Sherlock Holmes: The Masks of Death (1984 TV Film)

 "Madam, I would not be surprised to learn you were a suffragette!"

This is a very rarely seen 1984 TV movie, not released on any digital format in the UK, starring Peter Cushing as Holmes asnd John Mills as Watson. It also boasts Anne Baxter, in her final role, as Anne Baxter, and even Gordon Jackson as Inspector MacDonald, a surprisingly famous actor for such a part. You may already be thinking that the star wattage is overly bright, And the principle stars are somewhat older than tradition would dictate.

Even the second stringers tend to be very busy character actors like Susan Penhaligon and James Cossins. Yes, there's the distinct feel throughout that the casting was done too much on the basis of star wattage rather than suitability. And it shows. John Mills is fine, though too old as Watson.  But Cushing... well, his technique is excellent as ever but- I say this never having seen his late '60s telly Holmes- he doesn't find the character. He plays certain sorts of parts, but to play a good Holmes one needs an appreciation of humour that the characer lacks to show the appropriate depths: see the line at the top. While Cushing was doing this TV film, Jeremy Brett was doing Holmes sublimely on ITV. This performance is good geneic actng but the very frail-looking Cushing, in one of his rare post- Star Wars appearances- no longer quite convinces as Holmes, much as we all love the man. At least Anne Baxter- in her final role- is a superb Irene Adler.

The script is good, though, judged as a whodunit, although the gas masks are surreal and the title is a total spoiler. And, while the fruity dialogue and voiceover from Watson evokes Conan Doyle and sneakily speeds along the pace, it doesn't feel quite like Sherlock Holmes. That's in spite of the fanwank- after all, both Irene Adler (who eventually does very little) and Inspector Mac are featured. And Roy Ward Baker directs the whole thing as though it was a '70s Amicus horror anthology- lots of shocking moments but ill-judged for a script that wants to be serious.

Having said that, this is flawed but still quite good overall. Its flaws are fascinating from the viewpoint of 2021. And this cast is always worth watching.

Batman: The Ogg Couple

"But this isn't exactly woman's work."

This episode is a very odd beast here, at this point of the season. I suspect it was made at the same time as the earlier two parter; it’s certainly odd to see Egghead with Olga but, by this point, the two of them have outworn their welcome.

It doesn’t help that Egghead, the more established of the two and played by no less a figure than Vincent Price, is so emasculated. He’s reduced to riding a donkey as the Cossacks ride horses, always one step behind, and always playing second fiddle. Worse, it’s one thing playing the coward to ensnare Batgirl into a trap, but the episode ends with him showing real cowardice. And he does nothing cool, has no agency and is nothing but a sidekick for the whole episode. As for Olga, Anne Baxter plays her well, but the character is just a tiresome cipher. I’m glad she won’t be back. It’s just a shame the once cool character of Egghead has been utterly ruined. Such a sad exit.

As for the episode itself, it’s a fairly standard third season single episode. Attempts at high camp are perfunctory and the whole thing feels superfluous after the earlier two parter.

An eminently skippable episode. Was it originally supposed to be a three parter with the other two?

Batman: How to Hatch a Dinosaur

"Think they can crack it, Commissioner?"

This second episode begins with a threat to undermine Egghead as much as the previous episode did, as we first see him riding that silly donkey all poised to play second fiddle to the increasingly annoying Olga.

Fortunately, this time those fears prove unfounded and Vincent Price gets the chance for a proper outing as the arch-criminal, with Egghead this time taking the lead. And his plan is gloriously bonkers: steal some radium, steal a dinosaur egg, and get the egg to hatch into a live dinosaur which will, for some reason not quite clear, fall under the control of Egghead and Olga and in no way turn agaist them. That it seems to do so is the most predictable and obvious trope ever. This is all very silly.

Except this is the right kind of silly. This is high camp, not low camp and, unlike the previous episode, this instalment has plenty of fun at the expense of its own tropes. So yes, the dinosaur is an unconvincing man in the suit- but this is completely diegetic, and the man in the suit is Batman.

We also have O'Hara noting that poisoning the water supply is a "favourite trick of Gotham City's arch criminals". Meanwhile we have Alfred. holding two phones, giving the same information to Batman and Batgirl in a splendidly silly bit of slapstick. And Robin even gives the fourth wall a knock ("Why didn't we think of this before, Batman?") when the Dynamic Duo find a way of using technobabble to track down the baddies at a moment convenient to the plot.

This is much, much better, and enormous fun- and Barbara is a surfer? I didn't expect that!

Batman: The Ogg and I

"Yes, the aroma is unmistakeable."

Oh dear. Another episode wth far too much going on to have enough fun, I'm afraid; it's all plot, plot, plot, and although said plot is at times promisingly silly (Egghead wants a "tax" on all eggs eaten in Gotham City, while it's not clear what Olga wants aside from marrying both Egghead and Batman), there's nowhere near enough fun with the fourth wall. And this time we can't, this being the start of a two parter, blame the new format.

No; the problem is that we have two villains struggling for air time. Anne Baxter is superb, having previously played Zelda the Great early in the first season, but the character of Olga is a bit ill-defined. So she's a Cossack queen from some fictional Slavic country, she has an outrageous and broadly Russian accent and... that's it, and while Baxter is superb with the accent and her charisma, the character is far too vague. Worse, the return of the splendid Vincent Price as Egghead is diluted.

There are some good moments- I smiled as Egghead implored Olga to forget any eleborate trap and just kill the Caped Crusaders- but not enough to prevent this overly packed episode feeling like a slowly deflating balloon. And, yet again, there isn't even a cliffhanger.

I hope there's more of Egghead next time.

Batman: Zelda the Great & A Death Worse Than Fate

Zelda the Great

"A loyal taxpayer stooping to such criminal methods...?"

You can tell Lorenzo Semple Jr is back: this two parter is the finest since the opening brace of episodes with the Riddler. It doesn't seem to be quite as popular because it features a one-off villain, but I don't care. Anne Baxter is the best guest baddie since Frank Gorshin, and this two-parter actually has a solid plot with a character arc for Zelda- there's nothing wrong with the usual formula f set piece after set piece, but it's nice to see a diversion from the usual formula so early on. We even have the Dynamic Duo initially summoned by the Bat-Signal for the first time.

It's an intriguing premise- $100,000 being robbed from a bank once a year by an escape artist in order to pay back the dastardly Albanian genius Eivol Ekdal- who is certainly a portrayal of a native of said Balkan nation from another era. Then again, the character of Zelda is certainly strong, clever and somewhat kickass, but also definitely a model of femininity from an era before the second wave of feminism. It's interesting, too, that our first female villain is our first one-off- and that, despite the namecheck, it isn't the more predictable Catwoman.

This is a fascinating episode as, although it also has the usual high camp fun pretty much constantly, it's the first time we see Batman being portrayed as a proper detective, and rather a good one. It's a fun little cliffhanger, too, with a ransomed and straitjacketed Aunt Harriet suspended over boiling oil...


A Death Worse Than Fate

"How could a woman stoop to such a trick?"

An interesting cliffhanger resolution via television here by the Commissioner ("Hello, criminals, wherever you are out there, do you hear me, criminals?"), as we are treated for quite a while to the sight of Bruce Wayne and Robin together in early scenes that make it deliberately silly that no one has guessed the Batman's secret identity.

It's also fun to see Alfred blaming himself for Aunt Harriet's kidnapping because of his addiction to "a certain television programme". But the fun soon turns to peril as Eivol Ekdal has devised an impossible trap for Zelda- with the way to escape to be provided by Batman and Robin. But all is well in the end, and without a fight, as Ekdal is downed by a Batarang and a tearful and slihtly lovestruck Zelda submits to the, er, "Bat-cuffs".

There's even a heart-warming little coda for Zelda. It's a shame Anne Baxter won't be returning to the role. This two-parter is an unappreciated classic.

What's this, though? The Joker? I though next week was going to be the Riddler?