Batman and Robin: Episodes 14 and 15

Episode 14: Batman vs the Wizard

"He can make himself invisible!"

Oh. My. God. The penultimate episode and we have the faint stirrings of... a plot.

This isn't immediate- after the most pathetic cliffhanger resolution yet, and that's saying something, we have scenes of the invisible Wizard having his escape made less easy by his sudden visibility, escaping but being grazed on the hand by a bullet. And then silly plot convenience sets in; both Barry Brown and Dunne turn out to have injured right hands. But, as our not-very-dynamic duo and Gordon rush to check the hands of the Professor and Carter, Carter is shot by an unseen hand- it seems we was the Wizard, if not for the fact we know that would be far too easy, and there's an episode to go. But things are actually happening, praise be.

I love how Batman realises the Wizard must be invisible by reciting the same technobabble nonsense...

One suspicious thing, though not to come across like one of those wankers who accuse disabled people who don't always use their wheelchairs of being frauds, is that we see the Prof walking in this scene which, I suspect, intended to cast suspicion. But the Wizard is not dead- dramatically, Barry Brown announces that the Wizard is to kill Gordon in his office at 2pm, and then gets strangled live on air by an invisible man. It's all happening.

So Gordon is going to make damn sure he's far away from his office at 2pm, right? Hell no; there's a cliffhanger to get through. But at least, for once, Batman- using a special infrared camera- actually wants Vicki to do her job as photographer.



Episode 15: Batman Victorious

"I'm ready to make a full confession..."

It's a surprising finale in that on paper it has a lot to wrap up in 17 minutes but, given that these fifteen episodes have been 99% set pieces and peril and only 1% plot, there isn't much to wrap up. It is, of course, convenient that the Wizard doesn't wear his mask while trying to shoot Gordon through the window, and did no one realise he might try that? Really? But we're getting somewhere. Confusingly, the photo shows the Wizard to be the late Carter, but from here the rest of the episode is a manhunt for an invisible but very alone Wizard, and now it's the final episode Batman and Robin are finally allowed to discover the secret passage.

We have a lot packed into the final few minutes as Batman and Robin burst into the Wizard's HQ and he run's away through a secret passage into the Prof's house. And here we have the clever and the absurd- the Prof was a red herring after all, his machine to make him walk and secret passage being just an unrelated scientific experiment. Yet the Wizard was Carter... and the "Carter" we've seen all along, and whom he shot dead, was his twin brother. Er...

We end with another crap scene where Vicki is persuaded yet again that Bruce Wayne isn't Batman, and it finally stops. And I can get on with The Sopranos and try and regain some of the brain cells I've lost while watching this.

A suggestion; let's give serialised Batman adventures a rest now for, say, about seventeen years. And, when we do bring it's back, let's mix up the set pieces with some camp humour, perhaps aving words like "THWACK!" or "BASH!" actually appear on screen. How about it?

Batman and Robin: Episodes 12 and 13

Episode 12: Robin Rides the Wind

"I'm a respectable scientist!"

Here we go again, then: another shameless cheat of a cliffhanger resolution. Then we have the still useless Batman failing to see the bloody obvious entrance to the hidden cave where we find the entrance to where the Wizard's little submarine is hidden in that hilariously overcomplicated set-up.

Then we have a little fracas at the Professor's house, as private eye Dunne has been nicking the Prof's plans for a neutraliser to his remote control machine- plans which Batman promptly "confiscates" and somehow convinces the gullible Commissioner Gordon, in spite of Batman's by now long record of incompetence, to allow him to set up a ridiculously overcomplicated "trap" for the Wizard. But who'd have thought it? The Wizard has a counter-plan of his own involving a bloke in a plane to drop bombs on Robin. Must be time for a cliffhanger, and there's not a lot of plot that's happened.



Episode 13: The Wizard's Challenge

"No neutraliser in here."

"Maybe it neutralised itself?"

Ok, I realise I always say the cliffhanger resolutions are mostly appalling, but this one is worse even than usual. We then get a ridiculously complicated ruse where the Professor arranges for the Wizard's men to "steal" his suddenly completed neutralise. Batman sort of suspects the Professor, but doesn't do anything because it's only episode 13.

Even worse, now the Wizard has the two combined machines, their rays together have the effect of, er, making the Wizard invisible. No, me neither. So the Wizard announces, via Barry Brown and a load of unnecessary theatricality, that he's going to steal his next target at 3pm- and Batman just stands around being thick, being believed and trusted in spite of not knowing a damn thing or having anything constructive to say.

We finish with amusing scenes of the invisible Wizard having fun with the robbery, while Batman robs himself in the vault for some reason. The cliffhanger is the door to the vault getting blown, which is a bit cra as it obviously doesn't reach the Batman.

Two episodes to go. And it's still all bloody set pieces and no bloody plot...

Batman and Robin: Episodes 2 and 3

Episodes are seventeen minutes long from this point, so I’m doing two at a time.

Episode 2: Tunnel of Terror

"Ms Vale evidently walked into your man trap!"

Here we go again into seventeen minutes of non-stop action set pieces, with even the opening music being utterly Perils of Pauline. It’s 1949, movie serials are only barely still a thing, but old tropes die hard.

We begin with Batman and Robin escaping an exploding plane- why on Earth was this not properly used as a proper cliffhanger? I get the impression that, cheap and cheerful though movie serials were, perfunctory entertainment intended strictly for kids, this is not exactly the best of the genre.

The villains get away via a delightful route- behind a bush into a secret cave, then through a trapdoor to an underground stream which contains a submarine which, when we see it in the water, is a hilariously obvious model. This is deliciously over-elaborate. So is the plot, but Batman is a bit thick- he notices the Professor’s home is suspiciously close to the baddies’ getaway but fails to follow this up. And the scene with Vicki Vale falling into one of the Prof’s man traps is just to remind us that the character is there.

We then get a bit of plot- newsreader Barry Brown gets his scoops from a dodgy private eye- but then it’s time for the new set piece, a train robbery for a new type of explosive. We end with another cliffhanger which doesn’t quite work, with Batman on top of a lovely old steam train about to get hit by a tunnel, except he clearly ducks...


Episode 3: Robin's Wild Ride

"Oh, you would think of tea at a time like this."

No, I have no idea what the title has to do with anything. Anyway, the explosives are stolen and there follows an obligatory car chase, except Batman is seemingly surprised (duh) when the Wizard uses the remote control machine he very much knew about. Thicko. Fortunately the baddies are berated by the Wizard for failing to steal a detonator that he’s only now deciding to mention.

Weirdly, Barry Brown’s new scoop is that Morton, inventor of the explosives, is staying in a local hotel- in what way is this news? Regardless, the Wizard has him (and Vicki Vale) kidnapped while Batman is caught, er, napping. I love the Wizard’s weird hypnotising eyes though.

Meanwhile, Robin at least has the presence of mind to give Batman’s car “new wiring” and the Professor lurks around just to remind us to be suspicious of him. And we finish, forconce, with a cliffhanger that actually works; Batman is shocked unconscious, Robin outnumbered...