The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

“I just don't like getting old!

This is an odd film, only loosely based on the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story on which it's based, which takes its central conceit- a man who is born old and lives life backwards- almost as an incidental detail at times and feels just as much, if not more so, a chronicle of the short twentieth century from 1918 to 2004.

The non-linear narrative is clever, as a dying Daisy has her daughter read Benjamin's diary to her as Hurricane Katrina approaches. Thus we have two perhaps unreliable narrators, gaps, different pints of view, a narrative which is never coded as neutral or omniscient. The fairytale quality is constant, from the haunting tale of the blind clockmaker who makes a clock to bring back his dead son to the reading aloud in the present day. Brad Pitt is an ok star, f an inevitable one for a David Fincher film, with Cate Blanchett outshining him a little.

Inevitably there's a picaresque quality, and the sense that the framing of the film, as a tragic love story between Benjamin and Daisy, is just one complex way of looking at that big, complex thing that is life. There's a rather interesting sequence in which Ben, narrating, details a huge number of ordinary human actions from various different Parisians that cause Daisy to be hit by a car and her ballet career to end. And yet, later, it turns out that Caroline was never aware of her mother's illustrious career. We lead multiple lives, all of us.

A thoughtful and philosophical film, then, if an odd one. But one that has, I think, a lot to say beneath its surface.

Angel: A Hole in the World

"I am not gonna be cut down by some monster flu! I'm better than that!"

I haven't felt like this since Tara died. Whedon, you magnificent bastard.

The unfair thing, and of course the point, is that poor Fred doesn't even get a heroic death. She just gets ill and dies. No miracle cure. Just death and heartbreak. But then isn't that how most of us will die?

There are two things from the beginning that make us fear something bad. The first is that we begin with a flashback to teenage Fred, just a handful of years ago. The other is the caption "written and directed by Joss Whedon", which always leads to an episode which invariably is bloody good and usually is significant. This episode is both, of course, with sparkling dialogue and richly textured character moments interwoven with masterful storytelling. Hence Knox was the evil Illyria acolyte all along, who chose Fred as host body for his god because he loved her. Hence the mummy got through customs because of a legal document Gunn signed in order to be lawyered up again last episode- Wolfram and Hart is indeed corrupting them all. Hence the whole cavemen vs. astronauts thing permeating the episode, and the splendid Angel/Spike double act. Hence Gunn being well and truly told that the Senior Partners are not his friends to call upon for favours. This script is a cut above.

As with his other episode this season, Conviction, the title is a glorious pun, But no one is laughing. This is a brutal assault on the heartstrings that draws out the heartbreak, for us and for Wesley and, indeed, for everyone, as cruelly as possible. Fred's last moments are extraordinary. So is the whole thing. Dammit, I am not ok after watching this...

Angel: Smile Time

"You're a wee little puppet man!"

This is obviously the best episode ever. Let’s get that right out there. I mean, what’s not to adore? A bunch of evil Sesame Street puppets plotting to steal the life force of innocent kids for to sell to Hell for a massive profit; puppets controlling the puppeteer, played by David Fury himself... oh, and of course there’s little puppet Angel. And the trying-not-to-laugh reactions of the hand. And Spike’s reaction. Especially Spike’s reaction.

But that’s not all. There’s an interesting scene where the puppeteer skews Gunn and Lorne (finally getting a decent role) for working for an organisation that gets guilty people off and is, shall we say, somewhat lacking in ethics. We have Gunn continuing to have his legal upgrade fade away, taking away his purpose in life and leading to, as it gets called, Flowers for Algernon syndrome. He gets offered a deal with the devil for a permanent upgrade and next time we see him he seems to be lawyered up again- what happened?

Then there’s Nina, back again as it’s that time of the month, and besotted with Angel, whose awkward handling of this is quite hilarious, as is the scene where Wes tells him like it is, while himself completely failing to notice that Fred has now dumped Knox and is blatantly signalling at him. So it’s heartearming to see Angel and Nina finally agreeing to a date, and the punch the air moment that is that kiss between Fred and Wes.

Now, Mr. Whedon... I can’t help remembering what you did after Willow and Rara got back together so joyously in Buffy. You’re not about to do anything, well, evil are you?

Angel: Why We Fight

"You're a Nazi!"

"What? Oh, no, I just ate one."

Meh. Well, there had to be an episode that failed to impress at some point during this otherwise excellent season. This episode, well it's just dull filler.

Submarines can be the scene of taut, exciting thrillers, but not here. I'm not sure whether it's the script or the direction, but the location is not so much atmospherically claustrophobic as limited, grey and dull. And, much as I love flashbacks, what's the relevance of all this? Yes, it's fun to see Spike interrogating Nazis. It's fun to see an old, supposedly powerful vampire who looks just like Nosferatu, an obvious reference. But none of this needs a whole episode.

Worse, the present day sequences, with Lawson taking Angel's mates hostage in a half-hearted sort of way before an obligatory so-so fight at the end, is token in the extreme. So what's the point of all this? Oh, it's to show that Angel once sired someone, in extreme circumstances, after regaining his soul. That's it. It has no wider relevance to anything lse and no doubt will never be referred to again.

So is there anything we can salvage? Well, it's confirmed Eve is gone, and the White Room liaison to the Senior Partners has indeed vanished too. And what's that lapse of memory from Gunn? Is his lawyer brain beginning to fade now the Senior Partners are cut off...? Interesting, but all this just reiterates stuff currently happening. There can be no episode duller and more skippable than this.

See No Evil (2006)

“The eyes are the windows of the soul...”

This is a somewhat obscure little horror film, somewhat gory, starring a wrestler as the baddies and with no stars; the most famous member of the cast is arguably character actress Rachael Taylor. But the direction is superb and suspenseful, and this short little claustrophobic thriller doesn’t outstay it’s welcome.

There are superficial similarities to Psycho- the action takes place in a hotel and the baddie is under the strong influence of his creepy and deeply abusive mother. But the more direct influence is perhaps Friday the 13th, although this is a far superior slasher to anything I’ve seen so far in that wretched franchise.

A bunch of convicts are barely introduced (although I like the captions of what they’re in for) before they start being picked off, but surprisingly the character development is pretty good in spite of this. The camera is constantly teasing us, and the levels of gore are just about right, and exist alongside the suspense and not instead of it.

The main distinguishing feature of this film, of course, is that Jacob the baddie has a thing for gouging people’s eyes out with his thumbs and keeping them in jars. Lovely. There’s also a fair bit of dragging women by their hair and using a carrier bear trap to inflict graphic injuries that remind me of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Perhaps best of all are the dogs who gleefully eat the wounds of the injured and provide the film with an amusing coda. I knew there was a good reason I’m a cat person.

A pretty good thriller, then, and a much better watch than many which are more well-known.

RoboCop 3 (1993)

"We're dead, you stupid slag!"

This final film in the series is, I see, not much liked. And yes, diminishing returns are indeed a thing here with the weakest of the trilogy. But it’s not bad. Well, not that bad.

The general storyline is pretty damn good and deals with the right sort of themes- OCP is now fully under Japanese control, because it’s the early ‘90s and Japanese corporate domination of America in the near future is very much a thing. OCP are peddling some pie in the sky fantasy of a new 1950s utopian city to encourage people to leave their home while employing nasty mercenaries to evict while neighbourhoods just for profit, while there’s a big Japanese sort of ninja-sequel end of level boss lurking in the wings.

Robert John Burke is as good a replacement for Peter Walker as you’re likely to get, and Rip Torn is always good to see. It’s great to see a lot of the usual guest cast, with the Sarge particularly getting to shine. Also, I love the little girl reprogramming ED-209, John Castle as an evil villain straight out of Thatcher’s cabinet, and Nancy gets a meaningful death. This isn’t a bad film.

So why is it not as good as it could be? Well, the script is pretty good, and has the right kind of cynical political subtext, but the dark humour is gone. And the direction, while competent, is action film direction and lacks the visual wit we have come to expect. You have to say the film is well made, the script isn’t bad, but the end result is a little disappointing.

King Kong (1933)

“It was beauty killed the beast."

I’d seen this film before, of course- it’s King Kong- but not for many, many years. It’s an awesome tour de force of stop motion awesomeness, and I don’t care either how jerky it is or, indeed, how stilted the acting is. It’s a film all about the set pieces with Kong and the dinosaurs- so we get a stegosaurus, a plesiosaur and a, er, carnivorous long-necked sauropod that snatches a bloke from a tree and eats him. But even more it’s about Kong vs. the tyrannosaurus, Kong vs. the pterosaur, Kong vs. the snake, Kong going wild in New York and combing up the sparkly new Empire State Building, only to be finally shot down by some state of the art modern biplanes.

All that is what the film is about, and why you have to declare it a triumph, dodgy acting and pulp storytelling notwithstanding. I have to except Fay Wray from the “dodgy acting” comment, though- she’s natural, charismatic and splendidly flirtatious throughout. The other actors are generally outshone by the stop motion models, but that’s ok. It’s not about them.

Of course, there are things that raise an eyebrow, such as casting African Americans as the natives of an island south west of Sumatra, which would more likely be inhabited by Polynesians. There’s the vague racism of the Chinese crewman, not to mention the “savage native” trope but, hey, it’s 1933. There’s Jack’s chat up line “Say, I guess I love you”, which had me laughing out loud. And then there’s the fact that Denham essentially commits genicide upon the native just for the sake of his own glory. There they are, safe from the dangers of the island in their peninsula behind their wall, and then along comes Denham to destroy their only protection and leave them to probably all be eaten, including all those cute little kids.

It’s a bit slow, the acting is a bit stilted, but this is truly a special effect classic with some glorious set pieces that deserves its place in cinematic history.

Angel: You're Welcome

"She's evil, you gormless tit!"

So we finally get to say a proper goodbye to both the magnificent Cordelia Chase and the brilliant Charisma Carpenter. I will miss them both. Angel without Cordy was- perhaps is- unthinkable. I don’t know what happened behind the scenes beyond the pregnancy to enforce her departure, but I’m glad she came back for a good send-off.

And a send-off it is. We begin with Angel losing the will to continue at Wolfram & Hart and deciding to quit, despite strong opposition from a still very fulfilled Gunn, until he is interrupted by a phone call about the still comatose Cordelia, the details of which we don’t hear. And, when the gang visits her to find an awake and well and hugging Cordy we only get a quick dismissive mention of the dying woman in her room, a nice bit of misdirection.

It’s good to see all the touching reunions, but Cordy is somewhat appalled to see the deal with the devil that has taken place- I love the way that as soon as she says this a Red Devil shakes Angel’s hand and says “Racquetball Thursday?”- and perhaps even more disturbed to see an Angel who seems to be losing his Mojo. There’s a touching scene where Angel sees her watching that video Doyle made all that time ago, the “first soldier down”, she gets to apologise to Wes about Lilah, and it isn’t long before Cordy and co work out just how Spike has been used by Eve and Lindsey. The fight between Angel and Lindsey that follows is all a metaphor for Angel and his mojo; when he rediscovers it, he wins, and that’s because of Cordy.

Eve is in trouble, and I love Harmony’s cheerful offer to torture her. But as Lindsey is grabbed by the irate Senior Partners and Eve is sent away it seems that all is well for the moment, and it’s tome for the pub, the gang all in good spirits. Angel and Cordy have a quick hug before she tells him she can’t stay, and then they finally get a snog. And then the phone call happens, and she’s been dead all this time. She never woke up. Second soldier down. What an episode.

Angel: Damage

"Danny, we're gonna need a whip..."

A Spike episode, then, sort of, after an unusual beginning with a super-strong disturbed woman escaping from a mental institution, but also one that packs a powerful punch in showing us just how Angel and his gang are now perceived with all the moral compromises they have to make. Plus we have the revelation that the still very fulfilled Gunn plays golf with lots of district attorneys these days.

Dana is not possessed as the gang first theorise but is, cleverly, a slayer, just one who experienced the murder of her family and horrible torture as a child so she’s both dangerously insane and super strong. In a clever piece of misdirection we are shown in flashback that the perpetrator was Spike but, although we know Spike will have committed atrocities in the past, it has to be shown here that these are just fake memories, mixed with memories of the two slayers he killed. We can’t actually look too closely at the reality of such atrocities once perpetrated by a character we've come to like. Yet it’s a nice touch that Spike should acknowledge, after his rescue, that he deserved what he got. He may not have committed this terrible crime but he committed plenty of others. It’s also interesting to see how he reflects on the morality of his actions- to him, killing and cruelty was just for thrills and he didn’t think much about the human cost, while for the chillingly sadistic Angelus the human cost was the very attraction. Brr.

All very good character stuff, then. But I do find it a little disturbing that Angel can raise themes of child abuse and murder and not really do much with them, using such themes as part of the character development of a reformed villain and not focusing much on the victim. I’m not sure I like that.

There’s a comedy contrast in the form of someone sent by Giles as soon as it’s realised they’re dealing with a Slayer... Andrew. In all his comedy glory, and he even gets one of his highly amusing mansplaining scenes. He’s amazed to see Spike alive, something which will certainly be related to Buffy, and spends most of the episode as comedy sidekick. Except, at the end, he and his Slayer army seize Dana by force, saying “Think we’re just gonna let you take her back to your evil stronghold?” and that “Nobody in our camp trusts you any more.” It’s a brutal blow. And yet another superb episode if not for the iffy treatment of the theme.

Angel: Soul Purpose

"No offence, Mr.Vader, but I've got no itch to join the evil empire."

An interesting episode, this; directed by David Boreanaz while also being very much an episode about Angel himself, his new insecurities about the Shanshu Prophecy and Spike, and his ethical problems with the power he now wields. I love the dream sequences, and the opening is clever, reconstructing the scene with the cup of suffering from a couple of episodes ago but then diverging from it in dreamlike fashion.

Meanwhile there’s an interesting B plot in which Lindsey approaches Spike, who doesn’t know him, pretending to be called “Doyle” and to have visions of people needing help, slowly pushing Spike into the role Angel has now left but while maintaining a subtle control over him, all simultaneously with pushing Angel down. It seems his intention is to trick the Senior Partners into thinking Spike and not Angel is indeed the prophesied one- and those tattoos which the horny Eve finds so sexy are magically preventing them from seeing him. This is a nice little twist, especially with the ironic use of the show’s tropes.

Wesley and Gunn are in their element with theirs Machiavellian plans and plots, but I think their tendency to act outside Angel’s authority is something very much not confined to just this episode. And certainly the whole team just allows themselves to be distracted by their roles, manipulated by Eve, allowing the parasite to feed on Angel. It was Lindsay who sent Spike both the amulet and the parcel, and he and Eve appear to be successfully manipulating everyone- except Spike. Ever the rebel, it is he who rescues Angel and I think his speech to Gunn and Wesley carries a lot of weight; he’s the hero here, and in D&D language he’s very much changed from chaotic evil to chaotic good. He doesn’t like Wolfram and Hart with it’s lawful evil ways. Spike is being treated as the actual hero even by the narrative.

We end with Eve under suspicion but perhaps succeeding in fomenting discord. A superb episode and, perhaps, a pivotal one.

Angel: Harm's Way

"Once again keeping corporate America safe from evil..."

It’s good that we get a Harmony episode; the character would be sort of wasted otherwise. And it’s a superbly crafted farce where Harmony, who has gone a whole eight months without killing anyone, finds herself waking up with no memory of the hours before bedside and with a dead man in her bed who has been vamped to death. Oops.

It’s interesting to see how sad Harmony’s life is, though- unable to hack it as an evil vampire gang leader, she now struggles in a corporate nine-to-five existence where she is friendless and unappreciated, until being nearly framed and killed by a jealous colleagues makes her realise she means something, sort of. It may not be deep stuff but then neither is Harmony, and her sudden demotion from popular to friendless is almost sad, but Harmony has always been the kind of comedy character who is given lines like “You can teach me about life, and I can teach you to dress better.”

The background of the easily offended feuding demons is also funny, but also further cements our impression of lawyered up Gunn as highly efficient and fulfilled professional. And Spike, newly corporeal, realises he can’t actually bugger off to Buffy so soon after his sacrifice without rendering his sacrifice meaningless. There’s a mild whiff of plot convenience to this, but it makes sense.

I like these fluffy episodes. And I’m conscious there are only so many left...

Audition (1999)

“All words are lies. Pain doesn't lie."

This is a famously disturbing horror film that it’s taken me twenty years to see (1999 being twenty years ago is wrong on all sorts of levels) and it’s well worth it. A sweet if gently misogynistic drama for most of its length, the film suddenly piles on the torture towards the end as all the unthinking misogyny of the earlier scenes gets its extremely painful comeuppance. This is an interesting film to see in the wake of #MeToo.

The plot is simple; lonely widower Aoyama wants a new wife, the subtext being that he wants her to do all the traditional feminine jobs of looking after him and leaving him just to work, while needing to be accomplished herself. At a friend’s suggestion he takes part in a series of auditions for a part in a film which never happens, at which the women are asked a series of bizarre and impertinent questions by their male interlocutors.

Aside from the auditions themselves, though, the misogyny is constant but subtle as Aoyama settles on Asami, a mysterious woman whose true past and true proclivities and abused past are hidden behind an exterior that seems to be quite passive and traditionally feminine. And then she disappears, things are not quite right, the direction turns very unnerving and adopts the grammar of the horror film, and the torture begins. A haunting and highly effective film with a serious point, and the harsh revenge of the abused and objectified woman. Superb, and Eihi Shiina is magnificently disturbing.

Trainspotting (1996)

"I haven't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978."

This is one of my favourite films of all times, and it’s quite inexcusable that I’ve waited until I’m 550-odd films in to blog it. It’s superb; creTively directed, delightfully non-linear in its narration in a very post-Pulp Fiction way, perfectly cast, hilarious, devastating, and based on Irvine Welsh’s truly awesome novel.

Watching it again for the umpteenth fine, although for the first time in at least fifteen years, is how the charming, intelligent, outwardly sympathetic Mark Renton is actually a complete bastard. Yes, he’s complicit in the neglect and death of baby Dawn after he introduces the baby’s mother to heroin, but at least he’s not a parent. Yes, it’s unfair that Spud goes to prison and not his middle class self. Yes, he makes a lot of money in a big heroin deal, although as he doesn’t betray Spud I don’t think he needs feel any guilt about double crossing Sick Boy or Bregbie. No; they deserved all they got. But Tommy? He loses his girlfriend because Renton tricks him into letting him have a video having sex with Lizzie, causing Lizzie to leave him. Then the clean-living Tommy, devastated, asks Renton for heroin, which he gets. All this directly leads to AIDS and his horrible death, which is entirely Renton’s fault. But he’s negative.

Renton may have the privileges that come with being bareTir, but he’s as much of a bastard as anyone in the film. It’s just that he gets to cover it up with his middle class ways. And I bet none of his mates would have had the option of moving to London and making loads of money in the property business.

Sick Boy, despite of his amusing obsession with Sean Connery and his despair at Dawn’s death, is a grasping, cynical, amoral bastard. Begbie is a a monster of the type that far too many blokes have in their social circles. But Renton is as bad as any of them, and I think that’s what Welsh and Danny Boyle I tend us to conclude.

Still one of the greatest film ever made. I love the wit, I love the style, I love the worst toilet in Scotland, I love the nostalgic glimpse of a branch of John Menzies. And the soundtrack is awesome.

Angel: Destiny

"Try staking your mother when she's coming on to you!"

"Wow, that explains a lot...!

Well, this is certainly an arc episode; before we even get the titles Spike received a parcel that goes flash and suddenly returns him to corporeality. Enter eating, drinking, shagging Harmony and, as foreshadowed a couple of episodes ago, a sudden ambiguity over exactly who the Shanshu prophecy nw applies to.

This causes a certain amount of problems with reality in order to create some kind of external threat, and this is solved suddenly at the end by some deus ex machina from the Senior Partners. But that’s ok; none of that is the real focus. It’s the effect on both Angel and Spike on realising that the Shanshu prophecy could now apply to either of them, and the fact that Spike defeats Angel at the end on Sirk’s  Little wild goose chase; he wants it more. And, along with all the flashbacks from 1880 with the two of them, Dru, and the awkward absence of Darla, this is a kind of culmination of a very long running struggle between the two of them, and something which I suspect may go on to define the season.

Other characters are there too, of course, although Wes is on leave. Gunn is increasingly confident and motivated, and Angel instinctively puts him in charge when he nips off to Death Valley. Lorne as a character is now starting to seem worryingly underserved this season. And the White Room is gone, along with the link to the Senior Partners.

The ending is fantastic, though- after spending much of the episode trying to convince everyone that “I’m not the bad guy”, she returns home to reveal that she’s personally behind the wild goose chase and she has a partner. Lindsey...

Angel: Lineage

"Sex with robots is more common than people think."

So it’s a proper Wesley episode, we get to meet Wesley’s overbearing dad, sort of, and he’s played by the actual dad of Betty from Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em. Life can be delightfully random sometimes.

It’s clear, seeing how flustered and klutzy Wes gets with his dad around that his upbringing has a lot to do with how awkward he was when we first met him but, as the pre-titles clearly shows, he’s slowly but surely become increasingly badass. Until his Dad turns up. And turns out to be an evil robot, so the fact that Wes ends up killing him is a cheat, sort of. But that’s fine, I think; we’ve only just met Roger Wyndham-Price. It’s not as though a regular character has died and been brought back. And the episode does it’s job of fleshing our Wesley more, and successfully, while further developing the love triangle between him, Fred and Knox.

There’s also suspicious behaviour from Eve; Spike has her number, and she blatantly tries to turn Angel against Wes to the point of bringing up a certain baby stealing incident, but this backfired with Angel coming to appreciate how Wes will do the right thing no matter what the cost, a quality he admires.

A nice, slow character episode then, if a rather deep one. I suspect fireworks next...

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)

“I pity your wife if you think six minutes is a long time."

I like Queen. Unlike Mrs Llamastrangler I wouldn't say they're my favourite band or anything- I like this kind of polished, musicianlike rock and Freddie Mercury's voice is amazing, but punk needed to happen and I prefer the less technical likes of Chris Cornell (RIP) and Mark Lanegan to the late Mr Bulsara. Still, they were of course awesome, and a biopic is clearly overdue.

It’s a very straight biopic, with Gwilym Lee in particular doing a superb Brian May impression, but the plaudits have to  belong to Rami Malek, who simply becomes Freddie Mercury in an extraordinary performance. But the film takes us from the beginnings of the band to Live Aid gradually, missing out what has to be missed out for time reasons but showing us an awful lot. The focus is on Freddie, of course, from the racism he experienced in his youth to his relationship with his Parsee Zoroastrian family to the decadence to a dramatically impactful AIDS diagnosis just before Live Aid, using artistic licence to ignore the fact he wasn’t actually diagnosed until 1987, but rightly so. Other highlights include Mike Myers as the man who lost Queen, and the ambiguous relationship between Freddie and Mary which is played for pathos here.

The film has been criticised, not without justice, for portraying Freddie’s gay lifestyle as a decadent distraction, and it’s certaibly odd to see the excess and partying as something quite divorced from rock ‘n’ roll. But perhaps we should be careful to necessarily equate promiscuity and the leather subculture of the time with being gay. It’s still a hard criticism to answer, though.

This film isn’t particularly deep or meaningful; it’s a straightforward rock biopic, with the facts reshaped for medidramatic effect and for an emotional finish, but it’s very well done and the sort of rock biopic that needs to exist. I rather enjoyed it.

Transformers: The Movie (1986)

"Bah weep graahah weep ni ni bong."

I was born in 1977. Thus I care nothing for anything other than what is now called "Generation One". I'm firm in my belief, having rewatched bits as an adult, that the TV cartoon was casually tossed away crap, far inferior to the comics which were the true carriers of the flame. And, being British, I'm lucky enough to have been blessed with Simon Furman from early on- we got Target: 2006. And yet this film (comics canon!) is a huge part of my childhood, watched and rewatched many times. This time I watch with a critical eye- and no little trepidation.

So is it actually any good if you strip away the nostalgia? Well, yes, much as its roots as a cynical advert for toys are far more visible to me at forty-one than they were at nine. It has a truly awesome soundtrack, for one thing, and opening titles that, at one point, seem suspiciously to be channelling Tom Baker era Doctor Who title sequence tunnel. It has Orson Bloody Welles, for another. Unicron is, of course, blatantly based on Galactus, and for someone supposed to be planet-sized his scale compared to various Transformers isn't very convincing. But yes, destroying a world at the start creates a certain epic scale.

This film was, of course, planned far earlier than 1986, so the deaths of so many early Autobots- Prowl, Ironhide and Brawn among them- seems very cynical. Kids, all your favourite toys are dead. Now get your parents to buy some new ones. And why does this Decepticon attack happen to suddenly kill loads of Autobots where countless previous attacks haven't?

Anyway, we get a big cinematic battle for Autobot City- which evokes the toy Metroplex without actually being it- and the umpteenth epic battle between Optimus Prime and Megatron which this time happens to result in a dead Oppy (awww!), who promptly hands over the Creation Matrix to wet drip Ultra Magnus, and a badly injured Megatron  Then, inside a bizarrely large Astrotrain, a load of injured Deceptcons are jettisoned- the ever-awesome Starscream (Chris Latta was a legend) gets rid of Megatron, of course, but also, I spotted, Bombshell, Skywarp, Thundercracker and Shrapnel, at least. So we have Unicron upgrading Megatron to the much tougher Galvatron and his voice from Frank Welker to the much more famous Leonard Nimoy; not sure how this works diagetically.

Anyway, we get a few set pieces and some picaresque adventure on various planets inhabited by sentient robots. (Is this because the Singularity eventually happens within every technological civilisation and life is ultimately replaced by AI? I'm overthinking this, aren't I?) This gives us a chance to highlight new character such as Springer (who clearly has the hots for poor Arcee), and especially Hot Rod and Kup, who are in the shops now, kids. It also gives us the ridiculous idea of the TV-talking Junkions, silly dancing, Eric Idle and Weird Al Yankovic, so it's not all bad, even if that stupid "me Grimlock" way of talking for the Dinobots is utterly cringeworthy.

The ending, with Hot Rod becoming the Autobot messiah, is obviously lifted straight from all them legends about young Arthur pulling the sword out of the stone, but his defeat of first Galvatron and then Unicron is deeply satisfying, even if it also inexplicably leads to a sudden Cybertronian utopia. Have all the Decepticons been ethnically cleansed off screen or something?

This film is at once very, very silly, extremely cynical and deeply awesome all at once. I loved every frame in spite of everything.

Iron Man 3 (2013)

“Gods, aliens, other dimensions- I’m just a man in a can.”

 I rather liked this film the first time I saw it. And this time around it still struck me as well-directed, very much so in fact, well acted and characterised with Downey and Paltrow as superb as ever. And perhaps this time around the identity of the “Mandarin” was less of a surprise. But the film seems to be lacking something.

Perhaps it’s the lack of a real supervillain. Perhaps it’s the deliberately small scale of the film (compared to Tony’s last outing, at least) with his anxiety attacks in the wake of the events of The Avengers- which is actually a good character point, Tony Stark bring the kind of rich, powerful, arrogant type who needs vulnerabilities to remain sympathetic, although Downey’s huge charisma does a huge job on its own. But ultimately the film feels entertaining but, well, insubstantial by MCU standards. And it never quite convinces how he gives up all the armour at the end.

There are some very good bits. The twist with the Mandarin is brilliant, and Ben Kingsley gives us a superb comic turn, and the Mandarin videos themselves are a superb visual riff on the iconography if the “War on Terror” which feels oddly retro six years later. Guy Pearce is ok as Killian, although his accent slips in places. Don Cheadle further cements himself as a mainstay. And there’s a lot of fun with armour, and various bits of it. But this film is unexpectedly inconsequential. Even the post-credits sequence is a bit of a damp squib.

Angel: The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

"Hermanos! The Devil has built a robot!"

This is, I suppose, as bog standard and disposable as episodes of Angel get. It certainly feels that way. And yet it’s still bloody good telly and masterful in its use of character. As I’ve become fond of saying, if this is a disposable episode then colour me impressed.

The tale of Number Five is heartwarming enough, entertaining, fun, and a good hook for an episode. I’m a little puzzled as to why Holland Manners would headhunt him personally and then have him spend fifty years in a menial job, but meh. And what are these menial internal nail jobs anyway? You see them everywhere in American films and telly but they must surely have been rendered extinct by email. Perhaps even in 2003 they would surely be well on the way out?

Anyway, all the stuff with the wrestlers and Aztec demon is fun, even for those of us who do t live on a country bordering Mexico and who don’t necessarily know much about the culture. It works as an A story. But I think the story is really about Angel and his motivation to keep being a hero. At the start we see him disengaged, a contrast to Gunn who loves getting up in the morning now he can use his lawyer superpowers to do good and make a difference. The problem is, of course, that he’s lost faith in the Shanshu prophecy, but the events of the episode cause him to perhaps rekindle that faith. All this Shanshu stuff is going to be important soon then. And it must apply to Angel, apparently, as Spike is a ghost...

This is perhaps my least favourite episode of the season so far. And it’s still bloody excellent.

The Happytime Murders (2018)

“I never knocked a guy out with his own balls before..."

Well then. I doubt, somehow, that that puppet sex scene will ever be topped. Team America has nothing on this. It's not all about puppet spunk going everywhere, though; this film is a work of bloody genius and you'd have to be proper po-faced not to enjoy it.

The concept is, of course, quite mad; in an LA where puppets exist as second class citizens, the cast of an '80 puppet television show are being murdered one by one. Meanwhile a puppet PI who is basically Philip Marlowe made of felt and voiced (literally) by the Swedish Chef, complete with first person narration, deals with the fallout from, er, falling out with his delightfully foul-mouthed former police partner Connie Edwards, the splendid Melissa McCartney.

It's even better than that, though; the script is hilarious, putting these Sesame Street style puppets in a world with lots of sex, swearing and, er, sugar. There's a rather decent whodunit going on but, even better than that, the firm is full of filthy dialogue. Delightfully filthy dialogue. And the not-particularly-famous cast plays it all perfectly.

If I were to pick holes, perhaps the ending is a little neat- yes, the baddie is defeated but it's not entirely clear how Phil comes to be exonerated. But I think it would be churlish to dwell on that too much; this film is hilarious, and didn't deserve to flop the way it did. Here's hoping for a deservedly long and glorious afterlife as a cult hit.

A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

"Touch his dick and he's dead!"

I first saw this magnificent farce back when I hired out the video, which shows you how long ago it was. It not only stars but is written by John Cleese, and the figure behind Fawlty Towers certainly knows how to do a good farce.

Cleese is bloody good as Archie, of course, the (ahem) archetype of repressed, sexually stultified exemplar of a certain type of public school educated Englishman. Jamie Lee Curtis is also bloody good as the cynically feminine and deeply greedy Wanda with her foreign languages fetish. But truly outstanding are Kevin Kline as the psychopathic Otto and Michael Palin as the stuttering Ken, an extraordinary performance. All four give splendid comedy performances.

There are some laugh out loud moments-  I loved Archie’s apology to Otto- but it’s largely an intricate and character based farce, perfectly constructed. I’m not a fan of the farce in general but John Cleese is a master of the art.

Archie’s speech to Wanda about the stultifying embarrassment of being English is both funny and true, up to a point. I tend to think the stiff upper lip stereotype applies only to the public school educated, separated from their parents and put into a strange and repressed existence that I know mainly from popular culture; the English are fundamentally open, emotional, beer swilling north Europeans quite culturally close to the Scandinavians, Germans and Dutch, but something about that sense of very English embarrassment has permeated throughout our culture. Perhaps the upcoming horrors of Brexit will change that. Perhaps they won’t.

Be that as it may, this is a true comedy classic, and possibly the last creation of John Cleese to have true greatness.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

“I’ll have no pointy earer outscoring me!”

This is probably my least favourite of the trilogy but only because it’s the middle one and therefore the least dramatic. It’s still awesome and features the extraordinary Battle of Helm’s Deep. Never mind that Mrs Llamastrangler asked halfway through if they’d walked far and had to be told that it featured scenes of brisk walking, jogging and even a bit of horse riding..

The main problem with LOTR after this point is, of course, that all the exciting adventures of Gandalf, Aragorn etc are contrasted with the crushing fullness of Frodo and Sam walking very slowly towards Mordor in hundreds of pages of never-ending prose where very little happens. Peter Jackson, quite sensibly, cuts all this down rather a lot while expanding on the good stuff. It all looks superb, of course, and makes you want to go to New Zealand, and it’s all brilliant for the same reasons as the first film. The same cast continues to be magnificent for the same reasons, with the honourable additions of our newly introduced Rohirrim characters- Bernard Hill as Theoden, Miranda Otto as Eowyn, Karl Urban as Elmer and of course Chucky himself, Brad Dourif as Wormtongue. Rohan looks magnificent, the return of Gandalf is perfectly shot and the rejuvenation of Theoden is a joy to behold. And the Ents look extraordinary.

As for the Battle of Helm’s Deep, I’m not usually good with extended battle scenes, with their visual nature and lack of dialogue, but this kept me gripped with its twists and its turns. It’s an awesome finale to an awesome film. Is it just me, though, that finds it a little odd and jarring that Frodo is treated as a “master” by Gollum and as a boss by Sam essentially because he’s the country squire, something which may have been unthinkingly normal to Tolkien’s generation but looks decidedly odd now. But the class politics of LOTR are perhaps for another day...

Angel: Life of the Party

"Charles, you just peed on my shoes..."

After Lorne’s relatively low profile, especially last episode, at last he gets forty-odd minutes as the main event, in an episode which continues the solid run while not necessarily competing to be a highlight of the season.

Lorne has found himself so colossally overworked that he has, in an apparently standard Wolfram & Hart procedure, had his sleep removed. The conceit here, of course, is that this is not an awfully wise move for an empath demon as reality can be affected. All this centres around the apparently fabled Wolfram and Hart Halloween party, an important event for schmoozing.

It’s a good episode for Lorne, and he gets a nice little speech to Angel that he’s not a fighter, and no good with matters scientific or mystical, but the entertainment side is something he can do. This adds a bit of depth to him as a character. There’s also lots of amusing comedy as his words affect reality, with Gunn pissing everywhere, Fred and Wes getting pissed without drinking, and Angel and Eve shagging like rabbits- although she dies begin a meeting earlier by talking about wanking...

We’re also introduced to the influential demon Archduke Sebassis, fully equipped with a little gimp demon, and he has “returning character” written all over him. We also see Fred and Knox seeming to get together on an impromptu date. Yet again, there’s no sign of this season justifying its apparent “story of the week” reputation.