Doctor Who: The Underwater Menace

Part One

"I've never seen him go for food like this before- it's usually hats."


Nice to see Jamie getting a proper introduction to the TARDIS, even if it's nothing special. I liked the Robert Burns timey wimey stuff, but a minute in it's clear that the dialogue is being pitched at a much younger audience- the audible thoughts of the characters are like something from Scooby Doo.

The TARDISeers seem surprised their captors speak English- a little awkward continuity-wise in the light of later stories. And unfortunately our heroes spend most of the story in captivity where they can't do a lot- this episode is rather dull, with even the moments of peril feeling half-hearted.

I didn't catch how the Doctor was aware of the presence of Professor Zaroff. But it's alarming how he signs his note "Dr W"- there's been a lot of alluding to the name "Doctor Who" of late, perhaps a bit too much to easily dismiss. Still, as Davros will later say, it will be difficult but it will be done.

So, German mad scientist stereotype, Atlantis under the sea, Polly having an operation to give her gills? Oh dear, this feels like a 1930s movie serial so far, and a particularly half-arsed one at that. I hope things improve...

Part Two

"Just a small question. Why do you want to blow up the world?"


Oh dear, Zaroff's plan is quite absurd. And on top of this Joseph Furst has no charisma in the role. Zaroff is a silly mad scientist stereotype and no more- he's already annoying me and it's only the start of part two.

I think the point at which I learn that survivors from shipwrecks are being converted to fish people is where I give up entirely on taking the story seriously. The thing is, it doesn't even entertain in a so-bad-it's-good way. In fact, the scene with the Doctor suddenly dropping the test tube to release some gas is pretty much the only good bit. We also get another disguise and some more recorder playing- this new Doctor is showing few signs of settling down yet.

Oh dear, the Doctor convinces Rana that Zaroff's a bid dodgy by means of what can only be described as a school science experiment...



Part Three

"Nothing in the world can stop me now!"


Of all the episodes in all the world to be the earliest existing Patrick Troughton episodes it had to be this one! I must admit that visually it's actually quite well done, and by this point I've almost started to enjoy the silliness- Lolem is the campest high priest ever. The long scene with the fish people swimming looks good, although unfortunately it's balanced by the ridiculous scene where the Fish People have to be persuaded to go on strike. let me get this straight: they control the food supply, which cannot be stockpiled, and the idea of going on strike has never before occurred to a single Fish Person?

Another disguise for the Doctor as our heroes suddenly set out to kidnap Zaroff. This story just feels made up as it goes along; there's little structure to the overall story at all. And I'm sure we were all t6otally surprised when Zaroff turned out to be feigning his heart attack.


Part Four

"How do I know he's a wanted man?"

"Well, blimey, look at him. He ain't normal, is he?"


The plot takes another right turn as the Doctor suddenly decides to flood Atlantis. This episode is a mad rush and I have trouble following large swathes of it: I'm not entirely clear on how it can be that most Atlanteans survive to rebuild their civilisation somewhere else (where/).

On a positive note, much of this sounds very expensive as the caverns are gradually flooded, but in a bad story for all three companions Polly's moment near the end where she just seems to give up is a particularly low point in her characterisation.

It's a very odd end for the Atlanteans: we get lines like "No! No more temples" and "A new Atlantis, without gods and without fish people". Apparently all it takes is a casual chat from two members of the ruling elite to entirely do away with the Atlantean religion.

It's nice to see Jamie's successful initiation into TARDISeering alluded to in the final scene, although he seems to have enjoyed his Atlantean jaunt more than I have...




Oh dear. What a mess. Plotless, devoid of decent characterisation for either the gust characters or the regulars and giving me no reason to care about the society itt's depicting, this is the low point so far for me. It says a lot that the best bit of the story is a scene of Fish People swimming about. 1/5.

Doctor Who: The Smugglers

Part One

"Ben, I'm scared. What's happened to us?"


It's back to normal for the story title- or is it? Is there an actual telesnap or did Loose Cannon slot the titles in themselves? Incidentally, great recon.

So the Doctor finally admits it: "I have no control over where I land!" these early scenes with Ben and Polly are great though- there's a heavily self-referential, here-we-go-again tone to it which is rather fun. The Doctor seems to be secretly enjoying the reactions of the young stowaways in spite of his surface curmudgeonliness. Although he seems to pretend to be annoyed when he says "I really thought I was going to be alone again" I strongly suspect, after The Massacre, he's relieved not to be.

I love Ben and Polly's attitude to time travel. Yes, there's initial disbelief, but it's played for laughs, and at last we have some companions who actually seem to be enjoying themselves! They've only been aboard a few minutes and already they're my favourite companions since Ian and Barbara.

It probably says more about my lack of familiarity with the pirate genre than anything else, but this reminds me of the pirate comics in Watchmen.


Part Two

"My dear sir, I'm sure you could see through any flattery of mine."


Blimey, that was a short reprise!

Polly is fantastic. She's locked up in a seventeenth century cell, presumably facing eventual death by hanging, and yet she says "I don't know. I find it pretty exciting!" Although it's not particularly plausible that all the guest cast seem to think this rather attractive young lady is a "lad"!

This is good stuff. Ben and Polly continue to be great in escaping from the cell, and it seems everyone is in on the smuggling, even Paul Whitsun-Jones!

Part Three

"In these dark days, honesty surely pays!"


The Doctor's escape with the cards is top stuff, I suspect one of the last few great Hartnell moments we have left. Of course, this leads to Pike killing Jamaica for his failure, and his death is suitably grisly to be graced with some actual footage.

Just as the plot strand of the TARDISeers being under suspicion was threatening to outstay its welcome, it comes to a natural end here, our heroes siding with the authorities in the shape of Blake, the Revenue Man. Interestingly, the Doctor chooses to stay behind because "I'm under a moral obligation!" Polly, being great, agrees heartily.

The conversation between Kewper and the Squire makes me aware of how the dialogue is actually quite a good approximation of the period, with real thought being given to the phrasing. I'm very much reminded of Channel Four's recent The Devil's Whore.


Part Four

"Oh, we have an uneasy conscience, have we, Squire? Ye lily livered rogue!"


The plot threads are drawn together rather cleverly in this episode, but it's only afterwards I realised how cleverly plotted it was as I'd been enjoying the ride so much. The riddle itself is clever, as is the unfolding of the "curse". Of course, as with The Gunfighters, I'm sure there are all sorts of nods to genre conventions I'm not getting.

By the point of Cherub's death it's become really quite amusing that the only footage that seems to exist at all involves knives and blood. And I can't help being amused by what, I'm afraid, is my favourite exchange in the entire story: "Polly." "Yes?" "Put the kettle on." Followed by which, of course, there's the incident with Spaniard and Polly goes back to the TARDIS to await the end of the story. Cos she's a girl, you see...!

For the second story in a row, the Doctor slips quietly away at the end. Ben and Polly, bless them, seem to have thoroughly enjoyed their adventure- there's no whingeing at all, which makes a nice change.

Ooh, very cold in the TARDIS? What's all this then?


Overall, this was good fun. A good old-fashioned, tightly-plotted adventure story. Not particularly big or clever, no, but there's nothing wrong with that. 4/5.