The Importance of Being Earnest (2002)

 "Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years."

Oscar Wilde is awesome. I've read everything he ever published at one time or another. And, of all his plays, The Importance of Being Earnest is the most fun, just edging out An Ideal Husband. So I should enjoy this film, right?

Well... obviously the script is faultless, as it's Wilde with only minor, functional changes. And the cast is broadly excellent- especially Reese Witherspoon, Colin Firth and Rupert Everett. There are some creative visual touches behind the basic dialogue and scenes- Cecily's fantasies, the revelation that Aunt Augusta was a chorus girl before meeting Lord Bracknell, and that Jack, at the end, is telling a bit ofa porky about being called Ernest. I can see why these were done.

But... well, there's a rather brilliant 1952 film of this play, one that looms over this version like an intimidating mountain. It's quite plausible that I'd have enjoyed this version more if I hadn't seen and enjoyed its magnificent predecessor. We'll never know. But... it just isn't as good, and isn't really different enough or quirky enough to make upfor that.

Plus, although I can understand the desire to expand the settings and locations and to try and make this film not look like a static,filmed stage play... that's what the play is. It's people standing in rooms talking. Pretending otherwise doesn't work.

And finally... a production of The Importance of Being Earnest always stands or falls on its Lady Bracknell. And Edith Evan's languidly witty version of the character is quite definitive. Judi Dench is very good here, but her inevitably sterner interpretation simply cannot compare with her truly great predecessor.

Still, taking this film on its own terms, there are things to like here. it's good to see a more modern cast speaking these lines. But, if it's not too late, I'd recommend watching this first and the 1952 version second.

Little Nicky (2000)

"Remember you have to shove a pineapple up Hitler's ass at 4pm..."

Every so often I just have to blog an utterly crap film to provide balance and, well, this "comedy" is as awful as they come and completely unfunny. It stars Adam Sandler. Oh, wait... that's a tautology.

Literally the only funny joke in the entire film concerns the turning of Coke into Pepsi, and that was only worth a mild titter; how this ever got made with any serious expectations of at all being funny is utterly beyond me. And, even more incredibly, beyond the awful Sandler this turd of a script actually managed to attract a decent cast who would all, doubtless, have been more gainfully employed elsewhere. It's a shame, as the central conceit- a power struggle on Earth between the three sons of Satan- is a good one.

Reese Witherspoon deserves praise as Nicky's valley girl Angel mother, and Harvey Keitel is good even when phoning it in as he is here, and rightly so. But no amount of polishing can save this turd.

This is the worst film I've seen in 2016. Yes; worse even than The Black Knight.

Cruel Intentions (1999)

“You can put it anywhere!”

This is a first; a film which my girlfriend persuaded me to blog in the hope that I‘d slag it off. She hates it. Yes, it’s partly her intense dislike of Sarah Michelle Gellar, but it’s also the slowness, dullness and, yes, poshness of all the characters. This is a modern update of Les Liaisons Dangereuses, and all the rich New York protagonists are quite as obnoxious as any aristocrat from pre-revolutionary France.

There’s an awkward tension pervading the film, in fact; the plot is adapted from a play written in the 1780s, and the intricate structure of the storyline very much feels like it. This fits very awkwardness with the modernity of the setting, the characters and the social mores./It’s well-executed, but Les Liaisons Dangereuses doesn’t fit well with the modern high school movie. The film is not bad, but it’s hard to admire, and easy to mock. I’m reminded of Not Another High School Movie and its piss take of the lesbian kiss scene- a scene which, incidentally, makes both myself and my bisexual girlfriend go “Euuurgh!”.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is good, as always, although one note, as always. She’s a good actress, but not very likeable. Ryan Philippe is… meh. Reese Witherspoon is really rather good, admittedly. But perhaps it’s not the performances; none of the characters are remotely likeable. They’re all arseholes. Kathryn and Sebastian are cruel and arrogant, Cecile is self-centred, while Annette, for all her self-proclaimed “morals”, thinks relationships matter so little that we needn’t bother finding out whether we’re sexually compatible with each other before getting married.

Admittedly, the direction is good. The oddly British indie soundtrack (Placebo during the opening titles, the Verve’s overrated Bittersweet Symphony, and Blur’s Coffee and TV during the lesbian kiss- interesting choice) is ok too. But the whole thing is hard to take seriously, with so many sex scenes which need to be filmed at weird camera angles to avoid showing too much. And this is set in a world of privilege with which it’s hard to identify. Oh, and the late ‘90s were a fashion wasteland, but you knew that.

This isn’t an awful film, but it isn’t essential either. I’m not going to disappoint my girlfriend: Cruel Intentions is kind of meh.