Enter the Dragon (1973)

“Boards don’t hit back.”

This film is surprisingly excellent- very Hollywood compared to the other Bruce Lee stuff I’ve seen but very, very good. It is, of course, absolutely a James Bond film though.

Consider the plot: a rebel Shaolin monk abandons the teachings of his temple to, er, but a private island and run a drug and sex slavery operation under cover of martial arts contests while surrounded by loads of henchman. Yep, that’s a Bond villain all right. Plus, our hero is hired by a mysterious British chap called Braithwaite to infiltrate said Bond villain’s lair as a kind of spy. Yep, all very Bond film so far.

This is, of course, sort of a martial arts film too, but there are times you’d forget it wasn’t a Bond film that happened to have lots of martial arts in it. So much so that Lee and Braithwaite remind us early on that guns are banned from the film... er, island, because “any bloody fool can pull a trigger”.

Bruce Lee is a charismatic star, and the fighting scenes are obviously impressive. But the film is so good, in spite of the differences from the generally historical tenor of Lee’s other work, precisely because it successfully takes on the template of a Bond film. There are other nice touches too- we emphasise with Williams after the racism he experiences from cops in LA, who get their just desserts. The direction is very good, and the early sequences show off Hong Kong very well. This is a genuinely impressive film, and far from the sort of kitsch martial arts film you’d often get at the time.

The Night Caller (1965)

"And if that is an atom bomb, and you drop it, I'll 'ave you on a charge!"

Yes, the premise really is as said on the poster, if not quite as lurid. In truth, this is an odd conflation of Quatermass II and Alfie and very, very, mid-'60s. If that sounds like an extremely bizarre concoction, it is.

A very young John Saxon stars, and his acting is such that I'm not 100% sure whether he's trying to do a British accent or not. The predictable cast of British character actors add solid support, but the film feels oddly disjointed in spite of some good scenes- the dialogue between the parents of one of the missing girls is delightfully real and naturalistic, and the downbeat ending is deeply effective. Lots of the characters feel real yet, Saxon and Patricia Haines' characters aside, there's little continuity between the cast of the first part of the film in the scientific establishment and the police procedural which then ensues, and that means the film lacks a certain unity. It's also undeniable that, while this is certainly science fiction, for most of the film we see nothing of the alien but its claw, and the final reveal of its appearance is disappointing. It's all very odd, very interesting, but doesn't quite work.

It's also very much of its time, which adds to the interest. Everybody smokes, and Aubrey Morris plays a gay bookseller in those dark pre-1967 days, with his bitterly nuanced relations with the police. Worth seeing for those of us with a particular interest in these sorts of films although not, it must be said, for everyone.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994)

“The first was the best."

 Phew. The franchise doesn't end with a whimper after all, but with a typically clever and well-directed instalment from the esteemed Mr Craven himself. This last film redeems the whole thing somewhat. Still, it's far from perfect in that it's somewhat slow and there's not enough Freddy screen time.

It’s clever, though; the franchise so far has just been a series of movies and Wes Craven, various actors and even producers appear as themselves. There’s lot of wry commentary on the tiresome idea of horror movies having a bad effect on society (yawn) and a lot of fourth wall-breaking fun- the ending, with Heather reading the script of the very film she’s in to her son, is perfect and, what’s more, believable. The concept is a good one- an Evil From The Dawn Of Time draws strength from monsters in scary stories and this time it’s taken on the form of Freddie from it’s new favourite horrror franchise. It’s a superb idea and very well realised, although the threat never quite feels like Freddy. In fact, much of the film evokes cinematic horror more widely- especially, in the excellent scenes with little Dylan, The Exorcist. And it’s clever to contrast the new “Freddy” make-up with Robert Englund wearing his old costume for the fans.

It’s very well done. It’s very witty. Stylistically, at times it feels very much like the precursor to Scream that it clearly is. But I can’t help feeling that it takes too long for things to start happening, Freddy doesn’t get enough screen time and, well, Freddy isn’t really Freddy, great though the effects are in the final showdown scene. This is an interesting case of a great concept, very well made, which perhaps suffers from not satisfying our expectations of the sort of film it’s supppsed to be.

And that, folks, is the end of Nightmare on Elm Street for a while. I have another franchise to devour before I get to Freddy vs. Jason, and I’ll be watching other stuff in-between. So many other horror franchises, too...

Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983)

"Please take your hand off my butt!"

Now this is what I call a proper B movie.

My good friend and host Nick pointed out, while we were watching this film, that B movies today- Sharknado and the like- are done with tongue in cheek, intended to be silly and camp. That isn't the case with Prisoners of the Lost Universe: this was honestly intended as a good film and was made by the same director as Hawk the Slayer, a film that people have actually heard of.

So what makes this a B movie? Is it the generally dodgy acting? Is it the cheap and eyebrow-raising costumes? Possibly. But more than anything it's the sound effects. Good sound effects shouldn't be noticed; this is s film where the sound effects alone made me laugh out loud on several occasions, with various silly "boings" and so forth. Then there's the fact that this other dimension looks suspiciously like Southern California, and Richard Hatch's worrying habit of copping a feel with every woman he interacts with for more than five seconds. Still, John Sacon chews the scenery splendidly as out bearded baddie. 

It's cheap, it's cheerful, it's an incredible coincidence that everyone in this other dimension seems to speak English, it's unmistakeably a B movie. They just don't make this kind of film any more.

Black Christmas (1974)

"That's the Mormon Tabernacle Choir doing their annual obscene phone call."

Er, merry Christmas, folks.

This film is so refreshing- one of the earliest slasher movies from before any of the tropes were truly established and so not weighted down by them. It also has that certain look that you find in the best films of the mid-'70s, all shot on proper film, brilliantly shot, naturalistically acted and with an emphasis on realism rather than glossiness of sound and picture. Oh, and Margot Kidder is in it.

The film is both very '70s and very Canadian, from the clothes to the sexual free-for-all to the ice hockey. At it's heart, though, its a well-rounded slasher which succeeds because of good characterisation, from the comical Mrs Mac with a bottle of whisky in every nook and cranny to the amusingly strait-laced Mr Harrison and from the realistically and terrifyingly misogynistic attitude of Peter towards Jess to the contrast between the virginal (and first to die) Clare to the deliciously naughty (and therefore doomed- tropes have to start somewhere) Barb, played by the brilliant Margot Kidder. The performances are as good as the characterisation, although perhaps Olivia Hussey is somewhat lacking in charisma. But even the police officers come across as individuals. It's a good slasher because it's a good film.

Best of all is the inconclusive ending; it isn't the red herring, but a semi- supernatural "Billy" in the attic, still reciting those creepy lines about "baby Agnes" and "what we did". That's how to do scary; undefined menace sitting there inexplicably in a world of realism.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

"Whatever you do, don't fall asleep!"

I'd never seen this film before. Yes, I know. It's bloody good, though. It isn't exactly the most expensive film ever made, the dialogue is a little ropey, and the obscure cast (including a very young Johnny Depp!) are not that good. But the direction is inspired, the set pieces are amazing, and it's so very, very, scary, even for someone like me who is far too conscious that what I'm watching is a piece of artifice to be easily scared. Plus, the whole style evokes an '80s video  by The Cult or Bauhaus or some such band, which is delightfully cool. The music, too, is wonderfully of its time.

The children's rhyme which pervades the film is hugely effective in building up Freddie. Robert Englund is superb. The whole concept of a monster that gets you in your dreams if you fall asleep is inspired. There are so many good things to say here. I don't know all that much about slashers of this vintage, but I wonder how innovative it might possibly have been to mix the slasher with the supernatural as this film does. The use of dreams just makes everything so, so much scarier. And the bath scene... brrr!

Of course, we start out with some hoary old tropes: four teens are in a house, ready to be picked off one by one. But the film is cleverer than that, and has a lot of fun with them. I couldn't help reflecting, though, that the plot sort of revolves all around the only means of communication being a house phone, which can be left off the hook by a stray parent. I remember 1984, but this sort of thing makes it feel so very long ago.