Twelve Monkeys (1995)

 "All I see are dead people."

I've seen this film before, but in another century. I remembered nothing of it, and this second viewing brought back no memories of this strange beast- a '90s sci-fi action film, starring A list Hollywood action stars, directed by Terry Gilliam of all people. That's somewhat disappointing, as unreliable and vague memories are a huge theme here, but never mind.

The film is not, perhaps, quite in the very first rank or as good as Gilliam's own Brazil (of which the style of the future scenes, with its panel of eccentric scientists). Yet it is, nevertheless, a superb little meditation on time travel, circulat time travel paradoxes, and the subjectivity of memory. It is also, inevitably for a plot based on time paradoxes, a meditation on fate and the idea that, as we do not have much agency in our lives, we may as well enjoy the ride. The influence of La Jetee was, I'm told, important: I must see that film some time.

It's also a triumpant performance from Bruce Willis, who always has been a much better actor than his usual action film roles may imply. But there's also a solid performance from Madeleine Stowe, and a gloriously unhinged one from Brad Pitt. It's also good to see a prominent part for an older Frank Gorshin, the Riddler himself.

More than anything, though, this is anothef splendid film from the unique mind and aesthetic of Terry Gilliam, establishing himself firmly as a proper Hollywood auteur. The old Monty Python animator done good.

Batman: Ring Around the Riddler

"Returned to tease, taunt and torment us again..."

This second episode, it has to be said, with its reentlessly studio-boubd scenes, is where the budget cuts really start to show. It's also becoming clear how difficult it is, especially with a third semi-lead, to tell a story in twenty-four minutes, much as I admire some of the economy of storytelling here- as we begin with Batgirl ringing the Commissioner (her father!), who rings Alfred, who in turn summons the Caped Crusaders, with the entire montage done in silence.

The story is a fairly low-stakes tale of the Riddler getting in on the act in the boxing tacket, getting prize-fighters to throw fights. That's it. Despite the sheer number of riddles, the character hardly gets seen at his most memorable- but all is forgiven, because the prodigal Frank Gorshin is back, after taking a whole season off for mysterious reasons. He is, of course, magnificent, and there will never be a better Riddler. But it's sad that Gorshin's (and the Riddler's) time on the show should end with such a whimper. This third season will contain a lot of sad "lasts".

The episode has some lovely touches- I love Barbara Gordon's relationship with her doting father, and how she has a parrot to talk to, cleverly allowing the character to talk to herself. It's also nice that we get such an extended preview of Joan Collins as the Siren. But ultimately, if it were not Frank Gorshin'slast appearance, this would be a forgotten episode.

Batman: The Movie (1966)

“It approaches a climax...”

"Nyet, not so fast. Be more slow."

I had to watch this before embarking on Season Two, but I’d forgotten what an absolute riot of fun it was. I don’t care if they’ve recast Catwoman, or if the Joker is a bit of a spare part throughout. This is awesome.

Obviously, this being a film, we have a much bigger budget. Hence the big set pieces with the Batcopter, Batboat and even the Batcycle- all now available for use in the TV series. We have much location filming, much of it at sea. This is certainly cinematic. We can even afford the big three- the Penguin, Ridder and Joker in order of relative importance according to the script. We even get a second appearance from Catwoman, this time Lee Meriwether. And it's great to see the four felons together, wasted though Cesar Romero is. None of which takes away from the awesomeness of both Adam West and Burt Ward here.

Oh, and there’s also lots of action and spectacle for the kids. But those are not the things which make me love this film. No; those are things such as the Bat-ladder, the shark-repellent bat-spray, and the selfless porpoise which heroically gives its life so the Dynamic Duo may live. It's how nuns, prams and sucks conspire to make it so difficult to get rid of a bomb. It's the ridiculous, utterly nonsensical riddles where we're solemnly told that there's "only one possible meaning". It's Robin telling Batman that "Drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it?" and Batman saving the lie even of (gasp) drinkers because there is yet hope for them to be "salvaged". I'll certainly have yet another drink to that.

Best superhero film ever. Oh yes it is.

Batman: Death in Slow Motion & The Riddler’s False Notion

Death in Slow Motion

“Our hopes for his reform have been blasted once again!”

The last time I saw this episode I’m sure it was introduced by Tommy Boyd of all people. If my memory is correct then I’m sure that was a disturbingly long time ago. What I didn’t remember- probably because I was far too young at the time to have any critical faculties of note- is that this is one of the finest two partners yet.

Every time Frank Gorshin appears I have to mention how bloody brilliant he is, and how it’s no wonder the Riddler has appeared more time than any other villain as he’s clearly the best. But the little Charlie Chaplin caper at the start is an extraordinary piece of acting as well as a brilliant set piece, introducing us to this week’s theme- silent movies.

It’s great that this episode guest starts Francis X. Bushman, a genuine silent star born in 1883, Back when Bismarck was German Chancellor and film was not yet a thing, and who would sadly die later in 1966. Bushman plays silent film collector Van Jones, who plays a central role in a surprisingly coherent plot which features the Riddler and his gang (including the rather lovely and talented Pauline) gradually using their capers to make a silent comedy starring the dynamic duo.

It’s instructive to remember that silent cinema, in 1966, was closer to them in time than ‘50s rock ‘n’ roll is to us. Many of the silent film stars were still alive and it’s interesting to see the ‘60s perspective, seemingly heavily based on the comedies of Charlie Chaplin- very much alive- and the Keystone Kops. The Riddler’s capers are all shown in a silent comedy style, with music to match, and it’s all splendidly entertaining.

The final caper is at a party in Van Jones’ house- and the old collector is sadly an old temperance busybody, keen to enforce his teetotal ways on those of us who prefer a good pint to telling others people what to do. It’s enough to make you side with the Riddler in spiking the drinks- the moral here is clearly that every good party deserves booze and lots of it.

The cliffhanger is suspiciously Goldfinger, with Robin about to be sawn (the narrator says “sawed”!) in half. But what elevates this to a work of true Batman genius is that the lever has four options- “slow”, “not so fast”, “fast” and “real fast”. I love this programme.


The Riddler’s False Notion

“In future, be more careful from whom you accept free lemonade.”

Hmm, so Batman saves Robin after all, although we were told at the cliffhanger that he would not arrive in time. Never mind: I’ll forgive the episode because of the hilarity of Pauline’s interrogation. Not only are the police perfectly happy for Batman to gas their suspect and take her to the Batcave to be interviewed, the Commissioner gets to come along- being Bat-gassed too- and acts like the ultimate fanboy.

The big set piece is Robin being made to fatally replay Harold Lloyd’s famous sequence from Safety Last, but fortunately Batman saves him... by having him take a Batarang in his mouth so he can be lifted to safety. And what elevates this to utter brilliance is that Robin’s immediate response is to say “Holy molars! Am I glad I take good cars of my teeth” followed by a sadly interrupted discourse on the importance of good dental hygiene. Brilliant.

The baddies sadly escape in their helicopter but, interestingly, the Batcopter is mentioned- plans for the forthcoming movie are clearly afoot. But the payoff is clever- Van Jones has hired their Riddler to make a new silent comedy for his collection; I knew these temperance types were evil. But Riddler almost turns the tables on the old spoilsport, with the real plan all along being the theft of his collection. And the whole thing is done in the style of The Great Hold Up. Brilliant.

The episode ends with Batman and Robin, making absolutely zero attempt to disguise their voices, surprising a naive Aunt Harriet on her birthday. This episode is hilarious and superb, and it’s getting very noticeable that this first season, pretty damn good throughout, is showing a notable upswing in quality before the end.

Batman: The Ring of Wax & Give 'Em the Axe

The Ring of Wax

"What devilish sticky stuff!"

This two-parter is, really, pretty much Batman by numbers- the script is quite good but no more than that, and the collection of set pieces strung together to form a plot of sorts are entertaining enough but not enough to make this story stand out.

And yet all this is elevated into something more by the presence of Fran Gorshin as the Riddler, reminding us once more with his watchable, amusing, psychotic and genuinely menacing performance why, as Batman villains go, he's the best of a very good bunch. There are good reasons why he's the first villain to be back a third time. Even if these new writers do tend to have him say the word "dividend" every other sentence.

So forget the guff about wax and universal solvents. Focus instead on the Riddler quoting a soliloquy from Hamlet and saying that "I wrote it myself." And focus too on his fourth-wall breaking explanation for the elaborate predicament he devises for the cliffhanger as the Dynamic Duo are slowly lowered into boiling wax- "Why kill them fast when watching them die slowly is so much more entertaining?"


Give 'Em the Axe

"Crime is no fun without riddles!"

This is a deliciously convoluted cliffhanger resolution involving a shiny belt buckle and the convenient presence of both a vat of explosives and a shaft of sunlight. This resolution takes up ten minutes of screen time, leading to a fairly short succession of set pieces before the inevitable ending with a fight, the Riddler losing and this week's female baddie expressing regret too late.

We get some fun, though- the Riddler's tour of the torture implement in Gotham Museum has him wistfully longing for "the good old days". His overall plan to nick Incan gold from a sarcophagus that happens to be on loan to the museum makes, naturally, no sense whatsoever, but this is Batman. We don't care about boring old plot logic.

It's all over too soon and, although this by far the weakest of his three appearances, we're itching to see the Riddler again. And if this is perhaps the least impressive episode so far, it is nonetheless impressive that Batman, even at its relative worst, is pretty damned awesome.

Batman: A Riddle a Day Keeps the Riddler Away & When the Rat's Away the Mice Will Play

A Riddle a Day Keeps the Riddler Away

"Cheese?"

"Not without a glass of vintage port, you lackey!"

It's the first time we've had a villain return and- contrary to last week's teaser- it's the Riddler. This is wonderful as Frank Gorshin is easily the best of the guest villains we've had so far, with his performance going past mere villainous theatricality to hints of a very real instability and danger. Riddles and gimmicks aside, there's something that feels very real about the character as played by Gorshin, however minor a villain he may have been at this point. Not even the fact that he's employing a gang who dress up as rats and eat cheese can take away from that.

We also get the amusing character of King Boris, and a splendidly witty script from newcomer Fred De Gorter. The plot is pretty much just a never-ending treasure hunt of riddles taking us to the, er, revolutionary cliffhanger. But who cares? This is top stuff.

And don't you love the quaint 1960s computer in the Batcave?


When the Rat's Away the Mice Will Play

"Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here!"

Again, the plot is just riddle, set piece, repeat, fight, conclusion. But the script is witty, the Riddler is mesmerising and it's all such fun. This is the Batman formula to perfection. Who cares if the cliffhanger resolution is just another utility belt cheat; the script pretty much cheerfully admits this as our heroes note that "the utility belt saves us again".

It's weird to see a "Gotham City police call box", and this Museum of Fame looks a bit rubbish. But Batman, by this point, seems just effortlessly good. Worryingly, though, this time the Riddler is captured. I hope we see him again soon...

Batman: Hey Diddle Riddle & Smack in the Middle

Hey Diddle Riddle

"I'll stand at the bar. I shouldn’t wish to attract attention."

Here we go, then.

I used to watch this on telly all the time in the '80s and early '90s, but it's been considerably more than twenty years since I saw an episode, Now I've picked up the whole series in the January sales, and I'm in for the long haul with this high camp classic.

This brightly coloured adventure serial, and its deadpan camp humour, seem miles away from the somewhat dark character that Batman has become. But the fact is that the noir early comics of '39 didn't last long, and Batman spent the '40s and '50s as a square-jawed do-gooder. Denny O'Neill's "darknight detective" version of the character didn't appear until the very end of the '60s. This series is a more faithful version of the comics of the time than you probably think.

This has all the charm and sense of fun that 1949's plodding Batman and Robin movie serial so clearly lacks. The first episode opens with a fun little introductory voiceover before we head straight into a splendid set piece with an exploding cake. Then... a riddle on a parachute. And we meet the hilariously square jawed Commissioner Gordon, with his comedy sidekick Chief O'Hara... and an Inspector Bash who seems just as prominent. Then we have, for the first time ever, Gordon looking grimly towards the Batphone, and their only hope.

We then briefly meet Alfred, Bruce Wayne, Aunt Harriet and, finally, Dick Grayson. And Adam West (like Neil Hamilton) is a master at playing things exaggeratedly straight as a man driven to fight crime after his parents were killed "by dastardly criminals". And for the first time we see the ultimate moment of high camp as the bookshelf slides aside to reveal a sign saying "Access to Batcave by Batpoles, and individual poles marked "Dick" and "Bruce". I'm already in love with this programme.

So many firsts... the Batmobile. Robin's first "Batteries to power, turbines to speed". The first (uninterrupted) climb up a wall. And, in the Riddler, our first villain- only a minor comics character in 1966 but made immortal by Frank Gorshin's incredibly nuanced performance riding the exact line between comedy villain and dangerous psychopath, whose laughter is just the right side of unhinged and whose latent hint of violence never quite crosses the line. Meanwhile, Batman pauses just before they jump through a window t gently upbraid Robin on pedestrian safety.

And then- a '60s nightclub in all its glory- and Robin is left outside because he's underage. Molly flirting with Batman. And, most awesomely of all, Batman doing the very dance that Pulp Fiction would have Uma Thurman homage 28 years later. I don't even care if the first ever cliffhanger is a bit rubbish.



Smack in the Middle

"Don't you know that crime never pays?"

I like the recaps with the stills and the excited voiceover. I also like the extraordinary tension between Frank Gorshin and Jill St John, she of Diamonds Are Forever and the first of many femme fatales whom Batman will hope to reform. Her little subplot is laugh out loud for us watching adults- our first sight of her dressing up as Robin with the Riddler comes across very much as a sex game, and Gorsgin has the Riddler juuuust the right side of a menacingly sexual leer, stopping just short of hinting at sexual violence.

Batman's effortless seeing through Molly's disguise is, of course, deliberately silly, as is her falling into the Batcave's nuclear core (ah, those days before Health and Safety), which makes no sense whatsoever but isn't supposed to.

After a bit of riddling and misdirection we finally get Batman and Robin shooting the Riddler's goons- and our first experience of seeing words like "Krunch!" on screen. The Riddler gets a suitably ambiguous exit, Bruce mopes a bit over Molly and we end on, er, some algebra.

So that's the formula. And a splendid formula it is- to the kids, just like the old movie serials with lots of set pieces and added colourful villains. But it's the truly magnificent high camp script from the great Lorenzo Semple Jr, and the equally splendid performances, that make this so extraordinary.