Doctor Who: The Reality War

 "So much for the two Ranis. It's goodnight from me."

Obviously, the above line is so brilliant that this episode is a triumph for that reason alone. And yet... against all the odds, although I'm sure subsequent viewings will reveal the odd dangling thread, after last episode seemed to promise a finale full of too many elements and loads of fanwank, we ended up with nothing of the sort. Instead... we get an ending that satisfies emotionally as well as narratively. Plus a cameo by Jodie Whittaker that I never saw coming. 

 So...

We resolve the cliffhanger by bringing back Anita and the Time Hotel, another returning character. Yet, with this being Ncuti Gatwa's swansong, it's good to see her again. And we use the hotel's timey-wimeyness to bring the UNIT gang back together, merging Conrad's awful wishes with reality. The plot threads- May 24th never arriving, the future in which the hotel exists existing only barely-just about work. And so we have... UNIT versus the bone dinosaur thingies which, let's face it, is the coolest thing ever.

And, of course, the Rani confronts everyone. It's a reunion with Mel, the sort of sequel to Time and the Rani that we were all definitely waiting for. And... the Rani wants to bring back Omega, and thus the Time Lords. Oh, and Time Lords have been sterile since the Time Lords were destroyed... that is, the most recent extinction, not the time before that. So Poppy is real... but she's an impossibility. And, to the Rani's Gallifreyan supremacist disgust, half human, like the Doctor is. Or isn't. Let's not dwell on this one.

The dilemma here is a nice one: bring back the real world, and Poppy vanishes. Yes, the story promptly cheats by building a zero room to magic away the paradox but, given what happens later, this doesn't really feel like a cheat. The Doctor confronts the Rani while Ruby (successfully, and psychologically) confronts Conrad. And... there's Omega. A terrifying beast, for sure, but as little like the Omega we remember as, well, Sutekh was last season. And, after gobbling up the newest Rani, he's quickly vanquished. Because, as we'll see, this is an episode where the Big Bad isn't really the point.

At first, Poppy exists. Ruby watches, alongside the audience, as the Doctor and Belinda plan to travel through time and space with her, making sure the TARDIS is toddler proof. Because that's totally what matters, right? In no way will the places they travel to be the real threats to child safety...!

And then... suddenly she never existed. Only Ruby remembers her. Only after much debate does the Doctor realise... and that's when we realise: he's going to regenerate. Sacrificing his life for a child. And... yeah, Ncuti Gatwa was good, but the other side of that is that he was in demand. Doctor Who, especially with this hiatus, was never going to keep him for longer. Which is a shame. We never got Daleks, Cybermen, so much, And two such short seasons...

It's a good send off, though. Nicely done, visually, and surely the most expensive regeneration ever. Nice cameo from Jodie Whittaker, too, doing some nice little characterisation for her in one short scene which knocks everything Chris Chibnall ever wrote into a cocked hat.

The coda with Belinda makes total sense: she always had to get home for Poppy, who is, after all, completely human, with a human father. It all feels as though it fits together, at least on just one viewing, and it satisfies.

But then... what? What? What?

Doctor Who: Wish World

 "This isn't exposition, Doctor."

The opening scene to this episode is decidedly odd, in ways which, I think, are oddly clever. It's Bavaria, 1865. A time and place which is somewhat redolent of fairy tales. And, sure enough, a seventh son is born to the seventh son of a seventh son, which must surely be rather unlikely. And so in swoops Archie  Panjabi's rather wonderful new Rani to steal the baby... and magically turn the rest of the family into violets (evoking Luke being turned into a tree in Mark of the Rani?), ducks and an own respectively.

This is pretty much as fairytale as it gets. Magic, not science, although I suppose there's that famous quote from Arthur C. Clarke. But hasn't there been a lot more of this sort of thing in doctor Who lately, along with the fourth wall breaking? Almost as though reality is not the same as it was. Perhaps since the Doctor and Donna did that thing with the salt in Wild Blue Yonder...?

We then move to a bit of a mini-Doctor Who trope: reality has changed. The Doctor (or "John Smith") and Belinda are a married couple, and Poppy from Space Babies (and as glimpsed in The Story and the Engine) is their Daughter. The likes of Ruby, Mel, Kate Lethbridge-Stewart, Colonel Ibrahim and Shirley all exist within this world, which is disturbingly trad and socially conservative, especially with regards to gender roles and sexuality. Given this existence's reactionary bent, it shouldn't be a surprise for us to see Conrad, that cad, on the telly. It'll be May the 24th tomorrow. And there's this constant, Orwellian pressure not to doubt this reality, or one may be disappeared.

Oh, and there are skeletal dinosaurs walking all over the place, because of course there are.

There are some nice touches. Ruby remembers a little more because, with the events of 73 Yards, she has previous. Conrad's storybook, about the story of "Doctor Who" (was that the sound of the fourth wall collapsing again?) is by "I.M. Foreman". And even Susan Triad works at "John's" office... from tech billionaire to tea lady.

And yet there are, in another nice little assault on the fourth wall, little plot holes in this reality which make it really rather hard not to doubt. Things cannot hold. Conrad is exhausted from maintaining his ideal reality. The older Rani is beginning to resent her "mistress". The Rani is at the centre of London, with a plan that does not bode well for the continued existence of the populace. And Shirley, with the other marginalised, disabled, lets Ruby in on their plot against Conrad and... well, as in other episodes, I approve of what's been said in the socio-political commentary here, but would it not be more effective if it were a little more subtle? Subtext over didacticism? Never mind.

Inevitably, the Doctor and Belinda find themselves doubting this implausibly reality and captured... via appearances by both Rogue and Susan: with all that's going on, with there be much time to devote next season to the latter? Or is she for Season Forty-Two?

And so we have them both introduced to the Rani, as memories stir and we get some answers. The Doctor "stirred the gods"... during Wild Blue Yonder? The baby is Desiderium, god of wishes, boosted by the Vindicator and a sprinkling of technobabble. It's May the 24th, the stroke of midnight, and the outside world dissolves (the "Bone Palace", conveniently, is a fixed point). And the revelations come quick as the cliffhanger approaches. The Rani is doing this to find the "One Who Was Lost"... Omega! and one last thing... Poppy actually, genuinely is the Doctor's daughter! And... Susan's mum...?

Hmm. I enjoyed this episode, it entertained me, but will they stick the landing? That's the question. It's all contingent.

(Incidentally, I love how, in a world where we Brits have been pronouncing the word "omega" the American way for decades now, Doctor Who has accidentally preserved the older British pronunciation that's archaic in 2025... fandom aside!)

Doctor Who: The Interstellar Star Contest

 "You came back from the dead!"

"Sums up my career."

SPOILERS, obviously.

I'm not much of a one for light entertainment, so I wasn't sure I'd like this episode as much. I don't mean that as a criticism, mind: there hasn't been a dud this season so far, and Doctor Who bloody well should try and appeal well beyond middle aged geeky blokes like myself. Yet I thought it was brilliant, and not only because of that ending. But that we shall come to.

Despite this being an episode based on Eurovision (complete with not only Rylan Clark and Graham Norton, at last appearing in Doctor Who by actual design) and set in a space station, which is the most RTD thing ever, we have another new writer this week, which is brilliant.

Anyway, the opening is fun, with Belinda rather amusingly insisting that, yes, this time she actually wants to stay for a bit. Of course, given what we later learn, it's unclear how an Earth cultural institution could have become a spiral arm-wide phenomenon nine centuries later, but such things are easily handwaved. After all, there are nice little nuggets for the fans, such as star singer Cora ostensibly being from Trion, home planet of one Vizlor Turlough.

The threat, with the Hellions, is allowed to cleverly unfold, with a brilliant central performance from Freddie Fox as Kid. It's should make us uncomfortable that there will undoubtedly be parallels in our own world to the atrocities perpetrated by the Corporation upon the poor people of Hellia. Yet, while kid turns to mass murder, Cora instead turns to something both more positive and more effective- and there's a message for us all there in our oh so imperfect world. Blind, angry revenge is not the answer.

Mike and Gary are great as down-to-Earth audience identification characters- and I recognised Charlie Condou as Jonathan Yeah? from excellent sitcom Nathan Barley, in a minor little actor spotting triumph. But there's lots of good character stuff for the Doctor and Belinda, each separated and thinking the other dead, Belinda panicking about her situation and and realising she never got to tell the Doctor he was wonderful. This is an absolute acting triumph from Verada Sethu.

And then we have the Doctor going way too far in his attack on Kid, not so much the Time Lord Victorious but the Time Lord Damaged by Trauma. Ncuti Gatwa, too, is incredible here.

But... yeah. Let's talk about the big reveals, shall we? Susan- actually Carole Ann Ford- was a huge shock. She's only in the Doctor's head, but, with the little seeds planted last season, I'm sure she's out there... a Season 42 thing?

And then the Vindicator is finished, the Doctor can finally take Belinda home, but we get some exposition (from Graham Norton, who else?) telling us that Earth ceased to exist on 24th May 2024... and, as the TARDIS heads towards that date, the door blows off.

And that's all. Mrs Flood is indeed the Rani, which was unfortunately spoiled for me by the thumbnails of videos from inconsiderate YouTubers. But... a bi-generation? Archie Penjabi's Rani and Mrs Flood? Yeah, still processing that.

I definitely enjoyed this a lot. It may be a first viewing thing- watching this a second time without the big reveals may possibly be a different experience. But the episode works on its own terms, I think, with a nice subtext.

Life on Mars: Season 2. Episode 6

 "Yeah, they come over here, they take our bullets..."

It's no coincidence, I think, that Life on Mars leaves it until so close to the end to do a big, full-fat racism episode, full of casual bigotry from Gene and the gang. This is the one thing where, even given the 1973 context, in a 2007 programme we need to know the characters well to accept this kind of thing. In the end, though, the whole subject is dealt with sensitively and well, and even with some romantic musing over music, exile and the contemorary plight of Ugandan Asians, one year after Idi Amin expelled them. It would have sat better, I think, from a South Asian writer, but Guy Jenkin does a good job.

Gene and Ray keep the casual racism flying to Sam's dismay, as the temporal culture clash reaches its peak here. This is good character stuff for Sam but nicely balanced in not going too far with Gene.

It's also the wittiest episode for a while, with Gene in particular getting some superb lines. After it seems they've used up all the coma-related 2006 plot points we get a good one as, this time, Maya slowly decides to give up on Sam- just as the plot concerns her rather groovy parents. It also works well as a whodunit that doesn't cheat, and even develops Gene by giving him a brother addicted to speed. It also has the finest ferret scene I've yet to see on television, and Sam getting to interrogate his girlfriend's father.

It's a standout episode, again not written by a showrunner. It's also, I suspect, our last one-off whodunit as the end approaches...

Life on Mars: Season 1, Episode 1

"I need my mobile."

"Your mobile what?"

I thought, given the recent news about a new series, that I may as well just marathon Life on Mars- which I saw on the telly when it was broadcast- and Ashes to Ashes, of which I've only seen the first episode.

It's an impressive first episode, every bit as good as I remembered, and nicely establishng the show's central conceit- DCI Sam Tyler finds himself hit by a car and either in a coma or back in 1973- while introducing a load of compelling characters and, no easy feat, getting us to like them. John Simm and Philip Glenister are both superb from the beginning, in very different parts. It's amusing, given that the show relies heavily on the contrast betwee the present day of 2006 and the past of three decades earlier, that the last fourteen years have really dated the 2006 sequences- the eponymous Bowie track is playing on an iPod.

I think, though, that while the characters are well-drawn and the script is highly quotable, we are perhaps stretchng credulity a little as DCI Hunt and the rest of the 1973 gang give a little too much credence and leeway to this nutter claiming to be from the future. But there's enough sleight of hand to get away with it, and it's all nicely smoothed over with truly phenomenal, auteur-like direction from Bharat Nalluri. He really shines here, and is arguably as much of an authorial voice as the writer Matthew Graham. The dreamlike sequence where Sam first wakes up in 1973, and the panorama round the 1973 street, stand out in particular as brilliantly done, but the camerawork is masterly throughout.

Overall it's a superb conceit with plenty of potential- the casual sexism and pre-1984 policing methods are very much highlighted here in setting up the ongoing comedy of manners but, interestingly, Gene Hunt is allowed to end the episode with a moral victory on behalf of the old school methods. Perhaps it remains to be seen how the series fares with a less amazing director, and part of me suspects this is more of a pop culture 1973 than a real 1973 (surely we'd see more internal decor from the late '60s, for example?), but perhaps that's not necessarily a flaw.

Fourteen years on it's clear that this isn't quite up there with the very best telly, but there's nothing wrong with that. Life on Mars is big, brash and fun. I'm sure I'll enjoy it again this time round.

Bend It Like Beckham (2002)

"Even these mosquito bites will look like juicy, juicy mangoes..”

I used to follow football a bit. At least international. Then the 2010 World Cup happened and I stopped watching football in disgust at England’s shameful display. The only football match I’ve watched since 2010 was the recent World Cup semi-final, and even that was only because it happened to be on. And I Never was anything more than a casual follower.

So the nice little fourth wall breaking bit at the start, for me, was a nice but if nostalgia for the days when I recognised the days of players and pundits- whatever happened to Alan Hansen? It’s a strong, fun start to a fun little film.

Yes, the film is formulaic to a large extent. A girl from a traditional Punjabi family struggles to get her traditional Sikh parents to accept what she wants to do with her life, football; it’s all a melodrama, albeit at the more restrained end; and there are lots of little references to culture clashes, racism, and sexism within the Indian and gora communities. It’s all done so well though, and the cast is superb, even if you do wish that Keira Knightley would just bloody have something to eat. All this to a soundtrack of Basement Jaxx and Mel C; you can certainly tell this is 2002. Such innocent days, long before Brexit, and when we all thought US presidents couldn’t get any worse than Bush. Hah.

Also, it’s about  fathers and daughters, which I like. This film may not be my usual fare but Mrs Llamastrangler and I very much enjoyed it.