Batman and Robin: Episodes 8 and 9

Episode Eight: Robin Meets the Wizard

“Don’t mind her. She’s always going around taking pictures nobody sees.”

Here we go again into sixteen minutes of peril and perfunctory plotting, beginning with an outrageous cheat as Batman and Harrison dodge the bomb by using a trap door to a cellar that wasn’t there last episode. But that’s part of the charm, as is the outrageous sexism directed at the only female cast member Vicki, as per the quote.

The plot engines start up again as the Wizard demands a ransom of $5 million, quite a lot in 1949, which is foiled by a ridiculous plan from silly old Batman involving painting old notes with radium for tracking purposes (it’s the early atomic age; radium is cool) and making them flammable when exposed to the air, which will in no way go disastrously wrong.

All this plays out predictably, with an interesting set piece involving Batman quickly jumping out of the boot of a car before it heads off a cliff, and the Wizard only manages to “meet” Robin by knocking him out by throwing a stick at him- and completely failing to either kill or capture him, because we have seven episodes to go and that wouldn’t do.

Oh, look. That flammable money has Batman in trouble. Who’d have thunk it?

Episode Nine: The Wizard Strikes Back

“Batman and Robin have got to follow ”’

We get the cliffhanger resolution out of the way and then have a scene with Barry Brown and Dunn the private detective acting like red herrings, and Batman tells us both of them are suspects for being the Wizard, even though we know damn well it’s the Professor.

And... that’s it. We’re out of plot. Fortunately, though, the Wizard’s machine breaks down and needs more diamonds, which will hopefully generate enough plot and set pieces to fill another eight episodes.

We then recycle another plot thread as Vicki’s brother Jimmy pretends to be a goodie again while really working for the Wizard. Of course, no one suspects him and the only purpose he seems to serve is to tell the Wizard where the diamonds are being moved to- even though it’s him who causes them to be moved in the first place. 

Fortunately, though, we can then forget about the plot for a bit as the diamonds are nicked and there’s an exciting chase scene. The Wizard’s device seems to be suddenly working again, though, even without the diamonds being back at his base yet, and Batman’s car heads down yet another cliff. Sigh.

Batman and Robin: Episodes 6 and 7

Episode 6: Target Robin

“This is Barry Brown, with some new hot tips and cold facts!”

It’s weird to return to this once more, a series of Boy’s Own set pieces with any attempt at humour, irony or characterisation verboten. It’s just capture, escape, inconclusive set piece after inconclusive set piece and, while it’s all very entertaining and carries you along, it’s clear that the plot makes no sense and simply cannot do so in this format. Barman and Robin are simply reacting to events with no real detective work at all; how many times have they discussed Barry Brown as a suspect and failed to do anything?

We begin with an outrageously perfunctory cliffhanger resolution and a captured hood. It’s about time for the token female to appear so here’s Vicki Vale- But Batman, bring male and thus in charge, forbids her from taking a photo for some reason. He then dons a suspiciously accurate disguise as the captured Hood and proves how stupid the other hoods are as they fail to notice that “Mac” is a deeply unconvincing actor- although that may be entirely non-diegetic as Robert Lowery is pretty dire.but soon, after some chaotic scenes, Robin escapes with Bruce- so the Wizard fires Nolan and Evans for incompetence, because that’s what super villains do.

The plot resumes its circular way and Barry Brown reveals another crime location and another cliffhanger trap, this time with gas. This is utterly perfunctory stuff.



Episode 7: The Fatal Blast

“You know, if I didn’t know Bruce Wayne so well, I’d think you and he were the same man.”

So Batman has weird gas masks and an acetylene torch in his person- was the utility belt a thing in 1949? We soon move on to a scene of Barry Brown visiting Commissioner Gordon and spending the entire scene behaving like a red herring, which he obviously is; we know the Professor is the Wizard as it’s all but shown yet again here.

The Wizard’s new wheeze is to extort money by using his remote control machine to stop all trains going through Gotham Station- and the only train the budget stretches to is a steam one, which is pretty damn cool. The Wizard is a twonk, though, insisting that he never makes mistakes (ahem!) and he won’t tolerate it from his underlings.

We get a scene with Vicki Vale (the only female character since, well, she last appeared) that leaves me utterly agog. She’s following Batman and Robin until they stop her and “confiscate” her key, so she can’t follow them and do her job, and the subtext here is that she’s a woman and thus a child who needs to be prevented by male authority from doing man’s work. Wow. Yes, she outwits Batman But in the style of a rebellious naughty child. Not only that, but she notices Batman is driving Bruce’s car. That’s a staggering piece of carelessness from this uniquely thick Batman.

Still, the plot must go on, and it’s nearly cliffhanger time. So Batman rescues rail tycoon Harrison and they both go to a cabin for some reason. And a bomb blows up. Of course it does.

Batman and Robin: Episodes 2 and 3

Episodes are seventeen minutes long from this point, so I’m doing two at a time.

Episode 2: Tunnel of Terror

"Ms Vale evidently walked into your man trap!"

Here we go again into seventeen minutes of non-stop action set pieces, with even the opening music being utterly Perils of Pauline. It’s 1949, movie serials are only barely still a thing, but old tropes die hard.

We begin with Batman and Robin escaping an exploding plane- why on Earth was this not properly used as a proper cliffhanger? I get the impression that, cheap and cheerful though movie serials were, perfunctory entertainment intended strictly for kids, this is not exactly the best of the genre.

The villains get away via a delightful route- behind a bush into a secret cave, then through a trapdoor to an underground stream which contains a submarine which, when we see it in the water, is a hilariously obvious model. This is deliciously over-elaborate. So is the plot, but Batman is a bit thick- he notices the Professor’s home is suspiciously close to the baddies’ getaway but fails to follow this up. And the scene with Vicki Vale falling into one of the Prof’s man traps is just to remind us that the character is there.

We then get a bit of plot- newsreader Barry Brown gets his scoops from a dodgy private eye- but then it’s time for the new set piece, a train robbery for a new type of explosive. We end with another cliffhanger which doesn’t quite work, with Batman on top of a lovely old steam train about to get hit by a tunnel, except he clearly ducks...


Episode 3: Robin's Wild Ride

"Oh, you would think of tea at a time like this."

No, I have no idea what the title has to do with anything. Anyway, the explosives are stolen and there follows an obligatory car chase, except Batman is seemingly surprised (duh) when the Wizard uses the remote control machine he very much knew about. Thicko. Fortunately the baddies are berated by the Wizard for failing to steal a detonator that he’s only now deciding to mention.

Weirdly, Barry Brown’s new scoop is that Morton, inventor of the explosives, is staying in a local hotel- in what way is this news? Regardless, the Wizard has him (and Vicki Vale) kidnapped while Batman is caught, er, napping. I love the Wizard’s weird hypnotising eyes though.

Meanwhile, Robin at least has the presence of mind to give Batman’s car “new wiring” and the Professor lurks around just to remind us to be suspicious of him. And we finish, forconce, with a cliffhanger that actually works; Batman is shocked unconscious, Robin outnumbered...