Anastasia (1997)

"That's what I hate about this government. Everything's in red."

 Ok, let's forget historical accuracy. Rasputin died in December 1916, a full two months before the revolution, yes. And Anastasia was killed with the rest of her family in Yekaterinburg in July 1918 along with the rest of the former imperial family. But let us forget such things, much as we forget how silly it is to travel from Germany to France (by map, naturally) by sailing round Denmark. Why? Because artistic licence, because this was Mrs Llamastrangler's favourite film when she was younger, and because it's an entertaining and kid-friendly piece of superior ersatz Disney.

The plot is predictable; Anastasia survives in defiance of the historical record and heads to Paris to find her grandmother and validation, all the while falling gradually in love, screwball comedy style, and ending up happy if no longer royal- who needs those useless Romanovs anyway?

It's a superb cast, with Christopher Lloyd superb in a rare villainous role as the surely too scary for kids ghostly Rasputin, but Meg Ryan and John Cusack (the most '90s stars ever) steal the show. The animation, still hand-drawn, is gorgeous, and I appreciate the various nods to contemporary art and especially the Toulouse Lautrec version of the Moulin Rouge. Yes, it's for kids; yes, narrative rides roughshod over historical accuracy; but there are far worse ways to spend ninety minutes.

The Simpsons Movie (2007)

"I can't believe we're paying for something we get on TV for free. If you ask me, everybody in this theatre is a giant sucker. Especially you!"

See? Told you the blog lives! And it's way past time I did another movie. So, er, here's one.

Let's not pretend: this is The Simpsons, so obviously it's brilliant. Let's just take the gushing as read. I'm not going to pretend to not like 83 minutes of The Simpsons: that would just be silly. Also, I'm trying not to just make this review a list of funny bits from the film. Well, maybe a bit. I love the Green Day cameo, with band going down with their ship like the band on the Titanic, the "latest rock band to die" in Springfield. I love the fact that Springfield borders Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky. I love the tasteful sex scene with the adorable Disney-style animals, which is not as addled with bestiality as it sounds. I love "Why does everyone I whip leave me?" I love… that'll do.

There are lots of nods to the fact that this is a movie, of course. The opening titles are much swankier. The animation is posher, and the credits reveal that an army of South Korean animators was hired for this. The stakes are higher. The opening sequence with itchy and Scratchy makes a nice metatextual reference to the fact that this is a movie based on a TV show, and the Simpsons themselves talk over the closing titles. Maggie's first word is "sequel". But, in spite of all that, this is basically just a really long episode of The Simpsons. It doesn't look particularly different from the TV show, at least on the small screen. And that's no bad thing.

Of course, boring old politics rears its head a bit. America's indifference to the Environment gets a bit of a dig, as does the Big Brother surveillance society that's popping up everywhere these days. But this is essentially just 83 minutes of sheer fun, that throws a countdown in at the climax for the sheer Hell of it.