Godzilla vs King Ghidorah (1991)

 "You can tell your son about it when he's born, Major Spielberg."

I thought it was about time I continued with my Godzilla marathon, and this is a massively fun film to return to. This is the best kind of unashamed B movie, which quite properly luxuriates in what it is and doesn't care what you think.

I mean, let's recap the plot: people from the future arrive in Japan giving dire warnings of destruction meaning Godzilla must be destroyed before his birth, but secretly planning to destroy future economic superpower Japan by arranging the creation of the monster King Ghidorah. Fortunately not only is Godzilla brought back bigger than before by a random nuclear sub but the Japanese person amongst them, at one point seeming to be a possible love interest for the male lead but ending up as his great grandaughter (er...) is able to return to her time and bring back a cyborg King Ghidorah to save the day.

Yes, that all actually happens. Gloriously mad, is it not?

This film, with its different backstory for King Ghidorah, with (despite some misdirection) no aliens about, underlines the fact that the films from 1984 onwards are a different continuity. It also adds a nice bit of backstory in that the creature that became Godzilla in 1984 was previously a dinosaur in the South Pacific that saved some Japanese soldiers from an American assault in 1944.

There's lots of splendid city destruction with models. There's lots of cheeky "tributes" to Hollywood too- the computer interface of the time machine looks an awful lot like Doc Brown's DeLorean, while the pursuing android looks suspiciously like the baddie from Terminator 2: Judgement Day. This sort of thing makes the film even more fun.

There's one big caveat, though; Japan never underwent the equivalent of West Germany's de-Nazification, and it shows in the nationalistic subtext here. There's a definite glee in Japan's future economic domination; the android antagonist is definitely coded as American and, worst of all, the Imperial Japanese Army is presented as honourable. Let us be clear: it had absolutely no honour whatsoever, and its officers were not gentlemen.

Disturbing subtext aside, though, I enjoyed this splendidly silly film.

Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975)

“I'll teach those humans for failing to recognise me. They mocked me. Well, now they're going to eat their words!"

This is the film that killed the Godzilla franchise for nine years. It was never intended to do this but, despite decent reviews, it was a box office bombs. So this is the last film of an era- an era of rubber customes, toy tanks and B movie awesomeness.

And this is actually one of the superior entries. Yes, its monster stuff is more or less recycled and yes, we don't get to see much monster action (or indeed Godzilla) until really rather late on. But the science fiction intrigue and the twists and turns before them keep us entertained. We have a bitter old mad scientist! We have the shocking revelation that his downtrodden daughter is a cyborg! We have the most 70s clothing possible!

Oh, the plot doesn't really make sense, and Mechagodzilla doesn't actually do an awful lot, plus this new monster is a bit generic, but who cares? The pace, and the plot beats, are perfect for suspense. This is how to do a B movie.

So, what next? I'm genuinely watching these movies blind, having never seen any of them before. But I very much suspect that, after this film, nothing will ever be the same again. Let's hope the franchise remains enjoyable as the period charm gradually lessens as we approach more recent decades.

Godzilla vs Megalon (1973)

“Jet Jaguar grew up."

This film is utterly, hopelessly, delightfully bonkers. Let's briefly examine the plot: an underwater civilisation that was submerged three million years is somewhat irked by a nuclear test (usual subtext then) and sends a monster called Megalon to destroy Tokyo in revenge, and totally not, say, New York or Vladivostok. Oh, and there are some human characters (not a single female in the whole film!) who have invented a frienly and very Japanese robot which, randomly, can change size to fight monsters. Oh, and the sea people call upon their alien mate to send Gigan from the last film, because the studio spent money on the prop and they're bloody well going to use this.

We can conclude two things from this. One: Japan was clearly reading Erich Von Daniken as much as everybody else in 1973. Two: this is B movie gold.

What's not to love here? I mean, Godzilla and the robot even shake hands after defeating the body. Oh, and the sea people have some vague connection to Easter Island- those megaliths are three million years old, apparently. And some of the sea people, who live under the Pacific, are Caucasian. But we probably ought to worry less about this and more about how these humans, who diverged three million years ago, seem to be anatomically modern. But let's not, and nor should we think too hard about how pe-modern hominids could have had such a hi-tech civilisation.

This is enormously entertaining, delihtfully dated and superbly un-selfconscious fun. More please.