Batman: Minerva, Mayhem and Millionaires

"Batman, how could you have opened a vault, to which you didn't even know the combnation, in three seconds flat?"

"With my Three Seconds Flat Bat Vault Combination Unscrambler, Commissioner."

At last we come to the final episode and... well, Minerva's first two millionaire victims are one William Dozier and "millionaire television producer"  Howie Horwitz, but that's just an in-joke for those in the know. There's otherwise no acknowledgement whatsoever that this is the final episode. Was there still some uncertainty when this was made about whether the show was going to be picked up for another season by NBC?

This is rather good, though, and a decent finale, although it doesn't hit the real heights. Zsa Zsa Gabor is charismatic, sexy and funny as one-off baddie Minerva, and the script has a bit of fun- one of Charles Hoffman's better efforts. The episode may be a little rushed, and Batgirl underused, but that's not so much the fault of the episode as the format for this season.

And... that's it. Batman is gone with neither a bang nor a whimper but a very ordinary episodes. I suppose that's how things were in 1968. But I have every intention of following certain aspects of the series' afterlife.

Fornow, though, I'll continue with Deadwood, and start something else...

Batman: The Entrancing Dr. Cassandra

"A Batfight seldom takes more than forty seconds, and they're already half an hour late."

Now this is more like it. It will never be one of my all-time  favourites, it's extremely cheap-looking, and all the ersatz "arch-criminals" are both underused to the point of undermining the characters and far too easily defeated, but the wit and the fun are back.

We first meet alchemist Dr Cassandra and her sidekick husband Cabala (both played by minor Hollywood stars) as they use invisibility to rob a bank that's "so conservative it pays no interest at all", and the silliness remains at that level- right to the point of a gun that turns our Terrific Trio into two-dimesnsional beings, aka cardboard cutouts. This is splendidly silly, and results in Batgirl being introduced to the Batcave.

The misuse of the arch-criminals is unnecessary and jarring, although I love that Gotham Prison has an "arch-criminals' wing". And the Batfight in total darkness is hilarious. After last episode's disaster, the series may well be regaining its mojo just before the last ever episode...

Batman: The Joker's Flying Saucer

"Holy known unknown flying objects!"

Oh dear. Only last episode I was rejoicing that, while this season is clearly under-budget and, on the whole, under par, it is nevertheless capable of reaching real heights. It is also, alas, capable of real lows, and this third-from-last episode is a real stinker. The sort of episode, in fact, which can tempt one to mention shark jumping. And this is the last episode of the Joker and, indeed, of any recurring villain.

Cesar Romero's Joker was never my favourite villain in Batman: Frank Gorshin's Riddler, Penguin and both Catwomans (Catwomen?) outshine him. And Romero, admittedly, is only my third favourite Joker. Fourth, if you count Conrad Veidt. But I liked him, and he deserves a much better swansong than this.

High concept episodes are fair enough, but this episode takes the theme of a silly flying saucer hoax and does absolutely nothing interesting with it. There's no wit or metatextual fun to speak of, just broad attempts at humour, although admittedly the Joker asuming Alfred must be a "mad scientist" is quite funny. Not even stock footage of the Batcopter can save this cheap, tawdry and funny episode.

Batman: I'll Be a Mummy's Uncle

"I'll build an indestructible empire that no one will be able to destruct!"

Every episode of this last run is the last gasp of something or someone that we will miss. This time it's King Tut making his last appearance, in a triumph of an episode crammed with magnificent one liners. Yes, Stanley Ralph Ross is on writing duties again.

This is twenty-four minutes of pure fun. It's nonsense, of course: Tut's plan is to acquire land next to Wayne Manor and then drill sideways in order to grab some priceless "Nilanium", accidentally hitting the Batcave after which farce ensues. The Aswan Dam, still under construction in 1968, gets a topical mention. And, although Bargirl is sidelined somewhat, this is a splendid bit of storytelling, filling the time available to perfection.

We even get a delightful scene in which Barbara, as Batgirl, rings Batman, as Bruce Wayne. The Dynamic Duo casually run a three minute and then a two minute mile. And, of course, Victor Buono is comic gold as ever. Tut will be missed. And we're so very close to the end now...

Batman: The Great Train Robbery

"You cheated! You know we ain't no good in a fair fight!"

Just to recap, before I discuss this splendid episode... I've seen the first season as a young adult, some parts more than once, albeit more than twenty years ago. But, although I've seen many, but by no means all, of the second and third season, we're looking at childhood memories, so watching certain episodes can lead to a completely unexpected wave of nostalgia. That's what happened tonight where Chief Standing Pat, the episode's totally non-problematic Native American character, spoke of a time "when little hand is on eleven, and big hand is on twelve." I remember this line from having seen it once, as a child of about ten, in about 1987. That's weird.

Stanley Ralph Ross has a knack for superb scripts, and this is his best. Shame (and the institution f the two parter) get the best of send-offs here, in a rare second episode that far exceeds the first. Not even the dodgy accent of Hermione Baddesley as (snigger) Frontier Fanny can take away from it.

We have a splendid deconstruction of Western tropes here, with a train robbery and ending with a shootout at High Noon and "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do". All the characters know full well what genre they're in. The wit of this script is a joy. And Cliff Robertson is superb; Shane hasn't really appeaed that much but there's a reason why the character is so fondly remembered. And, while the third season may (we can now see) perhaps be the least good overall, it can still hit real heights.

Batman: The Great Escape

"They've got Batgirl, and we've got Fanny."

There are two things which are probably worh mentioning as I start to blog this episode. The first is that, in this final run of episodes with their many last times, this two parter is both the final appearance of Shame and, well, the last two parter.The other thing, no less importantly, is that Hermione Baddesley- the maid from Mary Poppins- is playing a character called (titter) Frontier Fanny.

This is a hilarious episode for many reasons, not least Shame's sidekicks: a Native American who communicates solely in shorthand smoke signals and a Mexican bandit with a cut glass RP accent, neither of which you would see today, but this kind of playfulness with stereotypes is not, I don't think, mean-spirited.

There's more, though, from the latest variation on the ever entertaining "Commissioner rings the Batphone with Bruce Wayne present" trope to Batman reading the note from Shame in Shame's own vernacular, reminding us that Adam West is a terrific comic actor. I've peraps been remiss, too, in my praise for the penmanship of Stanley Ralph Ross.

Still no cliffhanger, though, and this was the last chance...

Batman: Penguin's Clean Sweep

"Don't you see? That's what happens, Pengy-poo, when you send a fly out to do a man's job."

We're getting close to the end now (only six more short episodes after this one- how on Earth did we get here so fast?), so we're going to be saying goodbye to all the villains, one by one. We've already waved adieu to the Riddler. I didn't realise at the time, but we've already bidded to Catwoman after but three short episodes for Eartha Kitt.

This time it's a true milestone: the last appearance of the unsurpassable Burgess Meredith as the Penguin. Let there be much mourning. With the one exception of Frank Gorshin, who has appeared but onceas the Riddler sinceutterly  owning the first season, his quacking, conniving baddie is unquestionably the finest villain to grace this programme. And, while I won’t pretend this episode is amongst his best- it’s no Hizonner the Penguin- it’s a splendidly entertaining little episode and a fine send off.

The plot is wonderfully silly- contaminating banknotes with "Lygerian Sleeping Sickness" so no one will want money and Penguin can literally vacuum it from the street. The solution is silly, too- alerting the world that Gotham's money is unclean so all Penguin's cash is worthless. This clever conceit of Batman's is foolproof because, as we all know, there's no such thing as money laundering. Right? On a similar note, let us also gloss over the conflation of vaccines and antidotes. This is 1968; they're not living through a plague like we are here in 2020. We can't expect the same level of obsession.

Next week looks interesting, with Shane being back, and one (titter) Frontier Fanny...

Batman: Nora Clavicle and the Ladies’ Crime Club

“This is torture... at its most bizarre and terrible.

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. One must always be careful not to treat television programmes from fifty years ago in the same way as something made today; social mores have changed, and one must make allowances. But, having made said allowances... this is (mostly) unfunny sexist claptrap that is simply jaw-dropping to watch. Batman does second wave feminism. In 1968. And it’s every bit as squirmingly awful as you might fear.

Feminism can be the subject of humour, of course, like anything can. But here we have a feminist activist (later shown to have purely venal motives) who seems to fire all male police officers for no other reason but one-up(wo)manship. And their female replacements turn out to be rubbsh at their jobs because they're too busy doing lipstick, discussing recipes and shopping. Yes, really. And all this only happens because Mayor Linseed's wife forces his hand by refusing to cook or wash his clothes, which all of us real men routinely do for ourselves (and our wives). This is bad, cringeworthy and frankly alienating stuff. And it's a nasty, very lazy, knee jerk stye of "humour", weaponising the patriarchy to mock those who point at its existence.

It's a pity, as there are a couple of gloriously silly moments with the "Siamese human knot" and the slendidly absurd Pied Piper ending. But this doesn't wash away the nasty, punching down, sexism of the episode. Given how few episodes there are left of Batman, I suspect this will end up as my least favourite of the lot.

Batman: Louie’s Lethal Lilac Time

“Tell me something, Batgirl. How did you get out of that cat?”

“With my Batgirl vat-opener.”

Louie the Lilac gets a second appearance, which is surprising- I assume both episodes were filmed back to back? He’s an odd one; a relatively ho-hum character that is elevated by a nicely menacing little turn from Milton Berle.

They may be running out of ideas already- after trying to corner the flower market, he’s now doing the same with perfume. But the episode nevertheless manages to be funny and entertaining- I love how Louie needs a whole menagerie of animals kidnapped from the zoo, all of which are just off camera whenever they are nearby. We also get parallel pieces of farcical fun as Barbara Gordon nearly seems the Batphone flashing, while her own secret passage in her flat is nearly found by a random workman sent by neighbours complaining about the noise of the revolving wall.

The episode revolves around the conceit if Bruce and Dick being captured and the Caped Crusaders therefore being unavailable, until of course they get to use their special pills which contain full Bat costumes. This is wonderfully bonkers. Much like the episode itself. This third season, I think I can say by now, is looking a little tired. But it’s still got it a surprising amount of the time.

Batman: The Joke’s on Catwoman

“That’s the first time I ever

It’s our first episode of 1968- a less idealistic and more cynical year than ‘67, with rioting and body bags from Vietnam starting to edge out peace and love. And, right on cue, we have a cynical episode on corrupt justice as our heroes capture Catwoman and Joker halfway through and we spend the rest of the episode with a trial in front of a corrupt jury.

It is, of course, absurd to see Batman- not a lawyer- handling the prosecution, but this is Batman. The courtroom antics of Lucky Pierre are delightfully entertaining, and Batman even states at the end that he would have done well in politics. And, of course, on Pierre’s desk in his first scene is a prominent photo of Richard Nixon. A newer, more cynical and conservative age is coming. And perhaps that age will have no place for high camp fun.

And high camp fun aplenty there is here, much as the Joker is again playing second fiddle to Catwoman. There’s more fun flirting between Batgirl and the Caped Crusaders, and a hilariously quick usage of a French dictionary- although a genuine 18th century treasure map certainly wouldn’t be in metres...

Again we get some delightfully eccentric characters, from a pair of lighthouse keepers to a judge who joins in the final fight. This episode, and this two parter, is utterly bonkers. And wonderful.

Batman: The Funny Feline Felonies

"Karate isn't effective unless accompanied by yelling...!"

Now this is a good one and no mistake. And yes, it’s another Catwoman script from Stanley Ralph Ross, invariably a sign of quality. Without impugning Julie’s definitive status Earths Kitt is again superb, and while the Joker is very much playing second fiddle here he gets loads of great set pieces to balance it all out.

The show’s traditional fourth wall baiting humour is very much in evidence, with the first scene being Warden Crichton and Bruce confidently pronouncing the Joker a reformed man and fit for (very) early release. This goes as well as can be expected, with a hilarious “kidnapping” and a winning double act of villainy- Romero and Kitt have superb chemistry.

The plot- an old Seven Years War riddle leaving clues to a load of gunpowder to use for robbing a bank- is silly, of course. So is Batgirl’s rivalry with the Dynamic Duo, just to “outsmart men”. And our two victims here- a twentysomething music cartoon and a fashion designer from “Londinium”- are delightful grotesques. You can’t not love a script in which the Jokeg critiques an old riddle for its iambic pentameter. And, of course, Batgirl is late to the rescue because she’s obeyed the speed limits.

This is wonderful. More please.

Batman: The Ogg Couple

"But this isn't exactly woman's work."

This episode is a very odd beast here, at this point of the season. I suspect it was made at the same time as the earlier two parter; it’s certainly odd to see Egghead with Olga but, by this point, the two of them have outworn their welcome.

It doesn’t help that Egghead, the more established of the two and played by no less a figure than Vincent Price, is so emasculated. He’s reduced to riding a donkey as the Cossacks ride horses, always one step behind, and always playing second fiddle. Worse, it’s one thing playing the coward to ensnare Batgirl into a trap, but the episode ends with him showing real cowardice. And he does nothing cool, has no agency and is nothing but a sidekick for the whole episode. As for Olga, Anne Baxter plays her well, but the character is just a tiresome cipher. I’m glad she won’t be back. It’s just a shame the once cool character of Egghead has been utterly ruined. Such a sad exit.

As for the episode itself, it’s a fairly standard third season single episode. Attempts at high camp are perfunctory and the whole thing feels superfluous after the earlier two parter.

An eminently skippable episode. Was it originally supposed to be a three parter with the other two?

Batman: Catwoman’s Dressed to Kill

“You better leave the crime fighting to the men!”

There is, of course, no doubt that the much-missed Julie Newmar is the definitive Catwoman. Bt that isn't to say I can't admire other portrayals, and Eartha Kitt's more aggressive version of the character here is excellent. If we can't have Julie, it's good to have an actress who has put her own stamp on the role. Sadly, though, I suspect the dropping of the sexual tension between Catwoman and batman is due to the pthetic racial politics of the time. Black lives, in 1967, were seen to matter very little.

Once again, though, a Catwoman episode is written by a Stanley Ralph Ross, and this is a good 'un. The programme's splendid high camp flavour is much in evidence, with much gentle skewering of sexist attitudes both within the fashion industry and beyond- the above quote is joined by many other over-the-top lines, and we have a delightful scene in which the Dynamic Duo refuse to enter a ladies' dressing room after Catwoman and her henchmen flee inside, and when forced to enter because Batgirl is in peril they close their eyes- all played dead straight by West and Ward. This is delightful.

We even have the main threat of the episode being Catwoman's plot to steal the priceless relic of a tiny European kingdom which could lead to war, and America therefore having to support said microstate for years; I rather suspect our scribe has seen The Mouse That Roared.

All this, and we get hippie Alfred. One of the finer recent episodes.

Batman: The Bloody Tower

“And don’t forget to drive on the left!”

I liked the previous two episodes- fun, silly and utterly bonkers. But this final part is the most wonderful yet- although we should perhaps first pause to mark the final (brief) appearance by Madge Blake, by now very ill indeed, as Aunt Harriet.

The episode is as laugh-out-loud as any of its predecessors. I love the emphasis on "Londinium"'s supposed fog- in reality dealt with by the Clean Air Act of 1952 but as late as 1967 the old reputation persists. We also have a whiff of suspicion from Batman as he notes that both Alfred and Robin seem to know a lot more about Batgirl than he does- although later, when coming into possession of Batgirl's briefcase, he declines to open it and discover her identity. Honour among crimefighters and that.

This is enormous fun, from Lord Ffogg divulging the plot to steal the Crown Jewels to Batgirl while she’s in a death trap as is traditional to the silly unconvincing bee with an obviously visible thread. It’s also hilarious how Robin survives the deadly sting courtesy of his utility belt, only to face even direr peril- randy teenage girls. And that’s before we even get to Batman escaping the dungeon by means of the Indian rope trick. Better still, the Dynamic Duo surprise the baddies at the Tower by... dressing as Beefeaters. This final episode is the crowning jewel in a fun three parter which really catches fire at the end.

But this is Season Three, and after a phone call from President Johnson (what’s all that about his grandson?) it’s on to the next threat... a new Catwoman!

Batman: The Foggiest Notion

"You ogress! You vixen!"

We get more of the same this week, with everything now established. Again, the plot progresses nary an inch, but we get loads of fun set pieces and fun with stereotypes. Lord Ffog is under suspicion throughout, and Lady Peasoup known to be running a school for lady pilferers, but no one seems to be in much of a hurry to deal with them directly, instead heading of to the pub (I like how young Robin isn't allowed in) to prevent a robbery of miniskirts aimed at "the dominions". Britain here- sorry, Londinium- is a hilarious cross of Olde Worlde stereotypes and the Swinging Sixties.
Groovy, m'lord.

We get a pub brawl. We get Tower Bridge used as a deathrap although, sadly, this season doesn't end episodes with cliffhangers. We get a brief contractual appearance from Chief O'Hara. Rather more interestingly, Batman begins to suspect that Alfred knows things about Batgirl in this episode. Most hilariously of all, Lord Ffog has a device to wipe Batman's memory- but the Londinium Batcave naturally has a "Recollection Cycle Bat Restorer".

The next episode promises to be fun, too. I suspect, being the final episode of the story, it may also actually contain some plot. But frankly, who cares. This may not be clever, it may not be the best story ever, but it's fresh and fun.

Batman: The Londinium Larcenies

“Is Batman up against a sticky wicket?”

Well, this is completely unlike any previous episode. It's utterly, utterly mad, and very silly> No, it's not going to be competing for the title of best ever, but it's a charming bit of fun.

This is, of course, both Batman coming to England and also nothing of the sort. Batman is best when having fun with the fourth wall, and so naturally he visits not London, a real city of mortgages, car insurance and other such mundanities, but Londinium, a city of fog, bobbies and aristocratic baddies in deerstalkers. This is not a representation of England, but of its tropes and stereotypes, and setting the episode in "Londinium" allows that remove from dull reality.

Hence we have "Chuckingham Palace" and "Ireland Yard". We have Superintendent Watson, named afer you-know-who, with the script delightfully nodding to the fact that his office is the same set as Commissioner Gordon's with a couple of stereotypical additions. We have larger than life baddies in the dodgily accented Lord Marmaduke Ffog and the wonderful Lady Penelope Peasoup, who run a finishing school for lady thieves and plot to steal the Crown Jewels. We have a dodgy Cockney butler, and an ersatz ex-dungeon Batcave.

It's all delightful, and I don't care if the plot advances not a jot or, this being Season Three, there's no real cliffhanger: this is fun. I love ho Batman's deductions in the Superintendent's office makes no sense, how one of the three thugs who attack the Dynamic Duo has an accent echoing Dick Van Dyke, and Lord Ffog's monocle. More please.

Batman: Surfs up! Joker's Under!

"Cowabunga!"

This extraordinarily inconsistent season has shown us the full range of high to low and, indeed, high camp to low camp. This episode is strangely in the midde- a ridiculous tale of the Joker plotting to win a surfing championship by using a skill-draining machine which will, er, apparently somehow lead to him having power over Gotham and then the world. The script, perhaps wisely, does not elaborate on how.

There's certainly a lot of fun to be had- I love how the Commissioner and O'Hara parade around the beach in "disguise" as surfers, deriving comedy from being fish out of water ("Most true surfers are known as Duke, Skip, Rabbit or Buzzy", apparently), but the episode seems to exactly skirt the line between playful mocking of its own tropes and just plain Saturday morning cartoon logic. We end with a surfing contest between Batman and the Joker, both of them wearing their "baggies" over their costumes.And Barbara Gordon doesn't even become Batgirl until there are literally two minutes left.

I have gunuinely no idea whether this episode is being clever and ironic or not. Given the writer, I suspect the latter. But I can't say it wasn't fun.

Batman: How to Hatch a Dinosaur

"Think they can crack it, Commissioner?"

This second episode begins with a threat to undermine Egghead as much as the previous episode did, as we first see him riding that silly donkey all poised to play second fiddle to the increasingly annoying Olga.

Fortunately, this time those fears prove unfounded and Vincent Price gets the chance for a proper outing as the arch-criminal, with Egghead this time taking the lead. And his plan is gloriously bonkers: steal some radium, steal a dinosaur egg, and get the egg to hatch into a live dinosaur which will, for some reason not quite clear, fall under the control of Egghead and Olga and in no way turn agaist them. That it seems to do so is the most predictable and obvious trope ever. This is all very silly.

Except this is the right kind of silly. This is high camp, not low camp and, unlike the previous episode, this instalment has plenty of fun at the expense of its own tropes. So yes, the dinosaur is an unconvincing man in the suit- but this is completely diegetic, and the man in the suit is Batman.

We also have O'Hara noting that poisoning the water supply is a "favourite trick of Gotham City's arch criminals". Meanwhile we have Alfred. holding two phones, giving the same information to Batman and Batgirl in a splendidly silly bit of slapstick. And Robin even gives the fourth wall a knock ("Why didn't we think of this before, Batman?") when the Dynamic Duo find a way of using technobabble to track down the baddies at a moment convenient to the plot.

This is much, much better, and enormous fun- and Barbara is a surfer? I didn't expect that!

Batman: The Ogg and I

"Yes, the aroma is unmistakeable."

Oh dear. Another episode wth far too much going on to have enough fun, I'm afraid; it's all plot, plot, plot, and although said plot is at times promisingly silly (Egghead wants a "tax" on all eggs eaten in Gotham City, while it's not clear what Olga wants aside from marrying both Egghead and Batman), there's nowhere near enough fun with the fourth wall. And this time we can't, this being the start of a two parter, blame the new format.

No; the problem is that we have two villains struggling for air time. Anne Baxter is superb, having previously played Zelda the Great early in the first season, but the character of Olga is a bit ill-defined. So she's a Cossack queen from some fictional Slavic country, she has an outrageous and broadly Russian accent and... that's it, and while Baxter is superb with the accent and her charisma, the character is far too vague. Worse, the return of the splendid Vincent Price as Egghead is diluted.

There are some good moments- I smiled as Egghead implored Olga to forget any eleborate trap and just kill the Caped Crusaders- but not enough to prevent this overly packed episode feeling like a slowly deflating balloon. And, yet again, there isn't even a cliffhanger.

I hope there's more of Egghead next time.

Batman; Louie, the Lilac

"The flower children think we're cool, man. Like we turn them on, you know?"

Double oh. I criticise the new fomat of mostly single episodes as making each episode too short and rushed to be any fun, and I get a second superb standalone episode in a row. This episode is utterly wonderful. Oh, the perennially unfunny Milton Berle is rubbish as the utterly pedestrian Louie the Lilac, but who cares a script as delightful and fun as this- and, yet again, a cast full of splendid actors of deadpan comedy, with newcomer Yvonne Craig defnitely among them? I don't even care that the way the episode plays out makes a nonsense of last episode's teaser.

Even better, of course, is that 1967 gets its much-needed proper hippie episode of Batman, something which could never have been done properly in any other year. So perhaps Louie's plan to corner the flower market, control the flower children and therefore control the leaders of the future while dispatching his enemies with incredibly slow acting carnivorous lilacs(!) makes absolutely zero sense, but that's intentional: this is Batman. Anyway, the real point is to look at the hippies, the way they look and the way they talk. Interestingly, this is still the Summer (well, Autumn) of Love, and everyone sees the hippies as well-meaning and harmless- desexualised, depoliticised and certainly, well, de-potified.

We're well past the point of pointing out diversions from a set episode structure at this point- the welcome addition of Batgirl has put paid to that. And seven episodes in I'm loving the character, her theme tune (we get a good blast of it towards the end, which is wonderful) and Yvonne Craig's perfecly pitched performance.

Egghead next. Good. Is this season going to continue to make its underwhelming first few episodes look like an aberration?