Blake's 7: Ultraworld

“Kiss me!”

What a stupid title.

I’ve never before encountered Trevor Hoyle; it seems he’s another novelist, and this is his only TV script. I wasn’t impressed with this at all; artifact sci-fi by numbers with Hanna Barbera characterisation.

The establishing scenes at the very start are getting increasingly good; the starscapes and the model of the Liberator at the start of the episode look fantastic, the most impressive example of a recent trend. It’s such a shame that what follows is so rubbish.

This episode seems to have been put into this slot to tread water before we start the final stretch to the end of the season. We do get an interesting arc-related comment from Tarrant though: “The rate Servalan’s empire has been expanding, anything is possible!” It seems that, while the Liberator’s crew have been aimlessly arsing about under Avon, the Federation has been quietly re-establishing itself under a particularly effective dictator.

The dynamics of the crew are interesting here, too. Fitting, after Tarrant’s belittling in the last episode, that Avon should be so unambiguously in charge here. It’s such a shame that Vila, after his recent chance to shine, should be such a cartoon character here.

The ship comes across a mysterious, spiky, artificial planet. Cally is feeling telepathic vibes from this. This is all distressingly familiar; how many artefact-centred episodes have we had recently, and how many times has Cally had some vague telepathic response to something outside the ship? After a good run of episodes the series suddenly seems to be stuck in a rut.

Everyone except Vila (whose every action and every line is excruciating) teleports down to the artifact to find the suddenly missing Cally, and discover that they’re inside a massive computer, a concert that seems anything but modern in this day and age. They are accosted by three rather amusing, and rather chatty, stereotypes of officialdom.  This computer world exists for no other purpose than to gather knowledge (yeah, right!) and apparently it’s alive and, er, “It built itself”. How does that work then? Oh, and Cally is just having a little nap.

Tarrant wanders off and overhears said officials talking about “the core”, and that Cally is in fact to be “wiped clean, ready for absorption”. Subtle as ever, Tarrant reveals himself and starts shouting, only being rescued from his utter twonkishness by the much more sensible, and cooler, Dayna. I like Dayna. She’s capable, up for a bit of arse-kicking and won’t take any crap. I find her rather sexy. Still, after Avon is captured, and with Cally still out of it and Vila just spouting stupid jokes, the only hope lies with Dayna. And, to make things worse, she’s encumbered with the useless Tarrant.

Things get even worse when the two of them find (oh dear) a Giant Rubber Brain which apparently eats the thoughts of its victims before literally eating their bodies for nourishment. Er, right. The episode has pretty much jumped off a cliff by this point, although at least we het some amusing remarks from the three officials. Avon, apparently is to be absorbed, as the Core has need of brains of “such high calibre”. Dayna is to be absorbed, too, but Tarrant will be a “menial”. Heh!

Things get even sillier as Dayna and Tarrant are captured and forced to perform a “human bonding ceremony” for the voyeuristic pleasure of the Core. The foreplay begins with a bit of kissing although, this being Blake’s 7, they are of course both fully clothed. Still, this must be a pivotal episode for any Dayna / Tarrant shippers out there, although I can’t imagine any kind of shipping involving Tarrant could possibly exist.

Mid-snog, Dayna manages to throw off a bomb so they can escape. The Earth certainly moves for the officials as they ask “Is that the bonding ceremony?” Sadly, that the last moment of the episode which is in any way entertaining. Thankfully, they all escape and the episode finally ends, as “Ultraworld” is somehow killed by Vila’s riddles.