Deathstalker II (1987)

 "Ordinarily, I don't mind seeing a woman get a good beating, if she deserves it..."

Well, then. This line is said by the hero five minutes in. And there's plenty more of this little light outtrageous sexism throughout. 1987, much though it may seem like yesterday to some of us, was a longer time ago than we think.

It's rare, although not so rare as often thought, for a sequel to be better than the original. Some, wrongly, put the admittedly superlative The Godfather: Part II in this category, but The Godfather is superior by some considerable margin. So Deathstalker II, I suppose, manages to be better than The Godfather: Part II in one sense, on a technicality. Yes, I did indeed actually say that.

This really is superior to the original, though, despite the entirely new cast and the fact it could very easily just have been an original film. Much more than the original, it knows it's rubbish, and characters constantly break the fourth wall to say so. Conan gets a mention, cheerfully accepting this is a total rip-off. There's a pointless tribute to Poe's The Pit and the Pendulum and Goldfinger simultaneously. There's a very silly boxing match. There are massive historical inaccuracies (apparently, Genghis Khan and Ivan the Terrible are alive at the same time...) which are cheerfully lampshaded. 

The whole thing is so very, very silly, and played with just the right tone by a cast who know exactly what sort of movie they're in. This is high camp, not low camp. And I love it.

The Return of Swamp Thing (1989)

"They call me... Swamp Thing!"

I looooved this. Am I allowed to say that? In fact I, er, actually prefer it to the first film.

It's interesting to see a sequel made in 1989, after Alan Moore's acclaimed run on the comic book and even opening with some of Steve Bissette and John Totleben's more famous panels to the splendid and inevitable tones of Creedence Clearwater Revival. Would this film reflect that justly famous run? Well, there's a scene where Swamp Thing feeds Abby a suspiciously phallic seed from a certain part of his body. But, er, no. This film doesn't at all try to be poetic but goes full on B movie and isn't afraid to be silly. Thing is, it works.

I've seen this film described many times as overly silly, which puzzles me; wit and humour are part of life, and are well balanced here. Many potemtially po-faced and dull action films would be improved by this sort of humour. And, er, it's funny. Even the casting of Heather Locklear as a very valley girl Abby works somehow. It isn't just that though- the direction is technically inspired, the casting may be eccentric but we get entertaining performances just the right side of camp, Sarah Douglas is in it, and Swamp Thing gets his own little '80s fanfare. We even get some very '80s porn-loving kids as the chorus. What more do you want?