Avengers: Endgame (2019)

“Go to sleep or I’ll sell all your toys!

I don’t care if I’m skipping a couple of recent films for this one; I’ve never been strictly chronological with the Marvel films in a pinch and I won’t start now. The months of spoiler-dodging stop now.

So... wow. A big, blockbuster geeky film that’s three hours long yet doesn’t feature a single Hobbit. And it had me in equal measures gripped, laughing and trying not to cry. This film is indeed as good as everyone says it is.

It also subverts expectations in an awfully clever way. In showing us the true horror of Thanos’ click via Hawkeye and his vanished family, it shows us a Thanos who has forever destroyed all the Infinity Stones and retired- so the Avengers visit him and Thor kills him in a massive anticlimax. Fast forward five years. That certainly wasn’t the obvious thing to do.

Cue the return of Ant-Man eventually prompting Tony Stark, now a husband and father, to invent time travel, and lots of highly entertaining dialogue about how the butterfly effect, and hence every time trace movie ever, doesn’t imply in the Marvel Universe. Time travel doesn’t work as in Back to the Future, says the now-smart Hulk, yet the solution to Thanos’ click is to travel back into the recent past and do a Back to the Future II, which is both clever and hilarious.

And so we get a coda where the Hulk’s click brings the dead back- but the Thanos of 2014 has found out the truth from the future Nebula and has time travelled back to kill them all. It’s good to see Karen Gillan with such a prominent role here, but her story is so very timey-wimey. And it seems to explain why Thanos originally had Nebula tied up, yet history is changed here and the 2014 Thanos has events play out differently. The dynamic between the two very different Nebulas, and Gamora, is wonderful, but this film doesn’t let its big, epic nature get in the way of character, pathos or humour. So Black Widow’s death has meaning. Tony Stark’s final, fatal click, saying “I am Iron Man”, May save the army if goodies from Thanos but gives him a meaningful death, dwelt on properly as it should be; if any character can be said to be the main star of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it’s him.

Cap, too, gets a suitable exit, spending the rest of his days with Peggy in a beautiful coda.

There’s so much more, though. Fat Thor. Tony Stark meeting his dad in 1970, with a cameo from Jarvis whom we’ve only seen in Agent Carter- at least one of the MCU TV series is sort of recognised as canon. There’s “Scott, I get emails from a raccoon”. Thor getting a pep talk from his mother. It’s wonderful that the film has so much heart, and all its characters are properly used.

A wonderful film, and a fitting end to an age. Let’s hope the future is just as bright.

The Sopranos: Down Neck

"Meadow was one thing- this is my son."

A particularly good episode this time as we deal with the themes of destiny versus free will in the terms of whether children are fated to repeat the mistakes of their parents- and the corruption of being brought up by the fruits of immoral earnings. This latter point applies not only to Mafia families but to all of us, as Tony implies with his comments on polluters- but don’t we all benefit from slave labour in poor countries, and don’t we all contribute to unsustainable emissions of CO2, something far more acute now than twenty years ago?

Yes. 1999 was twenty years ago. I know, it’s appalling.

We have two parallel storylines of Mafia sons- young Anthony is found bucking and drinking communion wine at school which leads to friction between Carmela and Tony over whether or not he has ADD, a great ‘90s debate to fit alongside, well, Prozac. The two of them eventually unite over the view that it’s all over-medicalised bollocks but, of course, the truth is more subjective as it always will be with any condition where one needs to exhibit a number of subjective indicators. ADHD, like personality disorders, may be artificial constructs, but they can be useful. And Tony learns that Anthony knows, from school, what he does for a living. There’s a lot of angst about the younger generation finding out about “this thing of ours” and how it affects their life chances- but, on the other hand, it’s Mafia money that sends the Soprano kids to private schools.

This is contrasted with fascinating flashbacks first appearing after a superb semi-dreamlike sequence in which Tony wakes up to his wife and son rowing in the background, and takes his Prozac to the splendid sound of Jefferson Airplane’s famous trippy rodent-based classic. This takes him back to 1967, a world of parental authority and casual racism, and the first time he sees his father and uncle beating a bloke up- and seeing his father getting arrested. We also see how disturbing his mother was even back then (“I could stick this fork in your eye!”) and how she gave Johnny so much emasculating drama- stopping them from moving to Reno where, in hindsight, they could have made billions.

We also have Livia finding out about Tony’s psychiatrist and reacting as one would expect. And, of course, we get a mention of South Park’s seminal “Cartman Gets an Anal Probe” as a top 1999 pop culture reference. This is bloody good telly.

Atypical: Season 3, Episode 4: Y.H.G.G.

"Sorry, would you mind turning down your backpack?"

Right. You know how I started off blogging this season by suggesting that something was missing, that it was still very good but, perhaps because of the sheer amount of necessary early-season exposition, it wasn't quite catching fire in the way the two previous seasons had.

Well, forget that. At this point the season has fully reached peak Atypical. This is an episode that mixes perfect plotting and pacing with heart and humour in exactly the way this show does at its best. I think the jitters are over.

The use of Paige is as clever as it is sad- we begin with her on Skype to Sam describing her uni social life to Sam, encouraging to make friends or suffer the terrible social death that a friend of hers did. The fact that Sam does indeed have a good time at some kind of drawing jam party is nice but, more importantly, the final reveal is devastating- the "Burrito lab rat" is Paige herself, and she's miserable, bullied, and at the end of her tether.

Things are more bittersweet for Izzie, hanging around Elsa in a blatant attempt to escape her clearly dysfunctional family- and the two of them bond over their shit childhoods. Both of them are suddenly much deeper characters.

But there's happiness for Zahid who, after an excruciating party experience, randomly meets a girl by a rubbish skip and falls in love. And there's more bonding after the recent rough patch for Casey and Evan as they visit his shit estranged dad with his sister and they, er, kidnap a dog. And Casey's magnificent bollocking of a shamefaced Evan's dad is a wnder to behold- no wonder Evan kisses her.

THAT is how to do character drama.

The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958)

"What evil sorcery is this?"

I've seen this splendid Ray Harryhausen film (and is it not instructive how we all see this as his film, director and obscure cast notwithstanding) several times before. Of course I have. But my DVD went missing years ago and only now do I get to blog it.

It's a splendid tour-de-force of stop motion brilliance, of course; very much a Technicolor King Kong. I mean this literally; the stars of the film are not Kerwin Mathews and Kathryn Grant but the horned Cyclops, the Roc, the dragon and the skeleton- and the final fight between the Cyclops and the dragon is very King Kong indeed.

Of course, Rocs aside, the story owes far more to The Odyssey than to Arabian Nights. And the acting, aside from Torin Thatcher’s splendid scenery chewing as the sneaky magician Sokurah, is pure plywood. Indeed, there is a major plot hole- why do the Caliph and Sultan not suspect the clearly dodgy wizard of being the man who shrunk the princess? Why, after declaring war on Baghdad for no obvious reason, does the Sultan allow his daughter to remain there? Actually, how come a Caliph and Sultan both exist, as equals? Were there sultans before the Ottomans, anyway?

Ultimately, we don’t care about any of this. The stop motion is awesome, therefore the film is awesome. It’s one of those films, and Ray Harryhausen was the greatest ever in his field.

Union Jack: Fate

"I've got a Pomeranian."

"I don't know what that is."

Another episode, another disclaimer at the start, and more of the rather well-crafted superhero sitcom with likeable characters that we’ve come to know and love. A lot happens, too; the Baroness gets to drink some blood at a mysterious pre-dawn ceremony and continues to be a rather cool fourth wall-breaking baddie, Ken tragically turns to dust as the sun rises in a flash of rather impressive visual effects, and there are a lot of those rather amusing combat sequences with lots of top comedy banter from our lad Joe. I also need to mention the music from Tasha Fights Tigers, whoever they are- they’re really rather good.

I like the little comedy scene introducing us to Edith, with some nice bits of dialogue including a line asking Joe if, as Union Jack, he might be a little bit of a right wing nationalist as you’d probably assume. There’s a bit of an implicit acknowledgement that Joe is supposed to be from Manchester but has never, either here or in the old Marvel issues I happen to have read, sounded remotely northern. And we have Joe’s boss Gavin turning up to save the day, proving himself to be more than just a git.

But the Baroness has won and... could she be pregnant? That’s this first arc seemingly over, then, but I’m sure we’ll see more of the Baroness.

Splendid stuff, and it’s here: https://youtu.be/7sL5wnnTbjI

Atypical: Season 3, Episode 3- Cocaine Pills and Pony Meat

"I forgot to check the anal fins."

This episode is, thankfully, much better and more in line with the first two seasons. Perhaps it's because it gets more of a chance to breathe but a lot of it, I suspect, is that it's heavily based on Sam navigating his first few days at uni, as narrated by him with the requisite (and genuinely interesting) references to Ernest Shackleton.

We're introduced to a suspiciously abrasive ethics professor who is, I suspect, going to gradually soften and become more likeable as the episodes can't go by. Personally I find it impossible to dislike anyone who is a fellow Nirvana fan and teachers her seminars whilst wearing an In Utero t-shirt just like we all had back in '93-'94. But it's all a shock to the system for Sam, who nonetheless copes with a lot of organisation and a huge reserve of resilience. So far this season he hasn't had any meltdowns at all. That's real progress.

Things aren't going well for Evan, who is helplessly seeing himself pushed out of Casey's life by Izzy, who shares dreams, horizons and yes, education levels with Casey that he can't hope to match. There's some real social class angst here and, while the episode finishes with a touching reconciliation, I think there's trouble ahead.

Also not good is Doug, not usually a dick, pulling the dick move of bringing Megan into the house in front of Elsa- and poor Elsa tries and fails to confront Megan. She's also anxious about backing off and giving people space as requested by Julia- who has a cute new baby.

We end with Sam finally getting help at uni for his disabilities, meeting Sidney who, in spite of having a man's name, is an obvious love interest. I notice Nice Bloke Sam is still turning up too. This season has twists and turns to go, and I'm enjoying it.

Doctor Who: The Power of the Daleks (Revisited), Episodes Three and Four

Episode Three

"A Dalek is bett... is not the same as a human."

Again, moving pictures make such a difference and mean, for once, that I can fully follow the plot both in ways I knew I wasn’t following before and in getting extra nuances. Who cares if the animation is a bit rubbish?

Anyway, the colony certainly starts the episode enthused about the potential of the Daleks to do labour tasks in mines and so forth that, er, would surely require much better mobility and actual hands, but never mind.

Quinn is clearly innocent, and telling the truth when saying he sent for the examiner, but is locked up anyway. Bragen is the new Deputy Governor- and is immediately revealed to be colluding with Janley and the rebels in a plot to exploit their grievances to launch a coup d’etat. Blimey.

Meanwhile, Lesterson is puzzlingly impressed by what he thinks of as the Dalek’s robotic “positronic brain (so Whitaker read Asimov?) as it recites chemical formulas by rote, and is easily manipulated into getting it materials to build a machine which will absolutely predict meteor impacts as the Dalek claims and in no way manufacture an army of Dalek casings so the Daleks can massacre everybody.

Two more Daleks emerge but, hey, Lesterson is in control, while the Doctor flits about learning things- and we get our first “When I say run, run”. And Bragen knows the Doctor is an impostor- but the Doctor knows he killed the real Examiner. Stalemate?

This is a much better episode, with all the skulduggery, when you can easily follow the plot.



Episode Four

"We understand the human mind."

Lesterson begins by asserting his authority in temporarily switching off the Daleks’, er, power to show his dominance, probably the last chance he will have. This is his last big moment before his nervous breakdown, a good bit of characterisation.

But, not forgetting the new Doctor, we get our first “I would like a hat like that”, Troughton’s early catchphrase. He’s alarmed to see Daleks everywhere as servants... and then there were somehow four Daleks, not three. This concern about the mysterious extra Dalek is a superb way of building tension. One odd thing, though, is that the Daleks suddenly operate by static electricity again, for the first and only time since The Daleks. Meanwhile Polly, kidnapped by Janley last episode, is absent so Anneke can have a week off.

Lesterson is now easily manipulated both by the Daleks and the calmly fanatical Janley, a superbly nuanced female character. The rebels want to use the Daleks, and it’s Janley who persuades then that it will be fine and in no way will the Daleks just massacre them all. Meanwhile Bragen, temporarily in charge, exposes and imprisons the Doctor, giving him a chance to compare notes with Quinn.

The ending is superb, and so much better than the frustration of watching these highly visual scenes via telesnaps, as an agog Lesterson sees a Dalek army being manufactured. I particularly love how the bubbling little lumps of hate are removed from water and placed into casings. The whole sequence is amazing, all the more so for the fact that animation doesn’t do cardboard cut out Daleks.

This story, which I already rated very highly, is rising rapidly in my estimation.

The Sopranos: Pax Soprana

“If you were a dildo, we wouldn't be fighting".

This episode is fascinating, and a realignment in a couple of contexts as Tony is forced to accept that Dr Melfi is romantically out of bounds, he persuades Junior to act as a benevolent boss, and he and Carmela start to work on their marriage. Of course, it’s all actually much more nuanced than that.

Things come to a proper head with Dr Melfi. Tony not only had erotic dreams about her but can only maintain an erection when thinking of her- even his Ukrainian “goomar” can’t satisfy him. So we have the scene where he slowly, embarrassingly describes his impotence to Dr Melfi, declares his love and kisses her- and she reacts firmly and professionally on stopping him there, explaining that the things he finds attractive about her are just a part of her role. She seems remarkable tolerant of finding out that he had her followed, and stole her car to fix it- but then, she knows what he is agreed to take him as a client, regardless. Dr Melfi, in spite of her role, isn’t quite a blank canvas of a character. It will be fun to find out more about what makes her tick.

Meanwhile Carmela is upset during an awkward anniversary meal and reacts passively aggressively in ways that don’t help Tony’s stress- but she’s right. Tony does see “goomars” despite his protestations. And he has been neglecting her in every way, prioritising everything else. Even worth is that Father Phil, who is supposed to be her friend, is a misogynist arsehole with his advice. He firmly rules out all suggestion of divorce, although it’s clearly immoral to trap people in formal couplings they no longer consent to. And he blames her for tolerating his earlier dalliances, saying that she is “not entirely without sin”. It’s a distressing scene to watch, and leads us to question the foundations of their attempt at reconciliation at the end, where it’s her who persuades him to keep on seeing Dr Melfi.

Also worrying is Junior’s autocratic style as boss, taking and not giving as boss, but it’s Tony who handles this with a little speech about Octavian- I like his penchant for Roman history. But there’s some interesting dialogue in which Tony and other capos admit that Junior is boss because someone has to take the fall if the Feds come calling and it’s better it be an old man without children- and, as we see at the end, the FBI are on to them. Although the board with pinned photos and post-it notes is the most 1999 thing ever...

Superlative as always.

Atypical: Season 3, Episode 2- Standing Sam

“You punched a milkshake?”

We get to see Sam navigate his first day at uni this episode and, really, he does awesomely. There’s a scene early on where he seems due for a meltdown... and it doesn’t happen. He’s prepared for everything. He makes friends. Yes, they turn out to be douches but that’s ok; he makes a friend who seems nice. And is called Sam too.

Otherwise things are ominous. Casey’s feud with Nate is ongoing. Elsa and Doug are not going well- and Megan sends him a flirty text. And then there are the ongoing worries with Zahid and his self-destructive streak and Casey not feeling like she fits in at private school. And are she and Evan really ok?

This episode is better. It’s wittier, the characters are well written and acted... but something is lacking, an extra little spark. Season Three so far is good, very good. But it’s not reaching its previous heights.  but let’s see what happens: Mrs Llamastrangler and I will be zooming through this.

Atypical: Season 3, Episode 1- Best Laid Plans

“Can you please pick up a fire extinguisher on the way home?”

The plus side of getting into a series late is that sometimes, as here for Mrs Llamastrangler and I, you don’t have to wait long for a new season to come along and here it is- the further adventures of the characters we’ve come to know and love, picking up from last time.

And this is a good opening episode to a season that promises to be enjoyable. It’s funny and it has heart. But I am, perhaps, a little less wowed this time. I wonder whether that’s just familiarity on my part of there perhaps isn’t quite so much sparkle?

This is good stuff, though- we pick up with Paige getting back together with Sam, with Casey overwhelmed by the awkward triangle between Evan and Izzie, with Elsa and Doug still awkwardly falling to communicate after what happened. And Doug is being tempted by Megan.

There’s a lot about Sam preparing for uni, and how far he’s come as an autistic person. There’s some comedy about Paige wanting sex but them never seeming to find the time, and some touching stuff about his autism. But the monologues aren’t as sharp or as relevant, and the whole thing doesn’t sing quite so much as it did.

This is still very good by the standard of lesser shows, but I’m left ever so slightly underwhelmed.

Doctor Who: The Power of the Daleks (Revisited), Episodes One and Two

Episode One

"Life depends on change and renewal."

Been a while since I blogged any non-current Doctor Who, hasn't it? I blogged the actual The Enemy of the World and The Web of Fear when Philip Morris found them, but otherwise I just blogged them all at the very beginning of this blog- which, indeed, didn't start as a blog at all but as a series of reviews, alongside a bunch of others, for The Great Nap Year Marathon of 2008 to 2010 on Outpost Gallifrey. This blog only existed at first so I could keep my own copies of the reviews... and then we all somehow finished marathoning all of Doctor Who, from 1963 to 2010. Only then did I start to turn this into a wider TV and film blog, having caught the habit- keeping up with current Doctor Who along the way, of course.

But I'm drawn back to The Power of the Daleks. My original review was of the Loose Cannon recon, and there are no episodes so frustrating as this one, where the Doctor is recast (I shouldn't yet say "regenerated") for the first time, and we see Patrick Troughton first attempting the role- or, that is, we don't.

So what of this animated version? Well, the animation itself is crude and basic, but it gives us something we lacked: moving pictures. It also helps enormously that we get a) much clearer sound and b) subtitles. It's such a relief to be able to watch one of the most pivotal episodes ever and be able to understand the narrative. Well, almost. It's pretty clear that the Doctor's movements as he wakes up, stands and has his dizzy little trippy experience are pretty much extrapolated from the telesnaps. Much of the movement we see see here is guesswork, inevitably.

It's good to have the brief recap at the start for context, reminding us of just how little the narrative was holding our hands- and in this first episode mercurial old David Whitaker reminds us of the necessity of change and renewal, throwing us a great big mercurial metaphor in the forms of those great big pools of..,. well  yes, remember who's writing this. One could even stretch a point and say that Polly and Ben being poisoned a bit by mercury fumes reflect difficulties in adapting to change. But it's a brave episode that doesn't patronise, lets Troughton be sinister and weird, and allows us to work out for ourselves whether we accept him as the Doctor. As Ben says of Polly and himself, where do they stand now? And where, indeed, do the viewers stand?

The plot of what's happening on Vulcan starts pretty sharpish, although not really foregrounded yet, but the Doctor havng the documents of the Examiner fall literally into his hand is a nice narrative shortcut tantamount to Psychic Paper, and the fiction between Quinn and Bragen shows us immediately that the colony may not be a happy place, Interesting, though, that they claim to have seen the TARDIS "overshoot" like any old spaceship.

It isn't long, though, until we briefly meet Lesterson and Janley, who is established sketchily as A Bit Political, and then our heroes are sneaking into the capsule. There we find THAT door opening sound, lots of incidental music which is not so much by Tristram Carey but simply reused from The Daleks and, well, Daleks...



Episode Two

"One Dalek?"

"Yes. All that is needed to wipe out this entire colony."

This episode foregrounds the Vulcan politics and the many mysteries (Who shot the real examiner? What's going on with the Examiner? Who really cut the communication cables to Earth as Quinn is an obvious red herring?) as we flesh out this colony where we hear of political discontent and, sinisterly "secret newspapers" suggesting this isn't exactly a free society. Everyone is brittle, suspicious and guarded around everyone else, whether the open mutual loathing of Quinn and Brazen or the political incompatibility of Lesterson's two assistants- Janley coming across as a proper Momentum cultist while Resno is your typical working class Tory. It feels as though a storm is about to start, ad establishing that mood is a brilliant piece of writing- and much clearer  with moving pictures.

We also, this time no longer in the foreground, examine this new Doctor and how he operates- acting the eccentric to seem harmless but always thinking, examining, trying to understand. And yes, when the Dalek recognises him at the end we can finally accept that this is the Doctor.

The cliffhanger is so very, very good anyway, with the Doctor's protestations of how dangerous the Daleks are constantly undercut by "I-AM-YOUR-SER-VANT". But the constant shots from the Dalek's POV make this so much more unnerving. So far this is televsion of the very first rank.

Fargo (1996)

“You betcha, yah.”

I admit, somewhat sheepishly, that this is only the second film by the Coen brothers that I've seen. Given the evidence, firstly of O Brother, Where Art Thou and now of this splendid little film, I’m forced to say they are real giants of the Hollywood scene over the course of the last twenty plus years.

This is wonderful from the very first shot, as a brilliant white snowscapes is punctured and illuminated by car headlights. In spite of the North Dakota title (and there’s a state we European tourists are unlikely to visit) the film is very, very Minnesota. I love the accent, with the “yah” and the ineffable Teutonic hints of the otherwise all-American vowels of these characters with mostly very Germanic surnames, with more than a sprinkling of Scandinavia. Presumably those Viking social democratic genes are what led the good burghers of the state not to vote for that moron Reagan in ‘84, like everybody else foolishly did.

William H. Macy is perfectly cast as Jerry, nebbishy car salesman and ultimate cause of all the mischief as his desperation over his immense debts leads him to concoct a kidnapping and ransom plot for his own wife. Also superb is Steve Buscemi,  playing his usual sort of character. But Frances McDormand is a revelation as heavily pregnant cop Marge, interrupting brilliant bouts of seduction with less brilliant bouts of morning sickness. After this film I fully understand why they cast McDormand as the voice of God in Good Omens.

The characters all feel real, it’s beautifully shot, and as a narrative the whole thing is simple awesome. I feel a slow Coen Brothers binge may be on the cards.

Union Jack: Faith

"Before we start, I really need to do a poo."

Another Thursday, another episode, and we start with another splendid episode, which may begin with a slight variation of last week's "please don't sue us, Marvel" disclaimer but quickly segues into an impressively shot dream sequence for hungover Ken, at once erotic, dreamy and trippy. We then continue with another 27 minutes of likeable characters (Sam O'Hara Childs walks the line between sitcom humour and heroism superbly), good writing and witty lines. Who cares if this is low budget with limited locations, a small cast and no extras; this is solidly excellent viewing.

The plot advances a bit; the Baroness seduces Ken and vamps him at the end, erotically as vampires have ever since Bram Stoker sexualised them in the first place, with another trippy dream for good measure. And dialogue strongly hints that his mysterious blood condition is a family thing, the Farnsworths not being your normal family in many ways with their history of vampirism and penchant for massive pots of tea.

As per last time, though, the episode is nicely structured and full of wit. I loved the constant digs at Captain Britain, and the fact that Romany and Joe have the same debates over the correct pronunciation of "scone" as Mrs Llamastrangler and myself do. More top stuff. More please.

The Sopranos: College

"Of all the finook priests in all the world, why did I have to get the one who's straight?"

This is an episode based around the future, I suppose, as Tony drives Meadow around several posh universities in Maine. But it’s also an episode full of ghosts and secrets from the past. Tony takes time out from chauffeuring and bonding with his daughter to track down and eventually strangle to death an informer he randomly spots at a petrol station. Meanwhile, he and Meadow bond over mutual honesty as he (eventually) gives an honest answer to the blunt question “Are you in the Mafia?”while she confesses to having taken speed- only for him to let her down by not saying what he’s been up to with the informer.

Less sanguine about the ethics of living in a big house on Mafia money is Carmela, as she breaks down after several glasses of wine and confesses to Father Phil- although this religious catharsis seems unlikely to lead to anything. The relationship between her and Phil is fascinating. He’s a very worldly priest, up on his popular culture and always visiting Carmela to (as he cheerfully admits) eat her food and drink her wine. And (there’s a moment when he seems about to kiss her) he obviously fancies the pants off her. But, in a nice touch of dialogue the morning after, it’s clear that she’s very much aware of all this but is happy to have him as a friend, perhaps a much-needed one. And, I think, behind the religious flummery, there’s a very real bond.

Phil staying over is a non-issue; as we see, Tony just assumes he’s gay. Less easy to brush off is Carmela discovering Dr Melfi’s gender...

Meadow gets drunk too, incidentally, in the company of a few extras one of whom is Eve from the final scene of Angel, which is an actor-spotting win from me. But this episode doesn’t need a tot spotting wins to be awesome as ever, and a nice change of pace.

The Finishing Touch (1928)

This is another Laurel and Hardy short from their early period, before the later sound films for which they would later become well known. It's coming up to four years since my rave review of a similar short, Leave 'Em Laughing; this is every bit as good. Then again, so were all the many (sound) shorts I happened to see on the telly back in the '80s when schedulers weren't afraid of black and white.

This is sheer cartoon humour, done extremely well, by two superlative comedy actors who excel, particularly, in facial comedy acting. A superb script helps, with a conceit that is straightforwardly funny, but what really makes this short film excel is the comedy double act between Laurel and Hardy and their little mannerisms. There's a hint of melancholy in that these two, a kind of pre-Depression Lenny and George, will forever be poor, struggling and aimless but such thing are, rightly, not dwelt upon in favour of hilariously well-executed slapstick comedy.  And there's plenty of opportunity for that when these two try to build a house.

The hats, and Hardy's moustache, may be dated here, but the comedy hasn't. It's bizarre to think the two of them were a good few years younger than I am now while making this. Absolutely first class comedy, although I certainly ought to try a longer work of theirs one of these days.

Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985)

"Wicket Cindel's family now..."

I had to get this TV movie watched, seeing as I can't watch Caravan of Courage and not this. Fortunately, while it's a mid-budget TV movie for kids and should be judged as such, it's actually a fairly decent watch.

The beginning is well harrowing, though, as the baddies torch the village and kill loads of people including poor Cindel's entire family. Fortunately, the sheer trauma of such an event for poor Cindel is very much downplayed in favour of some child-friendly mourning of her parents.

And it’s straight into another very fairytale adventure, from another story by George Lucas, Cindel and Wicket escapee, courtesy of being ickle, and have an exciting little escapade with a rather cool little stop motion dragon. Then they meet a cheeky alien monkey muppet. And then they meet new father figure Noa, who inevitably turns out to be gruff but kind.

So off they go on a rescue mission to a castle with an acid moat. And much excitement ensues. With Sian Phillips as a witch type character- this is definitely fantasy, but so is all Star Wars. But the days of playing Livia In I Clavdivs must seem so long ago..

No, this isn’t as good as Caravan of Courage. But it’s still good stuff. Give it a go while it’s on Amazon Prime.

Union Jack: Tradition

“So... Captain Britain!”

This is a web series made by fans, and it’s on YouTube here. It’s completely unofficial and, rather winningly, starts with the plea for Marvel not to sue them. Let’s hope they’re not such big meanies as to do that, because I rather enjoyed this.

So, Union Jack. I have no idea whether this is based on a limited series or something as I stopped reading current comics in the mid-‘90s, as the siren call of beer and heavy guitar riffs distracted me. But I remember the Roger Stern stuff in Captain America back in the '80s, as well as a rather embarrassing story in Marvel Comics Presents, but that's it. So I'm coming in relatively cold.

And you know what? This may be low budget, it may have no stars, but it's really rather awesome. It's much swearier than any official version would be, which is a good thing, but it does exactly the right thing and relies on character, dialogue and humour, from the first scene. This is a very British sitcom, with characters you care about and very real dialogue. The set-up is delicious too, with Sam O'Hara Childs' laddish but likeable Joseph Chapman teamed up with his girlfriend Romany as the brains, while Rachel Cuthill gives us an equally genre-savvy Baroness Blood who likes to celebrate the fruition of her dastardly schemes with a "cheeky Nando's". There's lots and lots of violence done to the fourth wall here, which is exactly how I like it. It all feels a bit like a British Joss Whedon series in the best possible way. For a Halloween event this is much, much better than sodding Brexit.

For a first episode with lots to do this does a superb job of fitting lots of necessary exposition and set-up into just thirty-minutes while also hooking you in. I'll be watching next week.

Indexes

I've just updated the indexes over there on the right- there are now a damn sight more of them.

Some people call them "indices". These people are wrong. That is all.

The Sopranos: Meadowlands

"Hear about the Chinese godfather? He made him an offer he couldn't understand..."

The Sopranos is extraordinary, four episodes in. Yes, the first episode grabs you immediately and is a show-offishly and performatively classy piece of television. Subsequent episodes have been more restrained- no flashy direction, realistic rather than knowingly witty dialogue, but a masterclass on how to build a slow-burning and rich serial narrative.

Here we have a number of turning points, all seeming to emerge naturally from plot, certainly, but more importantly from character. We have some flashy direction in the dreamlike beginning as Tony has a surreal dream about Melfi's office in which worlds collide and it becomes clear that he fancies this somehow unattainable woman, who for once appears vulnerable. The bent cop that Tony ends to spy on her ends up beating and traumatising her boyfriend, unwittingly giving her a taste of Tony's violent world- and reminding us, by breaking the barriers separating the two worlds, that Tony is a very bad man, however much we may emphasise with his family problems.

The two worlds collide elsewhere, too, as young Anthony Jr is rudely ripped from his cosy teenage 1999 world of Super Mario Kart and mildly rubbish, forgotten metal bands by the realisation that there's a reason why, as Meadow points out, they can afford such a massive house on the wages of a "waste disposal consultant".

Tony has two families, both with simmering problems. His mother is as passive-aggressive and emotionally cruel as ever. And the death of the sincerely mourned Jackie seems to be leading inexorably to a Soprano vs. Soprano "War of '99", So Tony's creative solution, based on some unlikely advice from Melfi, unexpectedly undercuts this while showing a lot of guts- to let Junior be "acting boss" while being the power behind the throne- or so he thinks.

Incidentally, we learn that Jackie, dead at 44, had only been "acting boss" for two years. And the "boss", not a Soprano, is 74 and doing life. And, despite the power games and constant Godfather quotes, the Government is watching them all. There's a sense that the throne Tony wants is that of a shrinking empire...

This is bloody good stuff. And, just when you think the episode can't get any better, it ends with a bit of Mazzy Star...

The Mark of Zorro (1920)

This is my first silent action film, a swashbuckler based on a minor novel from the previous year that owes perhaps just a little to Baroness Orczy, that romantic and reactionary Hungarian aristocrat, Here the noble heroes are Spanish, in a Los Angeles and a southern California that still owed allegiance to the Spanish throne yet feels somewhat like a proto-Western, but at least their noble blood, while being much-fetishised, is focused on saving the poor, downtrodden and even the "natives" from arbitrary tyranny.

At first it seemed odd watching a straightforward romantic swashbuckler without sound, with early scenes relying heavily on intertitles, but it works, mainly because of the winning combination of the splendidly shot visual spectacle of the action scenes and the winning charisma of the merry Douglas Fairbanks Jr as the eponymous hero, played pretty much as a traditional Robin Hood- and it also helps that the pulp style plot is so straightforward, and the genre tropes so faithfully followed. This is Robin Hood crossed with the Three Musketeers set in a Los Angeles that was still part of New Spain before the Napoleonic Wars set Spain's colonies in the Americas on the path to independence- a reminder that the City of the Angels is not so young as often assumed.

I enjoyed this much more than expected. Beware, though; there are some very poor copies out there on YouTube.

Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure (1984)

"That's not a starcruiser. That's a horse!"

I'd never seen this TV movie before until now, in spite of it being a perennial title of the many video hire emporiums that abounded during my '80s childhood. First impressions are that it's badly acted, well made and... well, it sort of works as a kids' programme.

The whole thing really does look mostly amazing, with some great stop motion creatures, although I can't decide whether the spider is awesome or bloody awful.It's also a great exemplar of how kids are often awful actors. It is, however, awesome to see the Ewoks again (including Wicket and Logray), and their Stone Age lifestyle that somehow includes a glider. It's also good to see that Endor is more than just a forest Moon.

The whole thing is, of course, more fantasy with ray guns than science fiction, but Star Wars was ever thus. This as co-written by George Lucas himself and is therefore pure quest narrative in the most Joseph Campbell of ways. Our party sets off on an epic journey to Mordor... er, the tower of a wicked giant. Logray gives each member of the party a MacGuffin which miraculously has a very specific use to the plot.And everybody learns some kind of incredibly vague moral lesson at the end. Or something. Fantasy tropes abound, with this evil giant living independently of any kind of ecosystem and magic sort of working.

But you now what? It isn't awful and is rubbish in a fun way. I'm going to watch the next one, Gulp...

Safety Last! (1923)

As with Buster Keaton until yesterday, I've only seen one Harold Lloyd film before and it was a short. So here’s me repeating the trick, this time with what is indisputably Lloyd’s most famous full length film.

It’s interesting that, judging by their respective shorts, I much preferred Keaton to Lloyd. Yet I found Safety Last to be very funny indeed, much more so than Sherlock Jr. The social mores may have dated- Harold needs to be successful and marry Mildred before there’s any question of getting inside those knickers of hers- but the humour hasn’t, even if the 1920s department store looks absurd in 20-9 with its silly hierarchies, popinjay “floorwalker” and sales of material to old ladies so they can make their own dresses.

No; the humour is straightforwardly funny, with the visual humour matched by some refreshing verbal wit from the intertitles, and the plot is simple, easy to follow and inexorably leading towards the big concluding set piece of Harold climbing up a tall building unaided, with lots of comical perils befalling him in a tour de force of spectacle which, importantly, never forgets the humour.

I never assumed, from the little is seen, that Harold Lloyd could be as funny as this. I was wrong. As things stand this is my favourite full length silent comedy.

Sherlock, Jr. (1924)

I haven't blogged a silent comedy for years, so here's Buster Keaton in what may be his most famous film. I've blogged one of his shorts before- Neighbours- but this is my first proper look at his work. Incidentally, it’s also the first time I’ve seen actors introduced on the intertitles after they first appear, not a bad idea.

First impressions are that Keaton himself is brilliant at comic facial acting, as you’d imagine. Second impressions are that the humour is reminiscent of what you’d think of today as cartoon humour, and there are lots of amusing moments but the film is clearly not renowned specifically for its humour. It’s often funny, but many silent comedies are funnier.

There are little jarring reminders of just how long ago 1924 was- the spelling “to-day”and pianos in cinemas. But much else feels surprisingly timeless, not least the humour. And the most impressive thing about the film is, of course, the violence done to the fourth wall as the Keaton character dreams his dreamy little dream and there’s an extraordinary sequence of him walking into the cinema screen amongst various different scenes. And the comical centre of the film- the attempts of “Sherlock Jr” to solve a crime while the culprits try to kill him by, among other things, blowing him up with an exploding pool ball, is both laugh out loud funny and utterly surreal, along with the extraordinary chase sequence at the end. All these scenes are enormous technical accomplishments.

No more than quite good as a comedy, then, despite Keaton’s personal talent. But the film is surreal, groundbreaking and splendidly weird. I think my next silent comedy won’t be after so large a gap.

The Sopranos: Denial, Anger, Acceptance

“And the Romans- where are they now?"

"You're lookin;' at 'em, asshole."

An unusually short third episode starts with Christopher and Brendan being absolute bell-ends in a way which makes it quite clear that at least one of them (and Brendan is the bigger bell-end) is going to get “whacked”. But this episode, as ever, is about Tony- and the anger which he, the classic exemplar of what we now call toxic masculinity, uses as a displacement for other difficult emotions. His reaction to the Impressionist-ish painting in Dr Melfi’s waiting room is revealing- he sees decay where others don’t. But his experience here is, of course, legitimate, in spite of his obvious inferiority complex where it comes to education and culture.

What is affecting Tony more than anything, at the moment, is Jackie’s cancer, which is obviously killing this much-likes man- and the title obviously mirrors the process Tony goes through. He arranges a girl and a party with booze for his friend, whose life has now shrunk to the hospital room within which he will very shortly die. It would upset anyone.

But Tony uses anger as a displacement emotion elsewhere too. Artie and Charmaine are broke, moving to a smaller house near the Sopranos, and the insurance company suspect arson which will leave them in penury. This is, of course, all Tony’s fault, so he reacts angrily to the pathetically loyal a Artie recounting his woes while acting as chef for a charity do at their house- and Charmaine, acting as waitress, is humiliated. A sudden class rupture seems to be destroying Carmela’s attempts to get close to Charmaine again, leading her to reveal that she once slept with Tony- but ultimately chose the decent, honest Artie.

There’s an interesting sub-plot with a family dispute between some Hasidic Jews who behave with an old-fashioned honour which Tony admires.

We end with a nice juxtaposition. Meadow and her friend Hunter perform the choir recital they need to do to get some kind of points to get to a good uni (ridiculous) which moves Tony deeply- but Junior has had a chat with Livia, who drops some wonderfully subtle hints. So Christopher gets a traumatic mock execution but gets to live- mistakenly thinking its Tony’s doing after he supplied crystal meth to Meadow. But Brendan is killed, in true Roman fashion, in the bath, ending a truly awesome episode as Junior watches...

Judge Dredd (1995)

“I never broke the law. I AM THE LAW!!!”

This isn’t my first viewing, of course, but the last time I saw this film was on VHS and when John Major was prime minister. It’s probably one of those much-maligned films that benefit from being seen some time later.

There’s no doubt that the film has its flaws. A phoning-it-in Sylvester Stallone is woefully miscast, and the film spends most of its running time breaking the sacred commandment that is Thou Shalt Not Remove Dredd’s Helmet. The Angel family are also shovelled pointlessly into the film with no real development, and it’s very obvious that the Mega City One Street scenes, in spite of the rather good design and use of CGI, are shot on a small set shot to look bigger than it is. You’re also made painfully aware of the flat studio floor.

Still, if you look past these flaws,  and the first two in particular, we actually have a bloody good script here and, while clearly straining against the budget, things generally look pretty impressive. Dredd’s characterisation is perfect (with lots of “I knew you’d say that”) and the world of Mega City One and the Cursed Earth is both faithfully and clearly presented in a way which gives us a world true to the 2000 A.D. strip and a film which works pretty damn well for those who, like myself, are not necessarily huge Dredd fans. A complex plot is made admirably easy to follow, there’s lots of humour, and we have the clever including of Fergie as a much-needed Everyman  for us to identify with

The whole thing, inevitably, looks very ‘90s now, and nothing dates the film as much as the stunt casting of Stallone just because he’s a big name. But this is certainly a cut above most ‘90s sci-fi B movies and manages to overcome its flaws. I enjoyed it.

The Sopranos: 46 Long

"Time and patience change the mulberry leaf to silk..."

We've had the introductions; now we get straight on with developing the characters and arc plot as David Chase hands over to lesser mortals to write and helm this second episode. The result is not quite as superlative but nevertheless constitutes superior telly. 1999 was a long time ago, though; no one has a mobile phone and a pay phone plays an important role, the Internet is not a thing for most people, while DVD’s are fancy new tech. It all felt very modern at the time, with the Millennium approaching.

Carmela and the kids take a back seat as this episode focuses on Mob conflicts and Tony's impossible relationship with his mother. The opening scene is suitably ominous, with a poker game soundtracked by a news programme about the inexorable decline of what we never hear described as the Mafia- and of omerta. Tony and his lieutenants Paulie, Big Pussy and Silvio- all fleshed out a little more in this episode- take refuge in pop culture references to The Godfather; Martin Scorcese's later cameo appearance is certainly appropriate.

This is a dysfunctional crime family; Giacomo (Jackie) is seemingly acting boss while some senior Soprano (isn't Tony's dad dead?) is in the slammer, but tensions are growing between Tony and his prickly Uncle Junior. These are largely because of the combination of Tony's incredibly thick and arrogant nephew Christopher and his even worse friend Brendan, both of whom keep robbing Junior’s stuff. This seems to reach almost a crisis, and frankly I’m surprised Tony doesn’t shoot Brendan. But he certainly isn’t happy.

Far worse than any of this, though, even the comical and Tarantinoesque shooting dead of the lorry driver, is Tony’s purgatory at the hands of Livia, the passive aggressive and drama-loving mother from Hell who knows how to wound with words. We learn that Tony has sisters who are estranged from her mother, but in setting her hob on fire and running over a friend she makes it clear that she can no longer live alone, spurning help with a combination of casual racism and emotional knife twisting. It’s no surprise that Tony’s mother- Nancy Marchand is brilliant- causes him such emotional turmoil, and Dr Melfi fulfils the time of Greek chorus here; this is far from a normal mother/son relationship. And it’s far from a normal television drama, too. More please.

Batman and Robin: Episodes 14 and 15

Episode 14: Batman vs the Wizard

"He can make himself invisible!"

Oh. My. God. The penultimate episode and we have the faint stirrings of... a plot.

This isn't immediate- after the most pathetic cliffhanger resolution yet, and that's saying something, we have scenes of the invisible Wizard having his escape made less easy by his sudden visibility, escaping but being grazed on the hand by a bullet. And then silly plot convenience sets in; both Barry Brown and Dunne turn out to have injured right hands. But, as our not-very-dynamic duo and Gordon rush to check the hands of the Professor and Carter, Carter is shot by an unseen hand- it seems we was the Wizard, if not for the fact we know that would be far too easy, and there's an episode to go. But things are actually happening, praise be.

I love how Batman realises the Wizard must be invisible by reciting the same technobabble nonsense...

One suspicious thing, though not to come across like one of those wankers who accuse disabled people who don't always use their wheelchairs of being frauds, is that we see the Prof walking in this scene which, I suspect, intended to cast suspicion. But the Wizard is not dead- dramatically, Barry Brown announces that the Wizard is to kill Gordon in his office at 2pm, and then gets strangled live on air by an invisible man. It's all happening.

So Gordon is going to make damn sure he's far away from his office at 2pm, right? Hell no; there's a cliffhanger to get through. But at least, for once, Batman- using a special infrared camera- actually wants Vicki to do her job as photographer.



Episode 15: Batman Victorious

"I'm ready to make a full confession..."

It's a surprising finale in that on paper it has a lot to wrap up in 17 minutes but, given that these fifteen episodes have been 99% set pieces and peril and only 1% plot, there isn't much to wrap up. It is, of course, convenient that the Wizard doesn't wear his mask while trying to shoot Gordon through the window, and did no one realise he might try that? Really? But we're getting somewhere. Confusingly, the photo shows the Wizard to be the late Carter, but from here the rest of the episode is a manhunt for an invisible but very alone Wizard, and now it's the final episode Batman and Robin are finally allowed to discover the secret passage.

We have a lot packed into the final few minutes as Batman and Robin burst into the Wizard's HQ and he run's away through a secret passage into the Prof's house. And here we have the clever and the absurd- the Prof was a red herring after all, his machine to make him walk and secret passage being just an unrelated scientific experiment. Yet the Wizard was Carter... and the "Carter" we've seen all along, and whom he shot dead, was his twin brother. Er...

We end with another crap scene where Vicki is persuaded yet again that Bruce Wayne isn't Batman, and it finally stops. And I can get on with The Sopranos and try and regain some of the brain cells I've lost while watching this.

A suggestion; let's give serialised Batman adventures a rest now for, say, about seventeen years. And, when we do bring it's back, let's mix up the set pieces with some camp humour, perhaps aving words like "THWACK!" or "BASH!" actually appear on screen. How about it?

Mars Attacks! (1996)

"For dark is the suede that mows like a harvest..."

I saw this once in the ‘90s- at a festival, I think, perhaps Phoenix ‘96. But I was very drunk, and let us not discuss any herbal substances which may or may not have been imbibed. Let us also, in the same token, disregard the bottle of Aragonian wine (yes, the bottle states it’s from “Aragon”, a name from the annals of history) that I have just imbibed at the time of composing this paragraph. Let’s just say that, yes, I can see this film is no classic, but it’s fun.

Tim Burton is always brilliant at making his films feel likes stylised worlds of their own, but he generally has his own gothic style. This film, like its superb predecessor  Ed Wood, gives us a style very different from Burton’s norm- in this case that of the ‘50s flying saucer movie. Hence the many CGI saucers look exactly as we might expect from countless movies. Hence the ever-present sound of the theremin. And the Martians, in old fashioned stop motion, look awesome.

Oh, and the film is bloody hilarious. No, it’s not the funniest film ever, but it’s a fun little spoof and extraordinarily well cast- Jack Nicholson is superb, as ever, as the cynical President. Pierce Brosnan is hilarious as a character taking the piss out of all those pipe smoking, exposition-spouting professors. Also excellent are Sarah Jessica Parker and the wonderful Pam Grier, with a small role for a Michael J. Fox presumably too far into his Parkinson’s disease for a larger role.

It’s also very, very ‘90s- Richie dresses just like I used to back then, and the less Grungy fashions are... yes, well. But the film is enormous fun, with its capricious Martians putting people’s heads on dogs’ bodies and zapping US Senators. And can we please have a Martian do you Trump what is done to the President here?

Batman and Robin: Episodes 12 and 13

Episode 12: Robin Rides the Wind

"I'm a respectable scientist!"

Here we go again, then: another shameless cheat of a cliffhanger resolution. Then we have the still useless Batman failing to see the bloody obvious entrance to the hidden cave where we find the entrance to where the Wizard's little submarine is hidden in that hilariously overcomplicated set-up.

Then we have a little fracas at the Professor's house, as private eye Dunne has been nicking the Prof's plans for a neutraliser to his remote control machine- plans which Batman promptly "confiscates" and somehow convinces the gullible Commissioner Gordon, in spite of Batman's by now long record of incompetence, to allow him to set up a ridiculously overcomplicated "trap" for the Wizard. But who'd have thought it? The Wizard has a counter-plan of his own involving a bloke in a plane to drop bombs on Robin. Must be time for a cliffhanger, and there's not a lot of plot that's happened.



Episode 13: The Wizard's Challenge

"No neutraliser in here."

"Maybe it neutralised itself?"

Ok, I realise I always say the cliffhanger resolutions are mostly appalling, but this one is worse even than usual. We then get a ridiculously complicated ruse where the Professor arranges for the Wizard's men to "steal" his suddenly completed neutralise. Batman sort of suspects the Professor, but doesn't do anything because it's only episode 13.

Even worse, now the Wizard has the two combined machines, their rays together have the effect of, er, making the Wizard invisible. No, me neither. So the Wizard announces, via Barry Brown and a load of unnecessary theatricality, that he's going to steal his next target at 3pm- and Batman just stands around being thick, being believed and trusted in spite of not knowing a damn thing or having anything constructive to say.

We finish with amusing scenes of the invisible Wizard having fun with the robbery, while Batman robs himself in the vault for some reason. The cliffhanger is the door to the vault getting blown, which is a bit cra as it obviously doesn't reach the Batman.

Two episodes to go. And it's still all bloody set pieces and no bloody plot...

The BFG (2016)

“Dreams are so quick!”

“Yeah, on the outside. They’s long on the inside.”

I read the novel as a kid, of course. And I’ve seen (and blogged) the cartoon with David Jason. But nothing, aside from Roald Dahl’s original work of brilliance, can top this wonderful Spielbergian fairytale.

Spielberg seems to be evolving in his recent work; there are similarities between this and Ready Player One in the confident use of CGI which achieves spectacle without overdosing us in a CGI landscape, and the confident creation of a well-thought-out world- giant country is dark, yes, but also very fairytale, and the use of hand held cameras to show us Sophie’s point of view during the action sequences is deeply effective. Even the setting, the Britain of the early ‘80s with cars to match, is fairytale in its iconic use of London cityscapes, a London where all streets are cobbled, the only drinking establishments are traditional pubs and buses abound.

Mark Rylance is simply a triumph as an unusually melancholic BFG, as you’d expect, the definitive portrayal. Ruby Barnhill inhabits Sophie perfectly, and I’m glad to see she kept her native northern vowels. And Penelope Wilton is, of course, perfect casting for the Queen.

The tale is told with verve and economy, with a mildly melancholic ending and some extra little set pieces- I loved the scene with Fleshlumpeater (the splendid Jemaine Clement) using cars as roller skates. This is probably the definitive film of the splendid novel, and another fascinating example of late Spielberg, with his inspired ability to create successful CGI worldscapes which work.

The Sopranos: Pilot

“Here comes the Prozac...”

If you suspect that I’m starting The Sopranos mainly because I need some brain food to go alongside the not-exactly-intellectual Batman and Robin movie serial, you’re right. I’m only going to do the first season for now and then pause, but it’ll be enjoyable. I’ve seen this season, and this season only, before- on BBC2 in 1999, in my bedroom in my parents’ house, when I was 22. I suppose, prior to 1999 and HBO coming out with this, we Brits, while consuming a lot of American telly, considered it, on average and with many obvious exceptions, to be more lowbrow than our telly with its formulaic, 22 episode seasons. The Sopranos, and its ushering in of the golden age of American telly through which we’re living, changed that forever.

It’s an impressive start with the titles, a splendid tune, and spectacular views of the New Jersey turnpike, and then we begin- with Tony Soprano, in a shrink’s waiting room, looking at a statue in a scene which pretty much exists to show us, by being artily directed, that we are to expect cleverness. And so we have the early awkward exchanges as Tony and Dr Melli size each other up, he relating how he came to have his recent panic attack- we learn about his failing marriage with Carmela, his son Anthony being (as we see) a bit of a dick and a rather epic row between Carmela and their daughter Meadow. But there is also, of course, his other “family”, the family business of “waste disposal” and the rather hilarious juxtapositions of violent scenes and narration such as “we had coffee”. Dr Melfi, of course, knows. But she doesn’t “know”.

Worse than this, though, are the looming crises. Tony’s mother, Livia (an interesting name of one happens to have recently blogged I, Clavdivs) is the mum from Hell- dramatic, judgemental, hypocritical, resentful, with a degree in passive aggressiveness. And then there’s Junior, Tony’s uncle, the older brother of his late father, a proud and prickly old man who resents To t being boss and not him. Then there’s his arrogant dick of a nephew, Christopher. All this in a world where the Mafia is in decline, being squeezed by the law, and living in the glories of old movies, its future bleak and the old code of Omertà no longer a given. Oh, and Tony is having an affair with a trophy girl while Carmela is hanging around with a handsome priest who, to his credit, at least prefers the first Godfather movie.

There’s lots of wit but the fourth wall is never quite broken- I love that Junior (an absurd “name” for an old man!) is going to “whack” “Big Pussy” at the restaurant of Tony’s friend, ruining his business- the main A plot of the episode, solved by a judicious bit of arson, and Tony says “You think he’s gonna fuck with Big Pussy? My pussy?”... All is player straight, of course. And James Gandolfini is incredible, portraying real depth and subtlety.

We end, though, with a menacing exchange between Junior- a stupid old bigot who resents the old days of “the crazy hair, and the dope” and now whinges about that old ‘90s battleground of “fags in the military” and Livia, as “things may have to be done” about Tony.

This is simply superlative television, from the very start. I’m going to enjoy this.

The Last Man on Earth (1964)

“You’re freaks, all of you!”

I never did read Richard Matheson’s novel, or any of the other film adaptations, which made me pleasantly unspoiled for this strange little English language Italian film, starring Vincent Price and some Italian actors with impressive language skills, much though the concept reminds me of Day of the Triffids.

What I particularly love about this is that it’s a proper tragedy, not just in the sense of misfortune but how Dr Morgan exhibits hubris, and a tragic flaw. This turns it from a fascinatingly done but nonetheless fairly predictable post-apocalypse world into something more, and allows a trust ending.

Most of the film is taken up with Morgan’s daily life as the last man alive, using garlic, mirrors and plentiful cars to loot so he can survive and slowly kill as many sleeping vampires as he can during the daytime. He even keeps track of the date (civilisation ended in 1965!) for the benefit of nobody but himself, a defiant gesture. This is interspersed with flashback scenes of the “bacterium” slowly killing off civilisation and humanity, including his wife and daughter, until he is utterly alone- organised, determined but empty inside. Vincent Price, cast very much against type, gives a magnificent performance here which is very different from the parts he usually plays, although sadly his appearance and voice mean that Richard Mathewson was probably right to consider him miscast.

The final minutes of the film are a hammer blow- at first it seems Morgan is not alone, but the other survivors are merely infected people who are able to manage their condition with medication. They kill him because, amongst the vampires he has killed, have been some of their people and he, the last remaining “pure” human, is a threat. Morgan does knowing that humanity and civilisation will indeed eventually survive- without him. It’s a devastating twist for a rather good little film.

Batman and Robin: Episodes 10 and 11

Episode Ten: Batman's Last Chance

"We hae to square things with the guy whose car we took!"

You know the drill; this is a movie serial and thus has no characterisation whatsoever beyond the basics, nor does it have a plot beyond a loosely connected series of set pieces until the whole thing ends. This means none of the suspects are investigated as Batman and Robin are far too busy being peril monkeys to do any detective work, which by this point is making them look a bit thick. Indeed, after the outrageously cheating cliffhanger resolution- a new scene is inserted where our not-so-dynamic duo jump out of the car, Batman almost seems to admit to Robin that they’ve been a bit crap and he’s worried, especially as he’s asked the commissioner to let Jimmy go but not bothered to watch him. Although, of course, I’m probably overanalysing g; it’s not as though any of these characters have any interiority beyond pure plot function.

I have to wonder, though- the only movie serials I’ve seen have been this and (circa 1990) the earlier Batman with the wartime racism. Are they all quite like this?

Anyway, there’s more intrigue with Jimmy, who finally decides to help his sister, in a tall office block where the baddies have an exciting gadget that can see through doors. And Batman gets into a fight during which he opens a window in the umpteenth floor for no particular window, and plunged to his apparent doom. Sigh.



Episode Eleven: Robin's Ruse

"Can you prove it was Batman?"

Wow. This is actually a clever cliffhanger resolution- it was Jimmy in Batman’s costume, not Barman himself, who plunged to his doom, and we get a flashback. Just let’s not think too hard about why Jimmy would want to dress as Batman, or why a conscious Bruce would let Jimmy steak his costume- and see his face.

Soon, though, the Wizard and co dismiss the the theory that Jimmy was the Batman and alight on a much better suspect- Bruce Wayne, whom they decide to kidnap. Thus we have a whole episode based on Robin rescuing Bruce while (with help from a spandex-wearing Alfred!) he convinces them that Batman is with him. The Wizard and his goons are sufficiently stupid that even the bit-very-bright Batman and Robin can run rings around them, although they are still no closer Toni castigating any of the suspects they have, being far too busy with boys’ own set pieces.

Still, only four episodes left. Could we be about to get some actual plot...?

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Flushing Out the Mole

"Poor George. Life's such a puzzle to you, isn't it?"

Ah. You know how I’ve been saying that yes, Tinker Tailor is bloody good, the acting is superlative, the slow pace is excellent and the whole thing is superb but not quite in the very first rank? Well, I’ve changed my mind. Sometimes it’s the impact of a final episode that can fully drive home a multilayered and complex subtext, and this final episode is both extraordinary in itself and defines the entire series. I suspect also that there are all sorts of scriptural references I’m not getting.

Yes, this is the episode where the mole is unmasked,  and the first ten or so minutes are a suspenseful whodunit, but that’s over quickly. Gerald is caught, he’s Bill Haydon, and suddenly the world is entirely different. The whole senior echelon of the Circus are summoned to hear the tapes of Haydon speaking to his handler, and you can see from the previously supercilious Percy Alleline that he’s utterly defeated. The tables have turned, and the outcast Smiley suddenly commands the room, a situation that lasts for most of the episode. Toby in particular is suddenly very, very oleaginous.

We see where Jim Prideaux has gone- he’s watching as Bill is taken to a camp and, quite obviously, roughed up. Everyone is shocked that good old Bull, outgoing, patriotic, the “laughing cavalier” should be a traitor. But Ian Richardson is extraordinary in explaining his motives to Smiley- they all started at the Circus when they were “golden with hope”, and Bill gradually came to hate America for its callousness towards its own poor, presumably meaning its cruelly inadequate welfare system and its lack of a decent health system- but was the Soviet Union any better? America may never have had an NHS, but neither did the USSR. Bill, though, with the cynicism of the defeated idealist, comes to see, as early as the Forties, that Britain is a fading, irrelevant power. None of this explains his motives satisfactory but that, in itself, makes him seem real.

Even his affair with Ann was directed by Karla- he was to “join the queue” to make any suspicion from Smiley feel like a personal thing. And yes, he shafted his old partner Jim. He is a traitor in every way. But he’s an unsavoury character in other ways- he tries to pay off not only a girlfriend but a “boy” who is “a cherub but no angel”. I assume we’re not talking over sixteen here. Brr. This was hardly approved of in 1979 but there was perhaps more of a tolerance for a kind of public school pederasty that makes the flesh creep.

Fittingly, Bill is killed by Jim amongst lax security, the traitor meeting a fate far more merciful that the traditional one at Tyburn but denied a melancholy, vodka-soaked exile. And Smiley is left master of all he surveys, his words conveying absolute authority as he explains he’s been “asked to look after things for a while.” But this is nicely undercut when we meet Ann, played by the splendid Sian Phillips, who is openly having relationships and living free and apart, treating George as an innocent friend to be patronised. And that’s Smiley; man of the world and yet not so, a fascinating character, one very much worthy of the great Alec Guinness.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Smiley Sets a Trap

"Ever bought a fake picture, Toby?"

We get closer to unmasking Gerald in a slowly gripping final episode, but we begin with a rather odd character, Jerry, player with delightful eccentricity by the legendary Joss Ackland. Yet Jerry speaks in a bizarre “Red Indian” argot of “braves” and things that are “heap big”, a retro type of casual racism from a very different age. This, like the BP petroleum station, reminds us that this was made fiery years ago and makes me, a young man of forty-two, to feel not perhaps in the very first flush of youth.

Jerry, while admittedly confessing to some xenophobia owing to Toby Esterhase’s Hungarian origins (very much played down in this adaptation) Jerry drips more suspicion on Esterhase, who forced him to sit on suspicious information of Soviet troop movements on the Czech-Austrian border just after Prideaux (who seems to have gone AWOL) was caught.  So Toby is lured to George’s lair and, in a series of gripping scenes where Alec Guinness demonstrates the art of acting at its finest, interrogated and turned, a pawn who knows not what lies behind the suspicious largesse of Witchcraft. With Esterhase an innocent dupe, the suspects reduce to three...

I like this. I like it a lot- and I saw an article in the Guardian about a week ago that praised Tinker Tailor to the skies. So far I’m finding it very good, indeed excellent, but not quite first class, in spite of the performances. Yes, there’s a certain subtext of national decline and doing the right thing in spite of that, without reward- yet I can’t help feeling that the slow pace and silences, while unquestionably a good thing, flatter the series somewhat by allowing the viewer to fill in the subtext.

Still, Smiley is setting a trap for Gerald; let’s see how it ends...

Cockneys vs. Zombies (2012)

"I've got tits, you tit..."

Why oh why oh why have I not seen seen this film until tonight, a bloody magnificent triumph that's a cross between... well, like it says over there on the left. But the feel reminds me just as much as Severance, and you can certainly see James Moran's influence in the script.

This is a deliciously plotted and made film, with splendid zombie set pieces, and the decision to make it in large part a riff on gangster movies is an obvious thing to do. But to set so much of it in an old folks' home, with the hero and star being Alan Ford, is inspired. The zombies vs. zimmer frame chase with Richard Briers alone makes the film worth seeing. Then we get Zoe Slater from EastEnders with a series of massive guns and swords, West Ham supporting zombies fighting Millwall supporting zombies, and the bloody London bus. Oh, and that final speech. This is a film that knows and bloody well skewers its zombie cliches.

Not only is it as funny as Shaun of the Dead and, at heart, full of likeable if rogueish characters, but the zombie set pieces look just as good too and the cast, with a last hurrah from so many British acting stalwarts of an earlier generation, is wonderful. I should have seen this film years ago and learned to embrace the awful title. I love Cockneys vs. Zombies.

Batman and Robin: Episodes 8 and 9

Episode Eight: Robin Meets the Wizard

“Don’t mind her. She’s always going around taking pictures nobody sees.”

Here we go again into sixteen minutes of peril and perfunctory plotting, beginning with an outrageous cheat as Batman and Harrison dodge the bomb by using a trap door to a cellar that wasn’t there last episode. But that’s part of the charm, as is the outrageous sexism directed at the only female cast member Vicki, as per the quote.

The plot engines start up again as the Wizard demands a ransom of $5 million, quite a lot in 1949, which is foiled by a ridiculous plan from silly old Batman involving painting old notes with radium for tracking purposes (it’s the early atomic age; radium is cool) and making them flammable when exposed to the air, which will in no way go disastrously wrong.

All this plays out predictably, with an interesting set piece involving Batman quickly jumping out of the boot of a car before it heads off a cliff, and the Wizard only manages to “meet” Robin by knocking him out by throwing a stick at him- and completely failing to either kill or capture him, because we have seven episodes to go and that wouldn’t do.

Oh, look. That flammable money has Batman in trouble. Who’d have thunk it?

Episode Nine: The Wizard Strikes Back

“Batman and Robin have got to follow ”’

We get the cliffhanger resolution out of the way and then have a scene with Barry Brown and Dunn the private detective acting like red herrings, and Batman tells us both of them are suspects for being the Wizard, even though we know damn well it’s the Professor.

And... that’s it. We’re out of plot. Fortunately, though, the Wizard’s machine breaks down and needs more diamonds, which will hopefully generate enough plot and set pieces to fill another eight episodes.

We then recycle another plot thread as Vicki’s brother Jimmy pretends to be a goodie again while really working for the Wizard. Of course, no one suspects him and the only purpose he seems to serve is to tell the Wizard where the diamonds are being moved to- even though it’s him who causes them to be moved in the first place. 

Fortunately, though, we can then forget about the plot for a bit as the diamonds are nicked and there’s an exciting chase scene. The Wizard’s device seems to be suddenly working again, though, even without the diamonds being back at his base yet, and Batman’s car heads down yet another cliff. Sigh.

Batman and Robin: Episodes 6 and 7

Episode 6: Target Robin

“This is Barry Brown, with some new hot tips and cold facts!”

It’s weird to return to this once more, a series of Boy’s Own set pieces with any attempt at humour, irony or characterisation verboten. It’s just capture, escape, inconclusive set piece after inconclusive set piece and, while it’s all very entertaining and carries you along, it’s clear that the plot makes no sense and simply cannot do so in this format. Barman and Robin are simply reacting to events with no real detective work at all; how many times have they discussed Barry Brown as a suspect and failed to do anything?

We begin with an outrageously perfunctory cliffhanger resolution and a captured hood. It’s about time for the token female to appear so here’s Vicki Vale- But Batman, bring male and thus in charge, forbids her from taking a photo for some reason. He then dons a suspiciously accurate disguise as the captured Hood and proves how stupid the other hoods are as they fail to notice that “Mac” is a deeply unconvincing actor- although that may be entirely non-diegetic as Robert Lowery is pretty dire.but soon, after some chaotic scenes, Robin escapes with Bruce- so the Wizard fires Nolan and Evans for incompetence, because that’s what super villains do.

The plot resumes its circular way and Barry Brown reveals another crime location and another cliffhanger trap, this time with gas. This is utterly perfunctory stuff.



Episode 7: The Fatal Blast

“You know, if I didn’t know Bruce Wayne so well, I’d think you and he were the same man.”

So Batman has weird gas masks and an acetylene torch in his person- was the utility belt a thing in 1949? We soon move on to a scene of Barry Brown visiting Commissioner Gordon and spending the entire scene behaving like a red herring, which he obviously is; we know the Professor is the Wizard as it’s all but shown yet again here.

The Wizard’s new wheeze is to extort money by using his remote control machine to stop all trains going through Gotham Station- and the only train the budget stretches to is a steam one, which is pretty damn cool. The Wizard is a twonk, though, insisting that he never makes mistakes (ahem!) and he won’t tolerate it from his underlings.

We get a scene with Vicki Vale (the only female character since, well, she last appeared) that leaves me utterly agog. She’s following Batman and Robin until they stop her and “confiscate” her key, so she can’t follow them and do her job, and the subtext here is that she’s a woman and thus a child who needs to be prevented by male authority from doing man’s work. Wow. Yes, she outwits Batman But in the style of a rebellious naughty child. Not only that, but she notices Batman is driving Bruce’s car. That’s a staggering piece of carelessness from this uniquely thick Batman.

Still, the plot must go on, and it’s nearly cliffhanger time. So Batman rescues rail tycoon Harrison and they both go to a cabin for some reason. And a bomb blows up. Of course it does.

Stranger Things: Season 3, Chapter Eight: The Battle of Starcourt Mall

“Dusty-bun!”

Here it is, then: not only the season finale but the last episode so far, bringing Mrs Llamastrangler and myself fully up to date meaning we’ll have to find something else to do with our evenings once we’ve finished adulting. Gulp.

We begin with Joyce and Hopper finally reaching the food court and joining the rest of the gang so they can all work out how they’re going to save the world this time. The first order of business, between a capable Jonathan and El herself, is to remove that nasty infection from that would- and it is indeed a nasty baby Mind Flayer. Eeeeuuurgh.

But then comes the plan, and fortunately Murray has a map. This time he, Joyce and Hopper are to close the portal, Dustin and his gang for most of the season are in charge of radio commercials, and everyone else has the vital task of being peril monkeys. Sorted.

Interesting that the Russians remain baddies throughout, but I’m not sure I but that, given the fact they don’t want the Mind Flayer to destroy everything- they want the world to be red, not dead- that they remain antagonists all the way through. Isn’t that nice young Mr Gorbachev someone we can do business with?

The plot proceeds as Hopper and co amusingly smile and nod their way towards the portal and the kids get well and truly imperilled by the Mind Flayer in a truly massive and highly entertaining set piece.  There’s also a nice scene where Billy sabotages their cat and tries to ram them, but ultimately this is just a cool distraction, although Jonathan again shows himself to be very capable at the sort of car stuff that is most certainly a great mystery to me.

It’s cute that the way into the room with the portal requires Planck’s constant, and we get this from none other than Dusty-bun’s very own Suzie-poos, although it is of course necessary to do a duet of the entire theme tune of The Never-Ending Story first, as waded figure in the ‘80s. I mean, yes, the Mind Flayer is getting bigger, El’s powers seem to be MIA and the fireworks are running out, but standards are standards.

But the closing of the portal requires Hopper to win an epic fight with the evil Comrade Motorbike, and Joyce can only close the portal by letting him die. That last nod between them as she presses the buttons is heartbreaking. As is the fact that Joyce lost a boyfriend last season and now is losing another one before they ever got to have that date. Duffer Brothers, you are bastards, every bit as evil as Joss Whedon.

Oh, and Billy dies too. It’s nice that Max is genuinely devastated in spite of everything.

Joyce runs out to Will and hugs him.. and El has no father to hug. It’s utterly tear jerking and no wonder, three mo this later that Joyce, Jonathan, a newly nature Will and the still powerless but kindly adopted El are leaving, with some meaningful partings, especially Nancy and Jonathan, now truly in love, and while Mike can’t get the words out to El she is able to say “I love you too”. Aww! And do t even mention that last voiceover from Hopper, that speech to her he never really gave, except that it’s bloody clever plotting.

But what’s this after the titles have finished? A gulag in the Kamchatka Peninsula? A myseterious American Prisoner? Inmates fed to...a Demogorgon?

Utterly sublime. So much so that I’m running out of words to praise it. And no fourth season until 2021...? Real time sucks.

Stranger Things: Season 3, Chapter Seven- The Bite

“We all die, my strange little child friend.”

The penultimate episode begins with, well, rather cheery scenes of a Fourth of July funfair via Karen and her family seeing some possibly CGI fireworks from the top of the Ferris wheel. Only their little girl commenting on the trees moving (I’m sure the reference to Ents is deliberate) suggest that there is anything amiss, but amiss things certainly are, as Eleven is at a low ebb after her recent encounter with “Billy”- and a massive Mind Flayer is suddenly after them. They certainly seem to be in a bit of a pickle, as the big set piece with the Mind Flayer sending it’s pointy teethed tentacles through the windows is utterly bloody terrifying, and while El manages to beat it back so they can all drive off she is wounded.

Meanwhile Dustin, Erica, and a still somewhat stoned Robin and Steve manage to escape to the cinema, which has a brand new film playing- Back to the Future, which is quite rightly dwelt upon somewhat. I love Robin and Steve’s stoned conversation about the timey-wimeyness.

Meanwhile, Murray continues to be most perceptive about Joyce and Hopper just needing to get a bloody room, and his exchange with Alexei on the subject is bloody hilarious. Also amusing is that Lucas’ idea for a weapon against the baddie- fireworks- is again pooh poohed, although we know his ideas always seem to work. I note his catapult saves the gang from the Mind Flayer, too, in the ensuing set piece in the foyer. I also like how Mike is saved from having to tell El that he loves her by Dustin’s “code red”...

There’s a poignant scene, though, in the toilet(!), Where Dustin explains his feelings for Robin, only for her to unexpectedly and gently explain that her preferences are for another gender- and Steve proceeds to not be a dick about it and make very clear that he just wants to be good friends. A potential romance is derailed, but both characters are rather lovely here.

There’s an amusing scene with Joyce and Hopper in the Graviton (Do they still have that in Alton Towers? I haven’t been on one since about ‘93), but this is juxtaposed with Alexei, just when he’s had a bit of fun, being shot by his motorbiking fellow Russian. Murray is devastated; we’ve seen this odd friendship developing and Murray is now fully on board with the mission.

There’s a splendid set piece between Hopper and Motorbike Comrade in the hall of mirrors, and Dustin and co finally reunite with the other kids- with Lucas amazed to see Erica. But El collapses with what I’m sure is not a normal infected wound, and we have only an Uber-long finale to go.

Obviously, this is awesome. Saying that almost seems superfluous.

The Goonies (1985)

"Nothing exciting ever happens here anyway..."

I was eight in 1985. And this is the first time I've ever seen this film. Yes, I know.

So, what’s it like, seeing this for the first time at the age of forty-two? Well, I rather enjoyed it, and not least because of the bizarreness of seeing Sam from Lord of the Rings and Thanos as brothers. It’s a pirate themed adventure story-cum-comedy, complete with comedy criminal baddies, scripted but not shot by Steven Spielberg and seemingly intended as very much Indiana Jones (a hot property in 1985) for kids- even to the point of casting Ke Huy Quan.

There are lots of booby traps, Heath Robinson style escapades and silly gadgets, mostly from Data, and even the opening of the gate early on is the coolest thing ever. It’s essentially for kids and I’m really probably too old to appreciate it, but there’s also a little bit of subtle romance wiry the teenage Josh Brolin and a splendid comeuppance for some evil property developers.

Maybe there’s an uncomfortable focus on Chunk’s Jewishness but, then again, the part is both written and played by a Jewish person. And the character of Sloth is probably not one we’d see these days.But this is a pretty much faultless ‘80s classic that I really, really should have seen back in the day when I used to constantly see the poster reproduced here in the pages of the UK reprint of Secret Wars II. Lessons learned, I think, and better thirty-four years late than never...

Stranger Things: Season 3, Chapter Six- E Pluribus Unum

“You remind him of a fat Rambo...”

Dustin and co see the big Russian lab, they see the portal into the Upside Down... and things get chaotic. They run. Meanwhile, in the hospital, the monster, which looks absolutely bloody terrifying, is after Nancy and Jonathan. It's not exactly a relaxed beginning, and the monster really does look awesome, and clearly not all CGI.

The resolution is, of course, Eleven shoving it forcibly out of the window, from whence it oozes under the ground, returning to its home. More bad stuff ensues with the Mayor, who is completely under the control of the big boss Russian man, and with the Fourth of July going on and stuff, the anniversary of the Americans' independence from, er, us.

The scenes where Hopper, Joyce and Conspiracy Theorist Bloke interrogate Russian Alexis with brinkmanship threats of giving him the wrong flavour of drink from Burger King, a torture method almost as notorious as the comfy chair, are comedy gold. But these methods get results, and Joyce and Jim hear of the Russian attempt to open a portal to the Upside Down, right there in Indiana, beneath their feet, with the finest Soviet scientists in an impregnable fortress impossible to breach, guarded by the mightiest Soviet warriors. Getting in is simply impossible.

Meanwhile, having got in, unarmed kids Dustin and the splendid Erica are comparing notes. Erica now knows everything- and, wonderfully, her only note of scepticism is that her nerdy brother Lucas was part of it. Meanwhile, Steve and Robin are being interrogated by non-comfy chair methods, not a pleasant experience, especially when one’s interrogators won’t believe the truth. But at least there is a blatant connection between them being developed and it’s blatant that they will end up together. And Robin is really, really cool.

The kids, meanwhile, are progressing the main plot strand and, rather cutely, Mike accidentally blurts out to his friends that he loves El. Aaaw. El has the dangerous mission to psychically locate the Mind Flayer’s HQ via Billy, which she does, but not without a horrific tour of Bully’s abusive childhood; I hope his dad suffers an unpleasant death, I suppose, but sadly he represents a real life horror not hiding behind metaphor, rather than the fantastic.

Except.. it was all a trap. Billy’s final speech is chilling. The Mind Flayer now has El where it wants her and can see through her- and it plans to kill everyone...

Yep. That was bloody excellent, as per usual.