Clash of the Ninjas (1986)

 "The rebels have been sent to the organ grinder, you see? Ha ha!"

Yesterday was a bit deflating at disappointing, so a hilarious B-movie seemed a good idea. And this film is, let us make no bones about it, terrible. Hilarious, yes, but terrible. If you're the kind of person who enjoys so-bad-it's good type of cinema you may enjoy this... but I'll not be held responsible for that eighty-four minutes of your life. This blog accepts no liability for any displeasure incurred...

I've blogged a couple of Godfrey Ho's films and... well, this is another one! He made incredibly cheap Hong Kong films that, in the mid-'80s, tended to crowbar in references to the then-current ninja craze. Frequently he would buy the rights to films that had never been finished and splice them together into a whole which, as here, makes no sense whatsoever.

Where shall we start? I love the grand guignol of the premise- a Triad that kidnaps people and gruesomely operates on them to remove eyes and kidneys for onward sale. But, well...

I mean, naturalistic dialogue and decent characterisation? Ha! This is the crudest melodrama possible, and magnificently so. It's basically just set piece after set piece, with fight after fight. And ninjas, yeah? They're magic, they can apparently teleport, set stuff on fire and, er, make people explode. I mean, that ending...

Still, the baddie ninja is suitably moustache-twirling and I, for one, was entertained by this rubbish. If you must watch this, though, alcohol is highly recommended.