Cockneys vs. Zombies (2012)

"I've got tits, you tit..."

Why oh why oh why have I not seen seen this film until tonight, a bloody magnificent triumph that's a cross between... well, like it says over there on the left. But the feel reminds me just as much as Severance, and you can certainly see James Moran's influence in the script.

This is a deliciously plotted and made film, with splendid zombie set pieces, and the decision to make it in large part a riff on gangster movies is an obvious thing to do. But to set so much of it in an old folks' home, with the hero and star being Alan Ford, is inspired. The zombies vs. zimmer frame chase with Richard Briers alone makes the film worth seeing. Then we get Zoe Slater from EastEnders with a series of massive guns and swords, West Ham supporting zombies fighting Millwall supporting zombies, and the bloody London bus. Oh, and that final speech. This is a film that knows and bloody well skewers its zombie cliches.

Not only is it as funny as Shaun of the Dead and, at heart, full of likeable if rogueish characters, but the zombie set pieces look just as good too and the cast, with a last hurrah from so many British acting stalwarts of an earlier generation, is wonderful. I should have seen this film years ago and learned to embrace the awful title. I love Cockneys vs. Zombies.

Snatch (2000)

"You know... fish and chips, cup of tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... London!"

I once saw this film, back in uni, and I watched it properly- i.e, after I'd seen Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Sadly I've yet to blog Mr Madonna's acclaimed debut, and am probably blogging things in the wrong order. Well, soz, but I haven't got either on DVD and it's Snatch that happens to be on Netflix. So here we are.

Anyway, I loved it. It's very of its time, very much trying to be a Cockney version of Tarantino, and not much different in style or theme to its predecessor. And no, it doesn't come close to Tarantino- it doesn't have the depth, wit or cinematic literacy, but not many films have. But it nevertheless manages to be funny, cool, and make a complex and non-linear plot easy to follow, which is not exactly an easy feat of writing or directing. And both the cast and direction are top notch. No, it may not be Pulp Fiction, much as its trying to be that kind of film, but it oozes charm and gets away with being derivative through its sheer Cockneyness. Bloody southerners.


I'd single out Jason Statham and a menacing Alan Ford for their performances, while Brad Pitt's performance is certainly unique. Is it racist in how it portrays Irish Travellers (not Roma)? Well, arguably they're eventually shown to be, if anyone is, the goodies, and we still live in a world where racism towards travelling peoples still seems to be seen as ok in a way other kinds of racism aren't- the film is probably no more racist in this area than the society that spawned it.

Aside from that, and a dodgy America-friendly reference to non-existent "social security numbers", the film is a splendidly enjoyable way to spend 100 odd minutes. Mr Madonna done good.