turn lever", while a bunch of exploding umbrellas are covered with asbestos in a crowded shop, bursting holes in it and presumably giving asbestosis to all present.

The cliffhanger is Bruce Wayne, unconscious, slowly moving into a furnace. Of course, none of the Penguin's gang suspect he's anything but an industrial spy, one of the gang lamenting "Ain't it a shame it ain't the Batman."


The Penguin's a Jinx

"What a drag it is being a famous movie star, and so rich!"

You have to give credit for it: this is a perfect example of a clever and satisfying cliffhanger resolution that really builds up the tension and doesn't cheat. And the Penguin's plan of bugging Batman in order to get ideas for crimes is so much fun we almost forget how very silly it is.

The high camp runs into overdrive with the appearance of movie star Dawn Robbins, lamenting how boring and dehumanising it is to be rich and famous. One could make a point about the objectification of women here, if one so desired, but I don't think this script is much interested in social commentary of more than the amused kind- perhaps a little conservative by default, but good-natured enough.

It's odd to see the Penguin using umbrellas to slide across the line in his kidnapping plot which don't use the handle to slide with, but he has a giant magnet and the Dynamic Duo (was that phrase invented by this series?) are hoist by their own utility belts.

Soon we get the inevitable concluding bout of fisticuffs, though, and all is safe again. But, alas, poor Dawn Robbins is consumed with an unrequited love.

This is such a pleasure to watch. I'm loving it.