What If... Iron Man Crashed into the Grandmaster?

 "Take that, vile asparagus woman."

This is, quite simply, one of the best episodes of What If I've seen thus far, perhaps the best. Given the design of one of the "chariots", I think we're supposed to notice an allusion to the pod race in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. I prefer to see this as a particularly good episodfe of Wacky Races.

It's not just the simple but awesome ploty, it's the incredibly witty script. It's Jeff Goldblum's absoluteky splendid scenery chewing as the Grandmaster, a tyrant who gets a kinky thrill, after trying to cheart at the end, from the sensation of being melted. It's the fact that both Valkyrie and Gamora get some good character development that riffs on what happens in the actual films. It's the sheer horror of a grand prix that's an actual health and safety nightmare. Plus, Iron Man and Korg are one of those double acts that absolutely had to happen in some way or other.

Oh, and Mick Wingert almost convinces as Robert Downey Jr. I'm impressed. This episode will be rather hard to top.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)

 "Evil! Pure and simple from the Eighth Dimension! Grab them!"

Um, what did I just watch?

This is one of those films I've heard things about over the years but never seen. I knew it was sci-fi, I knew it ewas comedy, but... this is literally the sort of B movie I love to watch, except with a proper Hollywood budget and stars. How on Earth did that happen?

I love how straight the whole thing is played, as this sort of comedy should be. Peter Weller, years before RoboCop, is superb here, almost Leslie Nielsen-esque in playing a square-jawed character who may be a top neurosurgeon, quantum physicist, martial artist and rock musician but has no idea he's in a comedy.

None of this applies to John Lithgow, of course, who quite rightly hams it up with aplomb. This is, it's fair to say, not the sort of part he usually plays.

I love how this leans into the absurdity. The Johns! An otherdimensional Planet 10 where the good Letroids are all somehow Rastas and the bad Lectroids are racist white people! The medically challenged President of the USA! Buckaroo randomly findng love with the long-lost twin sister of his late wife! Yep, this is bonkers. I wish they'd actually made the sequel. I also wish I'd started drinking this wine before I started watching, but never mind.

There is, incidentally, lots of actor-spotting to be had. An unrecognisable Christopher Lloyd. A very young Jonathan Banks, decades before Breaking Bad.

Jurassic Park (1993)

 “An interactive CD-ROM!”

“An interactive C-D ROM!” 

I had a vague impression I’d seen this film 🎥 before. I hadn’t. It is, to avoid all beating around any bushes, brilliant. Oh, the cast is superb. Sam Neill and Laura Dern star with great brightness. Dickie Attenborough gives us a real career highlight. Jeff Goldblum gives us the prototype of the splendid maverick scientist role that he would come to own. Bob Peck, a find actor, finally makes it in Hollywood.

The CGI is dated. The science, perhaps, too: dinosaurs ARE birds. And, yes, Ian is highly charismatic. Yet his spiel against John’s sci-fi dinosaur DNS nonsense is subtly religious, objecting not only to John’s playing around with the ecosystem but to his perceived blasphemy- and “blasphemy” is a concept accepted only by tyrants who despise freedom and crave theocratic absolutism. Also, there’s an amusingly obvious subplot of getting the kid-hating Alan to begin to tolerate the little soda.

That aside, though, this is a solid blockbuster from the esteemed and too often snobbish my dismissed Mr Spielberg. Long may he direct.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

"I'm asking for safe passage through the Anus..."

Time for another Marvel film, methinks. I'm determined to get through them all.

This is an MCU film, so you won’t be surprised to read that I enjoyed it hugely. It’s not the very best effort from the increasingly indomitable fiefdom of Kevin Fiege, but it may well be the most fun. The whole thing is pitched as a comedy, and good comedy at that. It’s a departure for Thor, yes, but it works. And there’s something about Thor and his world that lends itself to this sort of thing. I hope Taika Waititi does more.

It’s good to see the post-Avengers Hulk too, with another excellent performance from Mark Ruffalo. The Hulk, rightly in my opinion, hasn’t been considered sufficiently popular as to warrant his own film since 2008, but remains a strong supporting character. It’s good as well as inevitable to see Loki, too, although the relationship between the brothers is so predictable by now that fourth wall-breaking humour is the only possible approach.

It’s brave, but absolutely right, to not only do Ragnarok and do it properly (while evacuating the population), to do it with humour rather than be bleakly depressing, and to mix it up with post-Guardians of the Galaxy cosmic hi-jinks. And Marvel, for once, give us a first class baddie with Cate Blanchett’s Hela, appearing just after Odin dies and revealing that his and Asgard's past has all been a lie; Odin was not always a wise and benevolent ruler. A less serious but highly entertaining baddie, though, is Jeff Goldblum playing superbly against his maverick scientist typecasting as Grandmaster. We even get an Doctor Strange cameo.

I realise not all Marvel films can be like this. But... can we have some more please?