G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

 "I hope you both get fleas!"

The previous year, the creators of thisfilm gave us Transformers: The Movie. It was, for a great big toy advert, genuinely quite good for what it was. The script and the dialogue were genuinely good for trhe kind of thing it was. I loved it as a kid. I appreciate it now, load of old tosh that it is.

Ten year old me also loved this. Forty-five year old me, while being regularly hit by blasts of nostalgia, can appreciate that this film, which went straight to video, just isn't very good.

I'm British, so therefore we have the complex Action Force/G.I. Joe thing. Let's not go there. Instread, let us acjnowledge that G.I. Joe belongs to Larry Hama. His superb and lengthy run on the comic book is THE true version. The cartoon was rubbish, full of silly fantasy elements. Yeah, like this. I mean, the baddies are a hidden civilisation with some silly Graham Hancock origin, with a science based on organics, who plot to use space spores to reduce humanity to mindless snakes. This is not the sort of gritty, witty stuff that the esteemed Mr Hama would write.

Also, the focus on Lt Falcon is unmerited- given the stakes, what does he matter? Also, the new trainee Joes I barely remember, hinting that the film must have come out when the toys were experiencing a drop in sales. 

The animation is superb, very anime, very active camera angles. But the characterisation, dialogue and most of the voice acting are shocking. Compared to Transformers: The Movie, this is very poor. Yes, there's a good set piece with Pythona. Yes, Burgess Meredith is always charismatic. But this is a tragic misfire, whatever ten year old me may think.